"The truth is, that giddy butterfly in-love feeling? It goes away. And all that's left is friendship. You have to ask, is my lover my best friend, because in the end that's all that's left"

i used to think that you were a gift from God.
after all, you came around after i was saved.
i used to use you in my testimony, too.
i never believed them when they said the Devil was testing me.
i had given in quite a few times to him.
but i never, not even for a second, believed that you were
anything but God-given.

what are you now?
a story i'll tell my children when they ask about
the many photos i have of us?
a tall-tale about love that i ruined with my
blackened heart and tarnished promises?
a lost girl with eyes of gold?
advice i'll give to those whom ask about our time together in relation
to their own problems?

my promise still stands.
i won't **** myself.
i have tried enough times to now that
i can't even do that much right.
but i was never going to **** myself over your words
or your actions.
i wanted to die because of myself
and the choices I've made in my own life that
have nothing to do with you.
I've made more mistakes than you could ever know,
leigh.
ones that nobody know about.

i think what is important is the betterment of myself
and of all.
and i don't believe that my death with help.
maybe you do,
but i do not.
i believe my life is worth a lot more than that,
for my God tells me so.

you can try to choke me with your words
and you can wish death upon me
and even declare that meeting me was the
most unluckiest thing that has ever happened in your life.
but just know that all I've ever wanted for you was the best.
and that means that the chapter of you in my life is now over,
because what is best for you is not me.
we should've known that a long time ago.
maybe we did,
but we just didn't want to say it out loud.

so have the best.
live a happy life.
be the best you can be.
smile, laugh, and learn from the unlucky chapter in your life that was
me.

that's all i can say.
i still believe that you were God-given,
you know.
like i said, i never once believed that you weren't.
so take your God-given gifts and love with all of your might.

you've taught me so much,
and i'll forever be grateful for the time you were in my life.
even though you don't feel the same about me.

Well I tried my best
My heart has been ripped out my chest
Nothing left but to cry
I'm sorry dear friend but I want to die
I've made my bed in which I lie
I don't understand, I don't know why
Maybe because you left me high and dry,
Maybe because you said goodbye
I won't[die]; it's fine, I'm just wandering in space
My mind and heart are in fast pace
How the hell is this 'okay'?
I wish the world would stop the noise
in my head; I just want to hear his voice
Oh how silly I'm being for a boy
that still brings me joy

Say you love me, I'm yours
Your smile and laugh are my cures
Didn't realize you'd be this immature
Go ahead, you have the floor
Tell me what you're looking for
"I'll never leave", you swore
Well there you went out the door

Everyone knows I'm right about one thing
You and I don't work out
You bring out the mean in me
I bring out your insecurities
You know what I am talking bout
Eventually you'll be fine if we break up
And one day I'll be fine too
But we should just end it now
Before someone gets more hurt than they have to

Before I ever met you
I never knew that my heart could love so hard
Before I ever met you
I never knew I would be enemies with disregard
Before I ever met you
I never knew that I liked to be kissed for days
Before I ever met you
I never knew I could be broken in so many ways

Two years ago today, I held death on the back of my tongue.
Two years later, I hold you in the safe haven of my arms.

This lipstick rested on yours before it graced my lips  
Now it stains someone else's hips