Shut Up Already

All you do is just split hairs,
stop complaining, no one cares.
You *****, you moan, and you nag,
with a spoon, Id like to gag.
For the love a god, please shut up,
you bark more than a baby pup.
Will you please, just be quiet,
plus you're fat, go on a diet.
All I'm asking is for a hush,
do it now, learn how to rush.
If i had a remote, I give you a mute,
until you stop, I will wear my birthday suit.
Maybe duct tape will keep you silent,
I don't find that very violent.
Finally not another yap,
I laughed, I smiled I gave a clap.
Strapped her into an electric chair,
sorry *****, but life isn't fair.
Maybe I'm mean, maybe I'm cruel,
but in my house, no talking is the only rule.
Fried her up just like the rest,
on my wall, was a ****** from her chest.
This was the fifth girl, that didn't last,
shut their trap is all I ever asked.
If you happen to be my next girlfriend,
if you never talk, you'll last til the end.
Found a girl that was a mute,
the ******* is how we dispute.

Skeletons In The Closet

In my closet I keep some bodies,
killing people is one of my hobbies.
I shoot people with my gun,
then sell their organs just for fun.
I skin their flesh and drain their blood,
my back yard is nothing but red mud.
Good thing my closet is extra wide,
it's the perfect place for them to hide.
I also enjoy golf and skiing,
I also take in a bit of sightseeing.
It helps me find people that don't matter,
then their brains, I like to splatter.
I fill my closet with plenty of bones,
a bunch of people, who were just unknowns.
No one even reports them missing,
sometimes their skulls I like kissing.
As I stalk my next victim,
I charm them with my words of wisdom.
I treat them like their my best friend,
if they only knew, it was all pretend.
I take them back to my place,
hoping I have enough closet space.
Then one night my house got raided,
my hopes and dreams suddenly became faded.
They locked me up and threw away the key,
fifty counts of ****** in the first degree.
My sentencing was for me to die,
above the prison, my skeleton hangs high.

Smack
Smack my *** in a car,
smack my *** in a bar.
Smack my ***, here or there,
I don't believe in any underwear.
I love a good *** smack,
right below the plumbers crack.
If I'm naked or wearing clothes,
smacking my *** is what I propose.
Smack my *** in the bed,
smack my *** after I'm dead.
Smack my *** up or down,
smack my *** in any town.
Smack my ***, cause I said so,
smack my *** before you go.
It doesn't matter where or how,
smack my ***, please right now.
Smack it good, smack it hard,
give my *** it's best regard.
You know you want to smack my ***,
just please no more broken glass.
Smack my *** in the shower,
whack it good, with all your power.
Smack my *** in the street,
my *** deserves a good beat.
Smack my *** and never stop,
maybe this boil will someday pop.

Smelly Feet

In the sun, feel the heat,
and the odor of my smelly feet.
All people squeezing their nose,
from the cheese between my toes.
Shoes melted on the road,
smell spreading to the next zip code.
Even I'm wearing a gas mask,
sipping whiskey from my flask.
Feet burning as I start to run,
stick a fork in them, they're done.
Still a mile left to go,
I can see my feet as they glow.
Leaving melting skin far behind,
left sunglasses home and going blind.
Hot tar starting to melt,
I'd do anything for a conveyor belt.
Soaking feet when I get home,
Pretty soon, I will see bone.
My house is just down the block,
vultures circling as they stalk.
Getting worse is the odor,
laughing at me is the Caddyshack gopher.
The Rock wants to know what I'm cooking,
it's my feet, that is brewing.
The smell is spreading worldwide,
my feet are now Kentucky fried.
People cheer as I reach my door,
**** my feet are very sore.
Sprayed my feet with tough acting Tinactin,
burned so bad it melted the rest of my skin.
Soaked my bones in cold water,
never have I felt a road more hotter.
Sprayed Fabreze for about an hour,
then I took a long cold shower.
Moonshine and pain pills dull my pain,
it was my own fault so can't complain.
Now I wear special shoes,
my smelly ***** feet even made the news.

Smelly Red Neck

I knew a man who was a smelly red neck,
this poor fellow was always having a wreck.
Two whole teeth and can barely read,
drinks his ***** and smokes his ****.
Blind in one eye, can't see out the other,
his sister is also his mother.
It's a family filled with ******,
born and raised in the southern mid-west.
Twelve toes and eight fingers,
grandma ***** by a gang of *******.
He was mostly white, with a ******* *****,
Daisy Duke calls him Enos.
Hair is red, ***** are blue,
when it comes to words, he knows a few.
Can't drive a car, can't ride a bike,
strongly believes in the Third *****.
Dumber than an old door ****,
never had a ******* job.
The laughing stock of the town,
underwear is always sticky brown.
Has one ear and three *******,
even gets picked on by the cripples.
Ten feet tall, with an IQ of twenty,
gets hard when he sees a penny.
Family was killed in a tractor accident,
there he sat naked in an over-sized cabinet.
Being molested by every perverted predator,
started to crack from all the pressure.
Grabs a gun and goes out shooting,
it's the devils work and he was recruiting.
Police came and shot him dead,
saying **** he had a ******* head.

Snow Mountain

I walk alone these darkened hills,
can see my breath and getting chills.
My party left me long ago,
they didn't like my altered ego.
Snow blowing in my face,
they said they needed space.
Feet and hands becoming numb,
never have I felt so **** dumb.
Found a cave and there they were,
me freezing, them wearing fur.
Never has a fire felt so good,
not sure where they got the wood.
Then I noticed a very distinct odor,
they were burning our guide, Schroeder.
On the cave wall, I see four more dead,
eating the brains from their very head.
I yelled, What the **** are you doing,
couldn't believe what I was viewing.
They said, Shut up or you're next,
I got on my knees and paid my last respects.
Spinning the body just like a pig roast,
I'd be happy with just a bite of toast.
As I watched them eat the bodies,
if I had a camera, I'd make copies.
Days went by and I got hungry,
the human body tastes so chunky.
Finally something that didn't taste like chicken,
my body was getting stronger and beginning to thicken.
We never did get discovered,
ended up in hell, getting eaten by an evil buzzard.

So **** Cruel
I want to know, why you're such a *****,
is it because, you have a small ****.
I want to know, why you're so mean,
why do you always have to cause a scene.
I want to know what happened in your life,
you beat your kids, and you beat your wife.
I want to know, why you're so **** cruel,
you're more stubborn than a mule.
You have no friends,
will you ever make amends.
No one will ever like you,
whatever did you do.
I want to know, what's inside your head,
I just wish, that you would drop dead.
I want to know, why you're so **** cruel,
you used to be so funny and cool.
I want to know, why you lost your job,
maybe it's cause, you became a fat slob.
I want to know, why you're getting divorced,
is it something that is being enforced.
You lost your family, you lost your house,
I bet you're feeling smaller than a mouse.
I want to know, why you're so **** cruel,
so **** cruel.
Were you beaten as a child,
under *******, your name is filed.
How does it feel, to be all alone,
why do you even have a telephone.
I want to know, why you're so **** cruel,
so **** cruel.
On that day that you finally die,
not even I, will start to cry.
You are my dad,
your death will make me glad.
I just want to know, why you're so **** cruel,
so **** cruel.
You can rot in hell, for all we care,
we all hope that we are there.
Now it's years later, and I'm mean like you,
people now think that I'm cruel too.
Now you know why, I'm so **** cruel,
so **** cruel.

Some Others

Some people stop, some people go,
others will hide, others will show.
Some people lead, some people follow,
others will spit, others will swallow.
Some people drink, some people smoke,
others will finger, others will stroke.
Some people listen, some people talk,
others will ring, others will knock.
Some people write, some people read,
others will cut, others will bleed.
Some people dumb, some people smart,
others will burp, others will ****.
Some people Facebook, some people Tweet,
others will lie, others will cheat.
Some people ****, some people chew,
others will glance, others will view.
Some people live, some people die,
others will laugh, others will cry.
Some people pitch, some people catch,
others will oppose, others will attach.
Some people want, some people give,
others will forget, others will forgive.
Some people right, some people wrong,
others will flaunt, others will belong.
Some people finished, some people done,
others will end, others will run.

Split Personality

You wanna know what goes on in my head,
if you only knew, you would drop dead.
Anger, depression and suicidal thoughts,
maybe its all those little brain clots.
Conceited, vain and very egotistical,
confused, shocking and very mystical.
I'm eccentric, bizarre, and always unconventional,
my vision is always three dimensional.
I take the path that's less traveled,
things I do leave people baffled.
Even I don't know what I'm doing,
but trust me, I always got something brewing.
I practice in the art of deception,
I'm admired by my depth of perception.
I don't know wrong from right,
I see everything in black and white.
I'm a man you don't wanna meet,
I lie, steal and always cheat.
I'm flirty, ***** and very perverted,
if we're alone, I will leave you deserted.
I'm ****, hot and always aroused,
every girl I have slowly browsed.
I love assault, ****** and ****,
but I only write it for an escape.
Inside my head is torture and pain,
I'm certified and clinically insane.
Sometimes I take my medication,
when I don't, I'm on a permanent vacation.
I'd do anything to become famous,
even **** Donald Trump in his ****.
I've crossed over to the dark side,
to hell, I've already applied.
There is no help for me now,
before I go please give me a bow.
I'll accept a standing ovation,
sick and tired of all the aggravation.
I used to be so nice and kind,
into heaven, I got denied.
Don't pay attention to the things you read,
I entertain you til my fingers bleed.
Ask anybody, I really a great guy,
just like REO Speedwagon, its time for me to fly.

Spring

It's a beautiful Spring day,
soaking feet in the bay.
Flowers blooming as I speak,
the stems are no longer weak.
Slight breeze from the west,
not a reason, to even be dressed.
All the leaves turning green,
it sure is quite the scene.
Birds chirping so quietly,
Winter ended so violently.
Baseball season about to begin,
every team had a chance to win.
Ah, the smell of freshly mowed grass,
making lemonade, pour me a glass.
Feel the love that's in the air,
Spring and Summer make quite the pair.
Everyday the temperature is rising,
the sun so beautifully shining.
Children playing in the streets,
no need for any heavy sheets,
Windows open, feel the breeze,
the pollen makes me wanna sneeze.
Go outside and pull some weeds,
how I love planting garden seeds.
Feel the air as it begins to warm,
viewing life as it will transform.
Nothing like the perfect Spring day,
sitting on the back porch, with noting to say.

Stay Alive
to stay alive
you must survive
be on top
don't ever stop
never be depressed
always feel blessed
cheaters never win
living in sin
one, two three
always feel free
four, five six
girls like licks
seven, eight nine
you look fine
eyes wide open
lids are frozen
red, juicy lips
love family trips
just three words
smoke some herbs
write a poem
while in Rome
go have fun
because I'm done

Stole My Soul

Once again our paths will cross,
your blood will become my pasta sauce.
What you did, I won't stand for,
I will hunt you down like a wild boar.
You stole my money, you took my pride,
there is no place for you to hide.
I bought a knife, I bought a gun,
you took our daughter, you took our son.
I heard them beg for their daddy,
hoping I find you in some dark alley.
Counting the days till we meet,
then my life will be complete.
I will stab you once and shoot you twice,
hang your ears in my car like fuzzy dice.
Gut you just like a deer or pig,
use your hair as my wig.
Sell your organs on the black market,
use your skin to wallpaper my apartment.
Finally found out where you were living,
when I saw your face, I was suddenly forgiving.
Begged you to take me back,
then I saw your pipe filled with crack.
Took the kids and bolted out the door,
never would have thought, you'd become a *****.
Never once saw her face again,
the blood from my knife went down her drain.
Threw my gun into the river,
on my promise, I did deliver.

Storm

Darkened room, darkened sky,
no one asks or wonders why.
It's the calm before the storm,
temperature, getting a bit warmer.
Board up windows,
bolt up the door,
but still wanting more.
Storm clouds getting closer,
hands shaking like a composer.
Starts with wind and rain,
not easy to explain.
Thunder than lightning,
this all seems so exciting.
Running outside to check it out,
the end of the longest drought.
Funnels forming everywhere,
but you don't seem to care,
Not a clear sky in sight,
it's day, but it looks like night.
Back inside for some shelter,
family huddled all together.
All the dogs begin to bark,
living in the trailer park.
Storm passed by with no damage,
living in Kansas is such a challenge.
All the people in the trailer park,
get scared when day becomes dark.

Strange Man
wears no clothes
picks his nose
eats raw meat
has smelly feet
makes crank calls
drunk and always falls
drinks night and day
family and friends, he betray
surely going to hell
needs scope, breath smell
has no more money
this **** isn't funny
has a very small ****
can't give girls the proper lick
has to **** just for ***
still in love with his ex
has gave up on living
what happened was unforgiving
a man became a monster
felt like an impostor
lived life grumpy and bitter
searching for a pinch hitter
died one night all alone
poor dog never got his bone

Struggle Within

Feeling kinda down and out,
cat got the tongue, can't shout.
Feeling used and helpless,
only evil, no more goodness.
Seeking desperately for unknown knowledge,
long ago, you dropped out of college.
No one there to help you along,
everyone says, you don't belong.
A born loser everyone says,
popping pills, like from a Pez.
People wishing you were dead,
just a single bullet to the head.
Not one person ever cared,
people look at you and get scared.
You're a monster with no roar,
in your face, people slam the door.
Too afraid to go outside,
all applications got denied.
Cry all day, cry all night,
inside your mind, is a constant fight.
Maybe it's time to make a stand,
take your head out of the sand.
Did your best, but still you fail,
you're deaf, dumb and blind,
and still can't real braille.
A car accident destroyed your face,
nothing in its right place.
So you decide to end it all,
gun in mouth, as you start to fall.
Blood everywhere, as your soul escapes,
act is over, now lower the drapes.

St. Valentines Day Massacre

This is a story that you may decline,
I'm not talking about Chicago 1929.
This happened a short time ago,
no cupid, no arrow or a bow.
Five years ago to the day,
a man was stalking his ex prey.
Every girl that ever dumped him,
he was lonely and getting no trim.
There was four girls in all,
each one got a strange call.
Kidnapped them one by one,
tied them up, couldn't run.
Drew a circle around their heart,
looked like a mathematical pie chart.
From his pocket, grabbed his scalpel,
then lit up his first candle.
Proceeded to cut out the circle,
blood poured out on the table.
Heart pumping, as he started to yank,
enough blood to fill up a bank.
One by one each heart got crushed,
you should have seen, as the blood gushed.
Rest of the bodies, burned into ash,
on the news, he made a big splash.
February fourteenth, 2009,
his house is now a ****** shrine.

Superhero

I have a pipe and dark sunglasses,
taking names and kicking some *****.
I'm a powerless superhero,
they call me Captain De Niro.
Owe me money, you better pay,
or pain will be on your way.
You better not be selling drugs,
or my lead pipe will give severe hugs.
Don't be ****** any innocent women,
will be breaking your hands and fingers, all ten.
Molesting kids and you don't wanna know,
the dumpster, your ***** I will throw.
I don't allow any peeping or stalking,
with broken legs, there will be no walking.
I'm one of those modern day vigilantes,
on my head, I wear my wife's *******.
Can't leap a building in a single bound,
like you, I get dizzy when spun around.
Can't go under water and summon fish,
I prefer them on my eating dish.
No fancy car or a sidekick,
but my pipe can break a brick.
Don't have an invisible jet,
like you, I'm in deep debt.
People have no idea who I am,
I might be Steve, I might be Sam.
Just a man who hates violence,
I hate people that are spineless.
I catch bank robbers in the act,
the odd against them are fully stacked.
I help keep crime off the streets,
can't count the number of villain defeats.

Taboo

Saw something that I shouldn't
helping myself, I just couldn't.
It was just standing there,
alone, but lacking no flare.
Oh the beauty, oh the grace,
so glad, it didn't see my face.
Maybe what I did was wrong,
in a place, I didn't belong.
What I saw, you wouldn't believe,
a web I practiced to deceive.
A part of me grew inside,
very long and very wide.
I should feel bad, but I do not,
maybe my brain has a clot.
Always tried to figure out a way,
felt like a hunter, stalking my prey.
What I saw, I'll never forget,
not a bit of any regret.
I will never tell what I saw,
but it's been awhile,
and I'm going through withdraw.

Taking Over
Entered the room with high expectations,
but all I got was the case of frustrations,
needed some help with public relations,
felt like a fight at the United Nations.
They fly in on their private jet,
rich and powerful, making girls wet,
too me they show little threat,
but they love to watch me sweat.
I have a vision, I have a dream,
willing to go to the court of supreme,
tried to gain all my self esteem,
things are about to get extreme.
This world, I'm taking over,
found my lucky four leaf clover,
they thought I was a funny joker,
til they saw my sharp shooting chauffeur.
No more am I the geek,
this world needs a little tweak,
felt good seeing people that weak,
now they listen, when I speak.
They all thought I was a traitor,
no longer am I the dumbwaiter,
somebody get me a translator,
because, I'm the new dictator.

Ten Doors

Behind door number one,
is a naked woman, tanned from the sun,
willing to do anything you say for fun.
Behind door number two,
green grass and a sky that's always blue,
and a giant house built just for you.
Behind door number three,
a toilet bowl, in case you have to ***,
and a brand new Hybrid SUV.
Behind door number four,
you get to pick your own lifetime *****,
if you don't like our choices, in the back we got more.
Behind door number five,
is your favorite rock band, who will perform live,
also an in ground pool, so you can always dive.
Behind door number six,
is all the secrets to all the magic tricks,
and we will also sew on two extra *****.
Behind door number seven,
at your death you will go straight to heaven,
never again will you feel any kind of depression.
Behind door number eight,
in no more long lines will you have to wait,
and your choice to live in any country or state.
Behind door number nine,
a lifetime supply of you favorite beer or wine,
and plenty of *******, so you can always do a line.
Behind door number ten,
the day you die, the how and the when,
all the money you want, but only in yen.
You only get to pick one number,
hurry up you're not getting any younger.
This is such a tough decision,
it may take time and a precise precision.
I just don't know which one to choose,
either way I cannot lose.
I think I will go Eenie Meenie Miney Mo,
and from there, just see how it might go.

The Beast
in the night
lives a beast
looking for
a people feast
could be wolf
could be vampire
it will spin you
just like a dryer
it will hunt
your *** down
doesn't matter
what part of town
stay inside
if you can
doesn't matter
woman or man
lock all windows
bolt all doors
wants all virgins
wants all ******
if caught
it will devour
don't even try
to overpower
don't come out
til morning light
then maybe everything
will be alright

The Cop

I'm a cop walking the beat,
about to retire with hurt feet.
followed a man who looked suspicious,
from the size of his gun, I knew he was vicious.
He went inside a hotel lobby,
acting all bossy and ******.
He took hostages, except for me,
I shot him dead and set them free.
That's the old fashioned American way,
plus I'm a cop, who wants his pay.
Next night I heard a woman scream,
getting ***** as he tried to spill his cream.
I also shot him dead,
for saving her, she gave me head.
All because I'm a good cop,
I offered to use the mop.
I shoot people who sell drugs,
their just useless stupid thugs.
I shoot first, question are for later,
my gun would **** the largest alligator.
Next night followed a woman, inside a store,
she was shoplifting, I thought maybe she was poor.
Followed he into her fancy car,
I shot that stealing rock star.
Got in some trouble on that one,
a cops job is never done.
Next night followed a molester,
following a young boy,
offering candy and a shinny new toy.
Saw him stalking in the park,
but I'm a cop, who's not afraid of the dark.
Took my shot, while he was watching,
it was the boys dad, I saw falling.
Retired early without a pension,
should have taken that course in safety prevention.

The Doll House

I stumble, I tumble into a house of prostitution,
well it is the oldest professional institution.
I stare, I sit and I look around,
suddenly my tongue dropped to the ground.
Had my choice of fifty ******,
each room had curtains for doors.
Plenty of blondes, brunettes and red heads,
laced satin sheets on all the beds.
Fat girls, skinny girls and ugly ones too,
with only twenty dollars my choices were few.
They sent me back into a room,
a blow up doll and a plastic broom.
After an hour, I was very confused,
doll had a smile, but my ******* was bruised.
Walked out of the place with a limp,
dressed up my broom, just like a ****.
I kept the doll free of charge,
ugly desperate men kept me living large.
I charged sixty dollars an hour with the doll,
hundreds of men were giving me a call.
Making thousands of dollars every week,
pretty good for a doll that doesn't speak.
Now I've cornered market on dolls that are inflatable,
one for any occasion, I have available.
Birthday parties for the geeks and nerds,
nothing like ******* who say no words.
Handicapped and retards love my prices,
I even supply them with special devices.
I even get women with their ******* *****'s,
some girls even like to pick my nose.
This went on for many years,
when I retired, millions were in tears.
My doll house is now a famous museum,
I call it the Blow Up Coliseum.

I met a woman, I once knew,
back in school, she'd sniff glue.
She didn't recognize as I walked by,
so I didn't even bother to say hi.
I saw my mom who left me at five,
I was kinda hoping, she wasn't alive.
She gave me a second look,
gave her the finger, then off I took.
I saw my first love at the store,
she was the first girl, that let me explore.
I went in and asked her to lunch,
she had more kids than the Brady Bunch.
Met my ex wife at the local mall,
haven't seen her since our last brawl.
My nose is still badly broken,
her lips and jaw was still swollen.
Saw a girl that used to be a neighbor,
she now works for the department of labor.
We played doctor, we played house,
she liked playing with my mighty mouse.
Just today I bumped into my old babysitter,
she still hangs out with my sister.
My dad used to pay her very well,
in his bedroom she used to yell.
There is still one girl, I have left to see,
this is a girl that also hasn't met me.
I'm still looking for miss right,
I just hope the ***** is white.

This is the house that Santa forgot,
a story that will put your stomach in a knot.
Timmy and Tina Thompson,
are twins at age five,
their address is 2156 Holiday Drive.
They went to the mall and sat on Santa's lap,
Tina in her favorite dress,
Timmy in his lucky cap.
Asking only for toys and dolls,
for which they have none,
a Barbie for Tina,
for Timmy a toy gun.
Both parents are out of work and very poor,
not something Santa could easily ignore.
Santa promised what they wanted,
but they must be good,
Timmy and Tina promised that they would.
Santa wrote down their list,
checked it again to be sure,
no other two kids were more innocent and pure.
Christmas Eve at last,
they left milk and cookies on the table,
off to bed for this was no fable.
Morning came and they jumped out of bed,
Merry Christmas to each other they quietly said.
Still no presents, stockings or even a tree,
but dear Santa, how could thee.
The milk was spoiled and the cookies went stale,
tears started falling as thick as hail.
Parents woke up to a puddle of tears,
promising things will get better in upcoming years.
They tried to explain that maybe Santa got lost,
Timmy and Tina kept their fingers crossed.
Outside they see other kids playing with new toys,
all the little happy girls,
all the little happy boys.
Minutes became hours in a matter of seconds,
still no Santa and still no presents.
Word spread fast in this tiny little town,
neighbors would not take this lying down.
For this is the house that Santa forgot,
just a trailer on an empty lot.
Neighboring parents all gathered round,
the meeting was a secret, no one made a sound.
All the children gave up one new toy,
whatever it takes to bring Christmas joy.
Hank from down the street,
put on his old Santa suit,
off he went on the short commute.
Then after all the toys got re wrapped,
he climbed the roof, and went down the chimney,
a story like this wasn't made in Disney.
**, **, ** said Santa, holding a giant bag,
no longer will this Christmas be such a drag.
Timmy and Tina jumped up and down with great big smiles,
Santa finally found them after endless miles.
We always knew you wouldn't forget us, they said,
Christmas carols were now being heard widespread.
Sorry kids, Santa said, but the reindeer got tired,
heard of your problem and I got inspired.
I come with gifts, for you guys to share,
toys to play with and clothes to wear.
I must be on my way as Santa says goodbye
they gave Santa a hug as they started to cry.
Other neighbors came by and dropped off food,
even God was smiling as he looked down and viewed.
Their parents in awe in what the neighbors brought,
it was the best Christmas they ever did have,
at the house that Santa forgot.

The Letters Of My Name

A is the first letter of my name,
I belong in the Facebook hall of fame.
Laura is the girl made for me,
she is awesome and she would agree.
Living in the lap of luxury,
and we don't need to be wealthy.
Everyday is filled with light,
the sun has never shinned so bright.
Never felt this happy before,
my two kids, I so much adore.
Wheels in the sky keeps on turning,
the bed in our room is always burning.
I used to be one ****** dork,
people always stuck me with a fork.
Living large, I wish came easy,
most of my jokes are a bit cheesy.
Because of all of you, I stay strong,
no matter if I'm right or wrong.
Everyday is filled with sunshine,
life itself is its own punchline.
Rhyming words is all I know,
when aroused, a part of me will grow.
Thank you all for your support,
still don't know the difference,
between a pint and a quart.
I used all the letters in my name,
I hope this rhyme don't put me to shame.

Them
People stuck inside my head,
won't be gone til I'm dead.
Telling me what to do,
they told me to **** you.
Telling me what to say,
there is no any other way.
They tell me how to feel,
I'm a hamster in a spinning wheel.
They tell me what to touch,
sometimes it's a bit to much.
They tell me how to live,
for that I can't forgive.
They make me do unlawful things,
I'm an angel with no wings.
They say, I'm doing gods work.
it's getting fun, going berzerk.
They say my wings, put me in heaven,
all my kills equal seven.
They told me, I need ten,
it's just a matter of when.
They say, I'm about ready,
my last **** must be messy.
Them voices lied to me,
my soul never was set free.
After death, I was sent to hell,
it's where I landed, when I fell.
Now that those people are long gone,
guessing this is where I really belong.

The Man

There once was a man from Nantucket,
kept all his cash in his lucky bucket.
Has a daughter Fran, who is gay,
ran off with a girl named May.
He followed them to Pawtucket,
the two girls with his lucky bucket.
She said to the man,
thanks for your daughter Fran.
The two girls followed the man to Manhasset,
where he still has his bucket as an asset.
Then May and her lover Fran,
stoke the bucket and off they ran.
The man was in a state of shock,
luckily for him he had a very long ****.
No more bucket, no more money,
he walked home with his eyes runny.
Now he has a new career,
he became a Walmart cashier.
Now he is the man from Nantucket,
with a **** so long, he could **** it.
He would always have a grin,
as he cleaned the *** from his chin.
If only his ear was a ****,
even he admits, it's one hell of a stunt.
His ear, badly he wants to **** it,
and save all the *** in his new lucky bucket.

The Mayor

Adding up all the dead bodies,
most are just carbon copies.
After awhile they all look the same,
only difference is their name.
I have them written in a log book,
all those lives that I have took.
Forty people missing from this town,
all men whose lives were down.
No one expects when you're the mayor,
I even help look for this evil slayer.
Hope you're not male and thirty,
or you're about to get *****.
It's my face you last see,
only death will set you free.
Wearing a mask, I walk the streets,
I even keep all the ax receipts.
I put a bag over your head,
I listen as they beg, shut up I said.
Then we go on a long ride,
not once have I broken stride.
Then it's off with the mask,
now it's time for the ****** task.
If I pass a cop, I smile and wave,
off we go to my secret mayor cave.
Then I grab my trust ax,
always covering my tracks.
Chop them up into bits and pieces,
you should see as the blood releases.
Body parts start to fly,
and I don't even know why.
I'm just a small town lonely mayor,
taxes, they are not a payer.
People in the town in an uproar,
if they don't shut up,
they'll also get the cave tour.

The Maze
Wandering through the endless maze,
been going on for several days.
Dead end here, dead end there,
dead ends everywhere.
Life always a constant struggle,
too many things, having to juggle.
Made a left, instead of a right,
a constant battle, with no end in sight.
All doors and windows shut,
butterflies filling up my gut.
Wandering inside without a key,
locked inside, where no one can see.
Stuck in this endless maze,
thought I finally found my ways.
I used to be so very strong,
how I was so very wrong.
All the corners look the same,
sick of this stupid game.
No way I'm ever breaking free,
so blind, I can't even see.
Wandering around this endless maze,
leaves my brain in a daze.
Suddenly I see a lighted reflection,
but still I'm in the wrong direction.
I'm forever stuck in this maze,
for once in my life, I can't amaze.

The Ocean
The ocean, I like to go,
except days, when it might snow.
I like the ocean, colored blue,
jamming out to some Motley Crue.
Girls in a two piece thong,
no way, you can go wrong.
Laying towels in the sand,
lovers holding each others hand.
Boogie boarding on the wave,
these are things, that I crave.
Getting the perfect tan,
girls all drooling over one man.
Swimming in the warm gulf water,
with my awesome son, and my beautiful daughter.
Wet sand can make a castle,
hard to walk, wish I had a camel.
Getting wet, when you're hot,
a jet ski, I just bought.
Sunglasses on to scope the chicks,
put some **** in the brownie mix.
I love the ocean, for all the above,
don't get in the path of the water,
or you will get a giant shove.

The Pope

I'm a high powered man of the cloth,
when I get *****, I stick my thing in cold chicken broth.
I can't have ***, I can't have ***,
but sometimes I send an anonymous text.
The Vatican should be called The Vatican't,
sorry for this unfortunate rant.
Not sure how much more I can take,
under my robe is a venomous snake.
People all day like to kiss my ring,
when girls kiss it, it starts to spring.
Having no *** is driving me bad,
going crazy and making me mad.
I can't have ***, I can't have ***,
why did god give me this hex.
Slept with a nun in my ******* last night,
it felt so good and she was so tight.
Whenever a girl smiles or starts to flirt,
under my robe, I begin to squirt.
Sometimes when my ***** get blue,
I kneel down at the nearest pew.
I can't have ***, I can't have ***,
this religion is so **** complex.
I get driven around in this bullet proof trough,
I got the only gun that might go off.
Why did I become a catholic priest,
I'd even take a girl, with infection of yeast.
Last night in bed, I decided to sin,
it was time to rip out the firing pin.
I stroked it once, I stroked it twice,
I must say it felt very nice.
Seconds later out shot my *****,
dripping down my body like a slimy worm.
From this day on, I felt like a new man,
I now do it as often as I can.
Tired of having soap on a rope,
******* it, I'm the ******* pope.
No more underwear under my robe,
hard to tell, next time I'll wanna probe.
I can't have ***, I can't have ***,
cause if I do, god won't sign my checks.

The Rhyming Shuffle

Feeling all alone,
life is on postpone.
No one seems to care,
time is now to beware.
Stick me with a fork,
in my *** is a scented cork.
Farts smelling like a rose,
watching bodies decompose.
Climbing up Jacob's ladder,
peeing a lot cause of my bladder.
Calling me an Uncle Tom,
shaving my hairy palm.
Addicted to Candy Crush,
brain turning into mush.
Tired of always snapping,
I deserve some ***** slapping.
Grass is always greener,
with the little old lady from Pasadena.
On board the love boat,
left me with a sore throat.
Saving money is impossible,
spending is just unstoppable.
Writing rhymes is all I know,
all my ducts are in a row.
Going fishing without a pole,
one to many hits from my bowl.
Dying of old age,
took my final bow,
on the center stage.

The Scream

One, two
go *******
three, four,
you're a ****** *****
five, six
you love ******* *****
seven, eight
it's you I hate
nine, ten
never see you again.
I shot you now you're dead.
in your ******* head.
Now you're deep in the ground,
sometimes I hear a screaming sound.
Is it nightmare or a dream,
still I hear your silent scream.
Even after I moved far away,
in my head your scream did stay.
Then you dug from the grave,
your soul, you did save.
There is a knock at me door,
it was my dead headless *****.
She unloaded with a butchers knife,
should have kept her as my wife.

The ****
has *** with any man
does it anywhere she can
in a bed, in a car
she goes deep, she goes far
searching in every state
til she finds her soul mate
haven't had my turn yet
waiting for her private jet
loves *** in any style
even in a church aisle
she is one famous ****
loves goo on her gut
she does it here,
she does it there
she will do it anywhere
in a bar or in a truck
this **** just loves to ****
not a lifestyle I'd condone
but every dog needs a bone

The Stripper

When time is of the essence,
I await your overdue presence.
When you're not here, I'm so alone,
*****, how could you lose your phone.
I hate not knowing where you are,
tonight I'm gonna make your ***** purr.
You borrow my car and I get scared,
I've already had it twice repaired.
Your beauty is unmatched,
no other couple is more attached.
When you moved in, I was nervous,
to any kind of pain, we are impervious.
All massages have a happy ending,
on Twitter, our love is now trending.
You love to cook, I love to clean,
I'm always nice, you're always mean.
You were a stripper when we first met,
I was very rich and you were in debt.
I bailed you out from your jam,
now I'm in trouble with Uncle Sam.
We are broke, but we have each other,
soon we'll be out from this cloud cover.
Maybe it's time to go back stripping,
even though my eyes will be dripping.
For a second job, I'll sell drugs,
I know plenty of **** and thugs.
Now our life is back on track,
we will always have each others back.
Now you got a new phone and a car,
then you ran off with an upcoming rock star.
That's the story of my life,
so I stabbed that ***** with my knife.

The Viper

I have an idea for a new invention,
I'm sure it will get a lot of attention.
The name is the The Viper,
and its an automatic *** wiper.
Never again will you have to wipe your own ***,
you just install the snake head,
with its tongue made of sea bass.
All you do is push the button on the latrine,
out comes the tongue to wipe your *** clean.
I'm sure this will become a big hit,
people will rush to their bathroom,
just to take a ****.
Never again will you need toilet paper.
and if you call now,
I will throw in the automatic *** scraper.
Never again will you have to worry about ****** berries,
And don't forget to order the scented tongues,
if you want your ***, to smell like cherries.
There is a limited supply,
please call now,
operators are standing by.

The Wizard Of Because

I live in a lap of luxury,
never again will I go hungry.
Life has been good so far,
big house and a fancy car.
Fame, fortune and power,
ten heads in my giant shower.
Can't remember last time when,
I slept at a cheap ****** inn.
Once was lost, now I'm found,
just like a dog in a pound.
Used to be naked, now fully clothed,
my whereabouts are undisclosed.
Every day is a new adventure,
cash only, never a debenture.
I have powers beyond belief,
some say, I'm just a common thief.
Can cure sickness, with just one touch,
if you have a broken leg, drop that crutch.
The future passes before my eyes,
I have unlimited amounts of supplies.
Not a disease, I can't cure,
cancer and aids are no more.
Been on Oprah, been on Ellen,
neither bought what I was selling.
Won the lottery sixteen times,
I've prevented many of crimes.
You can call me what you will,
my face is on the million dollar bill.
People pay to see me in action,
I love seeing their ****** reaction.
Now that I have your undivided attention,
ruling the world is my true intention.
Put people and things, in their rightful place,
**** half the world, we need the **** space.
No more busy streets,
no more money or stupid receipts.
Not a single crowded mall,
handicapped people standing tall.
No more standing in long lines,
no more tickets, no more fines.
No more government laws,
it's good to be the wizard of because.

Thimble

Darkness rises from beneath,
small, ugly and has no teeth.
Crawls out from the slime,
gets more creepy each time.
Only happens once a year,
one long day makes a career.
Wanders out and wonders why,
one day is one day to shy.
Determined to make a day two,
this isn't Horton hearing a Who.
This is one mean creature,
you student, it teacher.
Only the size of a thimble,
has no name just a symbol.
Dug a hole through the pond,
it's like a miniature James Bond.
Rules the pond like no other,
looking for his missing mother.
Interviewing anything swimming,
dodging every single skimmer.
As the puddle starts to sink,
not an inch or a drop to drink.
A whirlpool circles in center,
into the whole that it enter.
Back down into its hole,
one day a year, it will patrol.

Darkness rises from beneath,
small, ugly and has no teeth.
Crawls out from the slime,
gets more creepy each time.
Only happens once a year,
one long day makes a career.
Wanders out and wonders why,
one day is one day to shy.
Determined to make a day two,
this isn't Horton hearing a Who.
This is one mean creature,
you student, it teacher.
Only the size of a thimble,
has no name just a symbol.
Dug a hole through the pond,
it's like a miniature James Bond.
Rules the pond like no other,
looking for his missing mother.
Interviewing anything swimming,
dodging every single skimmer.
As the puddle starts to sink,
not an inch or a drop to drink.
A whirlpool circles in center,
into the whole that it enter.
Back down into its hole,
one day a year, it will patrol.

Thinking Aloud

Every night my mind would wander,
all the time and money, I let squander.
Should I live should I die,
should I laugh should I cry.
Always stuck in a rut,
tired of ******* the local ****.
I've been up, I've been down,
showed a smile showed a frown.
Sometimes rich sometimes poor,
both always make me want more.
Been cut up and been stitched,
been picked up and been ditched.
Done good and bad things,
sometimes even pulled some strings.
Asked questions, listened to answers,
sang with singers, danced with dancers.
But still, I sit and stare,
maybe I'm just filled with hot air.
Always thinking about life and death,
where will I be, when taking my last breath.
No more wasting away the years,
time to face all my fears.
Did we really evolve from apes,
believing in God is just sour grapes.
Where do we go after we're dead,
will I ever again get any head.
Will we arrive on some distant planet,
I'll be Jack looking a girl Janet.

Thinking To Myself
misty mountains
evergreens
make for some
very beautiful scenes
birds chirping
wind slightly blowing
pregnant women
look good when glowing
Christmas a joyful time
whether from Amazon
or a five and time
getting high
in the sun
always having
so much fun
dancing drunk
under the stars
all your problems
seem so fars
little by little
figuring stuff out
no need to stress
no need to shout
no matter what's
going on inside the head
drink or a ****
will **** it dead
laying in bed
trying to sleep
counting to myself
but seeing no sheep
hot showers
feel so good
stay in all day
if I only could
watching grass
grow so tall
maybe tomorrow
I'll mow it all
all my thoughts
just ran dry
so peace out
and good-bye

This Girl Of Mine

Clothes get thrown to the floor,
at this point we can't take no more.
I got style, I got grace,
when my girl sits on my face.
I have the moves that drive her wild,
you should see the way she smiled.
Kisses from head to toe,
foreplay should be nice and slow.
With my tongue, I don't miss a spot,
never once have I missed her slot.
Starts with a kiss, than a massage,
we even don't mind an entourage.
Puts her mouth over my stick,
open wide cause it's very thick.
We don't need to watch any ****,
just an over-sized shoe horn.
It starts with her on top,
keep going baby and never stop.
Loves when her ******* are squeezed,
lucky for us we're not diseased.
Pounding hard with all our might,
*** is better after a big fight.
Bed is rocking and about to break,
must be quieter or the kids will wake.
Then it's time for *******,
smacking that *** for awhile.
Pulling her hair, till it hurts,
this girl of mine has the squirts.
Bed is soak and wet,
and no it isn't from sweat.
Screaming my name for an hour,
I'm like God, but with more power.
I can feel my knees getting weak,
this girl of mine is such a freak.
Body is shaking, and turning Japanese,
she is screaming hurry please.
Then came the big explosion,
if I was a ******, I'd deserve a promotion.
Then we lay in bed and cuddle,
first I get a towel, for the giant puddle.
Holding her tight, till she falls asleep,
this girl of mine, I'm gonna keep.

This Tale

This tale is about torture and pain,
thunder, lightning, wind and heavy rain.
This tale is about fortune and fame,
not enough of us get that claim.
This tale is about purple mountains majesty,
it doesn't even matter your nationality.
This tale is about ****** and ****,
two things I hope we all can escape.
This tale is about chains and whips,
a pretty smile and red juicy lips.
This tale is about magic and illusions,
conspiracy theories aren't just delusions.
This tale is about me and you,
hoping our friendship is never through.
This tale is about Jack and Jill,
I guess it was one slippery hill.
This tale is about movies and music,
sometimes loud and sometimes acoustic.
This tale is about love and peace,
salute military, firemen and some police.
This tale is about grades and school,
no more bullying on the non cool.
This tale has everything you need,
oh did I mention money and greed.
This tale is over and finished,
hope my reputation didn't get diminished.

This Will Not Rhyme [No Money]

Looking outside, see a fence,
needs some work,
but, no money.
See some giant trees,
about to fall on the house,
but, no money.
I have two kids,
I wish I could spoil,
but, no money.
Life wasn't always like this,
became a plumber,
made some good money,
living good for a few years.
Kitchen needs a makeover,
won't even mention the bills,
but, no money.
It doesn't seem to bother me,
love is all that matters,
love is free, doesn't require money.
I got my health and some piece of mind,
bi-polar pills, mostly work,
on disability, sit home all day.
Published a book for no money,
but to promote costs an arm and a leg,
I cant afford all that and why,
everybody now, but, no money.
that's why I post every couple of days,
self promotion, is all I can do,
I'm sure you'd all do the same.
Had a ton of friends, when a young stoner,
lost touch with most of them,
thank you very much Facebook.
Now I can talk to some old friends,
see what their up too,
even if we never chat,
very grateful to see you all again.
My family lives so far away,
I miss you all so very much,
I have fun commenting on your posts,
picking on each other is what we do best.
I do wish I had some kind of life,
less Facebook and more socializing,
but, no money.
Well that's all for now,
I thank and love you all,
as I start to tear up at the eye.

Three Special People

Maybe I don't do enough,
life is hell and really rough.
Maybe I don't show enough appreciation,
but trust me, you got my undivided attention.
Sometimes I don't kiss you, before bed,
on those nights, I wish for dead.
Finding you was worth the wait,
our times together, has been more than great.
It's true, we don't always get along,
but we all know, we're where we belong.
I miss every second you're not around,
a flood of tears, I've often drowned.
If you only knew how I really feel,
You are the ones who spin my wheel.
Sorry I don't keep every promise,
in the game of life, I'm just a novice.
I hope you know, I try my best,
with each passing day, I feel more blessed.
All three of you, I consider so special,
you all are so very essential.
One of you, I see everyday,
I love you, I always say.
Two of you, I wish could see more,
I'm so sorry, but trust me I truly adore.
If only things could be different,
it isn't easy being a long distant parent.
Nothing for you all, I wouldn't do,
all three of you are quite the view.
We all have so much fun together,
when all with me, life can't get no better.
So much love for my favorite trio,
we would make one hell of a reality show.
The sound of your voice, brings me a smile,
all your faces, I keep in a mental file.
Who ever says I don't love you, is a liar,
by the way, I'm talking about Laura, Amber and Tyler.

Tight Rope

If you only knew how I really felt,
sinking fast and starting to melt.
Feeling like Frosty in the summer,
I'm an idiot and getting dumber.
Losing brain cells by the minute,
used to have a name, now just a digit.
Not sure where I'm going,
up creek, I'm slowly rowing.
If not for bad luck,
I'd have no luck at all,
falling fast and nobody will call.
Bought a rope and made a noose,
can't handle any more of this abuse.
Got picked on my whole life,
my mind is in constant strife.
Now I have brain cancer,
and no one has the answer.
No one cares that I'm falling apart,
you can't fix this broken heart.
Tied the rope to a ceiling rafter,
I wanna die, happily ever after.
Found myself a nice sturdy chair,
life will just never be fair.
Kicked the chair out from under me,
started to choke, started to ***.
Body starting to feel very weak,
not another word did I speak.

Time
time is here
time is now
time to make my final bow
I am done
can't take no more
it's time to slam the door
nothing left to say
nothing left to write
I've taken my final bite
nobody knows
nobody cares
no more time to split hairs
nobody listens
nobody reads
feels like I'm pulling weeds
I won't be missed
I won't be remembered
my pen I gladly surrendered
good-bye to you
good-by to me
it's time to set my soul free

Time For A Change

Time is now to rise against,
why be kept in suspense.
Time for a revolution,
legalize **** and prostitution.
Cut the deficit right in half,
don't it make you want to laugh.
While we're here, let's have some fun,
the law fought us, but this time we won.
**** the government and their laws,
it's filled with so many flaws.
Killers and rapists, all must die,
molesters with no *****, will surely cry.
But I digress,
country in such a mess.
No one seems to care,
I hate wearing underwear.
People just cramp my style,
every day is like a trial.
Believe in only yourself,
no trophies on my shelf.
The government, we must overthrow,
get ready, get set and lets go.
You all would just chicken out,
this is something, I have no doubt.
Get yourself a pair of *****,
let's climb the White House walls.
On second thought, it will never happen,
I'm just a stupid fool named Allen.
It was just the thought that counts,
just a suggestion, I wanted to announce.

To All The Girls

To all the girls I've liked before,
I'm gonna be rich, while you stay poor.
None of you would go out with me,
because I was so **** ugly.
You said we could be friends,
you drive a Toyota, while I drive a Mercedes Benz.
To all the girls I've liked before,
I even got turned down by the town *****.
Girls would only use me for a ride,
they took my dignity and my pride.
Sometimes I would just roll the dice,
they always said, I was way to nice.
Now I'm here telling you,
to **** on my creamy goo.
To all the girls I've liked before,
go away, stop banging on my door.
Where were you, when I was young and alone,
out with someone with more muscle tone.
All these girls know who you are,
in my head you left a scar.
Well how do you like me now,
most of you on drugs and look like a cow.
To all the girls I've liked before,
years ago you used to ignore.
Now all of a sudden you all want me,
sorry ******* but my love ain't free.
I have found a girl that loves me a lot,
I do want to thank you for all you taught.

Treat Me Bad

I like to be treated bad,
slapping my face, won't make me mad.
Smack my *** with a whip,
in frozen water, I'd skinny dip.
Hit me with your stupid car,
watch me as I fly real far.
Go ahead and kick me in the *****,
push me over Niagara Falls.
Shoot me with your favorite gun,
I'll just get back up and start to run.
Stab me with a knife in the back,
I'll dull the pain by smoking crack.
Hit me with a baseball bat,
make me eat a rabid rat.
Squeeze my ***** and bite my ****,
make me a watch a boring chick flick.
I'll eat liver that is raw,
punch me hard and break my jaw.
Throw me through the toughest window,
use me as bait, just like a minnow.
Chop off my fingers and my toes,
I'll find a way to wipe my *** and pick my nose.
Whatever happens, I will survive,
I may be late but I'll eventually arrive.
Toss me from the tallest building,
I'm always ready, able and willing.
I love torture, I love pain,
I run with the bulls, when in Spain.
I love when people yell at me,
I'll eat your **** and drink your ***.
I've been tarred-and-feathered,
that was a moment, I truly treasured.
I've been bloodied, I've been bruised,
offered band aids, but always refused.
You might find me a bit strange,
but I'm homeless and will do anything for spare change.