i don't know if i even exist.
i am standing outside with the most beautiful boy i have ever seen in my life.
it moves me over and over to think two people could lie in an extravagant bed holding each other all night- through wind and rain.
the love of two people, a special bond i so envy.
i envy the children they have made out of persistent love.
no doubt these children will find someone who needs them and whom they need in return.
i feel twisted and alone.
oh my insides, my insides scream for a love that hums, simmers, and flares the way the secret fire burns as we get wasted.
i'd rather get wasted with you.
i want your hand stroking my head.
i want to feel important for once.
i want someone that i have been dreaming about.
i have been dreaming so long.
i am so important.
i feel like screaming, begging the universe to provide
but my belly hurts. my palms are ***** and my jaw aches
i am so tired of being viewed as someone to spend time with when there is nothing better to do, or just a 'piece of ***'
how disturbing it is to know that that is the image men receive when they see a semi-good looking woman.
i want to love.
i would take the complications with one over entertaining many.
i can understand why those men are always screaming and pounding on their instruments. no doubt they have been ripped open by the idea of no love.
the lack of feeling.
i can feel briefly and then
i am destroyed once more
i am looking for something i have never had
something i am not even sure exists
But i cannot give up
I will not stop waiting.
It is so clear in my mind.
i deserve it so badly