I feel like myself again
Smiling, happy,
My muses and music around me.
Have I ever been this confident before?
I actually want to stand out,
Stand apart,
Stand by myself in the glaring sunlight
While everyone notices or doesn't notice.
Ultimately it doesn't matter which one it is,
It matters that I am still
Standing.

What is value?
Something you feel? Touch? Show?
I don’t feel my value tonight
As you betray my words and
Misdirected my meanings.
Why trust anymore?
It always breaks...
Everyone has broken that fragile trust of mine
That I spend so much time keeping together.
I don’t feel welcome here.

Simplify, simplify, simplify,
Isn't that what the great poet told us?
To simplify our words, our loves, our meaning, our life.
Why?
Why not learn the superfluous meanings,
The constant contradiction of life?
Why add a little brown line below our words,
When we know exactly what we mean,
Our purposefully added words clarify the meaning.
Why not be the extra exclamation mark in “I can do this!!! I am made of tougher stuff!!!”
When the whole entire world is already against us,
Stop trying to change us.

Fighting a battle in myself that has already been lost... And trying to pick up the pieces as I go.

The torment I put myself through.
Can he see it? How with his every word, every action.
I. am. the. one. to. tear. myself. apart.

long distance relationships are the pits.
i can understand that.
i lived it with you.
when will you be strong enough to really let me go..
To let me free fall and hit the pavement HARD.
It wouldn't be more damage than you've already caused me.

i blame myself for every pain you have.
i know it's my fault that you hurt yourself and then
cheated on me, to try and make yourself feel real again.

you say it didn't work. i say it's better than hanging around for me.
ill be a disappointment anyway.

December,
I've already been broken before,
I didn't think you could break me more.
I will never let you see me cry.
January,
Crying will never stop,
Someone else stomped on the pieces,
I once was a vase,
Now a crushed piece of pottery.
Don't touch me, I'm sharp glass.
February,
How do you make me fall for you every second I see you?
I'm beginning to heal and mend,
And I will not push you away.

I am amazed and grateful for you, wonderful friend.

Could you keep me safe and warm?
I've walked through the winter and
Picked up a case of frostbite.
I've seen it affect people's hearts,
Twisting their fears into reality as their light recedes,
Suffocated in the cold,
Like Caoimhn.
Calm Caoimhn, now chaos.
My toes are turning black, a sure sign I'm losing this fight,
Stacking up like the fights I've lost before.
My mind drifts,
Falling into this snowy drift, falling, falling,
Sleeping when there's snowflakes on my cheeks.
Turning blue in the subarctic temperatures,
I try to stay alive.
Breathing slowly, shivering,
I won't let my heart go cold,
But I still won't be safe from the frostbite.