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12.4k · Mar 2019
Can i keep both of you?
VOID Mar 2019
caught in a conflict
one has my time
one has my attention

he has my heart
the other one has my affection

my heart is tied to both
but the strings are getting tangled

which one do I have a future with?
5.7k · Jul 2018
VOID Jul 2018
i am a jealous person
if jealously was yellow
i would be as bright as the sun
shining so bright nobody could ignore
i would blind you
i am a jealous  person
if jealousy was green
i would be like the vegetable isle in the store
I would be so good for you yet nobody enjoys it
if jealousy was a flower
i would be the thorns on the rose you gave away to her
i am a jealous person
5.5k · Aug 2018
David , i am confused
VOID Aug 2018
let's end our relationship the way we started
not in love but honest with our feelings
3.7k · Oct 2017
VOID Oct 2017
i thought you were my light in the darkness
as cliche as it sounds
but the batteries ran out of your flashlight
and now i am sitting in the cold darkness
I am alone
3.5k · Sep 2018
not a diss just facts
VOID Sep 2018
Dear the girl who failed to make him feel unworthy,
    hello my name is Liyah
I am 18 and I actually fell so hard. I took one look at him and knew he was mine. he makes me feel on top of the world but not recklessly escalated. his voice makes chills travel across my spine and up my tummy and on the neck he kisses. I know i should fall over something much greater but he has be on my knees praying to a God that he realizes how amazing he is. I am honestly blessed and sent gifts by the lord./so i am sorry you failed to see the true soul of this amazing person. and i know you wanted to give him the world but your intentions got tangled and mixed up and confused and you failed to do so but trust me. i will make mountains shake just to see him smile
VOID Jul 2018
you made me feel like a fool
you built me up to knock me down
I feel like you broke something, not my heart but something deeper
i can't breathe anymore
i wake up thinking you are on me again
you traumatized me
you made me fear again
i loved you with everything i had
but you hurt me beyond repair
3.2k · Jul 2017
VOID Jul 2017
I am too much woman,
Too loud.
Too beautiful.
Too strong
I was too much woman for you
Your weak hands couldn't handle my strength
i know i am good enough
I am so good that you wish you could handle me
I am a sweet regret
the one you let slip away
never forget
i am the one you need
tho you can't touch
you will dream of the day i could be in your arms
tho you can't speak to me
you will imagine our conversations
tho you can't taste
my name is still marinated on your soft lips
you will miss me
you will want me back
but remember
I am too much for you
too strong
too beautiful
too much woman.
you can't keep up
2.8k · Jul 2018
VOID Jul 2018
honestly all that sounds good is a xanax
nothing is calming me down
my coping skills don't work
i am sober
craving something to make me numb
i hate these emotions
I hate how angry i get
i hate how emotional i get over stupid ****
days like these i want to drown myself
i want to slit my throat and bleed out
because all i want is to be high
so i don't think about death so heavily
so i don't lash out on everyone
i just want to be high
i want to feel numb again
i want to feel nothing
because nothing feels better than what i am feeling
i hate feeling out of control like this
suicidal thoughts are slowly coming back out to play
and thoughts of using are dancing circles in my mind
i can't hide my feelings much longer
2.8k · Jul 2018
one night
VOID Jul 2018
though my body was your for the night
my heart never belonged to you
2.7k · Jul 2018
VOID Jul 2018
i fantasize about my death
i obsess over it
i constantly wait for the right time, but there's never a good time
i got suicide on my mind
i dream about not waking up
i think about overdosing in my bed
maybe then i will stop hurting my family
maybe then i won't be a burden
maybe then i won't have these thoughts.
i don't want to fail again
end up in that hospital
i want it to work
i want to stop breathing
2.6k · Jul 2018
drowning in the sea
VOID Jul 2018
i want to call
not to talk
but to hear your voice one more time
i don't have much to say
just want to hear you saying hello
i would cross seas to hear you say i love you and mean it this time
but i am afraid i drowned in the seas trying to get to you
2.5k · Jul 2018
VOID Jul 2018
I feel happy again
like not manic
but happy
not because of a boy
not because i am told to smile
but because today i started to accept that I make mistakes
2.5k · Dec 2016
VOID Dec 2016
dear God,
i  haven’t talked to you in a while and i feel like i am fallin’  again
i feel like you’re not here
it’s been four months and still no break from my own thoughts?
God i know there is a better life in heaven with you …
i know you have me in your hands
i don’t want to sound ungrateful
but this life *****
i don’t understand why you would give me such a rough time
my struggles hurt
my life is broken
i know i should embrasse you more
love you harder
trust you more
it’s just hard to trust you right now
i was told you put people through hard times to give them the option to pick you
i pick you God i know you will help me through this
i just need to know things will change for the better
to know i don’t have more heart aches in store
God hear my prayer
understand my heart
don’t let me drown
give me strength to swim
i get my strength from you!
i don’t understand myself anymore
i don’t understand my anger
so God if you hear my prayer please help me
i need you in my life
i need your grace and love
i need to feel like i can be at peace
i need to know that this too shall pass
i give my life to you
i give everything i have to you
that is so hard to do
i know i’ve been baptised and i have said i was a believer
i have gone to church for years
i worship you and only you
but i still feel like i just now started feeling your messages
i just now understand your glory
is that wrong?
is that not right of me?
i surrender
i give me life
i give all i have
all i will ever have for you
i want to honor you and please you
just help me through this time i know you can!
2.4k · Jul 2018
2018 vibes
VOID Jul 2018
i have been searching for a real love
but do you know how hard it is
to find a kind person
2.3k · Jul 2018
mental health
VOID Jul 2018
healing is a daily process,
Today and everyday
i work towards my health
talking helps
you help.
thank you.
2.1k · Jul 2018
July 9th
VOID Jul 2018
july 9th is the by far the worst day of every year
all i can think about is him
thou everyone has forgotten about what that day means
i can't forget
i remember the smell of hunger
i remember the strength he used to hold me down
i remember everything detail
i remember the police asking me the story
i hate remembering
i hate July 9th
VOID Jul 2018
the problem isn't that you broke my heart
it's that you left me empty
and broken
and wondering what i did wrong
2.0k · Jul 2018
on my mind
VOID Jul 2018
you ask what's on my mind
you shouldn't ask
you really want to know?
well all day i think of the people who hurt me
the abuse
the rapes
the horrors of my own mistakes
i can't change anything
and it drives me mad
2.0k · Aug 2018
VOID Aug 2018
you choked me until i saw stars,
my throat was closing and tears were squeezed out of my eyes.
   you hit me so hard my arm busted open
     my scars can prove your violence
        I was 8, and i realized men were evil
          i was too young to be undressed the way those men did
            i wish i could forget
VOID Jul 2018
I still have your boxers on my floor
i keep them there
because it's the only thing i have left of you
2.0k · Aug 2018
smoke and ice
VOID Aug 2018
i feel like a stranger to my body
my emotions has taken over myself
it's like i am going through all this motions living life
and i am watching
watching the disappointment hit my mothers eyes when she knows she can not help me this time
i can feel my family holding their breath when i am in the room
waiting for me to explode like a bomb
i am not wanting to go off
but the next moment i am out of the door
i am sorry we are walking down this road again
i don't want to hurt you anymore
but try telling my emotions that
they do not listen
they have their own agenda
i am sorry for not staying sober
i am sorry for those fights
i am sorry for disrespecting your rules
i am sorry for hurting you so deeply
that's not me
but i am taking responsibility
I did it
and i am sorry
thank you for never leaving
1.9k · Aug 2018
Pain killer is a killer
VOID Aug 2018
pain killers
take my pain away
make my bad days go away
make this emptiness disappear
fill this void deep inside
make this feeling of hatred subside
because nothing is working today
no coping skills help me like you do
1.9k · Jul 2018
VOID Jul 2018
the tingles and the lack of awareness is fun at first
the high that hits you loudly
the high that takes away the mania
the high that makes you dance with nothing but socks on
and sing your favorite rap song when you only know half the lyrics
the kind of high that makes you feel like you are in love with him again
like all the fights and hurt are gone and in this moment you find yourself happy again.
until you pass out
until you drift off to sleep
or black out
and you come to
or wake up
and his weight is ontop of you
and you struggle to breathe
you've been through this before
you've remembered the screams that visit you in your nightmares
so you're silent this time
you close your eyes as he pushes himself inside you
you are silent as he tears apart your sanity again
you've been through this before \but
this time you never said no
this time you chose to be silent
as he has *** with your unwilling body
you can't help to pray silently
"God please get him off me"
" please God not again"
but he isn't your first ******
he isn't a ****** at all
because this time you were silent
this time you aren't sober
this time it's your fault.
God wasn't there
1.9k · Jul 2018
VOID Jul 2018
I want to scream
I am so upset at myself for being so dumb
I can not believe i hurt everyone
i can not believe i hurt myself
i can't believe i got high
i ruined myself
i destroyed my future
1.9k · Jul 2018
VOID Jul 2018
some days i look at myself
and see my mother staring back at me
with her hungry eyes
and lustful skin
with her lips marinated with lies and deceit
i can see my nightmare staring back at me
i feel cold
1.8k · Jul 2018
old dog, old tricks
VOID Jul 2018
tired of always trying to be a better person
when i am still caught thinking of my old ways
1.7k · Aug 2018
caged bird?
VOID Aug 2018
the thought of him going away for years
haunts me
he deserves so much more
than to be put in a cage
he deserves to be free
and happy
i wish
i pray
the courts will see
he has so much potential
1.6k · Aug 2018
childhood trauma
VOID Aug 2018
if i could change my childhood
i would set fire to my family's home
i would throw away the pills my mother abused
i would call them  on their *******
i would tell someone about the men who my mother let me  undress me
i would scream  loudly to them and demand love and respect
i would tell someone about the pipes stored in the rooms
i would stop my sister's from being hurt and abused
i would have stopped the trauma
if i could go back
VOID Aug 2018
he hugged me for the first time in a year
he held me close
i wanted to kiss his neck out of habit
but i remained distant emotionally and physically
all i want to do is be held by him again
and for a second i was close
he held me like we were one again
i could hear the heart that used to beat for me
i could feel the same skin i used to touch with lust
i could hear the weight of the world pressed against me taking my overwhelming emotions away from me
1.5k · Aug 2018
honest thoughts
VOID Aug 2018
ring ring ring ....
Dupree, i have something to tell you! something's  on my mind and i can't shake it. You told me you loved me the last time i saw you and i believed you probably because you got me high. but i thought we could make things work this time but you are the same person you were last year. it's like things change and the world keeps spinning but you are stuck in the same spot! isn't that scary.. You make me so upset because i loved you so much and you never saw that you always chased the better deal! i wasn't even out the door before you chose for her to come over to your house. You treat the people you say you love like ****! you got me high after 6 months of being sober! I wish i was still sober. i wish we never had *** or even kissed or even ******* met! but on the other end if you said you wanted me back right now, i would be getting my shoes on before you finished your sentence getting ready to see you!you have this control over me i can't shake. I mean i hate you but i never felt so alive until i was with you and laying naked on a bean bag making love to you at 4 am to juice wrld. you made me feel so beautiful then you tossed me out like trash like can't you see how upsetting that is? you cried as i was cuffed and arrested that night yet you still picked her! you had her over the same night! you shared the same pack of cigarette we smoked!  you get me so upset but i loved your *******

Wow. I loved you too. don't act innocent Aaliyah, you hurt me too. you cause so much drama and expect me to pick you after you run off for months to go to rehab and met a new boy? you want me to be loyal after you were with my cousin? you create your own hurt Aaliyah!
1.5k · Dec 2016
VOID Dec 2016
Opia- the intense feeling of staring into someone's eyes
I can still see his eyes watching me on that bus
I can see him following behind me into that easy
holding my hand
how foolish
I can see these events that lead up to my own ****
I can picture his eyes
As I struggled to get away
He held me down
looking into my eyes
He saw my hurt
He saw the damage he was doing
to my body
That intense look
The images of him
Near me before this
it is dragging me down
I can't blame myself forever
I can't keeping thinking I could of stopped this
I got into something I couldn't get out of
I played with fire and felt the burn
that's my fault
I could of stopped him
I should've done something
that look
I wish someone else saw that look
His face
my face
He saw me as nothing less than a rusted gate
How shameful I should be
I should hate myself
For trusting
I wish I was more like kaitlynn
She doesn't trust like I do
I hate myself for this
I am to blame
the feeling of losing all power
of being helpless
it drowns out all sound
in this crowded earth
full of sound
i become silenced in my own shame
with in my own being
i am silenced
opia is that feeling i’ve been searching for to describe him
1.5k · Aug 2018
VOID Aug 2018
Yes I will admit I started using with him
we influenced each other to start
but i left him behind to chase being sober
and he stayed behind to drown in drugs and harm
I couldn't save everyone from my old life
1.5k · Aug 2018
VOID Aug 2018
I don't know where you stand with God, maybe you haven't spoke to him since the last time we brought you to church. or maybe you pray everyday to him but whatever the case is He loves you and he has forgiven you for everything, and we still love you and i forgave you for your mistakes will you forgive me for mine?
1.4k · Dec 2016
VOID Dec 2016
the difference between you and i is when you have a nightmare you wake up and it ends
i wake up to get to school to relive my nightmare
the nightmare of seeing him
of feeling his presence
the honest to God fear he has me under is driving into insanity
i could use millions of words and not one could describe my hatred and fear
who i am?
where did this feeling come from
did it arrive after i understood the effect this will have
not understand leaves me wondering
clueless to the way this will follow me to my death bed
as i lay my head down to die
the flashes of images and emotions will fill my soul once more
nightmares are real
just different from what i thought about as a kid
i used to think monsters lived under my bed
now i know they live within people
they bring you into washes
they rob you
they lie
they ****
they hurt
i am done letting him control me
i say that often
i say those words every time i see him
or when i need strength
i just need to repeat it enough times so i will start believing it
lord help me
live a life full of dreams not nightmares
i want more
i desire
desire is a fire that depends on power
power at which i don’t contain
powerthirst on control from others because of a lack oneself
the emotional security one can not give feeds into anger
mistakes are failed risks that seem to have this hold on our souls as if that has the power we have been searching for
so mistakes are our minds negative power
then successes are our positive power
nothing makes sense
we are flawed humans stitched up with cravings
these cravings can be used for glory or for the evil that we conform to
we should use the craving to move us out of the darkness instead of pain
we should push to the happiness that is reachable
we refuse to do what we were called to do
the nightmare i can not wake up from
a life i did not choose but can not awake from
1.4k · Jul 2018
VOID Jul 2018
one thing i have learned about relationships
Boys never forget their first love
and the girl he loved will never lose hope
1.3k · Jul 2017
VOID Jul 2017
"Why did you cut your hair? You looked so much better with it long!"
i hate this question because it makes me think
I am a strong woman I can have short hair and be stunning!
i want to scream this
i have my freedom to look like this!
i want to yell in anger
but the truth is
i didn't think about what others were going to think
and that makes me  feel powerful
but i didn't think much besides what was going to make me happy
It was one super selfish action i have made
I took control over my body after the ****
i was vulnerable again
open to the world
willing to show my beauty and strength
1.2k · Jul 2018
ring ring ... wrong number
VOID Jul 2018
I wanted to call you again today
but your number was changed
should i be moving on too?
1.2k · Mar 2019
houses or homes?
VOID Mar 2019
she describes her shelter like moths are stuck in her throat
her eyes are glossy as she says "it's a cute little house... our family will be fine... thank you"
but I know the familiar scent of polished floors much like a hospital
in a home that is not your home
I have changed homes too many times this year
slept in beds that did not belong to me
with the scent of someone else on my sheets
I have been in two foster type group homes where the kid's faces are drained with lack of affection and we only have: books, board games and each other
I have been in three different  behavioral hospitals where the girls are like sponges full of water and you can hear them sobbing at night, where the nurses play mom and comfort you when parents are mad at "our choices"
homes sometimes aren't homes they are cold lonely houses
they are places to sleep and eat and shower
1.2k · Jul 2018
Dupree let's go back in time
VOID Jul 2018
why can't we go back to being strangers
i miss back when i didn't know you
and didn't love you
1.2k · Sep 2018
sober, angry thoughts
VOID Sep 2018
I hate you
you never take blame or responsibility for anything
it wasn't only me that broke us up
it was drugs
and lack of loyalty
it was the abuse
or the anger
something went wrong in our relationship
and the blame isn't all on me this time
i own my wrongs
and this wasn't all me
you get me so mad telling me that i do things out of spite
well i am not the same person i was when i was 14,15 and 16, years old
i am grown now and i know how to set boundaries
but you seem to take them as blurred lines
it's so frustrating
you don't listen
you don't understand me
and you use everything against me
you never take blame
life isn't fair don't you understand?
you make me so angry
i feel trapped
just like our relationship
i can't ask you to pack your **** and get out
it is not fair to anyone
especially not you
1.2k · Aug 2016
VOID Aug 2016
With a gun in my hand i don’t recognise myself in the mirror
I look at myself through the hole cut out of the black mask i am wearing
I lost touch with who i truthfully am
The gun firmly in my hand a plan firmly in my mind
In the passenger seat of his car
The sweat of nervousness drips heavy from us two
With ambition in the air we both felt the tension grow
Feelings of stress multiply
As the thought of getting caught creates a sense of doubt
Giving a gentle kiss to the driver and my love
I count to three as i rush out of the car in a hurry
Outside of the store we ooze in
Glass is lying broken on the ground
Shards of glass embedded into our Porcelain skin
The sounds of gasps and screams of terror
I glance over at my partner in the mask giving me the signal to run
With money in the bag
With freedom in our veins
With screams in our ears
We break free out of the store
Soon after i run out
The sharp sound ran heavy through my ears
The bright colors of red and blue flashed before our eyes
Smelling the gas from our car as we speed up to get away
There was something beautiful about the deep fear in his eyes
As the tension grew thick
I look behind me swiftly to see the cops approaching quickly
With a scared expression spread wide across your face
Rolling the window down
And placing the gun to shoot outside the window at the cops
My ears went numb to the sounds
Fast motions
Fast actions
Heart beating faster
Is it all over?
Are you caught?
Was it worth it?
I glanced over with a smirk as we approach a hill
The small car drove over the cliff
Lungs smash as the oxygen becomes thin
Death was our award
We are a broken generation
We live to die
A smashed car lies on the bottom of the hill
Two dead teens with smiles on their faces
1.2k · Jul 2018
VOID Jul 2018
I can't love you anymore
all i do is hurt
1.1k · Aug 2018
disgustingly sorry
VOID Aug 2018
i let men crawl inside me to fill this void
but in the end i wish i save it all for you
VOID Sep 2018
holding my hand sometimes isn't enough to show you actually love me
1.1k · Jul 2018
now I love you
VOID Jul 2018
i finally understood  where we went wrong
i introduced myself
and now nothing will be the same
we can never go back to being strangers
1.1k · Aug 2018
VOID Aug 2018
so much happened in front of my eyes
so i shut them tight
pretending we were in love
1.1k · Aug 2018
VOID Aug 2018
rumors surface of you doing awful things
rumors of you  kicking in someone's door
rumors of you hurting others
you used to be so gentle my love
please go back to being the old you
i miss you
the old you
1.1k · Aug 2017
Ode to my body
VOID Aug 2017
oh, my body
my oldest friend,
You make me secure
You are stunning,
you hold a power higher than men are capable of understanding
the goddess you hold within makes mouths run with water
skin created from the dust from the stars
every scar
every freckle is valued by me
people will tell you you aren't enough
but to me you are a home
not a hotel
not a empty shack
you aren't a place for men to bury themselves and leave
you are a castle
you are a temple
Skin runs soft like silk from your favorite *******
Eyes are dark like the chocolates the men give you on valentine's day
You are not a empty museum that people can fill you with treasures to make you feel valued
You are a home full of your own familiar objects  
i know you better than anyone else
i am close to you
my breath fills your lungs
wanted to start writing to things i am ashamed of
1.1k · Jul 2017
VOID Jul 2017
Don't touch me
i don't want to feel connection to you
Don't look at me
I don't wan to be seen today
Don't listen to my words
i don't want to be heard
Don't ask me questions today
i don't want to speak
Don't kiss me
i don't want to taste her spit still in your mouth
Don't want to be near the world today
i want to hide
i want to be alone
i want to get lost in someone's breathe
i want to be with him again
i want to disapear
i want to make a big mistake
i want to be held without lust
i want someone to notice me without attention
i want someone to hear me without listening
i want to feel without being touched
I want I want I want
1.1k · Jul 2017
shallow waters
VOID Jul 2017
I started the bath
I got in the warm water
It turned my skin numb
I started the bath it was comforting
To know the pain was real
I pulled my dry hair into a bun
Feeling the strains against my hand made me remember how beautiful I once was
I started the bath
I dropped my cold hands in it
Until I felt content with the pain
I held the water in my hands
Clear water
Suddenly I remember the warmth of his body
I miss his touch
I started the bath
I saw my reflection in the water
I didn't recognize myself without him
I started the bath today but today was different
I started the bath but something changed
I was numb
I was emotionless
I started the bath to drown my thoughts
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