oh please god,
forbid me from feeling dejected,
from the way I see it,
I am slaughtering myself,
skin by skin, layer by layer,
without a call of mercy,
deep inside my chambers of Heart,
so never again;
I would bear
any agonising pain,
that would take the life of me.

i want to be loved
i want to be held
when no one’s watching
or a million crowds staring
i want my love to be seen
and i want to be loved seen

i want the moon to be the witness of the night
when i am crying
i want the sun to be the witness of the day
when i am shining
i want the flowers to be the witness of our love
when i am growing

i want to be loved,
i wanted and i want,
but still, it slips through my fingers because i couldn’t have it.

if only tears can talk,
maybe it can speak for the things
that i shut myself for.

i feel like if i am really vulnerable,
i would actually try doing something that isnt so me,
i would try all the ***** i despised,
drugs, smoke, sell myself, and back to self-harm again even,
i would actually do it,
but in the back of my mind,
i could see a version of me,
being disappointed of myself,
when they found out,
their faces of disgust and disappointment,
i would rather die in a second than seeing that;
or am i the only who are just expecting too much?

i always feel the urge for people to understand me,
so, they wont misunderstand me,
in a way i feel like im being eaten up alive and ridiculed,
but also;
it’s not their fault for not understanding,
because i also realize,
i did nothing in my power to understand them.