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The smiling faces

are getting me through this life,

full of sleepless nights.
I have scars,
Like all people do.
Every layer of my skin they peel.
Causing pain and utter misery.

Memories are all I have,
More than she did ever accrue.
And in every gushing moment, beneath I kneel.
Dream in heart and hope in soul.

I have scars,
Like all people do.
They may or may not heal.
I hope they don't, at least I will remember what they stand for.
 Sep 2016 Abigail Sedgwick
Corvus
I'm picking these scabs again.
They were once so harmless,
Such trivial little marks caused by the bumps and scrapes
Of life and the interactions within.
How did it get to this point?
Gaping holes, bleeding all over my sheets,
Clawing at the incessant itching from deep within,
But only managing to scratch the surface.
This compulsion to pick away
At the repugnant remnants of these feelings.
Knowing that it does nothing but mark me further,
Ignoring the strands of collagen
Forming to each other to pull the jagged edges back together.
Hating the feel of the thickened, lightened skin
Where it once was perfect, untouched, now corrupted.
As soon as I feel it harden, I pick it away,
Keep the scar gone for one more day,
As it drowns in the blood.
I ask for peace
and You hold my hand.
I ask for mercy
and next to me You stand.
I ask for truth
and I drink from Your cup.
I ask for love
and You show up.

You say You are faithful
though I do not believe
for I ask for all these things
but You say You're all I need.

But when I picture peace
is it not Your hand in mine?
And when mercy is my desire
is it not a craving for Your time?
When truth is in question
do I not yearn for Your Word?
And when Love become the answer
is that not found in You, Lord?

You tell me You are faithful
as I begin to see
that all these things I long for
are all that You would be.
.

As I count crows
sitting on the clothesline
I see a shape in the distance
that I do not recognize
I move a little closer
but the ash trees bring a sad shade
and the lawn flashes its blades,
cutting directly to the heart
in syncopated beatings
like chopping wood in August
when the last saw
is locked away in the shed

I wipe the sweat from my brow
with a scarf scented of past evenings
chasing fireflies and drinking iced tea,
foggy memories in place of
bi-focals smeared and blurred,
unable to focus on the sticker burrs
pulled from my socks,
hanging on for dear life,
let alone the figure approaching
just past the produce stand with
apples and aspargus in season

Still I look,
peering beyond a fractured arbor
of beer bottle skeletons
situated at the far corner
of nowhere’s homestead, off-white pickets
and a rusted gate now
overgrown and over sown
in rows of corn field miseries,
shucked and burned in a steel barrel
down by the mud creek minstrels
playing broken strings
and bent tubas

When I realize it is you
coming home to me,
walking through the sunflowers,
an effervescent blue sky background glows,
roses bloom in pinks and yellows,
robins tend to their young
beneath a rainbow of blessings
in assorted hues and feathers
as what was once what I dreamed
now slowly becomes what I see,
returning to its former beauty
and the sun shines again
the dust will settle
and i will come
searching
under the ground
to find you

still breathing
still bleeding
still needing
air
my love
i will find one more
breath
for you
as you gasp
and grasp for
for heaven

but
my love
smile with me
let it go
for all we need
to hold onto
is the sky
between our fingers

hands holding tight
look at me
look
at
me
see no lie
place my promise
in your heart
where it belongs

and i will save us both
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