Instead of getting mad at me
You should open up your eyes and see,
I'm not chasing you, you're chasing me
Our love is a one way street.

Press your lips to the side of my cheek
Like you once did before
I only grimace because it makes me ache with desire for more
Let your eyes bore into mine, see the sights of where my eyes have roamed all over your tantalizing figure
I'll lay my hands upon your waist
I'll pull you closer with selfish haste
Anticipation for the events that have played in my mind over and over again
Have reached heights that I cannot seem to constrain
I breathe you in with every breath I take
Tasting the unmistakable essence of your sweet aroma
As tenderly as I can muster
I press my lips to your forehead, I see the beads of sweat cluster
From your lips escape the words Love me again
All that I've come to feel in this moment is more than what words can describe
Both our complexions change different shades of red
Feeling like a fool, I bring myself to break the silence embedded in the air around us
*Who says I ever stopped?

Do you even notice anymore?
Is the fact that I've completely isolated myself not enough for you to tell?
Or is it that I've become so good at hiding it,
that I show no signs of my mental Hell.

This torment that rages on inside of me
makes me contemplate the other option.
The one where I cease to be,
which is better?

How would I do it?
Would I put a bullet through my head?
Down a bottle of my brothers pills?
In which case would I be the most dead?

How could I get far away from this place?
what’s the quickest, most painless way to escape?
I've got to keep a steady pace,
Can’t let anyone discover my torment.

Would I write a letter?
Would I tell everyone what made me this way?
Or would it be best to just apologize?
I have to find the right words to say.

I've tried to show people without saying a word,
These thoughts running around in my head
But it doesn't matter now,
In due time I’ll be dead.

All it takes
Is a short plane ride
And now I'm gone
On the other side
Of the world

Away from you,
Away from my favorite chair,
Away from all the memories we were going to make
And the future we had planned together

Now I'm gone from my home,
I'm on the other side
Of the world,
and I'm alone

And maybe you forgot about me,
Maybe you forgot how it was always us or we.
Not one or another,
Together forever

And I miss you, I do
But maybe this is good,
and being independent will help me grow,
And maybe I won't come back.


(a.f.c)

i miss the panic attacks that i
used to have
the ones that made me physically weak
the ones that made me shake and cry
the ones that told me that i am weak

sounds terrible, and they really were.
but, i'd rather the physical pain
and the emotional pain
than the psychological pain that i
go through when i have my "new" attacks.

my new attacks scare me so much because
i suddenly feel so unreal.
like reality is taken from me
and i can see myself
i can see the people around me,
i can see everything
and its exhausting,
being in that state of mind.
and then i start to hear things--
screaming people,
children laughing,
a constant voice just saying something.
these aren't my thoughts,
this is a new form of panicking.
and i hate every second of it.

Don't look outside,
It's fire and rain.
Block your ears,
If you want to stay sane

The demons, they crawl
and fly and roar
They're looking in the windows
They're coming through the floor

You can't escape them
They have their hold on you
You can try and run
But soon they're in your head

You're not yourself,
You're depressed and sad
You have a rage you can't contain
You have anger you can't tame.

The demons, they whisper
they tell you things to make you afraid
You're gone, gone from earth
You transported to space

You can't control anything
It's like it's left to chance,
But soon nothing is worth it
Your life is left to a trance

The demons, they cut you
They slice you and burn you
They pull your hair
They fill you with despair
Fight if you dare,
But you don't even care

They wear you down to the core
They drain happiness out of every pore
Your brain is blank
And your insides are at war

Your slipping down, down through the floor,
Where the demons originally came from
There's nothing left to care for
So you let them win,
Your head starts to spin
The thought of what you're about to do
At least it's not them, but you
You can only control this one thing
The shot fires with a ring,
and you start to sink,
down,
     down,
Down to meet your demon king.


(a.f.c)