I wish to leave this path,
    to view from water's edge,
this creek become my hearth,
   by lake to which I pledge.

to wade with Oceanids,
    with boots submerged in mud,
adopt which day forbids,
    silk flashed away in flood.

Those dispiriting hard lost years,
Spent dwelling in non-conviction,
Wholly baseless unsound fears,
Elected self-set restriction

Indecisive in all virtue,
A Soul of simple stagnation,
Purposeless to continue,
Habitual resignation

Maintaining pacificity,
Stood lingering at a junction,
Airing false felicity,
Unknowingly in dysfunction

~

Now unblinded, enabling change,
Emotions no longer fiction,
Greater tomorrow waits in range,
Confession now needs conviction.

Memories so far beyond reach
Passage through my mind I beseech
Battle for a thought
Both parties distraught
Truth doubtlessly corrupts in speech

The misty rolling hills up high,
Bridging both the sea and sky,
Ocean below - the town above,
Transparent is this pure love.

Beg for cloud; torrent rain so free,
Wish for dark where light 'ought be,
Cobble paths stretch to desire,
Briny waves spark your heart afire.

The truth in which she speaks,
    as if to mine own soul.
No answer; though she seeks,
    for silence is my role.

She sees the world I see,
    conveys what I can't say.
Free as I wish to be,
    real feelings still at bay.
    
Points in which to prattle,
    collect myself and then;
conversations rattle,
    I close my mind again.

But "sharing can be cruel,
    how could I spread such pain?".
I want to break this rule,
    I need to play her game.

found myself feigning to be real,
    believe I'm pretending to conceal,
how little could one know ones life?
    even less do I know mine own strife

asked a fact only I could know,
    to not say, I would now have to show,
weak records from which to assess,
    so I craft an educated guess

focused on a fading charade,
    remaining brainpower working hard,
keeping the trust of my allies,
    to do so - I must stand my lies

hexed with an unbreakable curse,
    staying here - would only make it worse,
not long before all is forgotten,
    mind, memory and past turned rotten

prior to a bare dream land,
    with consciousness scarce in hand,
the moment right before sleep,
    appear depictions mind wont keep.

vivid images now unfurled,
    an immense, graphic, real new world,
visions of intricate detail,
    astound endlessly without fail

though this night I value most,
    looking back - it seems a ghost,
is this how the others see?
    given this gift - who could I be?

maybe I had this skill before?
    with this mind, could I be sure?
now to know what I am missing,
    is it a curse or is this a blessing?