Sometimes I feel like this body is not even mine
Feel's like living is wasting my time
No matter how good things be I never feel fine
Feeling the feelings feels like a crime
Even tears ditched me this time
Even the pen started to stutter
Is this the end of the line?
Don't know anymore why the hell I'm still writing
Black ink on the paper has gone the real black this time
And for the matter of fact
Black comes after Red
Remember me? I'm the lively dead!

Pain might scare you but its my bestie
Turning my beats a bit dusty
Soon my lips will be a bit crusty
and my skin will be all rusty
My throat will be all dry
But I won't be thirsty
Soul will be gone back to its trustee
Nothing will be left only the memories starting to get blurry
Everything's been a bit too turny
Red is all runny
We all are just the dummy
Owner is the time
And it does not matter whether its the coffin or the mummy.
My life's been written from the blackest of the ink on the goldest of the paper
Thinking of jumping I've been on the highest of the sky-scrapper
Narrowing at the end it's the perfect taper
Skin so rough can not be penetrated by any dagger
Chained up legs, thousand of the drags and I'm the dragger
And I can not describe what is it like
Sometime I feel like abandoned by the life and rejected by the death
Not giving up is the talent of mine
Soul got murdered a long time ago
Culprit is the time
Every single memory is like unhealed wounds flooded with lime
Heart is still beating
Not being still is its only crime
Salt is too much and sugar is missing in my brine
My scars turned white now they shine.

I burned myself down
To light up the other's room
Forgot that my flame was way too bright
And burned up the whole ******* room
Still miss the days I used to sleep at 10
Never knew when it shifted to 4
Never knew this is how my life will bloom
Turned to a disaster it goes boom
Sitting on the edge in a barroom
Instead of holding onto the glass
My hand's holding  onto my own doom
On my mind is the dust on a few old simooms.
I'm always a student
Never stopped the learning
It's the life for which I'm paying the rent
Failure is my earning
Unstoppable blaze of mine is bright burning
Got the table-turning
Enemies are now running
Blood stopped the draining
Got fighter on my forehead as and engraving.
Falling a thousand
Getting up puls one
My backfoot's stood strong on my land
My life's been a rand
Lived on the edge always on the end.

High on ecstasy
My heart, itself is a conspiracy
My opinion is my courtesy
Rather than to be twisted like the American chopsy
Infected Imagination is my report of the autopsy
Locked myself down, gained my own privacy
Some try to copy my flow, call it the piracy
Word coming out of my pen like it belongs to the dictionary
And the **** I write is no fictionary.
Not to be fooled by the words
I know the sound of the heart
I know the sound of the soul
Have a future
have a goal
I'm on the faster roll
Few laughing at me trying to stop me "LOL".
Furious than the python from Burma
My ****'s so hard it's been ******* the karma
I'm grinding so hard that I'm skipping the drama.
Thoughts so loud I can't sleep till four
Heisting the growth, chaos is what I'm hungry for
Thugging through ride
Thugging through the life
And I'm scoring for the more
Hardest in the core
Like I'm the 500 nitro express bore
Don't go through my summary
You might feel sore
Take a deeper dive and you'll soar
And no more I have to say cause
Not to be fooled by the words
I know the sound of the heart
I know the sound of the soul.
Getting pretty good with my game
Syllables are the one in blame
This might sound pretty lame
But I ain't the one to be tame
Going shotgun, 12 gauge to be frame
Yet again here I came
My beard is my mane
Lion to be particular, reach is the same
Neither I wanted the crown nor my name was in fame
Let me slow down a bit, I already lifted it like I'm a crane
One thing for sure that this is not the end
Cause now I've gone Insane
Ain't nothing much left to say cause
Not to be fooled by the words
I know the sound of the heart
I know the sound of the soul.

Byproduct of Apocalypse
Friend of the catastrophe
The thing that's getting over is my lease
But the scars aren't fading from the time named leash
I don't know whether my mind's in a breeze
Or it's about to cease
Folded to the thousand layer
But now all there's left is crease
Talking was never an option so I grabbed onto my keyboard keys
If there's a note playing it's the most lowest key
The most silent one
The pressure on me is now over a million ton
And its held up again point-blank of a gun
I wish I could gather it and force it to run
But the soul's been scorched by the brightest sun
I'm friend's with thousands
But none are mine
Maybe the one messing up with me is time
And feeling is my crime
There's a diffrent tone of these lines
And now stillness and silence to me are pretty fine.
Held my head with my own hands down
In the river, I drown
These words might act like truth making you frown
I'm the joker & I'm the clown
Held sky high by this barbed wire crown
(shhh it's not held sky high, its hung sky high...)
This my legacy this is my town
I stand at the lowest
None can push me down.
Gauged eyes
Slitted wrist
Crushed fingers
Broken legs
Dead mind
All of this together isn't even a bit
Of a catastrophic soul
To be at this point
It's a real heavy toll
Dancing dead for the end at the dema's pole
Hope this goes straight over your hear otherwise it's a close call
And now my art become a mall
With time and thinking as the price
With the product of your choice
From rock'n'roll to Annabelle the doll
All from black to brown
In the river, I drown
These words might act like truth making you frown
I'M THE JOKER I'M THE CLOWN.

Does love ever win ?
Or is it destined to lose ?

Red in my hand
Red of my own
Head in the drain
Head in the vain
Plastic bag on my head
Standing on the edge
It's not new to me
But still, it feels the same
Will I be able to stand again
My wings are what on the ground remains
My thoughts ate me up alive
If I could it's the death I'd bribe
Enjoy the show cause it's all live
Gave it a last chance
Dancing to life's rhythm
Expected it to be da-da-dee-dee-dum
But it turned out to howling silence pilgrim
Used to lock my self up alone
Now standing in between the million same feeling clone
No need to be alone
Cause it's my mind that's alone
Call me up, I'll never answer the phone
And all this **** penetrated through my bone
My life's no ****** toons
There are many missing moons
One day I'll be one of them
And that day will come soon.

Am I just calm
Or I'm dying inside ?

This pen was an escape to me  from the world out there
Physical pain was an escape through the mental one
Although I never escaped the truth
A knife slits my throat while I'm wearing my best suit
Sleep wasn't enough for me anymore
So I jumped on to the fifth pocket pills
Even if it's the soul which it kills
Mind's on the left while body on the right
Yeah I'm having completely different kind of thrills
Even sometimes it gives me down my spine a quite of the chills
Mind out of control
All I need is some tight and hard leashes.

Actions were screaming
But I still believed the words
Although my mind was in the clouds between the birds
But my soul was drowning
And all of this is too tiring
So I got up and start firing
yeah sometimes I do fall but right now I'm thriving
It's my kingdom & I'm the master of the skill of surviving
My head down but ******* up
My thoughts were down but hard work stood up
Although I might stay down my will stay up
Eyes closed but no sleeping
Eyes open but still dreaming
Hands up in the air my writings been screaming
Work is all I do, It's my mind what I've been training
Listening to all but believing only on my thinking
Late nights no sleep, my condition is a bit frightening
The rope around my neck 'been tightening
one day I'll make it through cause I've been striking
Cause I'm the master of the skill of surviving.

Looking through the windowpane
Is it just me or we all can see through the pain
Like the drain, this feeling stinks
Deep in somewhere, it like a hornet sting
Drinks do not help anymore
Take me to the top and throw me down
And make sure you hit the winning score.
This darkness is what I consume
Either it'll take me up alive
But if I do survive
I'm pretty sure that vision will be rectified
Stuck in this tide
The moon is the dark
And the ocean is my life
No matter what I do this thing rule's my mind
Sitting on the throne
I'm its kingdom
Don't even know when this sneaked inside
And still, my burning soul is my light
It's the only light my only guide
Lay me down & cover me up in whites
This might be the end & I don't know what it's like.

You might not know me or you do
What I'm about to tell you is sad but it's true
Grab a seat this gonna take moment ok?
Now you might think this is some weird ****** ****
But let me tell you it's much more than this
Now let me warn you already instead
Although you're not in it
I'll make you feel in it ok?
You can close this right now
Cause things gonna be a bit steep ahead

My soul has been broken so many time
That now I laugh instead of crying
Trust and love bring the tears
Pain is my new taste of comedy
Let it shower
let the pain drizzle all over me
Cause it's the only when you'll see the most laughing me
My hope never died
Yeah but its backbone did
You don't get this?
let me take you a bit deeper ok?
I used to think of happiness and love is what I need
but once my tongue got the taste of hurting and dying
****** I ******* loved it
Now that pain became something where my life depends on it

I used to be scared of pain
Until I realized happiness was the real evil
And now I invite all the energies to hurt me in such a way
That there's no chance left to let me escape
Killing me slowly but not letting me die
That's what My heart wishes for one last time
Take me down to the deepest of this lake
Hold me there till I'm ******* dead
Or you can burn me up in the brightest flame
I hope anyone who comes to me must treat me in their worst possible way.
And all of this is written by me cause finally my tears are black
Mind's open, heart's burning, eyes exploding
But most of all my soul is cracked
Cause this is written by me when my tears became black
My tears are black but I was not crying
I know you don't get this, let me explain, trust me I'm trying

Word that can define me is catastrophic
You need to listen to me I'm not on narcotics
Yeah it might not make any sense to you
But that doesn't mean it's senseless
Each day I get up and get dressed
With millions of shards in my heart
layer under layer suppressed
You might call me depressed
But I'm not
Cause this is written by me when my tears became black
I'm not crying but laughing with the tears that are black
And I hope this might explain me right, cause if it doesn't
I do not have any other words to say, ok?