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he's everything I've ever wanted
but I know one thing he is not-
when we kiss the only feeling I have is his lips
it's not like when I used to kiss you
my whole body would be overwhelmed I felt "love"
when I lay in his arms it's not the same
I remember I would lay on your chest
and I would just listen to your heart beat
I remember thinking it was the most beautiful thing in the world
that if the day ever came that your heart beat stopped I would be devastated
my whole world would crumble
with him I don't get that same feeling
And I fear that I never will again.
this heart is like
smoke hanging
in the air
when the ashes crumble
into living things
and it's all
illusions
pressing the clock hands
waiting for your breaths
to come raspy.
who could love what's never been alive?
but he did
he did
"you never had a funeral",
he said
and "when i looked into your eyes
i knew something like that;
those soul windows-
could never be dead."
 Sep 2013 Alicia Hubert
Eliza
(10w)
 Sep 2013 Alicia Hubert
Eliza
I want to love
and I want to be loved.

*(n.d.)
 Mar 2013 Alicia Hubert
Morgan
I have nothing to say
& that's because I've been asleep for days
The scariest knowledge that I ever gained
was the idea that I can numb my own pain
Now I'm digging rusty nails into my veins
just to wake so I can climb away
It's 4 AM and every butterfly is dead
beneath my ribs, every one with broken wings
from all those times they flew up my spine &
were knocked back down with Xanax & wine
I felt them struggle for a few years before
I felt them give in & now I ache to
resurrect every single one
Numb is right when the burn
is too real but do you know what
it's like to laugh & not feel?
Her head resting on your chest
as you flashed your teeth
and bared a smile.

Your arms around her shoulder
as she curved her lips
like crooked pins.

Your eyes
betrayed your grin
as the camera clicked

one
two
three

and preserved the moment
that was supposed
to be ours.

Seeing your picture
with her,
whoever she is

to my utter disappointment
I did not feel
any pang.

Actually, not anything.
Apart from the fact that I have wasted an effort bracing myself
from something powerless.
 Mar 2013 Alicia Hubert
Nik Bland
Call her summer till you lungs are blue
But she's my winter always
She is who always forced me to
Hold her closely each and every day

Call her lovely and you'll make her cry
She only believes it when I say
She's has been taught to learn that men lie
Just so they might get their way

Find in silence, she'll sing her heart out
Just to drown out the sad
Of her wonder, all have not one doubt
Her grace exceeds the bad

Hold her closely and she'll shy away
My arms are the ones she claims
Call her summer each and every day
But her winter remains the same
 Mar 2013 Alicia Hubert
Harlow
I hope I am right not
to allow my body to drag it's lifeless parts back to you
to bathe in your distorted clarity

I wake in the dark parts of the night
when beings battle their ghosts
and sleep dances with death and
I find my right arm attempting to escape my 12x12 coffin
fingernails clawing the wood floors
escaping down the hall
to get out the door
to get down the street
to get to your bed
to touch your nectarous skin

And I would eagerly follow
in pursuit of my runaway arm
but gladly finding coherence in your kiss
your kiss of such insane sanity
that my tastebuds long to make sense of

But I've learned to lock my doors
less to keep predators out and
more to keep my wondering parts in
because heaven knows
they'll find the cracks under the door
and pick at the window's fraying screens
and in the morning I'll find them scattered about the house
and pull them back to my chest to put me
back together
again
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