I would like to think that we are the bridge from winter to spring.

I am 12:57pm, and you are the breeze kissing color into my cheeks. I love you the way the a flower blooms through all the white coldness surrounding it, the sun encouraging it's every small stretch.

I love you in the same sense as the new rains washing away the dirtiness of my hair and the muck in the streets: we are two parts of one whole, and yet you are still so foreign.

I know you love me by the way you kiss me in morse code. You leave your fingerprints on my hips: an invisible promise that I am yours.

Your name is tattooed on the tip of my tongue.

I wish us well.

Your atoms were once a part of the stars and maybe that explains your brown eyes and the shine inside them. The atoms that sculpt your body used to sculpt the ocean and maybe that explains the depths, hollows and dark corners of your mind I've yet gotten to discover. Maybe your rough edges are explained by the solely fact that the atoms forming who I'm deeply in love with were once rocks with gems inside them. It has been a privilege to fall for a beautiful, bright and amazing combination of Earth that is you.

How many times can't I escape the fall?
Or how many time shan't I?
because sometimes collapse is needed.
but judgement is hard(or easy)
BUT HOW MANY TIMES MUSTN'T I?
but i did
My judgement is off.
Because my falling has become a wicked hole
it's not black it's a blinding swirl of colours
separately gorgeous and together they rip from me the sense of beauty I had treasured now measured in seconds
that have been wasted
as I stand, one of the fallen

PERHAPS THAT WAS RIDICULOUS
i AM A hUMAN
i ENjOY hUMAN tHINGs
LIKE THE LEAVES IN FALL
AND I AM SAD
SO SAD
when I remember that not everyone's felt four seasons
but those reasons aren't enough

I WATCH CATS FALLING
DON'T YOU FEEL FREE TO KNOW
that when cats let go
there's no such thing as back drop

and I dream of falling in love
and out of love
whichever gives me wings
TO FIND SOMEPLACE NEW
WHERE I MIGHT CHOOSE TO FOLD MY WINGS
AND FALL

but I guess I'm already falling into old age
But WHY is that upsetting?
FIRST you must fall young

it's what I've learned from the trees - the only way to spread
without the feeling
of falling
to your death

P.S

I've never minded desperate falling, when arms shoot out to hit ground first
'cause when you're upside down
ITS CALLED SOARING

that's why I can't handle complaints on falling
dear goodness, pay attention

It's probably your calling.

it is 19:43 and I think of how you hate military time and how I always have to change it myself for you when you ask the time.

"recover holly!" you always say, but I think to last night when you handed me a blade. sure, it was was for styrofoam cutting and not skin cutting, but for a guy who remembers everything else so well, you seemed to forget that I would be triggered .

you never allow me to help you, and it hurts because everyone always underestimates what I'm capable of and what I can do and I thought you were different.

you assure me that my weight doesn't matter, but look how you spin Natalie and Alayna around. why can I not be skinny enough to fly in your arms?

I'll probably send this to Madison later, not you though. you're my inspiration, you help so much. but you hate poetry and my creative outlet is lesser than yours.

I feel as if I would be truly sad if you moved next year, but you wouldn't miss me.

and what will you do if I get better? you are nothing more than a 911 operator; you'll save me and then leave.

oh dear, I feel like I don't need you.

but I do.

I need you because you get me and I ******* hate how much you understand me. I wish you were a dumb boy.

I need you because no one else ******* cares about me anymore.

and no, I don't 'like' you. I just can't ******* lose my life line.

I was raised in a strictly religious household and I privately thought that being gay was okay but I knew that most people in my religious community disagree. I admitted to myself when I was about 17 (I'm 18 now) that I was attracted to girls (I'm also Gray-A, meaning I experience limited ****** attraction) and this year I came out to a few close friends. My parents views on LGBT rights (that is, that "being gay is a choice" and "gays are destroying the sanctity of marriage", etc) influence me heavily, but in a negative way- they make me feel unsafe and I know I can't come out to them now or they might kick me out (my mom told my sister once that if any of us were gay we wouldn't be welcome. she also referenced my trans friend as being 'confused' and things like that).
The 8 or so friends I've told have been accepting but I know they see me differently and I feel uncomfortable telling boys because there's an expectation that lesbians are more inclined to ****** activity (think lesbian ****) and are often fetishized, things like that.
I still go to church but it makes me miserable because people hate gays there and make insensitive comments, not realizing that they make me feel pretty terrible for being who I am. I've also suffered from major depression for about 6 years and part of what made it worse throughout junior high and high school was having to suppress my identity and the constant fear I face in my home and community. You never know who's going to hate you, reject you, or even attack you for being gay. The internet (tumblr, mainly) provides a more welcoming community than I find elsewhere so at least I have that forum to express myself.

I can feel words burning holes into my back.

solitary howl
growling trial chill ridden
tightening chest and pain
behind one eye
stress reduces
jelly legged machismo sulking
regression completion
seeking seclusion revolved by a reflection
churning bowel Elvis hip
flipping tripper gripping imaginary handrails
rising heat to hot spit gurgle
sweat breaking head spinning grasping
grinning