Can't Take No More

Never been so humiliated,
not once ever appreciated.
For years, been holding my tongue,
my bell has already rung.
Tired of taking peoples crap,
one more thing and I will snap.
No more time for chit chat,
I'm grabbing my baseball bat.
Next one who messes with me,
will have one broken knee.
Held in my anger, way to long,
I don't care if it's wrong.
Time to start busting heads,
no stitches or any threads.
Blood will gush from the brain,
ain't got time to explain.
I won't stop til you die,
as I watch your family cry.
Remember the time, when a bully,
now you're hanging from my pulley.
Blood dripping on the floor,
your organs, I will explore.
People are missing, police have no clue,
my basement is a blood bath zoo.
Now that are the bullies are gone,
maybe now, we all can get along.

Christmas Cheer

I can't believe what I just saw,
so surreal it put me in awe.
Of course, I can't tell you what it was,
it would **** your ongoing buzz.
I was bewildered and dumbfounded,
at the same time confused and astounded.
All I can say is please beware,
nothing will ever compare.
I took an oath an sworn to secrecy,
it's a theory of conspiracy.
They put me in witness protection,
wish I could tell you in what direction.
When it happened, I couldn't even scream,
I figured it was just a bad dream.
I just can't go on living this way,
my life is in total dismay.
People always guarding my door,
I liked the life I had before.
Always wondering when and where,
tonight there is something in the air.
Tired of living a life of hiding,
going back home is what I'm deciding.
Packed my bags and rented a U Haul,
no more being behind the eight ball.
What I'm about to tell you is the truth,
I saw mommy kissing Santa in a telephone booth.
Killer elf's started to chase me,
I wish they would let me be.
The institution told me, there was no such thing as Santa,
it was just my dad dressed in a red suited pajama.
I killed who I thought was Kris Kringle,
it sure makes one hell of a holiday jingle.
Witness protection was just an insane asylum,
they told me it was a deserted island.
Son kills dad cause he was naive,
walking past a telephone booth one Christmas Eve.
My mom then got run over by a reindeer,
I hated my parent, this turned out to be a good year.

Cliche

Life ***** then you die,
try and laugh, no need to cry.
Everyday is a new beginning,
can't keep my head from spinning.
Life's a journey, not a destination,
waiting for my train at the local station.
Same ole ****, different day,
always do things your own way.
Don't you hate when that happens,
food on face, with no napkins.
Try walking in someone else's shoes,
it doesn't really matter who's.
Don't worry, be happy,
no need to be snappy.
Always do as your told,
that cliche is getting old.
Another day, another dollar,
midgets are people too, just smaller.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you,
unless of course it's filled with poo.
You can't always get what you want,
but when you do, always flaunt.
Every rose has its thorn,
why does **** look like corn.
Find the light at the end of the tunnel,
I badly want a mistletoe belt buckle.
Don't know what you got, till it's gone,
if you got brains, you don't need brawn.
Love will find a way,
I once heard a band say.
Fame is only fifteen minutes long,
where you're at, is where you belong.
Friends come and friends go,
but it's family, you will always watch grow.
There is always a mountain, you must climb,
everyone will commit at least one crime.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it,
if you have a son, buy him a baseball mitt.
Only believe in what you see,
bad things always happen in three.
Don't always believe what you hear or read,
red blood, is what we all bleed.
Knock, knock who's there,
before you open, please beware.
Knick, knack, paddy, whack,
all girls love a good *** smack.
Money don't grow on trees,
in life there are no guarantees.

Contagious
Shed a tear when I'm seeing you,
you're skin is turning black and blue.
In a way I still must smile,
took pictures, cause its been awhile.
Was a moment when I had to laugh,
thought maybe you just had infection of staff.
There is no doubt you're all I see,
in the mirror, when taking a ***.
I just hope you aren't contagious,
contagious yeah, yeah.
I sit around trying to be alone,
afraid to even pick up the phone.
Being tense won't speed up the time,
but it helped with this Guns-n-Roses rhyme.
Take it slow, and I'll be fine,
no more time to mope and whine.
I just hope I'm not contagious,
if so, I'll need some more patience.
All the stars are still shinning bright,
maybe that will help shed some light.
I think I can make it, I'm not faking it,
very hard to break it, no longer can I take it.
Hope I'm not contagious yeah, yeah,
just a bit contagious yeah, yeah.
I've been praying every night,
hoping all will be alright.
Hard to see, while turning blue,
feet stuck like I stepped in glue.
Streets can't change except for the names,
sick and tired of all these stupid games.
I guess this means I'm contagious,
now I must be very courageous.
Whoa,I guess I'm contagious yeah, yeah,
Oh it seems I'm contagious yeah, yeah, yeah.
This *****, I will soon die,
being contagious, will lead to a cry.
I really hate being contagious yeah, yeah, yeah.

Craigslist
if you only knew
that my ***** are blue
turned me on
turned me off
with those *******
that made me cough
you the doctor
me the patient
one hundred dollars
is the payment
answered you ad
on Craigslist
you made house calls
in the midst
could have been a nun
could have been a maid
I just needed
to get laid
I wasn't cured
after one hour
ended up taking
a long cold shower

Crazy Love

I love you, you love me,
we're one dysfunctional family.
You're psychotic, I'm bipolar,
we both push a doll in a baby stroller.
You're a bit crazy, I'm a bit nuts,
we're both paranoid and have no guts.
Our two kids think we're insane,
for fun they tie us up with a chain.
We both take pills to help medicate,
when we get high, we like to levitate.
We've both been in a mental institution,
somehow we both avoided execution.
When we got married, no one came,
our family, we put to shame.
All that matters is we have each other,
it doesn't matter that we both suffer.
You write poems, I write rhyming stories,
mad scientists built us in secret laboratories.
Once a year we renew our vows,
all that ever attend are chickens and cows.
Kids moved out when they were ten,
we get supervised visits every now and then.
We fell in love when very young,
she loves the way I use my tongue.
Our favorite game is naked twister,
oh did I mention we're brother and sister.

Croaky Karaoke

You poke your eyes out,
you put your eyes in,
you poke your eyes out,
and no vision makes you shout,
You do the croaky karaoke,
and twist yourself around,
people next to you become astound.
You pull your ears off,
you put your ears on,
you pull your ears off,
now you can't hear the applause.
You do the croaky karaoke,
and twist yourself around,
no longer can you hear a sound.
You pull your tongue out,
you put your tongue in,
you pull your tongue out,
the blood starts to pour like a spout.
You do the croaky karaoke,
and twist yourself around,
now it's tough even for a clown.
You yank your teeth out,
you put your teeth in,
you yank your teeth out,
and that's what life's all about.
You do the croaky karaoke,
and twist yourself around,
by now your underwear is browned.
You rip your head off,
you put your head on,
you rip your head off,
people are using your eyes for golf.
You do the croaky karaoke,
and twist yourself around,
now you're dead, as you fall to the ground.
It was a party at the ***** colony,
the croaky karaoke was pure comedy.

Darkened Room

Woke up in a darkened room,
with a smell of bitter gloom.
Searching for some kind of light,
no match or lighter to ignite.
Felt around for a switch,
sometimes life is a *****.
Stuck in a room with no door,
like a canoe with no oar.
Voices I can hear faintly,
all I can do is wait patiently.
Yelling for help with no reply,
left in the dark with no supply.
Not any food, not any drink,
just plenty of time to ponder and think.
In the corner I took a ****,
how did I end up in this abyss.
Hoping this is only a nightmare,
knowing soon, I'll run out of air.
Banging my head up against the wall,
air inflating faster than a punctured beach ball.
As I start to pass out,
I can hear people shout.
Woke up in a puddle of smelly sweat,
it was just a bad dream,
just not my kind of wet.

Day Of The Deadly Living

Nine to five, is what you work,
both kids, think you're a ****.
Wife never wants ***,
not a phone call or even a text.
Same job for ten long years,
bills are in arrears.
At diner, no one talks,
empty is your money box.
Staying together til kids turn eighteen,
bad movie you'd never want put on screen.
What a very depressing life,
dead now, thanks to a knife.
Sometimes life is unforgiving,
day of the deadly living.
Working graveyard shift at a factory,
coming home alone is unsatisfactory.
No wife, no girlfriend or even a *******,
just Rosie, and Tara his blow up doll.
Watching **** on the old laptop,
its been so long, you need a mop.
Couldn't get laid, even in a ***** house,
up your ***, you once stuck a mouse.
No friends, neighbors hate you,
all because they know, you knew.
This poor guy never has no fun,
dead now, thanks to a gun.
His family died on Thanksgiving,
day of the deadly living.
College by day, at night a stripper,
no candy jar, can't be a dipper.
Only sleeps two hours a day,
all night long men stalk their prey.
Started snorting *******,
gave up college, for a room of champagne.
Now she is a coke *****,
opens her legs, more than you open a door.
She had no problem, just an addiction,
a lost girl, with no direction.
Blood gushing from the nose,
dead now, thanks to an overdose.
Three holes I'm regrettably digging,
day of the deadly living.

Dead End
sharp claws
dark skin
red eyes
razor teeth
blood dripping
flesh eating
demon spawned
loud roars
heads scalped
people dying
wanting more
can't control
virus infected
zombies attacking
vampires *******
werewolves eating
thunder rolling
lightning crashing
rain pouring
earth flooding
wind howling
hell's frozen
pigs flying
we're dead
the end

Death By Bus
Old photographs remind me,
of how things used to be.
We were married thirty years,
everyday pours down tears.
Til the day we meet again,
well, you know the day when.
You died so young at fifty five,
everyday without you,
is a struggle to survive.
You got crushed by a bus,
all I saw was oozing pus.
Me and kids were devastated,
so were friends,
and all people related.
Crying at pictures of old,
everything you touched,
turned to instant gold.
How we'd laugh and carry on,
one year later and you're still gone.
No signs of an after life,
my pain hurts worse,
than a stabbing from a knife.
Today I got the bus company money,
suddenly life became more sunny.
Now that I'm filthy rich,
found myself a brand new *****.

Death Of A Poet

Something happening to my brain,
feeling numb, feeling pain.
Blood dripping from nose and eyes,
feels like a blood baptize.
Coughing blood through the mouth,
maybe I'm on that highway going south.
Falling to the ground,
head spinning round.
Blood pouring out my ears,
it's time to face my fears.
Immortality has escaped my soul,
i can picture my six foot hole.
in and out a state of consciousness,
I was just another victim that's anonymous.
Nothing can save me now,
no encore, no final bow.
I'm too young to die,
blood is all I ever cry.
No tunnel, no light,
my body isn't taking flight.
Just laying in the dark,
above my head is a question mark.
Not the way I wanted to go,
so painful, so **** slow.
Wanted to die in my sleep,
counting some innocent sheep.
I guess it was just my turn,
my body, I want to burn.
Ashes spread across the land,
while millions of people salute and stand.
Remembering the good old times,
a brain tumor was my ultimate demise.
It happened so very fast,
all I can see is my darkened past.

Death Of A *****

Blood gushing from the nose,
already chopped off your toes.
You treat me bad, I treat you worse,
your body, I will disperse.
Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth,
now it's time for the truth.
You lie and you cheat,
death will make my life complete.
You're a ***** and a ****,
I'm ****** and a nut.
You stabbed me in the leg,
then I cracked you like an egg.
I tore out your beating heart,
that was only just the start.
As you lie on the ****** floor,
it was death to a stupid *****.
You tried your very best,
but no longer am I depressed.
Your blood I drank like juice,
no longer could I take abuse.
You're somebody who won't be missed,
your life is now permanently dismissed.
This was a death of a *****,
my killing spree is up to four.
Cheat on me and you'll be next,
and you too will be my ex.

Deaths Of 2013

My third year doing this.

Paul Walker, Texas ranger,
driving fast leads to danger.
Matt Osbourne was Doink The Clown,
Paul Bearer always wore a frown.
Dennis Farina and James Gandolfini,
always played a mobster meany.
Peter O'Toole, famous actor,
Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher.
President Nelson Mandela,
Dennis Burkley, was a famous fat actor fella.
Lou Reed, is now on the wild side,
took all the colored girls for a ride.
Conrad Bain and Bonnie Franklin,
tv actors who had white skin.
Paul Blair and Stan The Man,
playing baseball, when they can.
Marcia Wallace and Lisa Robin Kelly,
both had ***** that bounced like jelly.
Tom Clancy wrote famous books,
not much on having good looks.
Cory Montieth and Patti Page,
one died young, other of old age.
Jean Stapleton, was Edith Bunker,
Archie always put her in the dumper.
Pat Summerall and Deacon Jones,
played football and broke some bones.
Dr. Joyce Brothers and Pauline Phillips,
they both gave good and bad tips.
Ray Manzarek, from The Doors,
Jeff Hanneman knew all Slayers chords.
Chrissy Amphlett, liked to touch herself,
Caleb Moore's trophies are on his shelf.
Mindy McCready and George Jones,
both hit those country tones.
Chris Kelly from Kris Kross,
Ed Koch is a New York loss.
David Frost and Roger Ebert,
always had words to insert.
Anneitte Funicello from Mickey Mouse Club,
Eydie Gorme almost got a snub.
Jonathan Winters, was very funny,
to come from Mork's egg, made him money.
If you don't know who these people are,
look them up, internet not very far.
For the ones that I missed,
please don't get to ******.

Death Threat

Hello ***** prepare to die,
you know the reasons and the why.
Your life, I plan on taking,
this is no joke, I'm not mistaking.
I hate your ******* guts,
when arrested, they will think I'm nuts.
Chop you up into little pieces,
then send them to all your favorite nieces.
Say goodbye to everyone you know,
because pretty soon your blood will flow.
You took my soul, heart and my pride,
now I will have to run and hide.
You took my clothes, food and my money,
stop laughing *****, this **** ain't funny.
You took my house, car and my boat,
revenge will be mine, that you can quote.
You took my drugs, beer and my pills,
I'm going through withdrawal and getting the chills.
You took everything that I own,
your mind is about to be blown.
I now live in the street,
people in cars throw me food to eat.
It get kinda cold late at night,
this is my death threat to you, that I write.
I'm at the point of no return,
a cruel lesson you must learn.
I hope you enjoy these last few hours,
your grave will deserve no flowers.

Delusional

I do what I want,
I say as I please,
girls see me,
and drop to their knees.
Conceited maybe,
eccentric yes,
depressed always.
I write what I write,
no topic is taboo,
sometimes I even,
hear a Who.
Delusional and paranoid,
people watch me as I walk.
Licking my fingers,
licking my toes,
then I eat,
what I find in my nose.
Conspiracy theories,
and superstitions,
they consume my thoughts.
I count my money,
that I wish I had,
part of the reason,
that I'm always sad.
I have stories,
I have rhymes,
I have people, that I love,
I still bleed the same color blood.
I have pride,
I have passion,
the police are here,
because of my fashion.
Sometimes I rock,
sometimes I roll,
I like to smoke from a bowl,
I'm number one,
according to the latest poll.

Delusional Paranoia

Inside my head is a constant fight,
darkness covers the distant light.
All the meds are not working,
the smell of evil is slowly lurking.
Darkness fades to pitch black,
all I want is my old life back.
I need to change all my meds,
still running from the feds.
Help me please, get through this moment,
sick and tired of living in constant torment.
Moving state to state, town to town,
I'm just a like a king, who lost his crown.
Did I smoke a joint, or was it a bowl,
all the drugs have finally taken its toll.
My life used to be fast and furious,
now I'm lost and very curious.
My mind has wondered so far away,
should I go, or should I stay.
Is anything I'm saying making any sense,
or is my braid just to dense.
Not sure when things went wrong,
I used to be bigger than King Kong.
Then one day, my life fell apart,
black became the color of my broken heart.
In conclusion, maybe I have a delusion,
is there a solution to all my confusion.

Depends

Woke up, took my morning ****,
the toilet bowl, I sure did miss.
****** on the tile floor,
leaked to the bathroom door.
****** on my feet,
some made it to the seat.
Cleaned up and took a shower,
feels like I lost a special power.
****** again but on the curtain,
my ***** control, I lost for certain.
I guess it's time to **** sitting down,
then I noticed that my underwear was brown.
It was a massive skid mark,
hard to see when it's dark.
I guess it's time for Depends,
my man hood, I will defends.
Maybe this is just a phase,
my underwear, I set a blaze.
I hope this is a temporary problem,
this is making me feel less awesome.
Last night I **** and ****** my bed,
I bought a gun, cause I'd rather be dead.

Diary Of A Serial Killer

My life began normal,
in a very small town,
I can't remember once ever having a frown.
I'm not sure how I became a mad hatter,
but who really cares,
and what does it matter.
My first **** was the guy who ***** my sister,
ever since then my brain has had a blister.
Now i **** people just for fun,
and never have I had to use a gun.
I randomly pick people,
from my local telephone book,
and it don't matter,
if you're a plumber, lawyer or a cook.
I stalk you for days,
I even go to your work,
I once even killed the local town clerk.
At every crime scene, I leave a small clue,
I mark their body, with a small tattoo.
I have killed twenty, maybe even more,
then I leave them ******,
on their own kitchen floor.
The cops can't catch me, I am way to quick,
I am harder to find, then Ole Saint Nick.
When the time comes, I will **** myself,
and maybe my grand kids,
can put my trophies on their shelf.

Doc Allen

Hello nurse, how does our day look,
pretty busy Doctor Allen.
Well send me in the first patient,
hello Mr. Davis, how may I help you,
well doc, I have a problem getting a *******.
Well sir you have Erectile Dysfunction,
or better know as impotence.
I will write you a prescription for ******,
try them for a week, if they don't work,
have your wife come in and I will satisfy her needs.
Next patient, Nurse Lucy,
His name is well we don't know he has Amnesia.
Oh goody, hello do you know who you are, nope,
do you know where you're from, nope,
do you know anything, nope.
Well sir there are no pills,
but I will try something.
Now this may hurt a lot,
I'm gonna whack you with a hammer.
Ouch doc, hey I remember now,
my name is Bob and I'm from Boston, thanks doc.
Nurse Lucy, who's next,
it's Susan and she has Tourette Syndrome,
oh boy, another winner.
Hello Susan how are you today,
good doc, ****, ****, *******.
Wow does this happen often,
about twice a day, ****, ***, ****.
Well Susan there is no cure,
but you must relax more,
try some yoga and meditation,
now slutty, *****, *****, get the **** out.
Nurse Lucy, who's next, Lance he has Leprosy,
wow what a day this is.
Hello Lance, how are you today,
I'm good but I'm falling apart.
I see that your finger just fell on my desk,
sorry doc, it's getting worse,
I already lost my *****.
Well Lance there is nothing worse than that,
there is one known treatment.
It's called Gotu Kola, it doesn't cure it,
but it will slow it down.
Oh god sir, your ear just fell in my coffee,
we'll have to order it, but in the mean time,
try not to lose your head.
Nurse Lucy, anyone else,
one more Doctor Allen and it's me,
I need *** real bad.
Bend me over the desk,
and pound me good,
Nurse Lucy,
I thought you'd never ask.

Do It

Do it in the street, do it in the house,
do it with a rat, do it with a mouse.
Do it with some cats, do it with some dogs,
do it with one of those newly infected hogs.
Do it in the morning, do it in the night,
do it is best after a big huge fight.
Do it on the couch, do it on the bed,
do it is gross, when someone is dead.
Do it with a girl, do it with a man,
do it always, whenever you can.
Do it when it's red, do it when it flows,
do it cause that's just the way it goes.
Do it with a horse, do it with a cow,
do it even if you don't know how.
Do it with a sheep, do it with a goat,
do it on the deck of your favorite boat.
Do it from the front, do it from the back,
do it with an old smelly yak.
Do it on the toilet, do it on the sink,
do it cause the inside is always pink.
Do it on the floor, do it on the table,
do it when you're ready, willing and able.
Do it after dinner, do it after lunch,
do it with an apple pie during brunch.
Do it when you're mean, do it when you're kind,
do it with any hole that you can find.
Do it cause it's easy, do it cause it's fun,
do it cause men love to shoot their gun.
Do it when you cough, do it when you're sick,
do it no matter, the size of the ****.
Do it when you're *****, do it when you're not,
do it by yourself and hope you don't get caught.

*******

My ******* was thought through,
dominate me, dominate you.
Can't stop, what you can't see,
open mouth and drink my ***.
Beat you to a ****** pulp,
as I drink it, my throat goes gulp.
I'll stomp a mud hole, til it's dry,
it's fun to do when you're high.
This world, I will destroy,
no longer am I a whipping boy.
I **** your father and your mother,
even your sister and your brother.
**** your uncle and your aunt,
killed every tree, killed every plant.
Killed your niece and your nephew,
just part of the ******* schedule.
Killed your cousins and next of kin,
call me evil, but I love sin.
No more sun rising in the east,
666, I'm the number of the beast.
No more sun setting in the west,
just doing the devil's request.

Done It All

Been to hell and came back,
shot some ******, smoked some crack.
Walked on water, parted the Red Sea,
took a ****, took a ***.
Not a thing, I haven't done,
sometimes lost, sometimes won.
Had *** all sorts of ways,
wrote the Kamasutra, in just two days.
Wrestled Austin, boxed Ali,
I play naked when I volley.
Climbed to the highest mountain,
also drank from the youth fountain.
Ain't nothing I can't do,
when a ghost, I'll yell boo.
The most interesting man in the world,
is nothing but a joke,
I cracked his shell,
then drank his yolk.
I know every word in the dictionary,
my skills are so revolutionary.
You come to me with your pain,
you silly fools have no brain.
I know magic, I know illusions,
I come to my own conclusions.
Been everywhere in this world,
a bit eccentric and a lot disturbed.
When I was born, they broke the mold,
I've never once had a cold.
I will die on my own terms,
cremate me, I want no worms.

Don't Know

Don't know you, don't know me,
maybe its time to break free.
Don't know goodness, don't know sin,
I have know idea where I've been.
Don't know rich, don't know poor,
they say I have delusions of grandeur.
Don't know heaven, don't know hell,
I don't even know how to spell.
Don't know hours, don't know time,
too many mountains left to climb.
Don't know women, don't know men,
but they say, I'm related to William Penn.
Don't know drugs, don't know beer,
the consequences are always severe.
Don't know fun, don't know depression,
my court is always in session.
Don't know windows, don't know floors,
what's mine isn't necessarily yours.
Don't know fiction, don't know fact,
everything I do is just an act.
Don't know bees, don't know birds,
all I have are useless words.
Don't know comedy, don't know drama,
not even sure where to put a comma.
Don't know water, don't know land,
losing my memory was not planned.
Don't know love, don't know pain,
something hit me in my confused brain.
Don't know my mom, don't know my dad,
maybe I'm happy, maybe I'm sad.
Don't know black, don't know white,
I hope everything turns out alright.
Don't know clothes, don't know *****,
I love walking around in the ****.
Don't know months, don't know years,
so why do I have so many tears.
Don't know how, don't know when,
can't even count to the number ten.
Don't know knick, don't know knack,
lets face facts, I don't know Jack.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

In life you rarely catch a break,
was being born just a mistake.
Things may happen beyond our control,
those are the days when you pack a bowl.
If you find yourself in any kind of trouble,
a real friend would be there on the double.
If you find life ain't worth living,
waiting for you is a new beginning.
Not every day can be perfect,
maybe your thoughts, you need to collect.
Some days you wake up on the wrong side of the bed,
just be glad you didn't wake up dead.
No matter how much your in pain,
hide your tears by crying in the rain.
There will be days when you're depressed,
you may even feel like you're possessed.
Every dark tunnel has a hidden light,
you have to search hard, cause it isn't always bright.
Then out of nowhere things fall into place,
on those days, you must carefully embrace.
No matter how bad it seems, someone has it worse,
life is something you can't rehearse.
Find something that will make you smile,
if you still have an old phone, give me a dial.
No matter what always think positive,
dress up nice and be very provocative.
I wish there was a happy pill,
they already have one that makes you chill.
I think of my kids when I feel sad,
that makes me one happy dad.
Cuddling with my girlfriend makes me happy,
she accepts me even though I'm a bit wacky.
Always look on the bright side of life,
love can be spread with a butter knife.
I've been down, I've been out,
my heart has poured red like a spout.
So on those days when you're feeling blue,
just don't forget it goes the other way too.

Doom
dark room
smelt doom
thunder rolls
lost souls
lighting strikes
sharp spikes
rotting corpses
unknown forces
people dying
others crying
tables turning
bodies burning
zombies arise
human demise
blood everywhere
mankind beware
eating flesh
while fresh
city blocked
world shocked
no fear
Allen here
Allen involved
problem solved

Dream Or Delusion

I am back with a vengeance,
my possibilities are so endless.
I was only gone for awhile,
no one else has my writing style.
Everything I do is an instant success,
I'm the God, you all should bless.
Everything I touch turns into gold,
unlike you, I will never grow old.
I'm a man who can't be beat,
unless of course, its my own meat.
I walk alone and stand tall,
there ain't a situation, I can't control.
No one has my creative imagination,
my brain will never go on vacation.
I take from the rich and give to the poor,
even Robin Hood thinks I have delusions of grandeur.
I have bi-polar with a twist,
my personality you can't resist.
One day conceited, one day depressed,
with *** and money, I'm obsessed.
I only speak words of wisdom,
my words always deserve a listen.
Even when I'm gone, I'm always here,
don't worry, I will never completely disappear.
In due time, I may fade away,
then everyone will celebrate my birthday.
It's my time to be in the sun,
I'm not afraid, I won't run.
I'm the master of all rhyme,
finally it's my shinny time.
I have waited many years,
shed over a million tears.
All my dreams are finally coming true,
I believe my time is long over due.
Is my nightmare finally over,
have I picked my lucky four leaf clover.
I am ready for my standing ovation,
rid myself of all my hidden frustration.
Maybe all this is just a cruel diversion,
coming from a mind, who was an abortion.

Drug Addict

I drink beer, I drink liquor,
doing shots makes it quicker.
I smoke a bowl, I smoke a joint,
is there a problem, get to the point.
I take acid, I like trip,
I love the trail of a moving whip.
I like ****** sugar, I snort coke,
no wonder, I'm so **** broke.
I pop pills for stress, some for pain,
you'll never hear me complain.
I shoot ******, then I dose off,
my life is just a total loss.
I make and smoke ****,
hoping it takes my last breath.
Special K is my favorite tranquilizer,
I use it as a drug appetizer.
I smoke crack, don't ask why,
don't knock it, til you try.
Ecstasy makes me feel so good,
it always puts me in a special mood.
I sniff gas, I sniff glue,
then I ask, who are you.
Sometimes I smoke hash,
I live a life of white trash.
Morphine can't be beat,
my brain has suffered a defeat.
I even take ****** and steroids,
***** big, ***** small and I'm paranoid.
Been to counselling, been to rehab,
last time I went, I ended up with *****.
Now finally, I'm clean and sober,
been that way since mid October.
I admit drugs are more fun,
but in the end, God finally won.

Dynamic Duo

I write you this letter,
hoping to make things better.
Not really sure what happened,
it wasn't quite what I imagined.
We were once the best of friends,
what can I do to make amends.
You don't answer my telephone calls,
did you suddenly loose your *****.
Not sure what I did so wrong,
thought our friendship was very strong.
We used to do everything together,
not a storm we couldn't weather.
Now I'm bored and feeling alone,
will you please just throw me a bone.
My once pal, I hope you're not my enemy,
remember when we planned to **** Kennedy,
Then we killed and buried Jimmy Hoffa,
we drowned our guilt with a bottle of *****.
I'm starting to worry, maybe you're missing,
remember all the girls we shared kissing.
We had a ******* every night,
our future was so bright.
I miss our random killing spree,
nothing made us feel more free.
We were called the dynamic duo,
now I'm just riding solo.
I picked up a newspaper and what did I see,
you were found at the bottom of the sea.
Now I know why you never returned my text,
I better run or I'll be next.
No reason to send this letter now,
then one day while milking my cow,
the F.B.I. gave me a visit,
I had no get out of jail ticket.
I got sentenced to the penalty of death,
I wish we were together when we took our last breath.

Earth In Reverse

Suddenly I get confused,
feeling like I'm mentally bruised.
Always none the wiser,
tears gushing like a geyser.
Brain cells dying by the dozen,
having *** with a cousin.
****** is the latest thing,
brother and sister having a fling.
Mom and son, dad and daughter,
contaminated is all the water.
Earth is now spinning backwards,
trees are shrinking and no more birds.
Crime at an all time high,
hot in January, cold in July.
Sunrise in west, sunset in east,
no more beauty, only beast.
Islands in the ocean are now gone,
no more money to be withdrawn.
Time is now moving in reverse,
could things get any worse.
Tectonic plates moving Continents back together,
caused by water, earthquakes and bad weather.
Chaos all across the land,
no one seems to understand.
Volcanic eruptions have now blocked the sun,
life as we know it is now done.
When the smoke finally cleared,
dinosaurs have now reappeared.

End Of An Era

If not for bad luck, Id have none at all,
would love to rise, but always fall.
I've come close a few times,
but all I have are stupid rhymes.
Not sorry for what I used to write,
used to think my future was bight.
Now it's gloomy and it's dark,
I have no bite and barely a bark.
Used to think, I'd be famous,
all I am is a big fat ****.
Doing my best, but nothing works,
can't wait til I'm a corpse.
My caring days are long gone,
nothing more than a silly pawn.
Don't even feel like writing anymore,
rhyming has become nothing but a bore.
Thank you all for your support,
but my rhyming, I must abort.

If not for bad luck, Id have none at all,
would love to rise, but always fall.
I've come close a few times,
but all I have are stupid rhymes.
Not sorry for what I used to write,
used to think my future was bight.
Now it's gloomy and it's dark,
I have no bite and barely a bark.
Used to think, I'd be famous,
all I am is a big fat ****.
Doing my best, but nothing works,
can't wait til I'm a corpse.
My caring days are long gone,
nothing more than a silly pawn.
Don't even feel like writing anymore,
rhyming has become nothing but a bore.
Thank you all for your support,
but my rhyming, I must abort.

Ever Wonder

Ever wonder how and why,
never getting the correct reply.
Doing things out of spite,
living in sin just seems right.
Ever wonder if and when,
how long before the ship comes in.
Nothing ever goes the simple way,
another act we must portray.
Ever wonder what and who,
maybe me, maybe you.
Living in the age of regret,
stay calm, try not to sweat.
Ever wonder right and wrong,
will we ever just get along.
Too many problems left to solve,
everyone still has to evolve.
Ever wonder here and there,
always having a blank stare.
Maybe in another time and place,
we will find a way to touch base.
Ever wonder day and night,
hoping someday it will be alright.
Never knowing what's going on,
when will darkness become dawn.
Ever wonder, I mean really wonder,
answers won't come, till we're six feet under.

Every

Every tunnel has a light,
Every flea has to bite,
Every food has been bitten,
every word has been written.
On those days that seem dark,
soon you will spot your spark.
On those days, where all goes wrong,
pack yourself a big fat ****.
When things are looking down,
life seeming like a ghost town.
Things will always get better,
******* makes a girl wetter.
Every dog has its day,
every person finds their way.
Every rose has its thorn,
every man will always watch ****.
Sometimes life can be so happy,
smile and stop feeling ******.
Always be thinking positive,
let it out like a laxative.
When the sun starts to set,
in the garbage, throw all debt.
Every baby has a mother,
every day is like no other.
Every story has an end,
every person needs a friend.

Every Ten Years

There is something in which I never speak,
my inner soul has become decayed and weak.
Just the thought will drive me insane,
blisters cover my heart and brain.
It's been ten long years, since that day,
I think about it, without any say.
Maybe it's time to let it loose,
I'm so hungry, I could eat a whole moose.
A angry beast lives inside my soul,
this time, I'm not paying any toll.
Shot my family with a gun,
it was easy, it was fun.
Getting the urge to **** some more,
that's why I married this stupid *****.
My new wife and kids have no clue,
all the things I'm about to do.
I'm starting to shake, starting to mumble,
legs getting weak as I start to stumble.
Grabbed my shotgun from behind the wall,
felt like the man from Walking Tall.
Old family buried in the back yard,
my head was dealt the wrong card.
Dug four new graves next to theirs,
I believe in keeping families in pairs.
Shot them dead in cold blood,
how I sure love a red flood.
I've been questioned, but never accused,
this is how I keep myself amused.
Five years later I get remarried,
there are more bodies to be buried.
I'm forty eight and getting old,
with each day, my heart gets more cold.
This time after killing my kin,
it actually felt like a ***** sin.
Can't go through this ever again,
killing myself, just don't know when.

Evil
Look inside my evil eyes,
you can see your demise.
Nothing but torture and pain,
clusters clog my evil brain.
Look inside my evil mind,
want to destroy all mankind.
Burn down every city,
I will show no **** pity.
Killing people just for fun,
maybe a knife, maybe a gun.
There is no one more evil,
on your ***, I'm going medieval.
Every human will slowly die,
no people left to cry.
I get more strong with each ****,
Enjoying all the blood, I spill.
Evil is what evil does,
I do this just because.
All animals I eat as food,
walking tall in the ****.
Blood and *****, all I drink,
am I evil, I sure do think.
No more humans left alive,
only I will survive.
Now I live in total darkness,
evil religion made me heartless.
Evil is my middle name,
I was born to play this game.

Evil Lurking

Evil lurking in the streets,
evil lurking in the sheets.
Evil lurking in the car,
evil lurking in the bar.
Evil lurking in the church,
evil lurking where you search.
Evil lurking in the brain,
evil lurking in *******.
Evil lurking everywhere,
evil lurking, this I swear.
Too afraid to go out,
evil lurking, I have no doubt.
Paranoid to the max,
refuse to pay any tax.
Evil lurking in the jail,
evil lurking in the mail.
Evil lurking in the schools,
evil lurking in the fools.
Evil lurking in the movie theater,
evil lurking in every creature.
Evil lurking at the malls,
evil lurking in the walls.
In my head, I keep searching,
but all I find is evil lurking.

Evil Santa

You better watch out, you better not pout,
evil Santa will descale you like a trout.
He's a crook, you've all been took,
don't you dare give him a ***** look.
Mow his grass, kiss his ***,
or he'll stab you with broken glass.
He's a liar, will never retire,
your life is about to expire.
Can't control his temper,
its best if you surrender,
you're going feet first in a blender.
He has no shame, you are the blame,
its you he's about to maim.
Evil Santa is coming to town,
you have no time to frown,
he's worse than It the clown.
You will sigh, then you'll cry,
then you will slowly die.
He lost his pride, gained a step in his stride,
sooner or later you will collide.
He's a cheat, life ain't complete,
until its you he will eat.
He's killed two, maybe a few,
next it will be you.
He sold his soul, paid the toll,
aren't you glad he's out on parole.
He kills a lot, his brain has a clot,
plus this is the stories plot.
Its you he will stalk,
followed you around the block,
then he gave your door a deadly knock.
He knows when you are sleeping,
its him you will see peeping,
your life just isn't worth keeping.
He knows when you're awake,
your death will not be a fake,
so be good for goodness sake.
You better watch out, you better not shout,
death to you, I have no doubt.
Your underwear will soon turn brown,
his reindeer will gladly run you down,
evil Santa is coming to your town.

Evil Tales

So you think, you know who I am,
I killed Mary, and ate her little lamb.
I killed Goldilocks and ate the three bears,
then dumped the porridge down the stairs.
I pushed Humpty Dumpty off that wall,
I'm the reason for his great fall.
I'm the one who killed Bambi's mother,
that deer tasted like no other.
I put the poison in Snow White's apple,
the blood from the seven dwarfs,
I put in every red Snapple.
I chopped off all of Rapunzel's hair,
yes I know that wasn't fair.
I'm the father of Cinderella's step sisters,
after midnight I gave her some cold sore blisters.
I put Sleeping Beauty fast asleep,
then ran her over in my new Jeep.
Georgie Porgie kissed the girls and made them cry,
that is the reason, he had to die.
Little Miss Muffet ate her curds and whey,
it was my spider who had a Muffet buffet.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
I pushed Jack down and gave Jill a thrill.
Little Red Riding Hood went to Grandma's house,
then the big bad Allen pulled up her red blouse.
The Three Little Pigs never had a chance,
I huffed and puffed and ate pork til I **** my pants.
This old man, he played one,
knick, knack, paddy whack,
then my dog ate his thumb,
There was an Old Woman who lived in a shoe,
then one day, I filled it with crazy glue.
I killed Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy,
inside my head is very, very scary.

Ex Friend
as I look into your eyes
I see through your brilliant disguise
you think you're better than me
stinging people like a bee
once you were a good friend
but that was all just pretend
then you pulled a double cross
made me hotter than Tabasco sauce
you stole my girl and my pride
you even broke my unbreakable stride
I went out and bought a gun
figuring killing you, would be fun
shot you til you were dead
loved watching your exploding head
chopped you up in little bits
in my shoe box, you now fits

Ex Partners

The last time that we spoke,
my life was such a joke.
I'm glad to see you're doing well,
my life has gone straight to hell.
I see you have become very rich,
yes my wife is still a *****.
Must be nice to have fortune and fame,
while I'm stuck in the hall of shame.
You and your trophy wife,
me grabbing for my sharpest knife.
You living high on the hog,
me so hungry, had to eat my dog.
I see you bought a brand new mansion,
they had to repo my trailer expansion.
Your kids are going to the best schools,
my kids go to school on ***** mules.
Remember when we are team,
me not knowing you had a hidden scheme.
Did you know I had a nervous breakdown,
it ****** wearing that hospital gown.
Your wife and kids I have kidnapped,
I left you a ransom note that I wrapped.
I deserve half of your money,
the longer you wait, the more they become ******.
I'm only asking for a measly million,
I think it's worth it for your wife and children.
You better not involve the cops,
I'm so hungry, I could eat them like pork chops.
Put the money in a garbage bag,
tie it tight with an old ***** rag.
Leave it at the place where we first met,
the your family you might get.
I left you a map where to find them,
you only have to eight p.m.
Everything went according to plan,
now I am a very rich man.

if anyone on this site wanna be facebook friends add me allen rhymeaholic wilbert

Facebook Posts

If you can't take the heat,
stay out of the kitchen,
sick of your complaining,
and all your silly *******.
Tired of reading all your rants,
or pictures of your brand new pants.
No reason for all this drama,
save that **** for your mamma.
No more pictures with stupid sayings,
stop counting all your silly blessings.
Don't care what you had for dinner,
it makes me hungry, hard to stay thinner.
Pokes, I get a bunch,
hundreds, and that's before lunch.
Family pictures, I love to see,
but I don't care about your shopping spree.
If you are sick, get well soon,
sometimes even I act like a buffoon.
I read all your Facebook posts,
so does all your family ghosts.
Read some good ones,
read some bad ones,
some **** so bad,
they give me the runs.
I entertain,
but even I sometimes fail,
send me money,
I ended up in Facebook jail.

Famous Poets

I may not be William Blake,
all my poems are mostly fake.
I may not be Robert Burns,
I'm to young to get any positive returns.
I may not be Robert Browning,
but really is anyone counting.
I may not be Emily Dickinson,
I write for shock and for fun.
I may not be Robert Frost,
but I do have my fingers crossed.
I may not be Thomas Hardy,
my mental state is never sturdy.
I may not be James Joyce,
but really did I ever have a choice.
I may not be Henry Wadsworth Longfellow,
wish I had the money to live at a bordello.
I may not be Ogden Nash,
I never have had enough cash.
I may not be Edgar Allan Poe,
but I'm a poet don't you know.
I may not be Mary Darby Robinson,
but at least I'm not a congressman.
I may not be William Shakespeare,
I love to write with not one fear.
I may not be Mark Twain,
but I do love standing in the rain,
I may not be Walt Whitman,
but at least I'm not a ship man.
I may not be William Butler Yeats,
my skills are still up for debates.
All their poems would set you free,
but now their dead, so its up to me.

To expel intestinal gases through the ****.
The definition makes it sound kinda heinous.
Whether you pass wind or pass gas,
either way it comes out your ***.
Farts are loud and some silent but deadly,
you can make it sound like a medley.
Farts are cool and sometimes funny,
lookout for ones that become runny.
Some like to **** in your face,
it may cause pink eye,
and sting like mace.
Farts can smell and usually bad,
must be a duck, says your dad.
I have farts that never stink,
although some were on the brink.
Dog farts will make you take cover,
the smell lingers and starts to hover.
Woman never ****,
but watch out when they do,
it can be brutal,
once their comfortable with you.
If in certain places you must hold it in,
farting in church is considered a sin.
A good **** can make you feel good,
its part of life and fully understood.
Every **** deserves a smile or a giggle,
don't forget to give your *** a shake or a wiggle.
For ones who think farting is disgusting,
I bet your ******* needs a good dusting.

Fat Lady
every time I see you
it makes me puke
you're so ugly
it gives me a *****
you're fat and you're hairy
and so very very scary
can't even look
at your face
even bigfoot
thinks you're a disgrace
you smell like ****
and you got one ***
men see you
then they run
not my fault
you weigh a ton
two thousand pounds
I mean come on
the house shakes
when you yawn
been in bed
over twenty years
you're much bigger
than the local Sears
people watch movies
on your back
rivers flow
down your *** crack
if she sat on you
couldn't hear a thing
this fat lady
just started to sing

Fight Club
Kicking *** and taking names,
laying ground work and staking claims.
One punch and down you go,
all it takes is one fatal blow.
****** fists and a broken nose,
wearing spikes and stomping toes.
****** lip and two black eyes,
getting kicked between the thighs.
You only lose if you tap,
make me bleed, and watch me snap.
Haven't lost a single fight,
don't matter if you're black or white.
We have over a thousand members,
all takes place in chained chambers.
Do you think you have what it takes,
no time outs, or any breaks.
No Edward Norton or Brad Pitt,
no need for a fighting permit.
This fight club has no rules,
I love kicking in the family jewels.
You fight friends, you fight foes,
that's just the way it goes.
Come join our exclusive fight club,
just don't forget your ticket stub.

Final Goodbye

No one cares if I live or die,
even friends can't look me in the eye,
don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nobody left to trust,
living in total disgust,
winds are beginning to gust.
No god, no devil, no heaven, no hell,
on that, I never dwell,
all I can say is, oh well.
Not worth even living,
never taking, always giving,
six feet under, I'm digging.
Goals and dreams, I'll never achieve,
we all practice to deceive,
life makes me want to heave.
I will never have any money,
don't laugh, it's not funny,
always dark, never sunny.
Just wishing I was dead,
one bullet to the head,
my whole life, I've been mislead.
I'm just living on borrowed time,
up hill, I'll always climb,
feeling like a piece of slime.
As I await my final breath,
all I do is beg for death,
all I wanted was some respect.
I will now say my last goodbye,
I don't need to explain why,
I gave living my best try.

Finally Happy

People Change,
back stabbing friends.
Dysfunctional family,
black sheep paradise.
Smoke my stuff,
drink my beer.
Watch my movies,
listen to my music.
Lost my mind,
three or four times.
On the right medication,
now back on the track.
Money, wish I had more,
I'm happy where I'm at.
Born in Jersey,
moved to Maryland.
then back to Jersey,
now in sunny Florida.
Met the love of my life,
it only took forty long years.
Have two kids, that I adore,
Amber and Tyler, forever more.
Happy with my current life,
gave the fame and fortune pursuit.
I'm happy to love, and happy to be loved,
**** everything else.

Five Personalities

First one is very mean,
runs down people in his car,
shoots anyone walking the streets,
gets drunk and beats his family for fun.
Second one is sometimes depressed,
cries all day, cries all night,
too afraid, can't leave home,
paranoid to the extreme.
Third one is god like,
not a thing he can't do,
knows answers to every question,
snaps his finger, girls come running.
Forth one is dumb and ******,
can't remember his own name,
smokes all day, smokes all night,
stupid is what stupid does.
Fifth one is a puppy dog,
barks at knocks on the door,
licks his water on all fours,
****** and poops in the back yard.
No medicine can help his cause,
too unstable to stand trial.
Lives in a mental institution,
wears a strait jacket til he dies.

Follow Me
Follow me to the promise land,
come with me and take my hand.
There is no work, just play,
never any bill to pay.
Good things will happen, in your life,
no more living, on the edge of a knife.
I've played with fire, and got burned,
on the right track, I finally turned.
Take a good look, inside of your heart,
don't let hate, tear you apart.
Trust me to decide your fate,
tomorrow may be way to late.
Can't tell you, where we're going,
but beautiful rivers, will be flowing.
Green grass, everywhere you look,
this isn't a movie, or a silly book.
It's only up around the bend,
this place, I highly recommend.
I discovered this place years ago,
now pack your ****, it's time to go.
When we get there, you will see,
never will you feel so free.
All non believers, can burn in hell,
for I am Jesus, can't you tell.