the bird in the cage in my hollow chest has been set free
I no longer hear the singing or chirps
it no longer rattles when you kiss my cheek
it is truly missing
The silence is haunting me
the sheets have become cold but they still smell like you after a long sweaty day in the mud
I say I love you to the pillow staring at me out of habit at night
and hold it like i was held you
I have tried to find something to fill the silent void but all I can hear
is the chirps and songs belted out once with passion
the empty cage is starting to rust from all my tears
nobody told me when loves leaves it doesn't only take his tooth brush and clothes but it always leaves a heavy mind full of questions
why was it so easy to sneak out the window and disappear
when will will you return lover?
will you return?
I hope you return

connecting to my own soul
because at the end of my life
fragile and brittle
all I will have is what's left of my
mind, body and soul
the sweetness of the gift of self- love is everlasting
eternally grateful for my complex aura
for I admire the yellow clay like glow I radiate
I used to wonder where I came from but I now understand I am built from nothing but clouds, star dust and the universes intuition
the wind is my only navigation
the sea is the only rhythm I follow
I only take advice from the gentle whispers of my ancestors
I only find comfort in my own skin
I've slowly understood that the person staring at me in the mirror
is my only soulmate, twin flame or best friend
nobody empathizes my spirit like I
Nobody touches my curves with some admiration like me
Nobody understands my emotional patterns and accepts my growth like my own self
Every strain of curled dried hair , every memory, every laugh, every life event I've already shared with my life partner
we grew up together
we will grow old together
until death do us part
my only true life partner is me

The mirror screams back at me in the morning
the reflection is a horror I wish not to express
the terror behind my eyelids becomes too real
I never wanted to change this way
I am so cold
no longer carrying warmth in my smile
my skin becomes a grey elastic film I wear like a coat
my teeth are rotting from the fake words that ***** out when my nerves take control of my weak body
my bones are creaking because of lack of care
muscles become stone with the purpose of weighing down my soul
I scream at my reflection in the windows and cameras
I no longer wish to be this version of my ego
I am nothing but slowly decaying corps
I guess I will start arranging the funeral

when the ghost of our loves lays next to me in bed
I feel a pit start to swallow me whole
I've been running from the memories buried in my cells membrane
the sweet familiar feeling of being completed
but my spirit is no longer recognizable
drenched in sweat for our sins and my lies
when the ghost of you makes love to my mind
my ribs start to cave in  
crushing my heart and the dark void you left behind
I start to crawl back to my isolation
something about you was so broken
but I found such comfort in your nervousness
a part of you understood my chaos so well
when the ghost of you kisses my spine
my throat grows lumps that start to interfere with my vocal cords
I can no longer hear the sounds of my own cries
my voice appears muffled
all I hear is you saying my name at the end of my bed frame
my sleep paralysis monster
my tainted past
my past ghost lover

I woke to find a precious moment next to me
His eyes shut and resting
So peaceful
Little snores escape as he dreams
I stare and pray he doesn't wake to find my eyes glued to his skin
Searching for words as I write this poem cause nothing can describe the peace and bliss I feel
Blessings were sent to me in  hand wrapped presents from God in the form of a soulmate
He is as gorgeous as it gets
He put a candle in my heart
So I'm not longer dark and cold
I will always love waking up next to him
wearing his warmth and his scent as a blanket
My eyes rest so easily when I'm in the company of my angel
Protected always from the horrors of our earth
I found my first real love
Still get violent knots and Butterflies after 216 days of waking up next to him
He took the time to understand how my heart works how my heart heals
He knows how to calm me
Finger tips up and down his spine
His skin made of forgiveness
His eyes taught me honesty
His lips made me learn freedom
Every prayer ever spoke in silence is given to me in the form of him
God created him as a clay sculpture
He molded his strong shoulders to my liking so he could carry the burdens I held for so long
He formed his chest with an indent for my hand to rest
Ribs wide enough to carry a heart of solid gold
Limbs long enough to touch the heavens
But with that comes roots to reach hell.
Everything I've ever wanted sleeping in bed next to me, how could I find the words to describe the feeling of knowing his my forever
Blessed

The way he admires me makes me melt like butter
He whispers about my eyes looking like honey
And plugs fingers in me like he's reaching the end of the jar
With pleading eyes he nourishes my every insecurity
The sweetest love I've ever tasted
Intentions clear as glass

I will keep all your demons inside My soul make a haunted house of it
I will display your pain on portraits and paintings and hang them on the walls like an art museum
I will handle your anger like a blade to the chest
And with my last breath apologize for the blood on your hands
I will soak up your tear like sponge and never complain about the wet that Consumes me