You can't go around loving girls like me.
Too young,
Too outspoken,
Too wild,
Too free.
A big heart under fake *****,
Size DD.
I smile so big,
Pour my man some sweet tea,
He can have whatever he wants,
As long as he wants me.

Then I consider my options,
Think of what things could be,
I run away with my heart,
But always keep it on my sleeve.
Find myself in new arms, new beds, new dreams.
These men get lost in brains of girls like me.

I wanna say that I regret it,
But I'm where I wanna be,
Finally happy, finally serene.
So I hold onto him for the moment,
Until, once again, I need to be free,
Wish he could see you just can't love the girls like me.

I listened to the album we used to listen to for the first time in years.
Hard to admit, but my eyes burned a little
Trying to hold tears back.
I can still remember the smell of your car,
A mixture of those tree shaped fresheners
Cherry, new car, pine
And cigarettes that "weren't yours"

"You can shut it down, down, down..."
This was my favorite song, I think it was yours too.
This is the one that brings it all back.

These lyrics were stupid and sounded forced,
But we gave them some meaning, I suppose.
I hadn't listened to them since the day that you left
I think the CD was still in your car when they brought to the junk yard.
It all happened too soon.

It's weird.

In high school you feel invincible.
And I know that everyone says that but I didn't realize until after.
We didn't have any plans for the future and we didn't care,
All of us.
We thought things would stay good forever.
And then nothing was the same.
All we really have left are our memories,
Not even the CD survived.

Haha.

Plunging under the surface,
Swallowing water I won't cough up.
Choking underneath.

The sun beams down onto the surface,
It smiles at me, the most brilliant smile.

"I'm ready."

Reflections flicker like quick flashes of pictures
Of myself as a small child,
Carving pumpkins on the kitchen floor with my mother.
Snorting and laughing,
"Mommy, you're so funny!"
This is all I can think of.

The trees look down on me, disappointed, I can see it.
They wave goodbye to me in the warm summer breeze,
So full of life.

"I'm ready."

The pain in my chest is slowly disappearing.
My head is full of endless possibilities, but no remorse.
I'm surrounded by a glimmer, circling my body.
It's so happy, it's dancing for me.

"I'm ready."

And I can't see anymore,
I am just left with my final thoughts.
But I know in my soul,
It will be beautiful, wherever it is.
Whenever I get there, sooner or later.
A blast of sun shining through my broken spirit.

**"I'm ready."

I'm constantly giving mixed signals.
I told him that I loved him,
That I missed him,
And that I needed space.

Pull him closer when he goes away,
And push him back once he's close.
I'm surprised he hasn't called me on it yet.

I've got him in the palm of my hand to either hold him next to my heart
Or forget until it's convienent.

Sometimes I catch myself so sunk in his thoughts and his smile,
And other times he's just another pulse in the room.

He gets so torn up and keeps running back.
They say you hate the sin but love the sinner,
And I think that's how this is.
He doesn't understand me and is dangerously intrigued.

I can't tell if it's all in my head or all in my heart.
They give me mixed signals, and I give them to him.

I don't care if you're hurting
I don't care if you're upset
If you hurt me
I will never care

Even if I cared once
I won't any more
If you hurt me
I will never care

I love so many people
But that can change
If you hurt me
I will never care

I will do anything for you
If you are loyal and kind
But if you hurt me
I will never care

I judge by actions
I act through judgement
If you hurt me
I will never care

I will always care
Even if you don't
But if you hurt me
I will never care