A lonely, little, lacking Johnson
A limp lump without love
One lazy lick and he’s gone

Pull me in from shallow depths
Follow in my footsteps
Hide with me in shadows
Ignoring all that follows

Get away from trouble,
Come and play with bubbles!
No need to worry, anymore
That's too much of a chore

Take it and take me,
let me provide with all I have left.
Even with all that’s been taken from me,
and what little I’ve been given,
I’ll give to you.
I’ll give it all up for you.
I’d do anything for you...
Just say the words.
I’m at your will,
just let me give!
I can only give,
it’s what I was taught
and what I will teach.
Now, take me.
Let me give up for you.
Give to you.
Give in to you.
All I can do is give.

I need to be alone

Alone to think;

Alone to ponder

Things that are not meant for me

the wide expanse of space,
so empty
yet full of terrifying possibility.

With all these lies I tell,
how long until I’m the boy who cried wolf?

put something on,
something nice and very you.
don't make yourself uncomfortable,
just make do.

you look nice!
it's very you!
the color, the style, the shape,
it's very much you.

people are complimenting you.
they're looking at you!
quick, smile!
they want to see that gorgeous face.

time to play your instrument.
a nice, gorgeous cello
slotted right between your knees,
leaning on your chest.

there's a boy staring...
he seems to like your outfit.
his eyes are straying lower,
and even lower still.

your hand is trembling,
are you alright?
"yeah, i'm fine,
there's just something on my mind..."

that boy,
he seemed to like you.
he stared at your bare thighs from under your skirt.
he stared at your visible chest.

he looked at you like you were naked,
gazing your body hungrily.
at least he never touched you
or made you feel wanted.

later while shopping,
someone's hand came a little too close.
you arched away awkwardly
and ran away quickly.

that boy,
that hand...
they won't leave your mind.
why do you keep thinking about something so childish?

maybe tomorrow you'll wear something nice again.
something that's very you.
maybe just your birthday suit.
that's very you.

My influence is spreading like cancer
Taking over everything and anything
Sometime you can stop it
But sometimes,
it's inevitable
And you if
you get
rid
of
me
I
Always
Come
Back

I don't want a long life.
To grow old isn't my thing.
I wanna die free.
The vision I have is beautiful...
I'm walking to school,
the sky is blue,
the trees are full,
and the color came back to my world.
My vision shows me wearing black,
my hair in a ponytail,
and I'm standing tall,
isolated from my peers.
I'm calm
and before I die,
I take a nice, long breath.
I step off onto the street,
in front of school,
away from my peers,
away from the trees.
I'm standing still,
hand on my bag.
I'm finally happy.
Then...
A red car crashes into me.
Just what I wanted.
I'm finally dead.
Finally happy.
Truly happy.
I know that the world would be happier,
my mom would have the funds to live.
My friends might mourn,
but they have each other,
right?
They can help each other out,
that's what I'd want.
I want them to be happy,
but not with me there.
I want them to help each other,
and maybe my death will bring them together.
I want them happy,
I want them happy...
I want them...
happy?
God, I just don't know...

Write me,
the right me.
Capture my essence and trap it inside me.
Let the world see
this different side of me.

So much room,
left alone.
Quiet place,
a little dome.

Can I stay way up there?
Away from all the trouble here?
I can find a way.
There’s always a way!

I built a rocket
to fly up high.
To reach the clouds,
further than the sky.

.
.
.

Glorious, it’s magnificent!
There’s so much beautiful life!
From slimy creatures, to fuzzy bow ties,
there’s just so much to see!

I met a man,
nearly twice my size.
He pat my shoulders and said,
“You worked so hard, you got a prize.”

We became good friends,
this man and I.
He never said his name,
Maybe it’s a gargle.

I took him on my ship,
he nearly didn’t fit.
I designed the door only for me,
but somehow he got in.

He showed me to his home.
It was stunning, to say the least.
A beautiful meadow on the horizon,
A pink river above me.

I tried to touch it,
but he took my wrist.
“It’s dangerous,
do not touch.”

There were no trees,
But surprisingly, I could breathe!
I took a deep breath,
And ran towards the flowers.

Again, the man stopped me.
“No!
They bite!
They feed off the young!”

“I can’t do anything!
Why did you even bring me?!”
The man sighed.
“To show you the true horrors of your creation.”

.
.
.

That was months ago.
Now I live by myself
in my ***** little dungeon.
A ***** little dungeon in the vacuum of space.

My prize,
my creation.
Was it a figment
Of my imagination?

The man,
that ginormous man.
He told me good things,
very good things.

But...
He told me of what I made.
My creation was a killer.
I am a killer.

I can’t let this be the last of me.
But I’ve lost all hope...
He shows me one thing in this vast, open galaxy.
Suddenly, I’m homesick.

I want to fly back.
All I want is my family.
I chased my dreams
With no second thought.

Mother... how are you?
Is the cancers back?
I don’t want you to be dead...
That’s the last thing anyone deserves.

Father... what are you doing?
Do you have a third wife?
How is your second family?
Sorry you couldn’t live with me in Germany...

Anastasia... how’s your studies?
Are you finally a lawyer?
I hope your dreams became a reality.
You really deserve it, after everything.

Nicholas... are you crying?
Please don’t bottle it all up,
you have a family who loves you.
I’m sincerely sorry I left.

Nathaniel... where are you?
Did you leave to chase your dreams?
Did you start a family?
I sincerely hope you didn’t leave Mother alone...

My friends...
Evan, Matt, Emma, Arica, Five...
Eli, Ryland, Lillian, Cacey, Sami...
There was so much I wanted to say...

No,
Giving up is for the weak.
I can’t give up,
Not now, of all times...!

For the first time in months,
I get back up to the control panel.
I chuckle a bit,
and push some buttons.

Last time I was here,
I was running away.
Now,
I’m running back.

.
.
.

A sister planet to the last one,
the one that ended my dreams.
The other blew up.
Too many flowers.

It’s just as magnificent,
just as beautiful.
But now, I feel a sense of dread.
A sense of dread and fear.

I want to cry.
I know that just as beautiful as it is,
there’s an underlying danger to it.
I could die at any second.

As I step out of my ship,
a child runs toward me.
I retreat back into my ship, my heart beating.
That child terrified me.

I don’t want to go back out.
There’s too much, too much-
The child is knocking on my door.
Oh god, help me, please!

I feel like I’m drowning in a puddle of lava.
Simultaneously choking and burning,
I have no escape.
I have no way to get out.

A cool hand sets itself on my cheek.
I try to open my eyes, but I can’t.
I can’t snap myself out,
out of this reoccurring nightmarish dream.

Suddenly, I gasp.
I’m in my bed.
Surrounded by my purple walls and white decor...
I’m back home.

.
.
.

Outside, I hear a loud rumbling.
I drop all my things and run to a window.
I see a rocket
and a girl.

We make eye contact,
her eyes cold and calculating,
mine curious and wandering.
She points something at me...

and I find myself being judged by God himself.

jejune
jejuly
je t'aime, monsieur
je t'aime, mademoiselle

i love you,
i love you,
but i was too naive to realize i'm being used,
being used by you.

A little girl
who didn't know better.
A child
who was nothing worthwhile.
Only there for longing stares,
Only there for curious hands.
Big, scary, curious hands...
She might be at risk for something
oh, so dangerous.
But she'd never know.
She never knows.
She's just a little girl
with no world of her own.
When she's older,
maybe she'll be a little more aware
of her tiring, terrifying situation.
But no one can help.
They'd only laugh.
Wouldn't believe her.
Even while she's crying her heart out,
taking in deep, labored breaths...
Nobody's there.
Nobody was ever there for her.
And soon,
that same little girl
will be hanging
on her ceiling fan.

It's the little things that count.
Like little kids learning little skills.
Little girls chasing little boys.
Little blocks, stacked on top each other.

Or little girls, getting touched by big hands.
Little boys getting taken by big men.
Little kids with little skills.
Little kids who learn to count what little time they have.

close your eyes
and hold me close.
oh dear,
hold me dearly to your heart.

it beats, and beats,
my love, you can't be beat.
it's strong, my will.
love you, i will.

i'm struck with grief!
i was struck by your handkerchief.
what have i done?
what have i done wrong?
.
.
.
you're too late, my dear
i'm off to war.
i'll see you soon
in a place on the sun.

at war with war,
no peace with peace.
in a war like this,
will the world stay in one piece?

with my back to france,
i'm back from france.
my darling,
i'm home.

the king,
oh yes,
i must see
the king.

he'll give me the news,
he'll catch me up.
i'll beg and plead
to make sure you're safe.

an hour of court.
he told me the news.
i can't wait
to be back with you.
.
.
.
cries of papa pierce the air.
i'm being hugged by two.
home, i'm here.
i'm here with you.

my darling cecilia,
i've missed you.
i've missed you dearly,
my darling.

little garth,
oh, how you've grown!
you're still a scrawny boy,
come, let us feast!
.
.
.
hours later,
we're finally alone.
garth in bed,
and the town at peace.

i'll grace your neck,
i'll pierce your skin.
i love you, my darling,
with all my being.

how war can change you,
how war has changed me.
the war has changed you too, dear.
is something wrong?

a strong case of disbelief,
i do think that's the case.
my dear, i'm alright.
i'm here, not dead but alive.

a long night of passion has met an end,
and our legs tangle in the bed.
now close your eyes,
and hold me close.

It's fine, okay?
Stop worrying about me.
That's my job to worry,
It has been for years.

I don't feel worthless.
I don't think you should stop.
I don't want to speak.
I don't think you're depressed.
I don't think you're great.
I don't think I'm fat.
I think I'm fine.
I think we're fine.