I think you are so pretty
No I'm not saying that to get your number
And to slither down your pants
So I could feel loved for a night

I just want to let you know
That Photoshop the is poison to the image called your heart
Super models in magazines have it all wrong,
No matter how much you touch it up
I can still see that girl at the senior prom
Waiting on the door step
Waiting for the object called man
Because all of the movies teach you that you can live without one

I know you are an angel,
Drifting through life
Like dandelions drifting through the Colorado air.
Somehow without anyone constantly reminding you
That your parents telling you that you are a princess
Isn't just an empty complement
It is their hearts having a waltz with yours
Trying to forget the rusty anchors that are holding the real you in check.
You keep forgetting to let it go.

Let it go
Let it go like the cigarette burns
That swell your personality into madness
It drives you to the point
Where you see what the bullies at school call you

Ugly
Ugly is written in five languages is still called ugly
But you can't see that ugly is just a word.

I'm not saying that you should be women that don't need no men
Because no one likes those people
I'm saying that I'll be waiting for you,
When you want someone to hold your hand
While you watch romantic comedy
Or when you want someone to just hold you
I will be that prince charming that comes to the rescue
Even if you are that girl that is sitting on that porch.

My mother should be an author
She carves her soul into millions of pieces
Leaving it behind all of the family photos
When I see my mother
I see a woman
Who wants to hide her soul in a needle
Just so the screaming can stop in her mind,
These bottles are rattling in the living room
You see they have put shackles on her heart,
She can't love anymore
Without having ***** in her water bottle.

Where is she hiding her beer?
I feel like my mother is giving me a scavenger hunt
From the shards of glass that were left on the baseball fields
My mother used to take me to.

You know she always wasn't like this
She was strong minded and had a big heart
Tonight I will tell you the story of a woman
Who lost her soul to the Keystones to the Miller Lites
To the ****** Mary’s.
Let's rewind time
See ******* the soul in ten years

10- I look into my mother's eyes and I start to cry
Because I'm looking at a woman who I don't know anymore

9- I refused to bail her out of jail again
Because I'm afraid her kidney will fail if she drinks again

8- My mother staggered into the theater and disrupted the whole play,
My cast mates turned to me and asked, isn't that your mother?

7- I had to hold my mothers hand
Because she was throwing up the cocktail of drugs and alcohol

6- Daddy had to get mom out of jail she was drinking again

5- My mother throws the bottle across the room
And told me the reason why she drinks is because I'm Autistic

4- My mother overslept for my piano recital,
I didn't think it was a big deal
But I remember she spent the whole night crying
With a wine glass in her hand.

3- Mommy I didn't know your prescription came in a needle

2- Mommy the prescription say 2 pills a day
why are you taking 6?

1- My mother went to the doctor
Found out that she has Rheumatoid Arthritis
I don't know what that means,
But I know she will still be strong right?

0- She took me to a Dodger game for my birthday.
I remember Sammy Sosa hitting a home run that game
She told me that the only person that can **** your soul is yourself

Laughter Flows through the room
Like the clouds slithering across this glooming sky

It’s odd
The calendar on my wall says its December
But I feel so warm right now
With all of these people
With all of the memories framed up around my house

As the night drew to a close
My friends bid me their farewells
So they can go back to their homes
All I was left with was this house

And you

Yes you

You sat there are on my couch
I could see it in your eyes that something was on your mind
And you ask me greatest question to ever pop up
On this gloomy December night.

“ I cant seem to solve you, who are you really?”
I turn confused scratching my head like a busted CD
The question kept repeating in my mind
“What is their to know about me?”
“Well…
You are funny and all but that's not what you always are?”
I sat down next to her and I said

Wanna know who I am?

I am the person everyone wants me to be
I smile big in front school pictures
I smile bigger and bigger when I am in the center of attention.
I’m emotionless when a deer is dead on the road.
I cry when celebrities die
And not when 14 citizens die from another bomber.
I vote not knowing both sides of each issue.

I do what people tell me to do
When they ask me how I’m doing
I hold a big smile and say
I’m pretty good

I’m an ******* who scares everyone
Who tries to be close to me away
Because under all of this laughter and this smile,
I’m controlling.
I’m afraid that you will be just like the others and leave me alone
Who scrape my heart with your car
So I grab and I squeeze
I don't want you to be like every other person that has stumbled into my life.

But I don't say any of that
instead I just say
“I'm just some guy”

She
She is a *****
no, no not the dog kind
but the one that makes it hard to breath when she is around

She is the reason why I don't tell people who I am
because she uses oil as lipstick
you see my secrets seem to slip out of her mouth
and land in front of people that I don't even know

“ I did not know you were a bad kisser”
Do I, know you?

She is the reason why kids are afraid of monsters in their closets
I remind them not to get close to them
Or they will **** all of the skeletons out of your closet
Show everyone who they really are.

She haunted my nights
Staring at photos that now mean Jack

Then I got this funny feeling
Whenever I see you
Smiling
Looking
Down
ON ME?

You had these eyes
They sang me a beautiful song in a strange language
Telling me that everything will be okay.

We fogged up the car one night
Not because we were having ***
But it was because we were trading music to each other
You sit with me in a book store for three hours
And never look at the time
Because time was on our side

Whenever I'm with you I see time slowing down for us
And our kisses pass stories of embarrassing moments
Religious beliefs
And the brief story of your adventures in Europe.

Every kiss taught me that You are such a keeper
We are like grade school kids
Completely innocent to the slime
That modern dating has become.

She noticed us
She didn't like You and you know what
She was sad because She couldn't pull my strings anymore.
Whenever I saw She
She would be jealous
And you know what
Good, let She!

I see you in class
Yeah you
With the brown hair
It was the 3rd grade
And I was speechless

In class I would dream
That I would share my PB and J with you.
You passed me a note in math class
Asking me if you could meet me at the flag pole
You wanted to give me a surprise.

A surprise?
A surprise!
What could it possibly be?
A kiss?
A PB and J?

I had to find out,
So after math class
I skipped across the halls
My eyes were glued to the flag pole

Where is she?
My breaths were taken away from the thought of you.
Tall 5th graders' shadows started to walk towards me
They have the eyes that told me to run.
I dropped my lunch box and ran
Into a 5th grader.
More started to come out of the evening shadows
These boys were out for blood tonight.
They started to push me around
Like the words that were being thrown around
Punches and dirt thrown in my face
Reminded me that I fell for a girl
I didn't even know
I wish I could have told you how I really felt.

These boys held me down,
Stripped everything that kept me sane
And crucified me on the flag pole.
The place I thought would change my 8 year old life.

Is this what Jesus felt like?
The feeling that I'm going to heaven
Were my corps would decay on the flagpole
This flagpole

After what felt like forever
These boys left me to the hounds called the night time
I want to barge out of my shackles
And scream "why, god!"
I start to cry away,
Away from here.

It's 2am
I'm staring in my bedroom mirror
I pray to the mirror
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Why have you made me mute after all?
The mirror just sits there in horror
Reflecting the mess I have become.

I start to look at my face
I see my red demonic eyes
Caused by the concoction of tears and dirt being kicked
I feel the cuts that burn from the lies
I told myself

I look at my frail hands
And see my ****** nails from fighting back.
I noticed my wrists were ****** from the crucifixion
I wonder to myself why didn't they **** me?
Just finish me off and let my prayers be answered.

Then I look at my chest
I see cuts and bruises
Scattering around me like the feeling of loneliness

I press ******* my cuts
I want to feel something
My soul was extracted
By boys who lost it
From a closed fist from a angry father.

I look at the mirror and realized
I am ashamed of who I am.

Is there tear gas in this room?
Because I can't stop crying
The gas crawls down my esophagus
And crushes my wounded heart.

“God this hurts”

I keep typing,
Praying to computer screen
That I'll forget the smell of your hair
I type till my fingers bleed
So I can forget what your touch feels like
How our lips fit perfectly together.

“God I hate myself”

The only phrase I think of
When I'm pleading for things to back to normal
Back to the days
Where you didn't want to to crack open my skull
And see all of the ugly things
That drift around my cranium

“Baby please I'm sorry. I’m a mess,
A klutz, who waltzes around with stupidity
Baby I get this feeling in my head
When you are not around
I want to keep writing you these love letters
By sliding them under your doors called your eyelids”
But I can’t

I sit alone in the bus called life
Looking across my seat
I see you, my love
Holding onto the bar
Your pretty Blue headlights
That make me drawn to you
Your pretty Blue headlights
Covered with the rain I caused
I'm a rain man,
you see, when people get close to me
I get scared
And force the skies rain to tears with pain.


The only thing that floats in my mind
Is that I hope the man of you life
Buys you flowers
Sunflowers especially
And shows up to your work unexpectedly.
I hope you can travel to Paris
and keep a long list of all of the countries
you've cuddled in.
With him.
I hope you he can handle seeing the stars
From your eyes every time you guys cuddle
Under the moon light.
I hope he can teach you how to slow dance
And I hope that he can teach me
On how to be a better man.

I crawl unnoticed
into your bed,
having done so many times before.
I know you.

Familiar is always inviting.
The warm sheets, welcoming pillows
bound reflexively around you.
I am that inch of the bed
you never knew.

Darkness and discomfort rapidly infect
the free-spirited bliss that befriends you daily

Toss left.
Toss right.

Your brain in my hands,
a black slab of clay

Open your eyes,
all that seemed so clear, now
clouded like a stone dropped
into still shallow water.

I decide to unchain you,
for you may manage your physical existence, but

I am the puppeteer of your alternate reality.

We were both
Lonely ******* in the night
Awaiting something
Anything to come by
So we can pounce and devour.
I crept by you,
Looking for something
Anything to talk to,
To know me as just simply
Me.
But you pounced first,
And I became your something
Anything,
And now here  I am,
With you as more than my
Something anything
But more like my
Everything.

Oh ****.
My mistake.
I fell in love with you.