I remember you
from your beautiful smile
your cinnamon scented hair
your contagious laughter
your nail-biting addiction
your pointless insecurities
to our silly inside jokes
our dumb little fights
our peculiar bets
our goofy text messages

through tears and smiles
you were the only one who understood
my unspoken words
my concealed pain
my unexpressed happiness
my puzzled feelings

counting your days
we recalled our mischievous memories
when we danced in the rain
when we rang doorbells and ran away
when we pranked the gullible ones
when we stole Ikea pencils
when we fangirled over stunning guys
when we were together
everything turn into excitements
moments with you
I remember them all, Grace

it was a week before December twenty-fifth
when the monstrous cells stopped your heart
a glimpse of smile
appeared upon your face
as you're being taken
far away from us
skin turned pale
body stiffened
tears flooded my sight
there were wailing across the room

time flies like a bullet train without you
it's a rainy day today
you've always loved rainy days
sinking my knees in the dew-wet grass
raindrops whisper in my ears
as I brush off the gray snow from your stone
I still remember you, Grace
I still do

Numb
That is all i can feel.
Numb
Nothing seems real.
Numb
I can't pretend that it's fine
You've worn me to the ground.
Every feeling i once felt
is not pounded.
So my heart is left bare
No feelings live there.
I feel the beat of once happy blood
flow through my veins.
It's blue. oxygen is dried.
Used by all the painful tears i have cried.

It's 1 AM and I'm alone again,
Simply existing like matter in space.
Frozen in the cold front that emptiness brings,
Cloaked in the darkness where loneliness breeds.
Through sullen eyes and an unforgiving mind,
I see something shine bright and clear: you.

Not you, the one who left me behind,
Your shine comes with a tint of rust.
You no longer glisten in the sun, but burn.
Your light you shine never showed your true color.
It was because of you that my darkness grew,
And began to engulf the light I'd shine.

Not you, the one who I burned out.
In my darkest hour you shined your light.
But my soul by then was a black hole.
Your light got lost in the dead of night.
And so you fled, before I found the light again.
Left alone to fight demons in the dark.

It is you, the one I've yet to truly see.
Your light shines too bright to see your face.
But I can feel your warmth, even in this cold.
Your light is a beacon of hope that I'll run towards.
At the end of the tunnel could be two things.
I just hope my heart won't burn out my eyes.