bloodshot eyes
crimson skies      
silent cries
pretty lies
my love,
you’re
my

tear-stained
and rose tinted
reflections of an illusion
my inadequacy shines through
that one band that
makes my palms sweat and
my heart race
till i’m not breathing
my blood has stopped running
i don’t know how to forget you
the song ends
but i still look ‘round
making sure no ones caught on
that i’m thinking of you
but they already know
i see it in their apology’s
why are they ******* sorry
for something that you did?

oh, is this another game to you?
didn’t realise my feelings can be hurt too?
never expected me to fall for you? no. you knew.
and now i don’t know what move you expect me to do.
i could say i’m not scared but that’d be lying too.
i know how this ends; a bag full of scolds and i told you so’s.
leaving only when i’ve been through all your lows.
fixed all your flaws; broken myself even more.

please tell my heart to simmer down
i can’t hear myself think
over all of this noice it’s making.
it bubbles and boils and makes my skin itch with the urge to **** it.
please take my heart away.
i can’t bear the burden of it again.
it feels so heavy, like someone buried it six feet under, but i can still feel it.
it’s like it’s calling out to me from underneath. it wants me to help it
but i can’t. i put it under there myself
and i lost the map

i’m sorry you burned. if i could i would erase it from existence.
then i remember your apology
but you’re not really sorry for burning me because you did it again
why am i surprised? you may have said “sorry” but you never said you wouldn’t repeat it. why do i try to give everyone more chances than they deserve? why am i still writing about you. get the **** out of my head like you’re the **** out of my life. i get confused. i think i’m writing about someone else but it comes back to you. i get drunk on you. the hangover is the best part. i feel sorry for myself. i tell myself it won’t happen again. i’m a laughing stock, a bird waiting to get shot. this isn’t fun anymore; i thought you’d be back by 10 but it’s been a few months and i’m nothing to you still. i made a mistake and i said sorry. you forgave me and i believed you. i didn’t say i wouldn’t do it again but i didn’t know it would be you doing it this time. i’m sorry you burned but now it’s my turn and you’re not really sorry

i catch myself writing
i say
“it wasn’t your fault
but
please help people more”
i shouldn’t feel guilty
for needing more
you should feel guilty
for providing less
then acting sinless