Aimée

Aimée Apr 2022

it’s been 7 weeks. 7 weeks since we last had contact. i should be over you. i should be forgetting that you even exist. i shouldn’t have these feelings anymore yet i still find myself wandering back to our fantasy. the one where only you and i existed. i still create new plots and stories to add to our fantasy. do you?

do you long for even just an acknowledgment from me? like i do you? or have you forgotten that i even exist. did everything you say mean nothing? how could you hold such poison in your mouth without burning your tongue.

Aimée Mar 2022

i love you, still

i don’t know how to say this but, i love you. and i know you don’t love me so why does my love keep building up and spilling out of me like an overfilled cup of water. the butterflies in my stomach are alive and dancing around at the mere thought of what we had. i don’t know. i don’t know how i could love you when you just abandoned me. you dropped me like i was the last petal of the dandelion you were picking apart. you turned me into an emotional mess who’s only way of coping is listening to taylor swift and sobbing in my bedroom while i scroll through dm’s and dating apps trying to find someone else but despite my attempts to get over you, your sweet nothings remain in my eardrums as if they built a home and live there. your words are stuck in my head like they are tattoo’d on my mind. i love you but it has been five weeks since we last spoke. you don’t care but i care about you so much. why? why am i being this cruel to myself? i guess i find comfort in the distress.

Aimée Feb 2022

friends

those goodbyes to friendships where you never actually say goodbye,

you just drift into a state where it’s too awkward to even say hello,

the glances you share after the realisation sits in that you aren’t that close anymore but there’s still an unspoken bond

a bond which even the sharpest sword couldn’t split.

the pain in your chest when you see them with their other friends and reminisce on how you used to be the person who caused that horrible laugh that you loved so dearly,

the secrets that you shared and told each other you would bring to your graves now find their way into the ears of another who, also, promises to bring to their graves.

the impulsive thoughts to just call them up and invite them to coffee to catch up even though neither of you know what to even say so you just delete the message.

years go by, but there’s still that hope that the fact we never said goodbye means we still have our bond.

Aimée Feb 2022

obsession

the feeling where my mind is suddenly engulfed when you entered my life

the feeling where i suddenly am unable to fathom how i lived a life with you not in it

the way i crave to be the thing that inhabited your mind

the way your words of sweet nothings etched itself onto my skin like you were marking your territory.

i am yours

in mind, body and soul.

we are the creature separated by zeus and were bound to spend eternity searching for our other half

a soulmate,

who’s exact thoughts are the same as mine, making me think we are the same person.

are you even real?

are you sure you’re not a fake body to which my mind so cruelly created?

god i hope you’re real.

Aimée Jan 2022

exulansis

exulansis.

the tendency to give up talking about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.

exulansis.

the moment i finally built up courage to come forward about what you did to me.

the moment i told my parents and was only met with anger as i refuse to name my abuser.

the moment as i freeze up anytime the experience is mentioned.

the moment i still haven’t been allowed to heal from this excruciating trauma as you are still in my life.

the moment i cannot talk about this experience as those who attempt
to console me only meet me with pity and sadness.

the moment i realise i am alone in this recovery.

#recovery #healing #trauma

Aimée Jan 2022

altschmerz

altschmerz.

the weariness with the same old issues that you've always had.

the same boring flaws and anxieties that you've been gnawing on for years.

the 15 year old with the hopefulness in their eyes that one day they won't have to look at themselves in the mirror with disgust at what they see,

hoping one day that they can gaze upon their being in any reflective surface and look with amazement at the way they look,

with the realisation having settled in that our body is our true lover,

the lover who tries so hard to keep us alive even though we plague it with the negative thoughts from our minds,

she will always love you, even if it unrequited.

Aimée Jan 2022

sonder

sonder.

the realisation that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.

sonder.

the realisation that i am selfish to think i am the only person in the world who feels lonely,

as if i am the chosen one who the world has thrown her worst battles at,

as if i am unique in any way, shape or form when there are exact replicas of my being walking around,

with their thoughts and hobbies and feelings and emotions and experiences imitating mine.

#sonder