i hate that i sleep with my phone's sound all the way up just in case you call

i hate that i always have one eye on the top right corner of my laptop, waiting to see if a message from you will appear

i hate that i gave you a special ringtone and trained my heart to leap at its tune, even when it's playing on someone else's phone

i hate my call history because it's filled with your name accompanied by dates increasingly too long ago

i hate that i showed you my favorite songs and now all i hear is your voice carrying the tune

i hate that my mind can't stay off the subject of you, that even my subconscious dream world casts your shadow

i hate that the definition of words now carry imprints of your lips, somehow weighted by our conversation

i hate that i see your smiling face when the cherry blossoms blow in the wind and imagine the joy you'd find in its petals

i hate that good photography makes me think of you and i immediately want to send it your way

i hate that every pristine sky and heavenly display begs me to send you a photo

i hate that i showed you my black ink smudges, the dark little secrets i keep hidden inside

i hate that i've known you for five weeks and i've already fallen. but now it seems you either fell down a different *****, or chose to keep climbing this precarious mountain, while i plummeted, ignoring the signs that read, "danger, cliff close ahead".

five days.
how did so much crumble so quickly
like an old wall destroyed by one loose stone,
it took so little to break us down.
five days since you last said you missed me.
longer than that since i felt your proximity
all i've felt for a dozen days is distance,
seas and oceans of separation
five days.

five days.
this pain wouldnt be so wicked
had you simply voiced your worries,
coaxed your chords to confess your confusion.
but instead you abruptly dropped me, like
a searing *** on tender skin.
couldnt bring yourself to trust me or my heat.
laying on the floor, ive been waiting,
five days.

today, the first time i've cried over you,
wasnt nearly what i expected -
burning, heavy tears falling like a hurricane.
instead they ran slowly, almost reluctant to fall.
delicately dripping down they came.
frustration welled up, along with my tears -
pitiful sobs held nothing of my desire,
only increasing my burden of weakness,
power stripped away when i surrendered it to you

i wish you would simply talk to me
tell me about the mad dialogue in your head
let me fight your demons alongside you
we can put those worries to bed

give me some insight to your wrestling
allow me to pour peace into your mind
this road isnt one you have to walk alone
i'm here; ill kiss every scar i find

im strong. i can take it.

let me in.

if you didn't think you could, why did you try?

why did you come into my world and sweep me off my feet?

you've dropped me now, im falling from the sky

if you dont plan on catching me, just walk down the street.  

say it short, and leave me be,

ill learn to guard myself more carefully.

someone find a ruler and rap this silly fool on the knuckles
she ran through the playground, ran too fast
too quick and too hopeful
there was already someone on the swingset
she thought it was empty (she'd been led to believe so)
now all there is left to do is to sit and watch
up, down, soaring to the sky
no flying for her, someone else got there first.