yes, who was i to am?
when you were when you'll be
i take what us you are
and what u want to be
but need what is that be
and take that cannot see
yes, who was i to am?

I have found paradise in the midst of this pandemic.

In the midst of this chaos and atrocity.
I found a sliver of peace amidst the catastrophy
from the taunting void that stares back at me.
I sit watching, looking out, from the inside to the great grey beyond.
Out into the world I used to know.

And I say.

I found paradise in the midst of a pandemic.

At the precipice of all that I am and all that I will be.
Satisfied at the greatest awe, the fluidness of reality
Willing myself to take the leap
Into the yawning hole of life
I am unshackled.
I am untainted.
I am at peace.
And though around there is fire
And though I feel its flames trailing my leg
It's sweet warm caress.
I do not feel the pain.
The heat inviting.
I am unshackled.
I am untainted.
I am at peace.

I found paradise in the midst of a pandemic.



I found me.

We are going to town
With confettis in our eyes
And venture a glorysome fervent party
We wreak havoc on
Soft ground and beguile
Butterflies and bees
And we drink nectar
In garderns straight out from flowers

The gardeners will be mad
But who are they to stop us?

They can't take the happy
We coddled in our bellies
Along with our whiskey
And denial.
Along with our dreams
Digesting, fermenting
In boiling loathing

i never used to smoke
but since you left,
it’s the only time i can seem to breathe

Sitting on the edge of my bed
A silent humming, thrumming inside my head
I have my phone on hand
Not knowing what to say.
How to make a move?
How to make an end to this futile midnight melodrama?

Here.

Overtaken by a fervor feeling
That I can't control that have been taking
Me places I've never been,
Flying with both feet on the ground

I want to say it but I don't know how!
Afraid of her leaving me; left out.

**** this midnight melodrama!

Looking at the empty message box
Not knowing where to begin.

And yet.

My fingers started gliding. Typing.

          "I have something to say."
          
Three dots appear. This is it. There is no other way
        
          "What is it?" She replied.

Hesitant.
The need to satiate this
Fervent feeling finding its way to my system
Is all consuming.
Blindly.
I could not detest and heeded anyway.

Nervously tapping on the screen
A silent mumbling, words forming
Trying to set the scene
To where could this go?
What would I like to know?

Hesitant.
The need to satiate this
Fervent feeling finding its way to my system
Is all consuming.
Blindly.
**** it. Fingers gliding. Typing

          "In the midst of what has
          Transpired
          My brain has gotten wired. I am
          done
          Being scared!

          "Hear my words and know that it
          that
          It's true. I've felt this way ever
          since I
          Laid eyes on you, it felt like the
          Brightest star illuminating the
          cosmos,
          You have blinded me.

          "You have tainted my heart with
          your
          Luster and glamor, taken me out
          of the
          Ditch and nursed me back to life.
          You have broken the ice in my
          veins,
          Melted polar caps in my brain
          and
          Brought spring for the first time
          in my
          Life.

          "I want to take the leap. I need to
          take
          The leap. But I can't do it alone.
          Will you
          Take my hand and make the
           jump?

Message. Sent.

I heaved a heavy sigh to compose myself
Of a fervor feeling I've never felt

And.

Waited. And. Waited. And. Waited.

Three dots appear.
My soul leaps, and I feel flustered
Noise filled my head
A silent scream

Three dots appear.
A message to determine our fate
In this late hour.
My heart pouring empty

Three dots appear.
Three dots appear.

Three. Dots. Appear.

Three.
       Sweat coming out my pores.
Dots.
       My nerves taunting me.
Appear.
       My eyes ready and dilated.

Three dots appear.






*Seen