Once upon a time,

Isn't that how fairy tales are supposed to start?

A man and a woman.

Fall in love.

And live happily ever after.

Isn't that how they all end?

Oh, not anymore?

There's too many dragons getting in the way.

Memories are what keep you alive in my eyes
The ones I have are not so great
That didn’t matter because you always made me the best breakfast!
When I was on the swings ive never flown so high
When we were on the field, I’ve never ran so fast
When we where on the lake, I’ve never swam so long, or dived so deep.

But long where the waits at the fary, when you would never show up.

The tears never fall so hard

Long where the the times I waited for the phone calls that never came,
When they did, where only to be slurred, and the value poisoned by selfish need
I used to care, fight for you to be here
It never seemed to matter
The poker was worth more than me
The alcohol was more interesting
The women more fulfilling
So you wrote me off with money
Sent me away always with the parting phrase
“I love you, don’t forget that “
Then the absence of you was more than the time we spent together
Everyone around didn’t see
Me dragging your drunk *** in bed
Getting food, cause beer was the only thing in there
Time and time again I would fall for the same lines, the guilt of not seeing you.
Whose fault whos that?
You tell me “I love you”
And daddy I love you too but I don’t think you know the meaning of the word.
Love is waiting 5 hours on the promise of food
Love is waiting 4 am to for you to come home from the bar
Love is cleaning the house and doing your laundry to see if you’d notice me
Love is waiting for you to finish your poker game before speaking.
But it’s also not having to wait on anybody.
Love is having conversations at dinner and not sitting silently
But I’m sorry daddy I can’t wait for you anymore
For while I’m waiting my heart is breaking.
Always promising everything will be different the next time I came.
Lake front house, boats, trips on the lake
But the reality is I get an old smokey teddy near your ex gave back
It’s not the the things that make me love you daddy,
It’s just you
But that’s one thing I can never have
Your demons are big
And so are mine, but you would never know cause you’ve never tired.
Everything you do is to clear the guilt, but never really making the effort.
Now my eyes are burning, my soul hollow
And I’m sorry that I just can’t wait for you to be at, my graduation, to protect me from my crazy mother, or save me from my abusive step father.
I can’t wait for you to avenge my heart break.
So I’ve learnt to do that for myself
When I was little, I thought if I waited maybe you would show up
That girl didn’t know any better
And I want you to know I will always love you
Even though you don’t know how to love back
But I can’t wait anymore
I’m stronger than that
I’m strong enough to live without your heart break
I’m not angry
I wish you could understand
I wish I could make you care
Goodbye daddy
Thank you for teaching me love will never really be there
Goodbye daddy
Don’t say I never tired
Goodbye daddy
I mean it this time.

12/4/12
When the sky is crumbling
And your tears are falling
Under the blankets
Is the only safe haven.

12/6/12
Inhale and **** in all the evil
Exhale and breathe out all the good
Or is it the other way?

She's all sharp edges
And geometric lines
Bold colors
Unraveling in twines
Touch her
And she'll fold up
Like a flower

Take back the broken promises
take back the forgotten
take back all the futures we were gonna have
take back all the insults that you threw
take back the madness
take back the insanity
take back the salt you poured on my cuts
inflicted by both of us
take back the warm moments
take back the forgiveness
take back the past that i'll still cherish
take back the bad, take back the good
take me back too

I poured my heart in a letter that you never read.
You keep it on your nightstand beside your bed.
Someday you’ll regret not reading what it said.
But by then I’ll be dead.

The life that I once had,
Was taken from me in a flash.
This disease spread far too fast.
You feel a guilt that is too strong.
Because you were too late,
Now I am gone.

I waited to hear what you would say.
But I never saw you after that day.
Fate decided that you and I could never be.
Fate decided to end my life early.

As I lay there dying,
You ran across my mind.
I wonder what I did,
If I crossed a line.
 
As I lay here broken,
Tears fall from my eyes.
You will not be here.
As I start to die.

I have no anger toward you.
I wish I could say goodbye.
But you choose to let me go.
So I’ll leave you as I die.

My last few thoughts are not of you,
For that is more then you deserved.
No, I left with a feeling of love.
A feeling you did not return.

I have no regrets when it comes to loving you.
But not living until it was late,
Was a struggle to get through.
But one must not fight fate.
And when it’s time to go,
I leave with a free heart.
One you didn’t know.