Fear the day fear leaves you,
'Cause when that day comes,
You know you're saved.
A wise man once told me,
"Child, be your own fear."
Now, it made sense,
'Cause that hermit who whispered,
Was a voice from within.

Disappointments, aren't we all?
A few rise less than all our fall.
To him,
To her,
To them,
To everybody!

But they all are to you as well!
This life we call is a mere circle.
He hurts you,
She hurts you,
They hurt you,
You hurt you.

Faces, faces, oh I've seen a lot of faces,
They come, they go, some stick, some shrink,
Daydreaming... asking what are the chances,
We'd bump anew and have our glasses clink.

Glad to know such feeling is still possible,
With nullity having been the default norm,
Still I think I remain visibly incapable,
Unsure what to do, ignorant how to perform.

Made me smile nonetheless, that face,
A warranted sight, a break for the monotony,
If that was it, all the same I got to gaze,
Hey, see you maybe, see you maybe.

I saw his eyes.
Dark and mad.
Then a glimpse of you.
With your awkward smile.
If I want,
I can
But,
Would I?
One thing is certain,
You taught me,
That maybe,
Indeed,
it
Is a process.

Why do we dream of things that will never be?
Why do we pretend to see visions that will never be seen?
Why do we say we won't if we will?
Why do we tear up for spaces we can't fill?

It's how we say we don't feel,
How our peripheral vision roam,
Sad that it'll never be,
Remembered as past vision.

Somebody tell me how this'll be the last,
And I'll promise a life of bliss.
Aid me and save me from this seeming lust,
Just pull me back, I'm begging please.

Should it even be written?
Where one shows up and ticks boxes,
Only to sweet talk you,
And never be.

Indeed, another lesson learned,
Processing is more manageable —
Let’s hope at the very least —
We’ll get by and get through sooner.

Now there’s a bit more understanding,
Managed realities, in touch with ‘The’,
Surely it will be yet another phantom limb,
Etched, appreciated, in his own special bed.

Coming home as everything’s through,
With lights going off after the party,
Surrounded with silence; it dawns to you,
After the ecstasy comes the ordinary.

Tomorrow, the normal, the mundane,
Back to the grocery, back to the laundry,
Elevated then pulled back to what’s plain,
After the ecstasy, there will be the ordinary.

We took some chance to feel something,
Knowing we’ll soon retreat to what’s dreary,
With a smile, we accept the feeling,
After the ecstasy, we welcome the ordinary.

Regret and death are friends.
The first varies while the latter's constant.
They both approach you when it's the end,
Be sure the first's worth it, 'cause changing it, you can't.

"I actually like you," she said.
"Trust your instincts," he said.
"No."
One year after.
Another one passed.
"Yes."
A little too late.

I wanted to ask you what you were afraid of,
When in reality it is I whom fear some thing.
I guess I just wanted to universalize the trope,
That such feeling is common for us living.

I suffer, once again, from the imagination,
Of the death of the ego, the shame of it all,
The inevitability embraced with anticipation,
Remains of the image come to finally fall.

Yet a part of me thinks it would be relief,
To go through the worst thing I can think,
It might usher me towards a new belief,
Remind of fleeting feelings - gone in a blink.

I take comfort in those I know, who knows me,
Especially the inner child in my mind and body,
I may die, but I will live, as it all should be,
For now, I’ll breathe in and out, and stay steady.

If anything,
An affirmation, a validation.
Varying degrees,
Differing simlarities, similar differences.
That sense,
Of humor, of grief.
All these put you to bed,
To sleep, to wake.

Kailan kaya tititigil, hihinto, mawawala?
Ang mga Gabriela na ating nakikilala?
Isang ideya na kay hirap tapusin, kitilin, hawiin,
Nasa looban ay may markang nagdiin.

Nawa’y patuloy nga ating paglakas,
Nang sa susunod ay wala sa isip ang pagtakas,
Bagkus ay kapayapaan at kaliwanagan,
Ang pupuno nang higit sa kaisipan.

Kung malamig lamigin,
Kung mainit mainitan,
Basta sa susunod ay may kumot,
Pamaypay nang mahanganinan.

Magbabago rin pagkat mawawala ang mga Gabriela,
Paglahong walang pasabi ngunit may ganda,
Sa langit natin lahat ay natutuwa,
Nahanap na. Nahanap na.

Proximity tends to mess with the mind,
It brews a concoction dangerous for fleeting times.
Paints a reality that is improbable to find,
Essence searching for where it rhymes.

For I thought you're past pretty boys,
Though I wasn't built to outwit a superior combination,
Maybe this is just one of fate's ploys,
Natural order just being set in motion.

Nonetheless, the feeling was beyond liberating,
As it proved that I can start doing without caring.
Joy is something I understand is worth aiming,
Kinda makes me akin to what they call 'believing.'

Now we live it as it is, as this is matching hypothesis,
We live to dream another day.
I still hope life is worth having in this crisis,
Together we wait for a tomorrow that will be there to stay.

Ideas are bulletproof that is why they are harder to win over,
Especially when affirming instances come one after the other.
The body succumbs while the mind knows better,
Hopping from one stone to the other hoping we get to a constant somewhere.
Throbbing wind whispers a beep,
Rushing cars swooshing their trip,
Her voice looking at me knowingly,
“You know it but here’s the story.”
The high improbability and the comparisons,
The stretch that echoes unfounded sounds,
The conversation that could’ve been,
Shall and must remain as a romanticized fiction,
Started, peaked, jumped, risked, failed, hoped, failed, and left for the conclusion.
As you have absolutely no choices,
To raise your eyes and ears is something to give your best.
Everyone’s kinda moving,
It’s not a race but for everyone the road is ending.
I would still have that grin, whisper, and crookedness,
Inasmuch as nothing of those are even close to any semblance of realness.
I must remain the best parts of what I have to offer,
A refined, mature, swaying, itching, panacea of everything you wish I wish I could cater.

Jack of all trades,
Master of none.
Strong, loud voice,
Something! A must have one!
Courage? Yes.
How about fear?
No. None of that.
You are special!;
                yet,
Always the choice,
                but,
Never the option.
                ;

When the time calls for it, we go.
To a place where islands become lakes,
Oceans turn to plains.
Hills transform to seas,
And bodies that surround us change to ranges that divide us.
It is not an upside down but a twisted reality.
Narratives stays but the characters alter.
For how long shall we sing this epic?
'Til when shall we speak of these stories?
To Time that provides for existence,
We're hopeful we could show true life's essence.

It's bizarre how you can hear yourself even when you're not speaking,
Amidst the calming breeze of rain and busy rush of the streets.
There are nights when you can choose to color your world and narrate an epic through free hand poetry.
The shape is indefinite but the words flow.
The hues are fading yet they meet halfway.
You throw the why's in your brain even if you know the answers.
Is there a reason for lives that were touched?
"There is," we convince ourselves.
The sense waits.
The song must start anew.

The new normal feels similar but not quite,
It’s a little bit of what was with what might be.
With it being neither wrong nor right,
It’s also full of what is and todays, the self now - me.

Indeed there’s the sensation of nothingness and everything,
Fluctuating yet definitely not flatlining.
The waves are complementing and not cancelling,
With it brings a whole new kind of vibe and ring.

As this is temporary, a trial, some sort of planned practice,
I hope to learn what I need to.
May I find some semblance of real and actual peace,
As, in this hole, I jump and hopes to come through.

'Cause we never talked past 2 a.m.
When words were deeper; and
Emotions truer.
Maybe it's because of who I am.
For I didn't know better; and
Afraid for my glasses to shatter.
It might be because of shame.
That left me on the end bitter; and
Life in a room so much darker.
I wish we are the same.
Afraid that we turned into waiter; and
Hoping we could make each other feel lighter.
I'd find comfort in that delusional game.
Pretending I'm more than a brother; and
You're a worthwhile partner.

Though the prequel might be notes,
This one deserves to be written.
Little changes in one’s post,
Wondering how to waltz from three to seven.

The valentine on Thursday,
Was, now is, but for how long?
Are we ready for what comes one day,
When we’ll listen and hear a new song.

The quirks and uncertainties are adorable,
Warmth, comfort, a sense of familiarity,
Bathing in dopamine of every world able,
Live ‘til we see and move in a different city.

I had a lot on my mind,
But I only managed, "Your call."
She said, "Okay,"
But she wanted to say more.
You're both filled with words you didn't utter.
You were both mad deep within.

          He said, "What made you like me?"
          You responded, "I don't."
          You know you were lying,
          But you didn't do a thing.
          You parted ways and nothing started.

Why do we say the things we hate?
Why do we appear mad when we aren't?
Why do we sound furious when
We wished to be comforting?
Why did matter and manner go different lanes?

          We should escape this cycle
          And try to question ourselves.
          Why do we hurt each other,
          When love, as we know,
          Is our only way?

Times like this one makes me think of our humanity,
How each and everyone of us are poetries being written.
And though we share some verses, some similarity,
I understand better now our plot's randomly given.

Forgive me for the moments I told you not to be sad,
Just because my mind argued I had things way worse,
Or when I secretly envied the life I imagined you had,
The unhealthy projections, actions that were perverse.

We are our own planets, rotating and revolving,
Carefully treading the universes where we roam.
When the moment comes and we collide, time-willing,
I'll hold your hand, let's agree to walk each other home.

How different would it be?
If you had a person to call?
Wanting you not to sleep,
Til the moons fall.
Rovers exploring earth,
Contact that's ecstatic.
Warmth you'll get at birth,
Til fall your eyes mimic.

Then you check if they're asleep,
Sneak at the wash room,
Check if you made it right,
Damps some towel and looks for some holes,
Then you light it up.
As it gets to you, you hear them,
You know they're not there.
You just hear them.
And you realize when you go to bed,
Hearing the noise of the air-conditioner,
Your eyes adjusting to the darkness,
You see your pillow just the way you want it.
But no one can deny,
Your home is nowhere.
Not here, definitely not there.

                                                         ­           You just grew apart.

Then you say,
"I wanna be happy;
I'm ready to be."
Then you try.
Heart beats faster,
Mind trying to cancel out games.
Walking through broken glass,
Carefully,
Still trying not to make a sound,
Tiptoeing.
You'ren't sure,
You don't care.
'Cause now,
"You want to be happy;
You're ready to be."

Like a man who smelled the smoke,
From a teenager inside the lift,
While he has quit several years ago,
He gave in.
And maybe we have to say what is true,
That, indeed, is impossible to believe,
Incredibly stupid and foolish but,
I am still in love with you.
Each new sight is a birth;
I give in.

What makes something universal this sensational?
Are we just so drowned in our self pity parties?
Once the dawn made you realized -- you aren't special,
Are you supposed to feel devastated or perhaps at ease?

You admire someone who doesn't admire you.
Someone you don't like just can't help but like you.
The circle of life that we have always wanted to define,
Gets harder time by time.

For you always wanted to talk to that person,
Yet you are annoyed by the messages of the other.
You've always wanted to touch and put things in motion,
But tries to get away from the other further and further.

Then your dumb mind starts to wonder,
On why your 'one' can't even say your name.
Perhaps, now you know the answer,
How you're played given the rules of your own game.

Regrets are, I guess, part of our lives.
No one can actually escape.
Dialectics may not really thrive,
But illusions of choices come in various shapes.
The only question that your mind feasts,
Which ones are you prepared,
That you know would hurt the least,
When you speak of which on your deathbed.

The fundamental problem is that we learned how to be silent.
We knew and we have chosen to be really quiet.
Everyone thinks that it is the best course of action,
Living in a wold of delusions where inaction is solution.

We say the problem is that we understand,
Or do we just complicate simple matters to make wisdom our brand?
The constant ideas of 'I', them, it, this, and Other,
Would've and could've but didn't make things better.

How sure are we that there is an end?
What certainties do we have for us to know this will mend?
We stare at darkness almost a third of the day,
Perhaps, nothingness and emptiness is our only known way.

We are now back to regular programming,
Plugged back in the normal curve of our every day.
The high from the pill is rapidly wearing off,
Proactively looking for a more stable source.
I have arrived to the conclusion that I have to find someone like me:
The sender of the first message,
The one who cares more,
The half in a better half.
I am trying this thing called vulnerability,
To learn all possible probabilities.
The thrill-seeking, trigger-happy one,
Plunges to the void right after the day is done.
To find someone like me would mean I can be like them --
Like them but better.
Though who am I to cast verdicts on personality,
As the grand cosmos is something all of us cannot see.
The downward spiral wants to be freed,
Enlightenment is what we need.
Get through the day, the week, the month, the year or so,
Get through Time
As Time is the ancient incantation for liberty,
We know we can and some time we will be.

I taste of ash -- of something burnt,
Takes me sub-atomic through wrinkles in time.
Perhaps that explains the right shoulder's pain,
Or the blood from the spit flushed down the drain.

You've been drinkin', smokin', well, wastin'
The thought came to fruition.
Good old limbo knocks and gets all comfortable,
Leave -- like how we know are able.

Find a way to shake universe's hand,
Without fire and heat, in enclosed spaces of insecurity,
Be able to find yourself in somewhere new,
A place in your thoughts you've always known to be true.

Kala mo wala na.
Nakatingin na sa iba.
Tapos,
Kakalingon,
may nakita,
may narinig,
naamoy, nalasahan,
Naramdaman.
puting van,
The Man Who Can't Be Moved,
ulan, fries,
Yun.
Ulit.

Sapagkat ngayon ay matututo tayo sa mga bagay na 'di natin maintindihan,
Kakapit tayo sa mga talinhagang kahit ang mga pilosopo ay hirap sa pagpapaliwanagan.
Susubok at susugal sa bukas na walang kasiguraduhan,
Sabay aasa sa pangako ng isang tunay na hinaharap na makakamtan.

Dahil ang damdamin ay nakaalpas na sa paghangad,
Ngayo'y may sinusundang tahakin na mas marapat.
Saya at ligaya para at ng sa iba sa isipa'y nailapat,
Mga naisin at mithiin ay nauunawaang hindi agad-agad.

Ngayon ay marapat na mabuhay sa kasalukuyan,
Damhin ang ligaya, kalungkutan, at lahat ng sa gitna'y mararamdaman,
Sa buhay, sarili natin ang ating tangan,
Balang araw, kung anuman, ay ating mahahagkan.

Today marked another ‘Day 1’,
Of missing the presence of its absence,
Knowing more of nothing is I want,
Fogging up my mind, muting my senses.

Maybe it is the unwanted clarity,
That makes me fear this sobriety,
The drop, the flow, the gush,
Flooded, I find myself always awash.

I’ve wiped every corner of my space,
Clipped nails of my fidgety fingers,
Out of the windows I’ll always gaze,
Sit back at the sofa and there I’ll linger.

These times are moments to ponder,
Is this a preview of the rest of the days?
Still grateful though that I could still wonder,
Hoping for tomorrow’s much better ways.

One day, this pillow will have a different name.
My dreams will cast a different face.
Yet for now, I know that this situation will remain the same.
Am just hoping for a faster pace.

I will be able to close my eyes and think of a new ‘you.’
Smell the morning and remember a more joyful view.
But for now, it’s your scent I recall,
And to your maze I fall.

Don’t get me wrong as I’ve done this before,
This isn’t new — no need for your sympathy.
Though I’m certain your thoughts wander other shores,
Not minding nor thinking about me.

Do not hate yourself tomorrow
For the choices you made today.
For now, yes, you did kowtow,
With the limited cards you can play.

In a few hours the sun will rise,
It’ll be another brand new day.
You may not be assured of a prize,
You’ve still got here, a place to stay.

Right now it doesn’t make sense,
But hey, ask yourself, what does?
Release oneself from all the tense,
No one really knows, what’s the fuss?

We are here and we gotta live,
Rebelliously, we do what we gotta do,
Embrace now and yourself forgive,
You’re doing you, through and through.

We were just both curious,
And you were more than willing.
Do not wonder if I stopped talking.
After all, it was just ***.

We may have done it twice,
But that doesn't mean there'll be a thrice.
Can't you see I'm dodging?
After all, it was just ***.

You were a friend that's why,
I let your arms rover far and wide,
I know you understand,
After all, it was just ***.

We were both high in life,
And no one was thinking straight.
Please don't message me when it's late,
After all, it was just ***.

Good to know you travelled so far,
To meet and lie on bed with me.
But hey, we are not to be.
After all, it was just ***.

Nothing more nor less,
But you never learn,
Please do discern,
It was just *** after all.

You know for yourself that this is nothing new,
That this is just an iteration of the cycle you've been to.
Yet it stings no less than the past encounters,
As this imagined reality cemented another universe.
You understand that misfit puzzles will never match,
It is not for you to decide if you are a rare good catch.

A glass half-filled is that, a glass half-filled,
No matter the thirst, don't settle for no less than fulfilled.
This is not being disparaging as this is for you,
For them, for everyone, for that person, too.
Though be warned as sometimes something is good enough,
Yet we miss on it and to search again is tough.

Never bathe in a potentiality that isn't actualized,
Nor in a dream with possibility that will never be realized.
Let us hope that this shall just pass through,
Be like some past things you outgrew.
We frown for a possibility that will never be,
Yet we smile for a stronger you that we now see.

You open your eyes unsatisfied,
Yearning for something more, longer.
But that moment already died,
And continues to die further and further.

In there, we are just perfect.
Happiness can’t be put into words.
It was everything I dream of.
I have the best of all worlds.

Your laugh, your words I can’t forget,
The way you held and looked at me,
I wish all those, once more, I can get.
More than existing I want to know how to be.

With you I want to explore all realms,
Everything I can’t fathom.
I guess, we all have those dreams,
We don’t want to wake up from.

What gives out authenticity
Leaning towards unfiltered reality?
Tell me how can I see
That I and they say is the real me?

A being governed by time
A soul separated from the divine
Annointed keeper of the self
Posturing as the impression of depth.

Indifferent towards the apparent terminus
Compact strides with the daily onus
Drifting on interim spaces
Figuring out the rest of the ages.

Somebody help, I'm being pulled,
I'm turning to what I keep on repeating.
It's enough everyone's fooled,
Save me from this mad, mad thing.

I refuse to live alone, that I admit,
But I'm slowly losing the capacity to feel.
It's a normal state, being ****,
It's, for me, what is real.

Teach me how to change the ways,
Usher me to brighter paths.
The future that is so full of haze,
Shouldn't end up a corner for the sad.

We are aware of time, we are aware of our youth,
But why is it still hard to see some hope?
This is bothersome, that's the truth,
Have you seen us? Improvising life to cope?!

We let minutes pass by knowing it's wasted,
Had a thought, had a plan, but held up,
By that which keeps anxiety sedated,
More, higher, stronger -- never enough.

Getting through the day, impostor,
Beaming both sappy smirks and so-so smiles,
Noting, jotting, moving from door-to-door,
Mixing memories and imagination of miles!

Light shines, light enters, lights, eyes,
The day commences and you convince yourself,
Whether have a breakfast of lies,
Or try, and give onself some good help.

Perception has always been people's reality,
What we see is what we mainly look for.
We leave good probabilities for an ideal possibility,
Putting an 'open' sign in front of a closed door.

Today, the social voices are louder,
Where the old rich are still deities and privileged trends are gods,
We fall prey to what they cater,
Wishfully hoping that we're favored by the odds.

Addicted to the momentary high of a 'match',
Eyes glued to a notification of a new tap.
Everyone believes they are a catch,
Idols deserving of all the world's slow clap.

The now is defined by open button downs,
Pushed back hair and pumped up arms.
Jeans are tight, matched with shoes that are brown,
Anything out of place will trigger an alarm.

How can the average hopeless romantic fight,
When wit and wisdom sums up his might?
He sips his wine during the night,
Closing his eyes halfheartedly wishing to see a new light.

He has many reasons to be happy,
Yet he's looking for something that can make him smile.
It may sound really petty,
But for this, he's ready to walk another mile.

We are tired of not dying, of merely existing,
Looking for perceived purpose and minute meaning.
One wonders when one can start living genuinely free,
One hopes to learn how it feels to be.

Then I saw you.
Amidst the sea of faces,
Drowned further by the noise.
You were there, trying to smile.
We mirror each other.
Pretended to look around but only looking for our eyes.
I smiled.
You did, too.
It's sad 'cause it won't happen.
I'm sad we didn't make it happen.

Then we say the set-up works for us,
A system where we give more than we receive.
Made clear what that was,
Lying alone, they leave.
"We got what was wanted."
The 'only' thing that mattered.
But who are we fooling?
The feeling of being needed was no close to fleeting.
This is why I need you,
You and I.
Your scent shall shall stay, too.
Forgetting, I will try.

To type or not to type?
I don't really care.
Pretty think I'm stuck.
Just a little varied now.

It is a clear sight,
Of the truth and dares,
By any luck,
Treating this a competition, how?

This is the first, oh yeah.
I got to change the role.
From this to that,
How tables turned.

Fan it a million, baby,
But we both know,
To the cup,
The ice I own.

Whilst we were taught how to identify metaphors and other figures of speech,
It is wise to be conscious where these devices don’t exist.
As commanded by nature, we may not know when to stop to leech,
On a barren land which whole story is nothingness in gist.

There may be some times when blue is melancholy, sky, or peace,
Yet most of the time, blue is just blue — it is what it is.
Be cautious of perceived cues and don’t read what isn’t to be read,
Especially on a book that the author never lent.

The thirst for knowledge and hunger for answers will always itch,
Trying to fight its way to live and address all what ifs,
Be wise, be discerning, be a fool in playing your game,
As the new or next chapter may be a boon or a bane.

When we were younger we feared the dark,
We were afraid of the monsters hiding under our bed.
Prayed that nightmares would turn to visions of a playground park,
The next morning, we feel the tears that were shed.

Now that we're older, we have embraced solitude in darkness,
Finding comfort and solace when we're alone.
Yet we still fear our thoughts that cast vivid shadows over the emptiness,
For even waking moments are now nightmares on their own.

You do weird things when you don’t know what to do,
Like to refuse a kiss just because something will see what you do,
Or offer a hug that will be awkward for the two of you.
You try to figure **** out,
Seeking multiple advice without doubt,
With ultimately following your instincts all throughout.
I should not but, I apologize as I feel that is how interest feels like,
As if you were to plunge as your training wheels were pulled out of the bike,
Or that thing in your stomach when you are to speak in crowds and are given the mic.
I’d say I shouldn’t have done it,
Yet saying that would mean nothing as I feel no guilt,
I am learning — creating the me that I know and feel I can be built.
Oh, but hey, that doesn’t mean that if given the chance I won’t take,
To go at it again for fun and freedom’s sake,
Let’s do it and enjoy being each other’s mistake.