Just sit in seldom,
No one will ask questions,
No one has to know,
They won't care,
They never seem to do...

Just sit in seldom,
It's better that way,
A million thoughts playing ring around the rosy in your head,
They all drop and fall,
A migraine takes the games place,

Just sit in seldom,
Pretend to be focused,
Pretend to know what's happening,
Nod and agree,
That's the best way to fake being, "ok"

My job was to watch over you like a hawk,
Eyeing up what your next move will be,
Telling you from right and wrong,
Restricting your bad ideas
Making every choice for you but making it seem like it was yours,

No one else wanted to take care of you,
No one could,
Take care of you...
They saw to many problems,
They didn't want to help you because it would take to long,
But I had time,
I had all of the time in the world,
China's time and California's time, Alaskans time and your time,

It was a gonna be a tough road ahead,
But I was ready,
With you by my side,
I held your hand,
And told you that everything is gonna be alright,
Not knowing what was ahead,
But hoping that everything would play out like I planned.

The moon killed the sun this morning,
I woke up and found its pieces scattered across my landscape of preferable vision,
it's shining light burnt my irises.

A million little lightning bugs floated to the ground,
tiny adolescent flames lit up the yard,
an explosion of beauty the world wasn't ready for,
but I was...

Those words we use to speak to each other so fluently are now harsh lashes to my flesh,
My shield covering my body now seems to be the color of black and blue,
We no longer speak in fluent tone,
For the tone we speak now is foreign to one another,
My good intentions seem to be your biggest fear,
Words coming from another body but all I get are the harsh lashes to my flesh

Second hand secrets
Bubbling bathtubs
Drowning the dread
Escaping evil
Violent videotapes
Sickening stories
******* and *******
Driving drunk
Elaborating on the evening
Vicious voices
Warped whispering
Only I can hear
Oblivious to what was happening
Sinking under the water
Not wanting to come up for the desired air
For I thought I could breathe underwater
My lungs would fill with the air for fish
My brain would explode
I could hear the muffled screams
But I liked it better under a world I barely knew
no longer had I have to worry about what was above sea level
For it didn't matter in my tattered mind
My heart was pounding in my body
Almost screaming and grabbing at my chest trying to pull me back up
Gone girl
Girl now gone

The trees are calling my name telling me to come home now
There is no path pushing me back to where I supposedly belong
For I belong on the streets of my little town
I walk along where the grass blows
Pavements and gravel feel like home to my sore feet
I'm not yet home
Not where I belong at least
This house is not my home
The wind knows which way I like to go
For I follow it
The rain likes to surprise me when it knows I've gone to far
Up till the early morning it looks as if it's night
Moonlight and sunlight shine down on me
Brightening my day so I can see
I am finally alone and on my own
I'm finally free

"Shhhhhh"
They all seem to say as the night goes on
"Shhhhh"
I can hear them pray their mumbling is getting in the way
"Shhhhh"
I say "you'll miss it"
"Be quiet"
Listen to the pin needles hit the tin roof
Listen to the wind gusts fight against each other
It's proof
They want to be heard,
Listen to the flashing that wants to be heard
It screams with its light
No one seems to be listening
There talking
There praying
There not listening
"Shhhh"
Close your eyes and listen to the train that goes by in the distance, it's far away horn
Listen to the loud thunder rumbling through the dark skies
Listen to the crackling sound it makes when you pay attention
"Shhh"
Listen
Can you hear me
You can only see my cry for help but your not
Listening
Hear me I'm screaming I'm loud and I need you to
Listen
I'm here
I am the Lightning that cries at night I am that bright flashing streak at night I light up the sky with my cries and you won't listen your not listening
HEAR ME

Take her to tomorrow
For she can not stand another today
Yesterday's misery to took her far away
Take her to tomorrow
Please, I know she doesn't want to be there but, she needs to be
Take her to tomorrow
Today's day wasn't like she planned
Yesterday was awful, she couldn't take it
Take her to tomorrow she needs a second chance
Don't let this happen
Let today be forgotten
Let yesterday be in the past and never be brought in to another tomorrow
Take her to tomorrow
Don't let her go today

I can see the blank paper,
The unfilled lines on the sheet,
I can hear your words that I’m supposed to be writing down,
But I can’t raise my hand high enough to get the words on the paper.
The paper feels rough today,
I can taste the words I want to say but I’m holding them back,
Staying quiet and not saying a word.
Stay quiet and they won’t talk,
Stay quiet and they won’t know,
Stay quiet so they can’t hear you scream.

Everybody wants to be loved but no one knows how to do it
broken hearts and tampered minds
I was lost and no one knew how to fix it,
how to reverse the spell
all I kept hearing
"What's broken can be mended but not completely healed"
And I tried to open my mouth to speak ,
but you closed it so you could talk right over me

Adolescent *******,
you were an accomplished one,
you left me abandoned and apparently I was a *****,
I was beaten and bruised because of your backstabbing, blabber mouth,
you didn't wear a caution sign.
You were cold and careless, you had a concrete heart,
I was damaged and you were dangerous.
I felt dead as a door nail while you were doubting my ability,
elaborating your evil words filling my empty heart and soul.
I was failing to live up to your expectations.
To you I was a filthy, flawed, female,
my heart was flimsy
and I apparently had false information about what was going on
and I was fortunate to have you in my life.
Waiting for you to get to your grave because what you did to me was grim and gruesome
and not once did you ever feel guilty for the haunting, half hearted stuff you did to me. you were heartless and hateful.
you had no hazard sign on you and so I was helpless trying to hide from your humiliating words but I was so hopeful that things could change,
but that was idiotic and impractical and I was imagining all these things.
You had a jagged heart,
you told me I was a jackpot but I was too juvenile to think that I wasn't,
maybe you were jealous and I was just full of joy.
I saw this Kaleidoscope of new colors, thinking maybe you were kindhearted, likable, but all of these loving things were limited and weren't long-term.
you weren't loyal but I knew this was a majestic thing only a magician could pull off.
your masculinity was marvelous,
almost motherly, and I was misguided and mortified,
for what was about to happen again is noteworthy.
I thought you were so nice
I was obedient to your commands,
oblivious to what was happening,
I was trying to be optimistic, open-minded to good thoughts
but the past ,periodically came up and I smelled her perfume on you,
it was pointless this pain kept occurring,
when was it going to be peaceful,
I thought everything was perfect.
still seeing if I qualify for your questionable test,
I was queasy because you were always quick to respond as I became quiet,
so now I was the reckless one in this rare love affair.
was it really reasonable to have me go through all of this
and during all this rough, Rotten and rigid love you never showed one sign of remorse.
I was suffering from your secondhand secrets,
you were selfish so I stood silent,
for this was several times a week and sleepless nights were scary and I shouldn't be surprised but I'm now safe and sane,
our love was tattered, tense and tough.
It was ugly, unacceptable and unhealthy,
you said you were unfinished but I was also useless.
it was unknown what was happening, unrealistic but when our house turned vacant after I was vulnerable because of your vain, vicious and violent words it was not visible but I was weak because of how your wicked, warped, whispering was saying how I  was worthless,
we were just in our youth and we were young.
I was zig zagging through our love, like a newly bought zipper. We
were the animals in the zoo without knowing...

Hello
Oh darling, you need to stop crying,
You have absorbed all the rain from the clouds and carefully placed them in your eyes,
On your cold pillow that's no longer comforting,
I know your confused right now and nothing seems to make sense,
because the people you've come to know and love are not who you thought they were,
The person you thought you knew best,
just betrayed you and you don't know where to turn,
But just hang in there because it will all get better,
and yes your life will still have its ups and downs but trust me,
It won't be as bad as this.

We expect a chair to be there when we sit down
We expect that the outcome will turn out ok
We expect the water from the bottle to taste good
We expect a stair to be there when we put our foot down
We expect that we will sleep well
We expect too much from such an unexpected universe
And we hope for good outcomes when all we had was bad karma.

What's a little lie that had held some truth?
Small increment of time wisely pre-planned  
Our wild adventures in our youth
I had known it like the back of my hand
The risk took me somewhere I've never been
I have never felt like that way before  
All that comes to her mind is the word "sin"
I willingly walked through that double door
Hiding from the one who started this mess
She saw me and came at me with her words
She then sent me out and caused all this stress
Me, watching all the obedient herds
I kept walking until I found the way
"Was it deserving she went me away?"

Listen to me when I'm talking to you
2. Eat what I make for you even though it might taste like ****
3. Don't curse unless you absolutely have to
4. Defend yourself when the stupid little boy on the playground picks on your outfit that you picked out all by yourself this morning
5. Have the biggest imagination possible but not to big or else you won't be taken seriously
6. Jam out to mommy's music in the car even if you don't like it
7. DO NOT ASK MOM FOR AN ANIMAL because she will take you to the pet store and she will buy everything
8. Don't believe everything a magic eight ball tells you
9. I will get you a phone when I decide to so stop asking
10. Brush your teeth after every meal
11. If your looking for Mr. Right you might have to turn left
12. Don't be afraid to ask questions
13. Express yourself in every way possible and don't give a **** what people think
14. Don't bleach your whole head more then Four times in one sitting just because it's not turning "blonde enough"
15. Buy push up bras if it makes you feel pretty not for some ****** bag who likes em big
16. Go bra less once in your life
17. Always do your homework
18. Only study if you have to
19. Ask me for something you know I'll never say yes to just so you can learn what the word no means.
20. Don't get a dream catcher to catch the bad dreams because they will still happen, get a dream catcher because it looks cool
21. Write all your feelings down on paper
22. Always think before you speak
23. listening and hearing are two different things

When...

When the fish start drowning,
When the birds stop flying,
When the plants stop growing,
And the sun stops burning,

When the rivers stop flowing,
When the arrows stop pointing,
When the directions don't help,
And the hearts stop beating
Will be the day I'll stop loving you

I wrote it down today,
the three words.
I stared at them, hard, thinking only of you,
I took my pen and scratched it out.
I thought "how could I love someone one day and the next, totally lose feelings?"
And now I find myself doubting if the feelings were ever really there
I know they were there at one point,
But it all seems like a bad dream, and some would say nightmare...

My eyes are now dry,
but thanks for caring when my eyes were wet and tears were running down my cheek,
down to my Collar bone making a pool of salt water in my indentations

My pillow has now dried up but thanks for "being there for me" when it was wet and makeup covered,
even when my mascara brand proved it to be
waterproof

Warm-blood meets the cold air, the harsh winds of reality,
reflecting back the spitting image of a girl.

Touch me with your snow like hands and make me shiver,
make my goosebumps come out and play because they miss the feeling of the-

Sore limbs,
weak muscles,
Need to stretch out,
Like the elastic bands on my wrists tying back my hair from going in my face,
like your words when you speak

your words,
Like The beads of a dream catcher,
Taking away all my nightmares.

Your artwork
Carefully etched in your soft armor covering your body
Like those of strong Knights

Your thoughts
So,
unpredictable to others,
But i,
I know you like the back of my hand

Like the hand that use to hurt you
But now I'm here to comfort you, like I've been all these years

But you, you're just noticing now,

Oh no,
Darling you,
Grew up to early,
It wasn't suppose to,
Be like this,
I'm,
Sorry,

It's no fun,
Being, a grown up.
If I could I would,
Change that,
I would,
Give you your,
Imagination back and,
Go back in time,
But,
Life doesn't work like that and,
I'm sorry...

Music is my life,
Soul,
and my savior...

Traveling through the night,
I found my alter ego on the edge of hope,
It is usually best to speak the words of wisdom that we had taught our selves.
This is what we know, but never wish it upon our worst enemy;
To not care might make jump.

By midnight I fell back to the street and watched,
Listening to the winds made by fast moving cars.
The world lighting up by the tail lights and city street lamps.
She had almost gone up with the others
But I stopped, I stared and she was, okay...

Nothing ever lasts and
Things always change
We suffer from the mutation we have had in our life
But somehow in the end we always seem to "get over it"

Take me away,
To a place where we can be far from those who don't understand,
My people have become okay with my choices,
It took awhile but it's now all alright,
For you though it's all different.
Your people see me as a criminal stealing the innocence of their kin,
But what they don't know is that you came to me when I was lost,
You showed me the path I trailed off from.
I was in a bad place, but now I seem to be serenity, a good place that I wish I wish I was in when I was younger

If my words I wrote down to you today were clothes, I would be naked.
For what I wrote I put my heart and soul in,
My words were my backbone,
So I guess now I'm missing the most important parts.

I'm ripped apart because you made me vulnerable,
I gave you all I have and you through it away,
I had to go dumpster diving for my broken pieces,
But now you wonder why I don't speak deeply to you anymore,
And my doubt in myself doesn't "inspire" you,
For now I keep my mouth shut.

I only seem to mumble the words I wish to speak in the back of my head,
And now it's time for me to leave this world, for now I'm no longer needed.

"Get seven plates"
"Seven knifes ,spoons and forks"
"And Seven napkins and placemats"

Setting the dinner table was an awful request,
but now I take it as a gift...
For the number of plates are less, and less every time that I'm asked

The glasses aren't being used as much,
It seems like we are using the same three glasses every time
And the drinks In it are all the same
except for the ones that are sitting in the cabinet,
There already filled with the memories that happened at the dinner table,
seven years ago, When I was asked...

"Get seven plates"
"Seven knifes,spoons and forks"
"And Seven napkins and placemats"

I missed my artwork
My different brushes
My unique designs
The way the brush adds color when you push harder
But my artwork goes away after awhile
And the only way to see it Is if you look really close but those only show little fragments of what my artwork use to be
But what they don't know is that my artwork were my scars and the canvas were on my wrists
And I miss my artwork

She said that they don't make it out there
In the real world
They don't survive
I'm one of them
She was one of them
She was surprised that she made it
I wasn't because I knew her strength
She was scared for me
As I broke down I was a mess, and I still am
I couldn't talk about it
Because I knew my eyes would turn to rain clouds
And it was gonna be a big storm
But she seemed to understand
She saw my pain
And I let her
"We are not meant to survive in this world"
This world wasn't meant for people like you and me...

These hands are soft
These hands have held other hands
These hands are cold, delicate and frail
But his hands were different

His hands are hardened and calloused over
His hands are welcoming
His hands have held hammers and saws
His hands have also held a new life
His hands have held mine
His hands worked much more than expected
His hands are like no other
His hands are missed
No longer am I, anyone or anything going to be able to touch his hands
the way I use to

Never in a million years would I have thought it would be you
The person that makes me smile an in instant
But it is
And it's true

Never In a million years would I have thought I would talk to you
The person who I'm not suppose to associate with
But it is
And it's true

How we got to talking
Well that I really don't know
How we'll ever stop talking
Well that I really don't hope so

I was half of who I was
I was half of who I wanted to be
My heart was only a half
And my mind was paying the fee

No one understood but you,
They all broke me
And my heart was in two

My heart was whole before all of them came

Now my heart is in pieces
Tiny fragments of shame,
From all the people taking little slivers
My heart was like a running river

Then you came along
You came along and fixed me
You fixed my broken heart
Because two broken hearts make a whole and,
You made my heart laugh
You made my heart smile
You made my heart feel happy again
You're the one who taught it how to love again
When I thought that would never be,
And all this satisfactory
Will never last
And I know this because I've learned from the past,
My heart will soon be in half again and no longer will be
The same heart that it was with you and me

Can you honestly say you have found a man that suits your wishes everyday

I can

Can you honestly say you are happy to be with him in every stupid little love fling kind of way

I can

Can you honestly tell him you love him and mean it but when he says it, he says it as a friend

I can

Can you honestly fall flat on your face for him and he might not even notice

I can

Falling head over heels for a man that is blinded by his own lover

I'm falling and someday I'll crash

I can't...

Infect me with your love
I want to die knowing that I'm infected with your love

Poison me with your kisses
I want to kiss your lips knowing that I was the last to kiss you

Strangle me with your hugs
I want to breathe my last breath knowing your arms are wrapped around me so tight that I can't say a thing but only hear you whisper

"It was an accident"

She is a mirror, reflecting people's words and actions back on them.
She is a jacket, warming people's thoughts when they need help or advice.
She is an ice cube, she can be cold, but she can melt too.
She is a tree, people or things can alter the way she grows.
She is a thunderstorm, you either like her or don't.
She is a parachute, saving people when they seem to be falling.
She is the red traffic light across town, people usually listen to her,
but when they don't,
there might be consequences later.
She is a wall, because she's always there when you need someone to lean on

Slowly slipping away from the reality that they all seem to portray,
Day dreaming is how we get away,
but we never forget that nightmares are dreams too.

We live In a world where the prescribed medication that the doctor gives you,
Doesn't work.
And the dreams of the children turn to nightmares,
They want to believe and see heaven but all they seem to see is hell,

The parents are gone and no one seems to care,
They're left to fend for themselves,
They are so young and already know how to fake a smile...

Now there grown and caring for there own,
But they're terrified but of course don't show it,
Because then there kids will know it.

We are the beautiful disasters that the old tell as a tale to there young,
But we lived it and it's true,
We were the silent minds that slowly drifted away from reality.

I am friends with the most poisonous spider,
because I know it can't hurt me,
but somehow I'm still getting bitten and the poison is rushing through my veins,
I try to breath in oxygen but you kiss CO2 in my mouth
and when it's broad day and I can see clearly,
you cover my eyes so all I can see is the darkness that you have put in me
and my feet are now brown from the dirt path I have been walking on
and the only light I have is a little ounce of hope that the sun will be out in the morning

We were like the first and last pieces of a loaf of bread
We were thrown away to the world
But the world didn't know how to deal with us
So we slowly disappeared into the air
We heard the screams and the secrets of the people
We ran through the awkward silences like it was our job  
We felt the grief and the disappoint of the children
We filled the emptiness and holes that were left inside hearts
We gave them so much
But received as little as bread crumbs

Her arms were train tracks
Her eyes were rain clouds
Her thoughts were a horror film
Her body was an hour glass and the time was running out
How did no one realize she was a ticking time bomb ready to explode
Maybe because
She always had a smile on her face
Or maybe
Because she always hid everything so well
And she had secrets she would never tell
Her mouth was sewn shut
And maybe that was a good thing
For when she talked she seemed to make things worse
Or as she thought
This wasn't how it was supposed to be
Nothing was like how it was supposed to be
It was all wrong but it was true
She was a beautiful disaster
And no one knew

No such thing
Love is to powerful to be happening in a second
Love doesn't happen in the blink of an eye
They were lying
The people who told you
It was love at first sight

Promises are never promising
Truths always seem to turn to lies
Funerals are for the living
And in the morning when I woke, it was really night

Drink me
Like your alcohol
Love me
Like you love your alcohol

I will drown myself in an ocean full of beer
Because I know you will drink every last drop

I will shrink myself down
Small enough to just barely slide inside your favorite bottle of beer
Because I know
you will always pick me
You always pick out your favorite one
And then
will you love me?

Would you love me if my name was alcohol?
You could call me al for short
Because I know remembering stuff is hard for you

Can I be your favorite kind
so you'll love me

I will do anything just so that I can feel you hold me again
And not grip me so hard that I have bruises on my arms
And throw me down to the floor
where my thighs seem to be the natural color of black and blue

I don't care
if I have to smell your breath that screams the word "wasted", in my ear

I just want you to love me

Broken bottles hit the floor
Shards of glass everywhere I step

But I can't seem to feel the pain anymore
For you have already caused so much...

You only text me when you want me
At first it was cute because I felt wanted
Like someone cared about me
But you don't care
You don't care at all
You could care less about me
You just wanted me for your own needs
And I was blinded from that

I haven't thought of you in awhile,
But I saw you today,
My eyes met yours,
My heart stopped,
And I didn't know what to say,
All of the feelings came back,
A rush to my brain,
I couldn't move because I was hooked on you,
I didn't want this to be round four,
So I finally ran for my door,
Breathing heavy,
I couldn't wait till I saw your face again...

I hate that sound
It makes me cringe
Wild goose bumps come popping out of my skin
The hair on my arm sticks up
I turn away
But the sound of your chatterbox against his makes me wanna disappear
I'm not here
I don't wanna be
It's almost like you're cheating
But i know you're not
You were in love with another man
Only that's what I thought
Who knew what was going on in your head
How long have you been lying to yourself
And to others
I was foolish to think I believed the magic I was seeing
Ten years it went on
Then suddenly stopped
My world crumbling into pieces
It took forever to put it back together
Some pieces are lost and can't be found
But the damage you did could never be fixed
And that moment could never be forgotten
Now five years later
You went through guys like money flying out of your hands
But this one went on for a little longer
And the longer it went on
The pain I was dealing with kept coming on
It doesn't seem right
Even after  all these years
I miss the one man that stood by you through everything
But you let him go
You were stupid enough to let him go
Now it's every other weekend
Instead of everyday
Why in the world did you make it that way
So now there's only one thing I have to say
I hate those sounds that make me cringe

We are born to live and learn how to survive this world
Only in the end to die
And think how useless it was for our existence

****
*******
**** me
**** us
**** that tree
**** what the ******* ******* put me the **** through
**** the birds and the ******* bees
**** that ******* tree too
**** your ******* lame *** excuses
**** your ******* feelings
Because you didn't give a flying **** about mine
**** your ******* walks you ******* use to ******* take me the **** on
**** your ******* knife that you ******* used to carve our ******* names on
**** the lies
**** the truths
**** your secrets
*******
**** me
**** us
And **** that tree

She never had happy parents
He never had caring parents
She never had loving parents
He never had parents
She never had family vacations
He never had house renovations
She never had a home
He never had a pet to call his own
She never felt a hug
He never heard an i love you
She never tasted a kiss
He never wanted to live
She never wanted to die
He was hoping to get the chance
She was wishing upon every shooting star it would come true
They were both happy
And content even through all the never's in life
Because they never knew what the never's were...

I want to go to a special place,
where the water is sparkling from the sun so hot,
where the sand is warm and soft in between your toes,
where the grass is very tall swaying in the wind,
where the breeze is warm blowing through your hair,
where the seagulls soar across the sky,
where the bluebirds sing there special song,
where the deer prance in the woods,
where the driftwood floats up to the shoreline and back again
where is there silence, quiet, a place of serenity?
when will my special place come to greet me?
when will the world stop and take it all in?
When will the bluebirds sing?
When will the gulls fly across the sky?
When will the deer prance in the woods?
When...

I saw you,
sitting there,
just sitting,
all alone,
wondering about,
all the things you have done,
and what people have done to you,
thinking,
pondering,
wondering,
while sitting there,
all alone.