How do you make me feel better and worse at the same time?

I don’t bother you about it because it seems to be the last thing on your mind
I, seem to be the last thing on your mind

Nothing means anything
To
You

I spend all day trying to distract myself with other thoughts
Thoughts that aren’t you
Thoughts that aren’t about wanting to die

I guess it’s sad
It still hurts to know that you just see my messages and ignore them
Ignore me
What did I do wrong?
Why don’t you even remotely like me?

Subconsciously locking my feelings away again
Trying to accept that I’m nothing to you
I don’t want to get hurt
I can’t get hurt
I know I won’t survive a next time

You’re getting too close to me
I’ll only disappoint
That’s what you told me.
What does that even mean?
I can’t change my feelings for you
but,
I can’t force you to have any feelings for me.
I’m disappointed I can’t just be who you want enough for you to even want to try.