Congratulations!
You made me feel worse than I did before
Your mind games are impossible to navigate successfully

I think about you
Every minute
Of every hour
Of every day
I doubt I ever cross your mind at all

I’m just the scariest looking dog on the planet
No one will pet me

You changed entirely from last Thursday
And I don’t know why
Maybe it’s for the best
A kiss from me is a harbinger of death

All of my pain is just a secret I keep to myself

I’m a displaced box
Mislabeled
Contents read: okay
In reality they’re: fragile
Must handle with care

The harder I smile
The more I break

I’m struggling
But I can’t tell anyone.

Life is too extreme for my delicate, tender sensibilities

All of my issues are just below the surface
Veiled by a thin gauze no one dares penetrate

I don’t want to think about you
You’re so confusing
But,
All I can do is try to figure out what you meant and what you want
You’re a cancer in my mind
Spreading
Overtaking

I let my rage stew
It only ever simmers
It never boils over
Quiet rage is something I have mastered

Can no one see the sadness in my eyes?
Am I just that good at masking it?
Or do they just not care?

I’m just a Venus flytrap
The boys that love me only realize it a little too late

I hate feeling awful because of my stupid heart.

Why does it feel like something is happening?
Something...
Starting
Again
I feel the thing I don’t want to feel
I lose everyone I feel for
How do I tell him that?

Where will I be this time next year?

You noticed my piercings
I, noticed you

You’ve stopped writing about me...
Maybe you’ve finally found the June to your Johnny.

Today last year
I passed through your threshold for the first time
Not knowing that I would eventually have a key
Now,
We don’t talk
We don’t see each other,
We don’t say I love you.
All it took was a year.
A year that took a lot from me.

I’m closer to thirty
Not thriving or flirty
A movie you enjoyed.
I thought it would be you,
I got up that night from your second couch,
The thought of asking you to dance flew through my hazy mind
At the last second the music changed,
Almost as if, arranged
By a higher power
One that knew our doomed future
One that knew, you would leave me with wounds that could never be fixed with sutures
I’m still dance less
Maybe, in an alternate universe, the right guy would finally walk up to me, hand outstretched, and ask me
I, in turn, would say yes
Instantly hexed

I’m a hopeless romantic masquerading as a heartless cynic.

Why do I torture myself with memories from my past?
A song
A movie
A place
The raw hurt is a normality now
Emotionally cutting
Creating perpetual wounds

Every day I sit and stare
Letting the pain from our memories wash over me
And the seemingly endless tears fall

All we do now is write poetry about each other.
I wonder how you would feel if you knew that all I can focus on, is our past.

I couldn’t save you.
That destroyed us.

I miss you.
I hate that I miss you.

You wrote about her...
You wrote about me...
I know you’ll write about a future her...
I pray my heart is strong enough for whenever that will be...

It’s not working out.
How do I break up with myself?

Don’t accuse me of not mourning our relationship by not crying.
You eviscerated my heart.
Love and fear will be forever vying.
Between her legs you faltered.
You left me to self partner.

An overwhelming feeling to leave
Sixteen minutes in
If this feeling persists
Another **** to my collection
Smaller than yours but,
Still more in addition.
Reading your poems about her,
I’m erased.
Will I ever tell you how diminished they make me feel.
You have to know I read them.
Suicide. Self inflicted.
Today, I’ll win an Oscar.

I’m putting on a brave face
As your hand moves to my waist,
Down...
To my hip.
The left...
Scarred from Halloween twenty fifteen
Your left arm on display
My cuts
Left unseen

I should’ve pulled that trigger when I was fifteen
Saved the world from future me
All of the insecurities I wouldn’t have had to express
Saved eyes from seeing my Frankenstein nakedness

You say I don’t understand.
Pain.
Yours and mine, you can’t take.
(A thought that frankly, ****** me off for f•ck’s sake)
Not realizing when your bad thoughts wake,
My being,
Eviscerates.
You’re trying to keep me out, to keep me sound.
But I want to know. To you, my heart is bound.

I missed you today but I’ll see you tomorrow

And now I have to go out there,
Pretending I’m okay

I feel you miss her.

You say you love me.
It hurts regardless.
You make me feel like I interrupted your probably would be back with her relationship

I should’ve kept that bottle of pills
Feeling worthless
Do you even care how it affects me?
You never ask.
I always put your feelings first.
They’re more important because they’re more apparent I guess.
I have the same thoughts too.
You know that.
I’d like a drink too
I just need to forget my problems too
The need doesn’t pull me as strongly
Are your poems about me?
Are they about her?

What am I?
Just another distraction on your list

Inevitable first thoughts were right
We’re over before we begun
I’m not enough
Again
I’m alone
Lost a friend

Sitting on your bed listening to you go on and on and on and on about her
Why am i even here?
I know a part of you genuinely wonders what would’ve happened between the two of you if you would’ve been different
If you didn’t have an addiction
If you weren’t so “irrational”
Will i ever truly be first?
Will i ever really matter to someone?
Would you go back to her in a heartbeat? She’s in your dreams
Nightmares maybe
...thoughts
i am not alone in there
Up there
In your clouded mind

I’m drowning in a world of pretending.
Is there anyone that can see through the façade and save me?

What are we playing at?
Back at your apartment acting like we never slept next to each other for three weeks. Is it a defense mechanism? What are we afraid of? Containment.

Muse
Only for the amused
-Your Manic Pixie Dream Girl

Sitting next to you...
Filled to the brim with thoughts of you...
I know I’m sitting in a memory.

Act and react to me.

Thoughts marinate in my mind becoming tender romanticism.