I pretend like I've lived a life
like everyone else
instead of spending days laying in bed
thinking of death and dying
I tell these "white lies" and nod,
in these coversations
I am not me
I'm just listening
pretending to be normal
I am not, I feel I've barely lived
Maybe in books and movies
but not mine
not these past three years
oh dear, I can't bear to think what you would think
if I actually said everything honestly
and didn't just go along.

My life shattered in pieces
I scramble to put it back together
before anyone sees my weakness
the master of disguises
I put on a smile and shove my feelings to the side
I dare not be vulnerable
I mask my imperfections with impersonations
I ask you-
put me back together
make me whole again
please
I need your help to show me
show me it’s ok to be me
tell me that im beautiful
worthy
Its not like me to beg, but I have nothing left
I am broken
be the glue that holds me together

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet,

And whither then? I cannot say.

I wanna rip this beating heart out.
I wanna throw it to the wolves.
I wanna feel there nashing teeth
on splintered human veins.
I wanna see you melt the darkness
that has eatin into my brain.
I wanna see you be a trickster
and slice these putred sayings,
these words that i live by,
that open up my mind
to wonders that can see through
all the screaming bleeding cries.
The screams of people dying,
being murdered in the streets.
The cries of all the children
that are weeping at my feet.
I wanna see your face
twist in crooked agony
at the sight of all these horrors
laying dormant in your dreams…..

At least somebody loves me,
I said to the being
who braided me selflessly
from her own flesh .
Everybody loves you,
exhaled the being
whose job it is to
keep my heart beating.
Not the ones who matter,
I said with such anger
that makes her heart shatter
because I've said it again.
The ones who love you
are the ones who matter
she says with a bit too
much sense to bear.

To Realize,

I am a girl in which the unknown intrigues, yet who’s afraid of not knowing.
I wonder what the future holds
I hear the sounds of chance and change approaching
I see my past and its memories fading fast
I want to know what I’m getting myself into
I am a girl in which the unknown intrigues, yet who’s afraid of not knowing

I pretend to be stronger than I am
I feel like I’m in over my head
I touch my foot to the pedal
I worry about not going far
I cry because I’m scared of what’s to come
I am a girl in which the unknown intrigues, yet who’s afraid of not knowing

I understand that this is life
I say what people want to hear
I dream of just getting by
I try to figure things out for myself
I hope I’m not the only one
I am a girl in which the unknown intrigues, yet who’s afraid of not knowing