I am but a fool
My heart, your play tool
But I'm not going to cry
No need to apologize

Should've kept my heart more closely guarded
Instead of letting it be bombarded
With emotions I cant control
I should have closed my heart and soul

As time passes on I will understand
And I hope we can carry on as friends

I don't know how to express myself
Is this love or something else?
Its hard to tell how I feel about you
Or know how you feel about me too

My heart is so easily fooled
Been burned before, played like a tool
Maybe I'm just being stupid and obsessive
The things I feel are a little excessive

My day's a little brighter whenever you're near
But to break my heart again is my biggest fear
Whatever this is, I'll keep coming back
Even if it makes my heart turn black

What if I told you I wanted to die?
To end my life early by my own hand

What if I told you that when everyone who cares about me
Passes away or forgets about me
I would simply fade away

Is it wrong of me to think this? Selfish?
Perhaps I only say this as an excuse to not try in life
To not attempt to make something of myself

I know that I could, but...
I continuously use the excuse that it doesn't matter...

What if, for once, I wasn't afraid to try?

Sea, sky, trees, wind
Sadness, sorrow, darkness within

No matter how peaceful my surroundings
I can't seem to shake this feeling
No matter how many people love me
I still feel like a burden

I know others have it worse than me
So why do I still feel this way?
What does it take for me to truly be...

Happy

To find peace, be motivated
To live life to its full potential
To break free of the shackles that bind me
And start everything anew...




What does it take?

I want to write, but I don't know how
Nothing comes to mind, not a single word nor vowel
I look inside myself, but I cant feel a thing
Just overbearing loneliness eating me from within

So hard to write when I don't know how to feel
These wounds from the past that just wont heal
Eating me from within, torn up by guilt
Tearing down the emotional walls I've built

If people knew my secret, they'd see me as a monster
I'd lose it all, my pride and my honor
Should I just leave this world, quit while I'm ahead?
Maybe you'd all be better off if I was dead

Someone like me doesn't deserve to live
The things I've done, no one can forgive
So why am I still here? Why do I exist?
What reason is there for me to persist?

Someone please help me set free
The poet that resides within me
It's so hard to put my thoughts to pen
Even if I can now and then

All I can do is write from the heart
But it's difficult to know where to start
When I lack the creative spark
And its tearing me apart

So I fall back on these rhyming tools
Play the fool, trying to be cool
It's hard to write poetry
When I cant even see
What's inside the real me

I'm waiting for someone to start my fire
To spark the flame of my desire
To banish these dark and cloudy skies
Full of self hate, loathing, and lies

Someone to sit with me near the fireplace
To hold me in their loving embrace
To whisper sweet nothings in my ear
Words like "I love you" that I never hear

But I'm afraid of what i might gain
So I'll spend my days alone, in pain