Three Special People

Maybe I don't do enough,
life is hell and really rough.
Maybe I don't show enough appreciation,
but trust me, you got my undivided attention.
Sometimes I don't kiss you, before bed,
on those nights, I wish for dead.
Finding you was worth the wait,
our times together, has been more than great.
It's true, we don't always get along,
but we all know, we're where we belong.
I miss every second you're not around,
a flood of tears, I've often drowned.
If you only knew how I really feel,
You are the ones who spin my wheel.
Sorry I don't keep every promise,
in the game of life, I'm just a novice.
I hope you know, I try my best,
with each passing day, I feel more blessed.
All three of you, I consider so special,
you all are so very essential.
One of you, I see everyday,
I love you, I always say.
Two of you, I wish could see more,
I'm so sorry, but trust me I truly adore.
If only things could be different,
it isn't easy being a long distant parent.
Nothing for you all, I wouldn't do,
all three of you are quite the view.
We all have so much fun together,
when all with me, life can't get no better.
So much love for my favorite trio,
we would make one hell of a reality show.
The sound of your voice, brings me a smile,
all your faces, I keep in a mental file.
Who ever says I don't love you, is a liar,
by the way, I'm talking about Laura, Amber and Tyler.

Legalize it

Sitting down jamming to Van Halen,
maybe flying, but more like sailing.
Smoked, maybe just a little bud,
whatever it was, certainly not a dud.
This visuals are out of sight,
best thing that happened, all **** night.
Lose yourself in a guitar solo,
nobody leads, we all just follow.
In own house, forget where you are,
this journey has gone a bit to far.
Air guitar is losing its touch,
maybe smoked a bit to much.
Also had a bit to drink,
hard now to even think.
Just legalize it already,
no more cutting corners like Freddy.
Tax the the living hell of of it,
soon after, no more deficit.
Side effects include, fun and joy,
brain cells get a temporary destroy.
Cotton mouth and the munchies,
no more wars in foreign countries.
Laziness and blood shot eye,
but at no time will you die.
Some drowsiness and falling asleep,
but to ****** to remember how many sheep.
May lead to other drugs,
or even getting naked hugs.
When legalized, I'd be first in line,
only then will life fully shine.

Who Am I

I'm outrageous, sometimes heinous,
but very highly contagious.
I'm crazy, some so lazy,
won't stop till I push up a daisy.
I'm in my prime, since the age of nine,
not a word, I can't rhyme.
Can't show gain, without some pain,
my **** don't flush down a drain.
I'm a tease, I aim to please,
if I take your picture, you better say cheese.
I'm very fictitious, even more suspicious,
get me mad and I can very vicious.
I love my pen, write words if I can,
don't need you telling me when.
I'm a believer, an under achiever,
my heat could lead to a fever.
I love to scare, leaving you in despair,
no one will or ever try and compare.
I'm a cool guy, foxes think I'm sly,
on you, I will always spy.
I answer prayers, I fix all repairs,
no one will ever peel my layers.
My hairy ***, must be mowed like grass,
my ****** berries are worth more than brass.
Don't ever mess with me, your soul I will set free,
me, myself and I makes three.
See me standing, after my crash landing,
my vocabulary is daily expanding.
Eyes wide open, heart never broken,
not sure why, but I was chosen.
Why even compete, I can't be beat,
my name is on many of street.
I'm under rated, girlfriend is inflated,
all your wishes are very belated.
I'm the name of many towns,
conceited as it may sounds,
my spirit over you surrounds.

Wrongfully Accused

Everybody wants to know,
what happened so long ago.
It was a day just like this,
been awhile since I had to reminisce.
Got in my car and went to work,
back then, I was such a ****.
Me and my wife had a huge fight,
it went on, all the past night.
Long before cell phones and beepers,
never even knew, she had some peepers.
Came home from a long day, with roses,
the house was destroyed by explosives.
Neighbors said they heard arguing,
all last night, till the morning.
No one saw any strange people,
after I left, everything seemed so peaceful.
I was questioned, then taken away,
put in prison, for quite a long stay.
Begged the judge for some mercy,
they found me guilty in a hurry.
Spent five long years in prison hell,
each night I was violated in my cell.
Then one day other houses started to explode,
all wives went on a lock down mode.
The evidence was so overwhelming,
meanwhile my ******* was swelling.
After six long years, I was finally released,
couldn't wait to get a real super feast.
Then I went on a man hunt,
this guys *****, I'm gonna punt.
Then there he was a peeping tom,
carrying what looks to be some kind of bomb.
Thought about calling the police,
but I figured, I could handle this ugly man who was bald and obese.
This guy never saw me coming,
his **** crack, made me think he was plumbing.
I grabbed the fat ****, with gun in mouth,
it was him, I had no doubt.
I saw him before stalking my neighborhood,
what I'm gonna do to him will not be good.
Shot the ******* in the face,
his memory got a quick erase.
Brains splattered all over the ground,
his body was never found.
Stuck his fat *** in my trunk,
went to the bar and got super drunk.
Put him in the nearest lake,
still I had a major heartache.
I will say this, I never have pooped like this before,
but now my nightmares haunt me even more.

The Man

There once was a man from Nantucket,
kept all his cash in his lucky bucket.
Has a daughter Fran, who is gay,
ran off with a girl named May.
He followed them to Pawtucket,
the two girls with his lucky bucket.
She said to the man,
thanks for your daughter Fran.
The two girls followed the man to Manhasset,
where he still has his bucket as an asset.
Then May and her lover Fran,
stoke the bucket and off they ran.
The man was in a state of shock,
luckily for him he had a very long ****.
No more bucket, no more money,
he walked home with his eyes runny.
Now he has a new career,
he became a Walmart cashier.
Now he is the man from Nantucket,
with a **** so long, he could **** it.
He would always have a grin,
as he cleaned the *** from his chin.
If only his ear was a ****,
even he admits, it's one hell of a stunt.
His ear, badly he wants to **** it,
and save all the *** in his new lucky bucket.

Good And Bad

It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times,
hope you're ready,
for a whole new set of rhymes.
Met a girl, name was Sue,
she got me hard, then left my ***** blue.
Cooked me a huge steak, with a side of carrots,
took a bite and out came lots of maggots.
Getting ready for a hot date,
guess not coming, being two hours late.
Having your kids say I love you,
then telling them, the plans fell through.
Cuddling with your favorite boy or girl,
then on your face they start to hurl.
Driving and singing a cool *** song,
getting pulled over and they find your ****.
Hope to get lucky with all this flirtation,
then get naked and have premature *******.
Bottom of the ninth and winning by two,
making an error and they score a few.
Talking a shower that's nice and hot,
only to find a peeper, your friend Scott.
Writing the great American novel,
but you have to rewrite, you forgot a vowel.
Sitting, relaxing having a cold beer,
all alone, friends just slowly disappear.
Buying a new tv with high definition,
two days later you lose your vision.
Having a car that's fully loaded,
wiring recall, then it exploded.
Future being so bright,
then darkness blocks your sight.
Waking up and it's hot and sunny,
can't go out with no **** money.
Enjoying the indoors, with air condition,
ankle bracelet and still on probation.
Good and bad things will always be there,
it's all in how you mentally prepare.

Rhyme Master

I'm a joke, I like to smoke, always broke,
sometimes I stroke, over easy, I like my yolk.
I'm a walking collision, always needing supervision,
my personality is a split decision,
I was sixteen when I had my circumcision.
I strive to go far, gonna reach for every star,
life can be very bizarre, my brain has a giant scar,
got my hand stuck in the cookie jar.
I'm on a secret mission, but with no ambition,
I hate tradition, don't believe in superstition,
I think I deserve more recognition.
Writing with my lucky pen, no ***** for poor Ken,
there were no three wise men, not now and not then,
I'm gonna be rich, but not sure when.
Forgot more than most will know,
I hate when I stub my big toe,
everyone sometimes will eat crow,
once a month a woman will flow,
I love to watch my ***** grow.
Haven't seen snow in three years,
if not for cable, we'd be using rabbit ears,
some movies put me in tears,
consider my rhymes souvenirs,
I like getting a buzz from drinking beers.
Hate the day, love the night, no need for a stupid light,
I hate to fight, with no teeth, it's hard to bite,
I do things out of spite, believe it or not, I'm white,
my future is about to take flight.
You never had a choice, I never had a Joyce,
my words are my voice, it's time for all to rejoice,
as I drive away in my new Rolls Royce.
I do as I please, as you all pray on your knees,
life is never a breeze,
can't eat hot wings without blue cheese,
living in Florida, I never freeze.
Will never own a gun, love having fun,
life has just begun, the loneliest number is one,
stick a fork in me, because I'm done.

I Wanna Be A Poet

My writing is very strange,
no one has more range.
I've got my pen, in hand,
my poems are, in demand.
I use paper, it's my source,
I'm a pppppoet, of course.
I wanna be a poet,
and you can be my poetess,
I'm the best you all must confess.
Writing on the paper,
planning my next caper.
Follow me on Twitter,
on Facebook, I'm a heavy hitter.
Writing in my notebook,
figuring my newest hook.
I feel so **** *****,
can't help but being flirty.
I wanna be a poet,
and you can be my poetess,
writing will always be my business.
Feeling like a here,
I used to be a zero.
Six pens on my side,
in case some get dried.
Smoking my favorite cigarette,
listening to music on cassette.
Blowing rings with the smoke,
how it ***** being so broke.
Somewhere over the rainbow,
is a *** filled with green dough.
Other poets on the warpath,
because they always feel my wrath.
I wanna be a poet,
and you can be my poetess,
my rhymes have been known to cause dizziness.
My name is Fred,
and one day, I'll be dead yo yo.
Boys Don't Cry, was a one hit wonder,
I just gave that song some poetic thunder.
I used to love that silly song,
Youtube the video, and tell me I'm wrong.
I wanna be a poet,
and you can be my poetess,
my only goal is to simply impress.

Just My Job

I chop off hands, I chop off feet,
I'm the kind of guy, you don't wanna meet.
I chop off legs, I chop off arms,
if you wanna help, I'll take turns.
I chop off *****, I chop off *****,
I freeze the parts with ice cubes.
I gouge out eyes, I chop off ears,
don't worry I use sanitized sharp sheers.
I cut out your kidneys, I cut out your liver,
Cannibals pay me good to deliver.
I chop off your *****, I cut out your heart,
then put them all in a shopping cart.
You may ask yourself why cannibals,
because they eat humans, like we eat mammals.
I peel off your skin, then chop off your head,
they eat your skin with some mayo and bread.
The payment plan is very well,
if it wasn't, I would never sell.
Times are tough in this recession,
please don't get the wrong impression.
This has become my career and passion,
sorry that I show no mercy or compassion.
I lure people into my home,
started with a salesman selling chrome.
Jehovah Witnesses are easy victims,
I guess you can say I have serial killer symptoms.
I sell the blood to all the hungry vampires,
if you could only read my secret diaries.
If anyone you know is considered missing,
it's because of me going fishing.
Cannibals give me a people list,
I'm doing Gods work with a twist.
Ten years and going strong,
I guess, what I'm doing is wrong.
People please don't judge what I do,
or my next victim, could be you.

Doc Allen

Hello nurse, how does our day look,
pretty busy Doctor Allen.
Well send me in the first patient,
hello Mr. Davis, how may I help you,
well doc, I have a problem getting a *******.
Well sir you have Erectile Dysfunction,
or better know as impotence.
I will write you a prescription for ******,
try them for a week, if they don't work,
have your wife come in and I will satisfy her needs.
Next patient, Nurse Lucy,
His name is well we don't know he has Amnesia.
Oh goody, hello do you know who you are, nope,
do you know where you're from, nope,
do you know anything, nope.
Well sir there are no pills,
but I will try something.
Now this may hurt a lot,
I'm gonna whack you with a hammer.
Ouch doc, hey I remember now,
my name is Bob and I'm from Boston, thanks doc.
Nurse Lucy, who's next,
it's Susan and she has Tourette Syndrome,
oh boy, another winner.
Hello Susan how are you today,
good doc, ****, ****, *******.
Wow does this happen often,
about twice a day, ****, ***, ****.
Well Susan there is no cure,
but you must relax more,
try some yoga and meditation,
now slutty, *****, *****, get the **** out.
Nurse Lucy, who's next, Lance he has Leprosy,
wow what a day this is.
Hello Lance, how are you today,
I'm good but I'm falling apart.
I see that your finger just fell on my desk,
sorry doc, it's getting worse,
I already lost my *****.
Well Lance there is nothing worse than that,
there is one known treatment.
It's called Gotu Kola, it doesn't cure it,
but it will slow it down.
Oh god sir, your ear just fell in my coffee,
we'll have to order it, but in the mean time,
try not to lose your head.
Nurse Lucy, anyone else,
one more Doctor Allen and it's me,
I need *** real bad.
Bend me over the desk,
and pound me good,
Nurse Lucy,
I thought you'd never ask.

I

Grab my pen and paper and write down some words,
**** the green trees and all the colorful birds.
I write about destruction and pain,
I love wind, thunder, lightning and heavy rain.
I write about ******, I write about ****,
just for fun, it's a good mental escape.
I write about love, when in the mood,
*** is better when in the ****.
I write about me as often as I can,
why not I am the greatest man.
I write about blood gushing from your chest,
it helps me relax, when feeling stressed.
I love to scare, I love to shock,
my words are better than my talk.
I write about my kids, but not enough,
I love writing while in the buff.
I write about the woman I love,
when we fight, I wanna get rid of.
I write about alcohol, drugs and pills,
after buying them, I can't afford my bills.
I write about friends, real or fake,
their all sneaky, slimy, just like a snake,
I can make you smile and giggle,
I love watching a girl wiggle.
If you like me than great,
but it's ok if me you hate.
Writing sets my mind at ease,
I beg you to buy my book please.
I alone made Facebook what it is today,
my rough life has turned my hair gray.
I love to brag, I love to boast,
I deserve a Comedy Central Roast.
One last thing before I go,
my car broke down, can someone give me a tow.

Smelly Feet

In the sun, feel the heat,
and the odor of my smelly feet.
All people squeezing their nose,
from the cheese between my toes.
Shoes melted on the road,
smell spreading to the next zip code.
Even I'm wearing a gas mask,
sipping whiskey from my flask.
Feet burning as I start to run,
stick a fork in them, they're done.
Still a mile left to go,
I can see my feet as they glow.
Leaving melting skin far behind,
left sunglasses home and going blind.
Hot tar starting to melt,
I'd do anything for a conveyor belt.
Soaking feet when I get home,
Pretty soon, I will see bone.
My house is just down the block,
vultures circling as they stalk.
Getting worse is the odor,
laughing at me is the Caddyshack gopher.
The Rock wants to know what I'm cooking,
it's my feet, that is brewing.
The smell is spreading worldwide,
my feet are now Kentucky fried.
People cheer as I reach my door,
**** my feet are very sore.
Sprayed my feet with tough acting Tinactin,
burned so bad it melted the rest of my skin.
Soaked my bones in cold water,
never have I felt a road more hotter.
Sprayed Fabreze for about an hour,
then I took a long cold shower.
Moonshine and pain pills dull my pain,
it was my own fault so can't complain.
Now I wear special shoes,
my smelly ***** feet even made the news.

Cliche

Life ***** then you die,
try and laugh, no need to cry.
Everyday is a new beginning,
can't keep my head from spinning.
Life's a journey, not a destination,
waiting for my train at the local station.
Same ole ****, different day,
always do things your own way.
Don't you hate when that happens,
food on face, with no napkins.
Try walking in someone else's shoes,
it doesn't really matter who's.
Don't worry, be happy,
no need to be snappy.
Always do as your told,
that cliche is getting old.
Another day, another dollar,
midgets are people too, just smaller.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you,
unless of course it's filled with poo.
You can't always get what you want,
but when you do, always flaunt.
Every rose has its thorn,
why does **** look like corn.
Find the light at the end of the tunnel,
I badly want a mistletoe belt buckle.
Don't know what you got, till it's gone,
if you got brains, you don't need brawn.
Love will find a way,
I once heard a band say.
Fame is only fifteen minutes long,
where you're at, is where you belong.
Friends come and friends go,
but it's family, you will always watch grow.
There is always a mountain, you must climb,
everyone will commit at least one crime.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it,
if you have a son, buy him a baseball mitt.
Only believe in what you see,
bad things always happen in three.
Don't always believe what you hear or read,
red blood, is what we all bleed.
Knock, knock who's there,
before you open, please beware.
Knick, knack, paddy, whack,
all girls love a good *** smack.
Money don't grow on trees,
in life there are no guarantees.

The Pope

I'm a high powered man of the cloth,
when I get *****, I stick my thing in cold chicken broth.
I can't have ***, I can't have ***,
but sometimes I send an anonymous text.
The Vatican should be called The Vatican't,
sorry for this unfortunate rant.
Not sure how much more I can take,
under my robe is a venomous snake.
People all day like to kiss my ring,
when girls kiss it, it starts to spring.
Having no *** is driving me bad,
going crazy and making me mad.
I can't have ***, I can't have ***,
why did god give me this hex.
Slept with a nun in my ******* last night,
it felt so good and she was so tight.
Whenever a girl smiles or starts to flirt,
under my robe, I begin to squirt.
Sometimes when my ***** get blue,
I kneel down at the nearest pew.
I can't have ***, I can't have ***,
this religion is so **** complex.
I get driven around in this bullet proof trough,
I got the only gun that might go off.
Why did I become a catholic priest,
I'd even take a girl, with infection of yeast.
Last night in bed, I decided to sin,
it was time to rip out the firing pin.
I stroked it once, I stroked it twice,
I must say it felt very nice.
Seconds later out shot my *****,
dripping down my body like a slimy worm.
From this day on, I felt like a new man,
I now do it as often as I can.
Tired of having soap on a rope,
******* it, I'm the ******* pope.
No more underwear under my robe,
hard to tell, next time I'll wanna probe.
I can't have ***, I can't have ***,
cause if I do, god won't sign my checks.

9 Years

Blood dripping from the walls,
getting nothing but crank calls.
Doors squeaking like never before,
not a chance, you could ignore.
Doors locked, windows won't break,
the house is now beginning to shake.
Moans coming from the attic,
nothing has ever been this dramatic.
Hearing noises from the basement,
dead bodies rising from the cement.
All the food is covered with maggots,
what is causing all this madness.
Hiding in the bedroom closet,
my body they want as a deposit.
Are they zombies or vampires,
maybe ghosts creating empires.
So scared, I **** my pants,
my body parts will become transplants.
This is the night of the living dead,
house built on a cemetery, so the demons said.
They tore the closet door wide open,
I stood there without a single motion.
They start to eat me piece by piece,
I could see my soul release.
The blood from the walls was mine,
the years I've been dead is nine.
For nine years, I've hid from hell,
I always wondered why I always had a bad smell.

Not Sure

Not sure about the future,
it gets no better, is the rumor.
Not sure about the past,
it sure did go by fast.
Not sure about the present,
right now, I'm popping a tent.
Not sure about the time,
how long do we stay in prime.
Not sure about me,
on that issue, I'll bargain a plea.
Not sure about you,
a friendship still under review.
Not sure how we got here,
someday we will all disappear.
Not sure what life's about,
but I can still make the girls shout.
Not sure about money,
having none, makes eyes runny.
Not sure about ***,
or when I'll get it next.
Not sure about the weather,
when it's cold, I wear my leather.
Not sure why I wrote this,
why are there holes in Swiss.
Not sure about what's real,
or why my skin I like to peel.
Not sure if you're aware,
if I loose my *****, I have a spare.
Not sure if any of this makes sense,
just putting in my two cents.

Treat Me Bad

I like to be treated bad,
slapping my face, won't make me mad.
Smack my *** with a whip,
in frozen water, I'd skinny dip.
Hit me with your stupid car,
watch me as I fly real far.
Go ahead and kick me in the *****,
push me over Niagara Falls.
Shoot me with your favorite gun,
I'll just get back up and start to run.
Stab me with a knife in the back,
I'll dull the pain by smoking crack.
Hit me with a baseball bat,
make me eat a rabid rat.
Squeeze my ***** and bite my ****,
make me a watch a boring chick flick.
I'll eat liver that is raw,
punch me hard and break my jaw.
Throw me through the toughest window,
use me as bait, just like a minnow.
Chop off my fingers and my toes,
I'll find a way to wipe my *** and pick my nose.
Whatever happens, I will survive,
I may be late but I'll eventually arrive.
Toss me from the tallest building,
I'm always ready, able and willing.
I love torture, I love pain,
I run with the bulls, when in Spain.
I love when people yell at me,
I'll eat your **** and drink your ***.
I've been tarred-and-feathered,
that was a moment, I truly treasured.
I've been bloodied, I've been bruised,
offered band aids, but always refused.
You might find me a bit strange,
but I'm homeless and will do anything for spare change.

Hypnotized

I wondered that one day,
what words I might say.
An event so catastrophic,
I became so hypnotic.
Never saw anything like this,
not something you'd wanna miss.
A phenomenon like no other,
not sure I'd ever recover.
Not something easily explained,
not a soul could be blamed.
People just stopped to stare,
something was just in the air.
These things only happen to someone else,
no words could ever try to express.
A drama turned disaster,
hair turned white as plaster.
Life flashing before the eyes,
stomach filled with butterflies.
As the world stood silently still,
you could feel a bitter chill.
No one knows how or why,
never got to say good-bye.
Everyone in a sudden awe,
felt like an episode of Monday Night Raw.
No one knows exactly what happened,
everyone felt so lost and abandoned.
People couldn't take eyes off the news,
was this real or just a ruse.
Hiding tears with sunglasses,
was billions of the masses.
Possibly the darkest day in history,
everyone had their own theory.
Sometimes you just never know,
there's an ending to every great show.
Mine ended on that fateful night,
no more words left to write.
No one ever saw it coming,
peoples hearts were rapidly pumping.
I went to sleep and never woke up,
filled with sorrow was everyone's cup.
As the world began to mourn,
one day I will be reborn.
Death feels like a hypnotic trance,
I'll return for a second chance.
As I look down from the clouds,
I watch over all the saddened crowds.
Unlike Jesus, I shall return,
still a lot of life left to learn.

The Stripper

When time is of the essence,
I await your overdue presence.
When you're not here, I'm so alone,
*****, how could you lose your phone.
I hate not knowing where you are,
tonight I'm gonna make your ***** purr.
You borrow my car and I get scared,
I've already had it twice repaired.
Your beauty is unmatched,
no other couple is more attached.
When you moved in, I was nervous,
to any kind of pain, we are impervious.
All massages have a happy ending,
on Twitter, our love is now trending.
You love to cook, I love to clean,
I'm always nice, you're always mean.
You were a stripper when we first met,
I was very rich and you were in debt.
I bailed you out from your jam,
now I'm in trouble with Uncle Sam.
We are broke, but we have each other,
soon we'll be out from this cloud cover.
Maybe it's time to go back stripping,
even though my eyes will be dripping.
For a second job, I'll sell drugs,
I know plenty of **** and thugs.
Now our life is back on track,
we will always have each others back.
Now you got a new phone and a car,
then you ran off with an upcoming rock star.
That's the story of my life,
so I stabbed that ***** with my knife.

Better Than You

Anytime, anyplace,
I will kick you in your face.
Anyhow, anywhere,
I will leave you in despair.
You name the place, tell me the time,
there isn't a word I can't rhyme.
Not a chance, I will loose,
your words leave a mental bruise.
I'm gods gift to the pen,
you have smaller ***** than Ken.
Don't hate the player, hate the game,
by now you all know my name.
I'm not a poet or a rapper,
just a rhymer, writer and a scrapper.
I entertain you with my catchy hooks,
it helps that I have sensational looks.
You're nothing but a fudge packing **** pirate,
oh I'm sorry, was that supposed to be private.
You can't mess with the rhyme master,
what a shame you turned into a disaster.
I've taught you everything you know,
but I left out the part how to properly flow.
You were my pupil, you tried to go alone,
like Medusa, I turned you into stone.
The **** you write, no one reads,
to me everyone eventually concedes.
You're like Pepsi, I'm like Coke,
I'm an unsolvable riddle, you're just a joke.
As I stand here waiting for the duel,
the longer I wait, the more I fuel.
I see you lurking in the shadows,
you're heading right for the gallows.
This is your last chance to surrender,
I commend you for trying to be a contender.
But as I suspected, I'm better than you,
I left your underwear brown, and your ***** blue.

Darkened Room

Woke up in a darkened room,
with a smell of bitter gloom.
Searching for some kind of light,
no match or lighter to ignite.
Felt around for a switch,
sometimes life is a *****.
Stuck in a room with no door,
like a canoe with no oar.
Voices I can hear faintly,
all I can do is wait patiently.
Yelling for help with no reply,
left in the dark with no supply.
Not any food, not any drink,
just plenty of time to ponder and think.
In the corner I took a ****,
how did I end up in this abyss.
Hoping this is only a nightmare,
knowing soon, I'll run out of air.
Banging my head up against the wall,
air inflating faster than a punctured beach ball.
As I start to pass out,
I can hear people shout.
Woke up in a puddle of smelly sweat,
it was just a bad dream,
just not my kind of wet.

Dynamic Duo

I write you this letter,
hoping to make things better.
Not really sure what happened,
it wasn't quite what I imagined.
We were once the best of friends,
what can I do to make amends.
You don't answer my telephone calls,
did you suddenly loose your *****.
Not sure what I did so wrong,
thought our friendship was very strong.
We used to do everything together,
not a storm we couldn't weather.
Now I'm bored and feeling alone,
will you please just throw me a bone.
My once pal, I hope you're not my enemy,
remember when we planned to **** Kennedy,
Then we killed and buried Jimmy Hoffa,
we drowned our guilt with a bottle of *****.
I'm starting to worry, maybe you're missing,
remember all the girls we shared kissing.
We had a ******* every night,
our future was so bright.
I miss our random killing spree,
nothing made us feel more free.
We were called the dynamic duo,
now I'm just riding solo.
I picked up a newspaper and what did I see,
you were found at the bottom of the sea.
Now I know why you never returned my text,
I better run or I'll be next.
No reason to send this letter now,
then one day while milking my cow,
the F.B.I. gave me a visit,
I had no get out of jail ticket.
I got sentenced to the penalty of death,
I wish we were together when we took our last breath.

Rhyme Mechanic

When talking to me, wear a hard hat,
or on your face, you'll fall flat.
I'm the ****, and I'm where it's at.
People get down on your knees,
or I'll chop you down, like dead trees,
I never promise or make guarantees.
I take the roads less traveled,
never confused and rarely baffled,
in my web, you all get tangled.
None of you can compete,
I like girls that are petite,
never will I take a back seat.
It's me that people always follow,
the girls I meet always swallow,
so what if I'm very shallow.
I'm all that and a bag of chips,
my head's so big, everyday is an eclipse,
no one has a bigger bag of tricks.
I have an ego to the highest power,
I bloom more than any kind of flower,
don't mess with me, or I'll devour.
No other person is close to me,
I sting worse than a bumble bee,
to all the secrets, I hold the key.
Not my fault my head is big,
mess with me and I'll stuff you like a pig,
I shoot loads like an oil rig.
I'll break your heart and rip out your soul,
you can't touch me with a ten foot pole,
my life is always in cruise control.
This is me when I'm feeling manic,
no need to worry, no need to panic,
just call me the rhyme mechanic.

Mr. Publish Man

Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr. publish man, please tell me this ain't a scam.
I've talking a liking to what you're saying,
I just hope it's me you start paying.
Is this a dream or is it a fact,
I need to know, before I sign the contract.
Don't take a lot of time to think about,
please tell me that you have no doubt.
Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr. publish man, please tell me you really give a ****.
I hope that you become my friend,
and help my poems become a trend.
This reads like words on my paper,
don't make me part of your latest caper.
Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr. publish man, please don't email me with your spam.
Sell a lot of books, and go on a book singing world tour,
cause when it rains, it's followed by a pour.
Make a lot of money and sell lots of books,
I got plenty of rhymes and catchy hooks.
Have a lot of fun and hang with my fans,
I've already made lots of future plans.
I'm in for the money, I'm in for the show,
are you gonna help me make lots of dough.
Mr. publish man, do you know who I am,
Mr publish man, please don't make me a sacrificial lamb.

Random Sampling

Coughing up a lung,
sticking out my tongue.
Looking up her skirt,
dropped my pencil in the dirt.
Watching movies just for fun,
I will never own a gun.
Cat **** on the floor,
kicked it out the door.
Jake The Snake and The Macho Man,
will forever be a wresting fan.
Heavy metal and hard rock,
Skid Row's singer was Sebastian Bach.
New Jersey's pizza is the best,
it would beat New York's in any taste test.
Slept with girls, I didn't like,
soon after, I made them take a hike.
Never slept with a man,
if the money was right, I guess I can.
Love all my family and friends,
mess with them and I will defends.
Done some killer drugs,
stuck screwdrivers in some plugs.
I love paper, I love pen,
I'm more smart than the Three Wise Men.
Pina Colada's in Margaitaville,
then I take the bitter pill.
I still love eighties music,
it's relaxing and therapeutic.
Baseball is my favorite sport,
the Phillies, I will always support.
The next Super Bowl will be held in San Quentin,
***** girls take it on the chin.
I had a few nervous breakdowns,
I've put on a few to many pounds.
Allen does what Allen wants,
how's that for my final response.

You

Eyes are blue like the sky,
you're with me and I wonder why.
You became my best friend,
we'll be together till the end.
For you I'd do anything,
you're my queen, I'm your king.
I love you with all my heart,
when you sleep, you always ****.
My kids and you are all I have,
you love the way, I make you laugh.
You have a magical touch,
I love you so very much.
Even when life goes wrong,
all the bad things make us strong.
In the bed, we love to cuddle,
after ***, you leave a puddle.
We disagree on many subjects,
being in love is always complex.
Living together has many rewards,
our love making has won many awards.
You are so very beautiful,
even though you can be delusional.
We fight more than we should,
when I see you, I still get wood.
Money we don't have much of,
it doesn't matter cause we're in love.

People Beware

I'm toothless,
I'm ruthless.
I'm out of control,
I have no heart, I have no soul.
I will do whatever I please,
I'm sarcastic, and I like to tease.
I'm narcissistic,
I'm pessimistic.
I live in sin,
I'm out to win.
I will lie, cheat and steal,
all the girls, I make squeal.
I'm awesome,
I'm gruesome.
Horror movies make me laugh,
love watching actors get cut in half.
Some love me, some hate me,
either way, I'm always free.
I'm conceited,
I'm depleted.
Better keep out of my way,
don't trust me, I will betray.
I have a warped sense of humor,
it's all true, what they rumor.
I'm ****,
I'm numb.
I have no feelings,
all my secrets, I'm concealing.
Most of you are just jealous,
no one is more rebellious.
I'm eccentric,
I'm electric.
No one is more crazy,
girls think that I'm tasty.
All people better beware,
for what I'm about to prepare.

Just The Way It Is

Sitting watching the time go by,
tears dripping from my eye,
another day wondering why.
Can't handle another day of this,
memories that I can't dismiss,
falling deeper into the abyss.
Nothing ever goes my way,
so many bills left to pay,
this all sounds so cliche.
Hazel eyes turning black,
can never get any slack,
maybe it's time to see my quack.
Life on a downward spiral,
not a person left to dial,
down Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Up ***** creek with no paddle,
life is nothing more than a baffle,
riding a race horse with no saddle.
I'm bewildered and dumbfounded,
with my demons, I'm always surrounded,
can't move, feels like I'm grounded.
With each passing day, it gets worse,
somebody please break this curse,
wishing life would go in reverse.
Start over from the beginning,
go back to the very first inning,
can't stop my head from spinning.
Wanna die, but to afraid,
pro's and con's, I have weighed,
like usual, I am dismayed.
This thing called life, I just can't figure,
the hole I dug, can't get no bigger,
no guts to pull the trigger.
Instead, I will just go on living,
never taking, but always giving,
can't fathom any type of meaning.
As I bid you a fond farewell,
my secrets, I will never tell,
life sure is a living hell.

Smelly Red Neck

I knew a man who was a smelly red neck,
this poor fellow was always having a wreck.
Two whole teeth and can barely read,
drinks his ***** and smokes his ****.
Blind in one eye, can't see out the other,
his sister is also his mother.
It's a family filled with ******,
born and raised in the southern mid-west.
Twelve toes and eight fingers,
grandma ***** by a gang of *******.
He was mostly white, with a ******* *****,
Daisy Duke calls him Enos.
Hair is red, ***** are blue,
when it comes to words, he knows a few.
Can't drive a car, can't ride a bike,
strongly believes in the Third *****.
Dumber than an old door ****,
never had a ******* job.
The laughing stock of the town,
underwear is always sticky brown.
Has one ear and three *******,
even gets picked on by the cripples.
Ten feet tall, with an IQ of twenty,
gets hard when he sees a penny.
Family was killed in a tractor accident,
there he sat naked in an over-sized cabinet.
Being molested by every perverted predator,
started to crack from all the pressure.
Grabs a gun and goes out shooting,
it's the devils work and he was recruiting.
Police came and shot him dead,
saying **** he had a ******* head.

Frozen Pond

Buried deep under a frozen pond,
lies a brunette, red head and a blonde.
The brunette lived a simple life,
her name was Mary and my first wife.
Got married young, at age nineteen,
I was a king, she was my queen.
Caught her sleeping with my brother,
so naturally, I slept with her mother.
In the winter we went ice skating,
drilled out a hole, while I was awaiting.
As she got close, I pushed her in,
if only the ***** had a fin.
Two years later met a red headed beauty,
she was a little nuts and a lot fruity.
Ginger was this psychos name,
once again my brother was to blame.
Caught them in his back seat,
he played tricks, she gave him treats.
On the frozen pond we took a walk,
smashed a hole with a giant rock.
Pushed her in till she was under,
she screamed louder than Florida thunder.
My brother the blonde, his name Jake,
loved to go to that frozen lake.
Playing hockey with his friends,
him and his fancy Mercedes Benz.
One day we were passing the puck,
a hole in the ice and he got stuck.
I said, sorry brother but you deserve,
to fall in while I stand and observe.
Now my life is complete,
girls now know better than to cheat.

Remember When

Remember days that were simple,
nothing to do but pop a pimple.
Graduating from high school,
everyone thinking the're so cool.
Going on a first date,
worrying about being overweight.
Having *** for the first time,
never called again, what a slime.
Driving in your first car,
partying like a rock star.
Then it's off to college,
beer and *** produces knowledge.
Some go off to the military,
having friends that are imaginary.
Then a job or even a career,
not a worry, not a fear.
Future so bright, must wear shades,
life becoming more like charades.
Get married and have a baby,
then the spouse always says maybe.
Start fooling around with a neighbor,
snorting coke on a piece of paper.
Life never becomes what's expected,
family and friends becoming neglected.
Now divorced and feeling alone,
life spiraling like a cyclone.
Drug abuse got out of control,
in jail waiting for parole.
Never again seeing that child,
when first born you cried and smiled.
Can't find work and being broke,
when did life become a joke.
Wishing life went back to simple,
when toughest choice was what color sprinkle.
If had to do all over again,
You'd believe in god and say amen.

Ever Wonder

Ever wonder how and why,
never getting the correct reply.
Doing things out of spite,
living in sin just seems right.
Ever wonder if and when,
how long before the ship comes in.
Nothing ever goes the simple way,
another act we must portray.
Ever wonder what and who,
maybe me, maybe you.
Living in the age of regret,
stay calm, try not to sweat.
Ever wonder right and wrong,
will we ever just get along.
Too many problems left to solve,
everyone still has to evolve.
Ever wonder here and there,
always having a blank stare.
Maybe in another time and place,
we will find a way to touch base.
Ever wonder day and night,
hoping someday it will be alright.
Never knowing what's going on,
when will darkness become dawn.
Ever wonder, I mean really wonder,
answers won't come, till we're six feet under.

Mr. Poet Guy

There was a time, not so long ago,
lived a man you all very well know.
Walking down the street one afternoon,
it was a bright sunny day in June.
Came across a man so mean,
what happened next was quite the scene.
Pulled out a gun and shot me dead,
one single bullet into my very head.
That's the day the poet died,
all over the world people cried.
Singing bye-bye Mr. Poet Guy,
paramedics tried, but with tears in eye.
As the police drew their white chalk line,
my soul escaped, you can see the incline.
The paramedics tried with all their might,
I was so dead, couldn't put up a fight.
Singing bye-bye Mr. Poet Guy,
paramedics tried, but with tears in eye.
They drove me hearse to the levy,
blood drained out and body was dry,
singing this will be the day that he die.
Thousands of people came from every state,
please don't mourn, just celebrate.
They never did find the man in question,
millions of people, now in depression.
Maybe he works for the C.I.A,
if he's caught, what would he say.
Listen Judge, does it really matter,
he deserved that brain splatter.
Singing bye-bye Mr. Poet Guy,
paramedics tried, but with tears in eye,
singing this will be the day that he die.

Welcome

Welcome to the darkness of my mind,
always mean, but sometimes kind.
A little nice and a lot of naughty,
the devil himself has paid for and done me doggy.
Welcome to the beating of my heart,
cold as ice and never again will be torn apart.
No woman will ever again break,
no more bleeding, no more ache.
Welcome to my hollowed soul,
highway to hell has no toll.
You just follow the fire filled road,
wish I could take back what I sold.
Welcome to the world of hell,
had no choice, I just fell.
The little kindness I had, is all gone,
assuming this is where I belong.
Welcome to my nightmare of my dream,
wake me up before I scream.
With the devil, I tried to convince,
but after all, he is the darkened prince.
Welcome to my final resting place,
down here, there is plenty of space.
This is where, I will spend my eternity,
how long I'll be here is an uncertainty.
Welcome to the home I live,
no more receiving, you only give.
Down here nobody floats,
but you do bend over for ***** goats.
Welcome to my writing style,
its been this way for awhile.
If it's good give it a like,
or you'll be headed down a heated pike.
Welcome to the end of the rhyme,
try and read, if you got the time.
Until we meet again my friend,
this tall tale must come to an end.

Earth In Reverse

Suddenly I get confused,
feeling like I'm mentally bruised.
Always none the wiser,
tears gushing like a geyser.
Brain cells dying by the dozen,
having *** with a cousin.
****** is the latest thing,
brother and sister having a fling.
Mom and son, dad and daughter,
contaminated is all the water.
Earth is now spinning backwards,
trees are shrinking and no more birds.
Crime at an all time high,
hot in January, cold in July.
Sunrise in west, sunset in east,
no more beauty, only beast.
Islands in the ocean are now gone,
no more money to be withdrawn.
Time is now moving in reverse,
could things get any worse.
Tectonic plates moving Continents back together,
caused by water, earthquakes and bad weather.
Chaos all across the land,
no one seems to understand.
Volcanic eruptions have now blocked the sun,
life as we know it is now done.
When the smoke finally cleared,
dinosaurs have now reappeared.

****** In The Street

Every night I see, what I'm not supposed to,
it's so devastating, but still I must view.
Through my window, I can see the danger,
murdering of people, by some mysterious masked stranger.
Not allowed to say a single word,
he looks up at me and whispers, forget what you heard.
So afraid I will be next,
this is what happens, when in the projects.
I can't help but stare, it's like a car crash,
as I watch people's brains get a ****** bash.
He knows where I live, so I keep quiet,
last thing I need is a sudden riot.
Starting to get numb of what I see,
it's like watching serial killing on my tv.
Then one night, he takes off his ski mask,
it was my father doing this heinous task.
I dropped down to my knees, and started to pray,
never did I know my dad liked a flesh buffet.
He came into my room and said never tell,
his hand over my mouth, so I couldn't yell.
He said he was doing Gods work,
killing all people that were a ****.
He died that very night, in his sleep,
I prayed to the lord, for his soul to keep.
God told me to do it,
because he was just a *******.

Ex Partners

The last time that we spoke,
my life was such a joke.
I'm glad to see you're doing well,
my life has gone straight to hell.
I see you have become very rich,
yes my wife is still a *****.
Must be nice to have fortune and fame,
while I'm stuck in the hall of shame.
You and your trophy wife,
me grabbing for my sharpest knife.
You living high on the hog,
me so hungry, had to eat my dog.
I see you bought a brand new mansion,
they had to repo my trailer expansion.
Your kids are going to the best schools,
my kids go to school on ***** mules.
Remember when we are team,
me not knowing you had a hidden scheme.
Did you know I had a nervous breakdown,
it ****** wearing that hospital gown.
Your wife and kids I have kidnapped,
I left you a ransom note that I wrapped.
I deserve half of your money,
the longer you wait, the more they become ******.
I'm only asking for a measly million,
I think it's worth it for your wife and children.
You better not involve the cops,
I'm so hungry, I could eat them like pork chops.
Put the money in a garbage bag,
tie it tight with an old ***** rag.
Leave it at the place where we first met,
the your family you might get.
I left you a map where to find them,
you only have to eight p.m.
Everything went according to plan,
now I am a very rich man.

Blank Stare

No response to the question,
dumbfounded was the impression.
Not one word or even a nod,
just sat there looking odd.
Maybe a cat got the tongue,
from the chair expected a sprung.
Nothing but a blank stare,
it was like no one was there.
Not words heard very often,
maybe tired from exhaustion.
Eyes wouldn't even blink,
soon in it had to sink.
Just frozen like a cube of ice,
said it once, said it twice.
A body just stuck in motion,
like being hypnotized by a potion.
Tried everything but couldn't move,
the condition would not improve.
Not even a gasp for air,
like no oxygen left to spare.
Maybe dead, maybe alive,
not even c.p.r. would revive.
Couldn't see a soul escape,
should be covered by a drape.
Something strange here is happening,
this whole time, I was talking to a mannequin.

Stole My Soul

Once again our paths will cross,
your blood will become my pasta sauce.
What you did, I won't stand for,
I will hunt you down like a wild boar.
You stole my money, you took my pride,
there is no place for you to hide.
I bought a knife, I bought a gun,
you took our daughter, you took our son.
I heard them beg for their daddy,
hoping I find you in some dark alley.
Counting the days till we meet,
then my life will be complete.
I will stab you once and shoot you twice,
hang your ears in my car like fuzzy dice.
Gut you just like a deer or pig,
use your hair as my wig.
Sell your organs on the black market,
use your skin to wallpaper my apartment.
Finally found out where you were living,
when I saw your face, I was suddenly forgiving.
Begged you to take me back,
then I saw your pipe filled with crack.
Took the kids and bolted out the door,
never would have thought, you'd become a *****.
Never once saw her face again,
the blood from my knife went down her drain.
Threw my gun into the river,
on my promise, I did deliver.

Gangsta

I'm the gangsta who can rap,
give me **** and on your face I'll crap.
I'm the gangsta who is white,
you all know my rhymes are tight.
I'm the gangsta who calls the shots,
inside my head are tiny blood clots.
I'm the gangsta who will kick your ***,
show me respect, or I'll take you to class.
I'm the gangsta who does no wrong,
only the good stuff, goes into my big ****.
I'm the gangsta who needs no gun,
carrying a pen is much more fun.
I'm the gangsta loved by all,
black people call me the chosen cue ball.
I'm the gangsta who needs no posse,
hating people who are to **** bossy.
I'm the gangsta who poses no threat,
always broke and knee deep in debt.
I'm the gangsta who likes living,
never forgets, but sometimes forgiving.
I'm the gangsta who doesn't care,
walking around in my stained underwear.
I'm the gangsta who can't sing,
but if I bite, it will sting.
I'm the gangsta like no other,
if you don't believe, just ask my mother.

Gangsta

I'm the gangsta who can rap,
give me **** and on your face I'll crap.
I'm the gangsta who is white,
you all know my rhymes are tight.
I'm the gangsta who calls the shots,
inside my head are tiny blood clots.
I'm the gangsta who will kick your ***,
show me respect, or I'll take you to class.
I'm the gangsta who does no wrong,
only the good stuff, goes into my big ****.
I'm the gangsta who needs no gun,
carrying a pen is much more fun.
I'm the gangsta loved by all,
black people call me the chosen cue ball.
I'm the gangsta who needs no posse,
hating people who are to **** bossy.
I'm the gangsta who poses no threat,
always broke and knee deep in debt.
I'm the gangsta who likes living,
never forgets, but sometimes forgiving.
I'm the gangsta who doesn't care,
walking around in my stained underwear.
I'm the gangsta who can't sing,
but if I bite, it will sting.
I'm the gangsta like no other,
if you don't believe, just ask my mother.

Mugging

Heart thumping at a rapid beat,
***** running down to my feet.
Getting mugged, gun in face,
the one **** day, I left home my mace.
He wants my money or my life,
wishing I had some kind of knife.
Slowly going for my wallet,
tears dripping like a leaky faucet.
Getting anxious, he ***** his gun,
should I submit or should I run.
Then I kicked him in the *****,
watching him as he slowly falls.
Grabbed the gun from his hand,
asked for his money, as he started to stand.
He said please mister, I'm out of work,
I said who cares you stupid ****.
He showed me his wallet, which was bare,
I could smell his **** in his underwear.
I told him to turn around and walk away,
he said till I get your money, I must stay.
Had no choice but to shoot him dead,
two bullets in his brainless head.
From the gun, wiped off my prints,
limped home like I had shin splints.
Went home and took a shower,
felt kinda bad as my soul became sour.
Closed my eyes and only saw red,
maybe I should have forced him to run instead.
I hate living in a state of misery,
from that day on, I felt kinda jittery.
Both of us at one point begged for mercy,
just a typical day in north New Jersey.

Alaska *****

Walking down a darkened hall,
shadow standing oh so tall,
bumping into every wall.
Getting loud is the thunder,
toilet clogged and no plunger,
feel like Tarzan, lost in the jungle.
No electric from the storm,
no candles to keep warm,
all the flies, starting to swarm.
Food in fridge going bad,
living alone and feeling sad,
Alaskan life makes me mad.
Six months of pure hell,
cold weather makes ankles swell,
life *****, can't you tell.
Storm over, electric back on,
radio playing my favorite song,
the conclusion is now forgone.
Still no sun for seven weeks,
watching a marathon of Twin Peeks,
frozen water forming leaks.
Can't wait to move from Alaska,
move back home to Nebraska,
grow old and play canasta.

Never Ending

Here's a story without an ending,
contradicting, complex, complicated and condescending.
Born into a world of hate,
everyone's shoulder has so much weight.
Don't know whether to live or die,
can't decide rather to laugh or cry.
Do your best to support the family,
trying with all your might to keep the sanity.
Go to school and maybe college,
on the streets you learn most your knowledge.
Get a job and save some money,
then you end up filing for bankruptcy.
Running around in a constant circle,
always jumping over some kind of hurdle.
Life and death is just a cycle,
like a novel with no title.
You retire at a certain age,
after a life of minimum wage.
Some drink, smoke or eat to much,
it's hard to find that magical touch.
We take pills for pain and depression,
not all answers require a question.
Maybe all we need is to be loved,
tired of getting pushed and shoved.
No one really knows how we got here,
like the dinosaurs, we someday might disappear.
Not sure about you, but I like living,
or maybe we're all dead and just dreaming.
National disasters are so unpredictable,
mother nature can be so unforgivable.
This is the story in a nut shell,
sometimes living is pure hell.
It's up to us to make it better,
life is a riddle wrapped in an adventure.

Big Daddy

They call me big daddy,
two soft buns with an extra long patty.
Bacon, lettuce, tomato with extra mayonnaise,
women say it's the latest craze.
Tastes so good, it melts in your mouth,
I just love when a girl goes down south.
A foot long hot dog with a bulging vein,
there is no one higher on the food chain.
Some use ketchup, some use mustard,
either way it comes out custard.
Whipped cream with a cherry on top,
if you're a ******, I'll give you a pop.
They call me big daddy,
it's so big, I had to hire a caddy.
I put all **** stars to shame,
they're not even playing the right game.
Even a loose girl feels so tight,
women think I'm black, but I'm really white.
I can't wear shorts it hangs so low,
my third eye just loves to grow.
They call me big daddy,
all my pants are extra baggy.
Girls pay me just for a look,
it's more thick than the New York City phone book.
Don't be jealous that it's so big,
women hire me for their *** toy gig.
Mom must have had a three way,
with John Holmes and Nick The ****,
girls pay me just for a lick.
They call me big daddy,
I've had every girl in Cincinnati.
Sorry to say but this story is fiction,
brought on by my sudden *** addiction.

Used To Be

I used to be a man with no goal,
that was how I used to roll.
I used to be a man with no ambition,
time to break that tradition.
I used to be a man who didn't care,
now you all better beware.
I used to be a man always ******,
all my dreams were once postponed.
I used to be a man with no guts,
now I am just flat out nuts.
Never used to know right from wrong,
now I say, can't we all just get along.
Never knew the difference between left and right,
used to only see things in black and white.
I used to be a man with no morals,
no compromise only quarrels.
I used to be a man you couldn't trust,
my brain was layered in thick pie crust.
Now that the crust has melted away,
I now have something to say.
My goal is to live happily after ever,
even geniuses call me clever.
My ambition is to have it all,
I'm gonna run far with the ball.
Caring is now all I ever do,
a new me has made its debut.
Being ****** is in the past,
not sure how long that will last.
Now I have the guts to try anything,
any challenge, I dare you to bring.
Being wrong is no longer allowed,
you all better get off of my cloud.
I now know my left, right, up and down,
it feels good to be treated like a proper noun.
Morals, I have plenty of,
now that I have found love.
Now you can trust me as far as you can throw,
life is nothing more than one big drama show.

The Letters Of My Name

A is the first letter of my name,
I belong in the Facebook hall of fame.
Laura is the girl made for me,
she is awesome and she would agree.
Living in the lap of luxury,
and we don't need to be wealthy.
Everyday is filled with light,
the sun has never shinned so bright.
Never felt this happy before,
my two kids, I so much adore.
Wheels in the sky keeps on turning,
the bed in our room is always burning.
I used to be one ****** dork,
people always stuck me with a fork.
Living large, I wish came easy,
most of my jokes are a bit cheesy.
Because of all of you, I stay strong,
no matter if I'm right or wrong.
Everyday is filled with sunshine,
life itself is its own punchline.
Rhyming words is all I know,
when aroused, a part of me will grow.
Thank you all for your support,
still don't know the difference,
between a pint and a quart.
I used all the letters in my name,
I hope this rhyme don't put me to shame.

To All The Girls

To all the girls I've liked before,
I'm gonna be rich, while you stay poor.
None of you would go out with me,
because I was so **** ugly.
You said we could be friends,
you drive a Toyota, while I drive a Mercedes Benz.
To all the girls I've liked before,
I even got turned down by the town *****.
Girls would only use me for a ride,
they took my dignity and my pride.
Sometimes I would just roll the dice,
they always said, I was way to nice.
Now I'm here telling you,
to **** on my creamy goo.
To all the girls I've liked before,
go away, stop banging on my door.
Where were you, when I was young and alone,
out with someone with more muscle tone.
All these girls know who you are,
in my head you left a scar.
Well how do you like me now,
most of you on drugs and look like a cow.
To all the girls I've liked before,
years ago you used to ignore.
Now all of a sudden you all want me,
sorry ******* but my love ain't free.
I have found a girl that loves me a lot,
I do want to thank you for all you taught.

Some Others

Some people stop, some people go,
others will hide, others will show.
Some people lead, some people follow,
others will spit, others will swallow.
Some people drink, some people smoke,
others will finger, others will stroke.
Some people listen, some people talk,
others will ring, others will knock.
Some people write, some people read,
others will cut, others will bleed.
Some people dumb, some people smart,
others will burp, others will ****.
Some people Facebook, some people Tweet,
others will lie, others will cheat.
Some people ****, some people chew,
others will glance, others will view.
Some people live, some people die,
others will laugh, others will cry.
Some people pitch, some people catch,
others will oppose, others will attach.
Some people want, some people give,
others will forget, others will forgive.
Some people right, some people wrong,
others will flaunt, others will belong.
Some people finished, some people done,
others will end, others will run.

Can't Afford

Life is slowly falling apart,
can't even afford to go to Walmart.
Can't even afford the Dollar Tree,
no window to throw out my *** of ***.
Can't afford to pay my bills,
no money left for my bi-polar pills.
Can't afford to eat or drink,
I'm broke, is what I think.
No more water, no more electric,
I'm even to poor to be eccentric.
Can't afford gas or cable,
Yes, I am mentally unstable.
Can't afford to buy a pen, wrote this in blood,
in my tears, I'm drowning in the flood.
House is in foreclosure,
listen closely, you can hear the bulldozer.
Had to sell everything I own,
nobody will ever give me a loan.
I walk around in my underwear,
like Mother Hubbard, my cupboard is bare.
Not one job to be had,
can't afford to call my mom or dad.
Walls around are closing in,
no way out, I just can't win.
Can't afford to live, but afraid to die,
doesn't that make you wanna cry.
Can't afford to wipe my own ***,
lets see you try to use broken glass.
If misery loves company,
where's the rest of the people with no money.
Can't afford a hair cut, my hair is so long,
my life is like a bad country song.
Tried selling drugs on the street,
things went good till I got beat.
In conclusion, I so **** broke,
my life turned out to be one fat joke.