Tree House

Everyday is all the same,
I hate the player, I hate the game,
I myself is only to blame.
Help me please find my way,
if not tomorrow, how bout today.
Yesterday, might have been too late,
My brain in gone, my mind is blown.
Everything dark, I must be blind,
on the dotted line, I signed.
Each day is a slap to the face,
no one left to help embrace.
A lost soul, I've become,
it's only death that I dream.
I live in a tree house,
somewhere in the woods,
only wishing, I had a car,
boy, did my life get real far.
I scratch and I crawl,
just for a lousy dime.
It's me you ignore,
as I beg,
if female, I'd show some leg.
All alone searching for a friend,
I lived that way til the very end.
Went to sleep, never woke up,
at least I didn't suffer with pain.
Didn't take long for the buzzards,
maggots oozing from my brain.
As the flies circle overhead,
chances are, I must be dead.

True Story

Hello, do you remember me,
I'm the one with no college degree,
turned out alright, wouldn't you agree.
Always wanted to be famous,
I've been called an ignoramus,
until now, I was just nameless.
All I ask now is for a home and car,
haven't quite gotten that far,
everyday I earn a brand new scar.
Asking for enough money to live,
if only I could learn to forgive,
I still have a lot more to give.
At my age, I haven't done enough,
not making excuses about life being tough,
is it that wrong, to take a little puff.
Two great kids I hardly see,
but I know they totally love me,
it's too bad having kids wasn't free.
Just when things are going right,
the sun goes down, and it becomes night,
if there is a God, I bet he does it out of spite.
I do my best to outweigh the bad to good,
never did what I have should,
I feel like my life is misunderstood.
At the age when things are supposed to get better,
they never sent me that very important letter,
well it's middle age I'm about to enter.
Still I always try and be positive,
so what if I'm a bit provocative,
well that's my **** prerogative.

****

Went to the toilet and saw a floating ****,
not flushing is so **** absurd.
Pushed the handle and found out why,
what happened next made me cry.
Brown water coming to the top,
tried everything but it wouldn't stop.
Water and turds all over the floor,
this is something, I didn't ask for.
Squeezed my nose and grabbed a plunger,
it's a good thing I used to be a plumber.
I can feel the turds oozing through my toes,
man this **** really blows.
Finally I got the water to go down,
the once white tile is now covered brown.
Smells so bad, I started to gag,
got some paper towels, a mop and a bag.
Sprayed Fabreze as much as I could,
puked on the floor where I stood.
Took an hour, but the bathroom is clean,
never have I seen something so obscene.
Jumped myself in the shower,
gave myself one hell of a scour.
Suddenly up from the drain,
another ****, I couldn't detain.
There it was laughing at me,
this **** is ****** up, wouldn't you agree.
Maybe this is the famous Mr. Hankey,
this South Park character is making me cranky.
Everywhere I looked, all day I saw ****,
it was like a nightmarish continuous loop.
Just couldn't get turds off my mind,
for the first time in my life, I wish to be blind.
For now on my bathroom is the back yard,
who would have thought turds would leave me scarred.

Two Girls

Sick and tired of your crap,
I stay up, while you nap.
I work all day, while you stay home,
You went to Paris, I went to Rome.
We don't have one thing in common,
can't you tell, Houston we have a problem.
We both know this won't last,
soon we'll be each others past.
have you found someone else,
maybe it's time to take off our belts.
Five years right down the drain,
I toasted our break-up with champagne.
No more of our week long fights,
no more of your dog that bites.
No more eating your bad cooking,
actually, I never thought you were that good looking.
Thinking back I miss your smile,
wishing I had a picture of you on file.
Its been a year and now I'm depressed,
meanwhile your rich boyfriend keeps you fancy dressed.
Never thought I'd miss you this much,
you always did have a magic touch.
Then finally, I found someone new,
she reminds me so much of you.
Then one night your new man died,
you came over and on my shoulder you cried.
You called me each and every day,
bouncing two girls seems so cliche.
Not sure which girl, I should keep,
went outside to find them kissing in my Jeep.
They saw me and started to laugh,
my whole world was just cut in half.
I guess I'm destined to be alone,
now only my hand makes me moan.

Two Nerds
saw you in the corner
someones lost daughter
walked over to you
me having no clue
expecting rejection
her beauty was perfection
sat down and said hi
she was a bit shy
bought her a drink
had no idea what to think
she was lost for words
we were just two nerds
pocket protectors and glasses
passing each other mystical gases
laughing at our silly jokes
lighting each others smokes
people couldn't help but stare
who cares if we're square
was this luck or fate
found me a girl,
I didn't have to inflate
she didn't care about my bad teeth
she only saw underneath
I didn't care about her zits
she had incredible ****
that's the story of two nerds
all other stories are for the birds

Two Words

Wolves howl
cats meow
people prowl.
Cigarette smoke
Facebook poke
me broke.
Blonde hair
blank stare
better beware.
Phone rings,
bee stings
needless things.
Darkened rooms
evil looms
life zooms.
Authors write
feeling light
future bright.
Forget past
never last
happens fast.
Bloods red,
damaged head
you're dead.

Undertaker

Hello all, hear what I say,
death to you, so please obey,
start by getting out of my way,
hoping you all have a great day.
Prepare to meet your maker,
I disconnect your circuit breaker,
Believe me, I'm no faker,
they call me the undertaker.
I take your rotting soul,
push you down a deep dark hole,
paid the devil one wealthy toll,
your parents should have used birth control.
I take kids that are young,
hurts so bad, I bite my tongue,
no more living, are they the among,
I've been bit, I've got stung.
Not a job, I like doing,
my contract, they're renewing,
children's vitamins, I've been chewing,
not a job worth pursuing.
A ***** job, but they made me do it,
I hate it, but I can't admit,
my own neck, I'd like to slit,
there last meal is a banana split.
It's not my fault, that they die,
wipe the tears from my eye,
I was a man you used to be shy,
gotta go, there was just another school drive by.

http://www.amazon.com/Will-Rhyme-Food-Allen-Wilbert/dp/1629078409/ref=sr11?ie=UTF8&qid;=1399317137&sr;=8-1&keywords;=will+rhyme+for+food

https://www.facebook.com/AwesomeAllenWilbert

why are we here
why are we there
I never asked to be anywhere
first we're born
then we die
we learn life on the fly
sometimes happy
sometimes mad
they make pills, if you're sad
some of us smoke
some of us drink
life *****, is what I think
is there there heaven
is there hell
on that subject, I don't dwell
what about god
what about not
title of this poem, I forgot

Unusual Place
living in an unusual place
no tracks left to trace
bridges already burned
tables already turned
**** has hit the fan
all my words got a ban
too much controversy
people begging for mercy
never knowing what I'll find
inside my warped little mind
some of you love
some of you hate
my big white dove
that's always running late
my pen is my gun
shooting words just for fun
my stories, you all read
listen and follow my lead
no one more entertaining
your brains, I keep on draining
my silly words have you fooled
my rhymes keep you schooled
I like to brag
I like to boast
now light up your grass
and raise that glass
and give me the proper toast

Used To Be

I used to be a man with no goal,
that was how I used to roll.
I used to be a man with no ambition,
time to break that tradition.
I used to be a man who didn't care,
now you all better beware.
I used to be a man always ******,
all my dreams were once postponed.
I used to be a man with no guts,
now I am just flat out nuts.
Never used to know right from wrong,
now I say, can't we all just get along.
Never knew the difference between left and right,
used to only see things in black and white.
I used to be a man with no morals,
no compromise only quarrels.
I used to be a man you couldn't trust,
my brain was layered in thick pie crust.
Now that the crust has melted away,
I now have something to say.
My goal is to live happily after ever,
even geniuses call me clever.
My ambition is to have it all,
I'm gonna run far with the ball.
Caring is now all I ever do,
a new me has made its debut.
Being ****** is in the past,
not sure how long that will last.
Now I have the guts to try anything,
any challenge, I dare you to bring.
Being wrong is no longer allowed,
you all better get off of my cloud.
I now know my left, right, up and down,
it feels good to be treated like a proper noun.
Morals, I have plenty of,
now that I have found love.
Now you can trust me as far as you can throw,
life is nothing more than one big drama show.

Valentines Day

It's a day to show extra love,
flowers, candy, teddy bear or a golden glove.
Love should be extra, every day,
Cupid deserves some extra pay.
Flowers die, candy gets eaten,
it's not a good day to get caught cheating.
Give a card with a little poem,
if rich maybe a trip to Rome.
A romantic night with crazy ***,
maybe a wife, girlfriend or even an ex.
It ***** when you're all alone,
everything ringing except your phone.
Maybe a diner and a drink,
everything including the kitchen sink.
We all know about the history,
Valentines Day is no mystery.
I know I love my better half,
she loves the way I make her laugh.
Best woman, I've ever seen,
we often play student and dean.
I'd give anything to stay with her,
life before was such a blur.
It doesn't take me a non day off holiday,
to take my ******* some romantic hide-away.
Valentines day should be spent twenty four seven,
whether you're on the highway to hell, or the stairway to heaven.

Wacky Writing Ranger

I'm a wacky writing ranger,
living the life of a stranger.
Got my pen and my paper,
I write what I want,
doesn't matter size of font,
my warped mind will find a new caper.
Writing rhymes since I was forty,
no woman ever called me shorty.
Money, what the hell is that,
it's everyone else's wallets getting fat.
My mouth is dry, fingers are numb,
even with a talent, I'm still a lazy ***.
I *** big holes in my wall,
inside the house, I play too much ball.
I have eggs with my breakfast toast,
Jeffrey Ross, where is my comedy roast.
A life filled with agony,
writing keeps my sanity.
From New Jersey to Florida,
living with my woman named Laura.
Hundreds of hearts earn my name,
can't even count the one night stands,
listening to all my favorite 80's hair bands,
all the groupies are just the same.
I've worked and had a paying job,
Bob spelled backwards is still Bob.
Left Jersey so far behind,
for that Florida weather grind.
Writing is in my blood to stay,
I don't care about the lack of pay.
I'm a wacky writing ranger,
I live the life of a complete stranger.
Read this rhyme and follow it til the end,
Then maybe after you decide to die,
look down at all the people who will cry,
then maybe Edgar Allan Poe will be your friend.

Ways To **** Yourself

Blow out your brains with a gun,
slit your wrist, slit your throat.
Play chicken with a moving train,
jump in front a moving bus.
Go in the ocean, filled with sharks,
while in the tub, throw in a toaster.
Overdose on alcohol, drugs or pills,
leap off a real tall building.
Hang yourself with a strong rope,
choke on a big piece of meat.
Run in the hood, yelling the n word,
jump from a plane, high in the sky.
Drown in a swimming pool,
poison your food or drink.
Cover your head with a pillow,
stab yourself in the heart.
Jump on top of a hand grenade,
walk naked through the jungle.
Warning, do not try these tricks ever,
side effects include a painful death.
Reality, never a reason to **** yourself,
don't be foolish, dumb or stupid.

Weather
Planes crash, buildings tumble,
people walking, begin to stumble.
Earth begins to quake,
can't help but to shake.
Ground starts to crack,
blue sky becoming black.
People dying left and right,
future not looking so bright.
Oceans flow across the land,
no more beaches, no more sand.
All this in a matter of hours,
as the weather over powers.
Tornadoes and hurricanes,
mass destruction, all that remains.
Armageddon or judgement day,
All this happened, the tenth of May.
Earth will never be the same,
mother nature played a deadly game.

Before you, my life was empty,
you became my good and plenty.
My life was filled with nothing,
my heart was constantly crushing.
Hair is brown, eyes are blue,
you love me and I love you.
You have that magic touch,
when I'm broken, you're my crutch.
What we have, we gladly share,
we make one hell of a pair.
You laugh at all my silly jokes,
you fulfilled my dreams and hopes.
You cheer my up, when I'm down,
you always treat me like a proper noun.
This once sad man is now happy,
I hope this doesn't sound to **** sappy.
You can't sleep unless we cuddle,
even if we fight and struggle.
You're the wind beneath my wings,
you put mud on all my bee stings.
Our love somehow found a way,
love is something, we never have to say.
You're the best woman I've ever seen,
no one will ever get in between.
You're the love of my life time,
I hope you liked this wedding vow rhyme.

Weeble Wobble
Got no arms, got no legs,
in my holes, people place pegs.
Got no ears, got no nose,
made special are my clothes.
Got no eyes, got no hair,
only my *******, come in a pair.
Got no teeth, got no tongue,
I only got one **** lung.
I'm a Weeble Wobble that is flimsy,
I *** a lot with only one kidney.
My belly button, is how I ***,
my life *****, you must agree.
Got no *****, got no *****,
a Weeble Wobble never falls.
Wear a special diaper for my ****,
all I can eat is tomato soup.
Got a nurse to feed, bathe and wipe,
she also helps me hold my peace pipe.
People think I'm a geek,
a helpless ******* and a freak.
I'm forever wheelchair bound,
Weeble Wobbles are always round.
I ride a bus made for a ****,
hang me on the wall, and call me art.

Welcome

Welcome to the darkness of my mind,
always mean, but sometimes kind.
A little nice and a lot of naughty,
the devil himself has paid for and done me doggy.
Welcome to the beating of my heart,
cold as ice and never again will be torn apart.
No woman will ever again break,
no more bleeding, no more ache.
Welcome to my hollowed soul,
highway to hell has no toll.
You just follow the fire filled road,
wish I could take back what I sold.
Welcome to the world of hell,
had no choice, I just fell.
The little kindness I had, is all gone,
assuming this is where I belong.
Welcome to my nightmare of my dream,
wake me up before I scream.
With the devil, I tried to convince,
but after all, he is the darkened prince.
Welcome to my final resting place,
down here, there is plenty of space.
This is where, I will spend my eternity,
how long I'll be here is an uncertainty.
Welcome to the home I live,
no more receiving, you only give.
Down here nobody floats,
but you do bend over for ***** goats.
Welcome to my writing style,
its been this way for awhile.
If it's good give it a like,
or you'll be headed down a heated pike.
Welcome to the end of the rhyme,
try and read, if you got the time.
Until we meet again my friend,
this tall tale must come to an end.

Who Am I

I'm outrageous, sometimes heinous,
but very highly contagious.
I'm crazy, some so lazy,
won't stop till I push up a daisy.
I'm in my prime, since the age of nine,
not a word, I can't rhyme.
Can't show gain, without some pain,
my **** don't flush down a drain.
I'm a tease, I aim to please,
if I take your picture, you better say cheese.
I'm very fictitious, even more suspicious,
get me mad and I can very vicious.
I love my pen, write words if I can,
don't need you telling me when.
I'm a believer, an under achiever,
my heat could lead to a fever.
I love to scare, leaving you in despair,
no one will or ever try and compare.
I'm a cool guy, foxes think I'm sly,
on you, I will always spy.
I answer prayers, I fix all repairs,
no one will ever peel my layers.
My hairy ***, must be mowed like grass,
my ****** berries are worth more than brass.
Don't ever mess with me, your soul I will set free,
me, myself and I makes three.
See me standing, after my crash landing,
my vocabulary is daily expanding.
Eyes wide open, heart never broken,
not sure why, but I was chosen.
Why even compete, I can't be beat,
my name is on many of street.
I'm under rated, girlfriend is inflated,
all your wishes are very belated.
I'm the name of many towns,
conceited as it may sounds,
my spirit over you surrounds.

Who Am I
so you think you know me
well nobody knows me
who am I
what am I
I wear an invisible mask
buried deep inside a flask
one day, I might come out
show you what I'm all about
my real identity
might never be revealed
it's in an envelope
and secretly sealed
my real name
you'll never know
I'm more famous
than Vincent Van Gogh
am I woman
am I man
I have a goal
I have a plan
someday you'll
know the truth
meanwhile, I'll just
keep playing a sleuth

Who Did What
In for something, didn't do,
it only could have been me or you,
one of us did it, but who.
Three sides to every story,
time to take some inventory,
trying to protect old glory.
One version blames the youth,
one version is like pulling a tooth,
third version is the truth.
Caught in bed with another,
warned about you by mother,
now there is one dead brother.
Used to be innocent and pure,
then came that deadly detour,
never felt so immature.
Found brother in the bed,
but with wife instead,
which of us brothers are dead.
The wife grabbed a loaded gun,
a mother about to lose a son,
no one here really won.
Which one did she shoot,
the air she did pollute,
a brother in his birthday suit.
One in hell, the other in jail,
set to high, was the bail,
weigh the tension with a scale.
Found innocent, then she fled,
blood still stains my old bed,
when I escape, she'll be dead.

Will
This is meant to be read,
the week after I pass away.
This is my only and final will,
sorry I have no money or assets.
To my children,
I give whatever I have, plus love.
To my family, I give love,
and thanks for all the support.
To my friends, I give love,
and thanks for the memories.
To my beautiful fiance,
I give love,
and sorry for dying to soon.
I wish I was still alive,
to give you all,
one final good-bye hug.
I will always love and cherish.
each and every moment and memory.
Even though I died to young,
I lived a full and fun life.
I wish you all a long,
and most happy life.
Now it's time to say good-bye,
don't be sad and please don't cry.
I love you all,
Allen Wilbert.

Will He
Will he go down as the best,
or fade away like the rest.
Will he go down as a god,
or just a man rolling sod.
Will he go down in history,
or just another flesh for fantasy.
Will he go down as the man,
or just someone who tried what he can.
Will he go down without defeat,
or just another piece of meat.
Will he go down on a girl,
or will the smell, make him hurl.
Will he go down and rise again,
or will he die before he's ten.
Will he go down as a king,
or just a man with no wing.
Will he go down with great honor,
or just another Jeffrey Dahmer.
Will he go down as a winner,
or just another angry sinner.
Will he go down, wearing his crown,
or will he just go down.

Wrongfully Accused

Everybody wants to know,
what happened so long ago.
It was a day just like this,
been awhile since I had to reminisce.
Got in my car and went to work,
back then, I was such a ****.
Me and my wife had a huge fight,
it went on, all the past night.
Long before cell phones and beepers,
never even knew, she had some peepers.
Came home from a long day, with roses,
the house was destroyed by explosives.
Neighbors said they heard arguing,
all last night, till the morning.
No one saw any strange people,
after I left, everything seemed so peaceful.
I was questioned, then taken away,
put in prison, for quite a long stay.
Begged the judge for some mercy,
they found me guilty in a hurry.
Spent five long years in prison hell,
each night I was violated in my cell.
Then one day other houses started to explode,
all wives went on a lock down mode.
The evidence was so overwhelming,
meanwhile my ******* was swelling.
After six long years, I was finally released,
couldn't wait to get a real super feast.
Then I went on a man hunt,
this guys *****, I'm gonna punt.
Then there he was a peeping tom,
carrying what looks to be some kind of bomb.
Thought about calling the police,
but I figured, I could handle this ugly man who was bald and obese.
This guy never saw me coming,
his **** crack, made me think he was plumbing.
I grabbed the fat ****, with gun in mouth,
it was him, I had no doubt.
I saw him before stalking my neighborhood,
what I'm gonna do to him will not be good.
Shot the ******* in the face,
his memory got a quick erase.
Brains splattered all over the ground,
his body was never found.
Stuck his fat *** in my trunk,
went to the bar and got super drunk.
Put him in the nearest lake,
still I had a major heartache.
I will say this, I never have pooped like this before,
but now my nightmares haunt me even more.

You

Eyes are blue like the sky,
you're with me and I wonder why.
You became my best friend,
we'll be together till the end.
For you I'd do anything,
you're my queen, I'm your king.
I love you with all my heart,
when you sleep, you always ****.
My kids and you are all I have,
you love the way, I make you laugh.
You have a magical touch,
I love you so very much.
Even when life goes wrong,
all the bad things make us strong.
In the bed, we love to cuddle,
after ***, you leave a puddle.
We disagree on many subjects,
being in love is always complex.
Living together has many rewards,
our love making has won many awards.
You are so very beautiful,
even though you can be delusional.
We fight more than we should,
when I see you, I still get wood.
Money we don't have much of,
it doesn't matter cause we're in love.

You and I

I have love, you have hate,
I love ice, you have skate.
I have pen, you have paper,
I have Keystone, you have Kaper.
I have base, you have ball,
I have Peter and Mary, you have Paul.
I have air, you have plane,
I have snow, you have rain.
I have car, you have keys,
may I borrow them please.
You have picture, I have frame,
you have guilt, I have shame.
You have Donkey, I have Kong,
you have ****, I have ****.
You have Garfunkel, I have Simon,
you have words, I have rhyming.
You have tv, I have remote,
You have Billy, I have goat.
You have me, I have you,
our love is tried and true.
We have everything, we have need,
we have flower, we have seed.
We have continuity, we have chemistry,
we have fate, we have destiny.
We have ***, we have cuddles,
we have bed, we have puddles.
We have money, we have none,
we have laughter, we have fun.
We have air, we have condition,
together we have a mission,
I have cigarette, you have lighter,
I have future, you have brighter.
I have ceiling, you have fan,
I have floor, you have plan.
I have gun, you have hole,
always hated that ******* mole.

Zombies Or Rabies

Walking around one afternoon,
foaming at the mouth, like a rabid raccoon.
Was I bitten by a dog,
I couldn't tell through the fog.
Is Cujo on the loose,
with a possum, I tried to ******.
Walking sideways to the local clinic,
people are laughing, thinking it's a gimmick.
Feeling like a poisoned zombie,
starting to cry and wanting my mommy.
Cars are trying to run me over,
I'm playing Frogger and red rover.
At the point, where I can't even speak,
I am way up on ****'s creek.
This might happen to you if you're bit,
sure wish I had a survival kit.
I feel the need to feed on flesh,
it tastes so good and so fresh.
Blood is dripping down my face,
Walmart seemed like the right place.
No one cares about rednecks and minorities,
I may have rabies, but I still have my priorities.
Old people and fat ones too,
what other kind of people are better to chew.
Am I a zombie or severely rabid,
whatever it is it's spreading so rapid.
People I've killed are starting to rise,
it's Halloween, so we need no disguise.
Inside Walmart is the walking dead,
old women with no teeth are giving me head.
All the doors got bolted shut,
a crowded Walmart is doing the zombie strut.
The military has surrounded the store,
foaming at the mouth, is so worth dying for.
Can hear the jets as they fly by,
their about to bomb Walmart, till we all die.
I escaped through a secret trap door,
I'm about to go on a feeding frenzy tour.