My father
Sick of motor neurones
And holes in the aorta
Has made a decision
Full of heartache and pain
I support
I understand
But the darkness has returned

He has started the journey
The process has begun
I will be by his side
I will hold his hand
I will fight back my tears
My aching heart will stay hidden
But the darkness will come too

I must be brave
For him I must stay strong
He will be frightened
He won't know what will happen
After he has left his body
Does he still believe in God
I'm not sure
I should ask him
I wonder if darkness has got him too.

A wish.

Walk me under the moonlight Dance with me beneath the stars.
Kiss me under of the night sky, beneath Jupiter and Mars.

Swim by me in the ocean,
Sail with me through the waves.
Run with my hand in your hand.
Through waterfalls and caves.

Guide me along the winding roads.
Lead me into the light
Carry me across mountains
With snowfall crisp and white.

Lie with me under the sunshine,
Roll with me in the hay.
Search with me for happiness
In each and every day.

Time apart is therapy, to have different stories to share.
But the best stories I'll have to tell,
Are the ones when you were there.

If I bare my soul to you, will you still love me?
If you see the scars upon my skin, will you turn away?
If I run from your love, will you give up on me?
If I hide away, will you stop searching for me?
If my heart dissolves, will you turn your back on me?

I bear my soul to help you.
I have scars to provide you the evidence.
I run from you, to save you enduring my sadness.
I hide so that you never seek out my truth.
My heart dissolves, so that yours can stay whole.

It means nothing, it means everything
I want nothing, I want everything
I feel nothing, I feel everything
I ask for nothing, I want for everything
I dream of nothing, I dream of everything
I love nothing, I love everything......

Ladies and gentlemen,

That person that didn't want you, love you, pick you for their love, for their life. For what ever reason.
That person doesn't deserve you.

Those texts you send when you shouldn't, but you're drunk and your boundaries have slipped.
They are not the real you.
The strong you.
Don't send them.

Looking at photos of their new love. The one that they picked instead of you.
That's not going to help you.

Those poems you wrote them. Stop!
Save your beautiful words. Don't waste them on someone who reads them but doesn't feel them.

Don't feed someone's ego, and destroy your self respect in the process.

That ocean of tears you cried, over someone that wouldn't even catch one tear for you.
No more.
Save your tears for those who deserve your love.

This self destructiveness, isn't you!
This never has been you.
Miss guided passion.
The drinking, the texts the phone calls.
The modern day problems of blocking and unblocking of numbers and Facebook profiles.

This isn't life. This isn't living.

This is wasting precious time.

I know it's hard. I know your heart is heavy with the cracks it now must endure.
But time can stitch over the cracks and pull the pieces of your heart back together.
Trust me. I've done it.

Surround yourself with your own love.

Hibernate, metamorphose, lick your wounds.
Heal yourself.
Take as long as you need.

It's not easy for us sensitive souls. But it can be done. Overcome.

Learn, be brave.
Then Love again.

I was happy, way up high.                    
I was safe, in another land.
It was blissful, when I didn't see.
I was calm, when I turned away.         It was fun, when I was ignorant.

I became scared, when I came down.
I felt Worried, when I returned.
I was lost, when I hit the ground.
I was in pain, when reality set.
I was empty, without my insanity.

How does one live, with the boredom?
How does one cope, with the pain?
How does one find their home, with no memory?
How does one smile, when the view is unchanged?

Tell me please, without my little helpers, how do I find myself, in this world?

I still believe in me

Even though the bottle pulls me under
And the rolled up twenty sits eagerly awaiting my self-respect to slip on it's own ego
and fall into its self made trap

I still believe in me

Even though my confidence has taken its coat, and gone back down to the pub,
to meet with self doubt,
self esteem
and self hatred
They meet regularly
They are friends for life
For my life

I still believe in me

Even though my heart is buried under a thousand apologies
Caught in a web of tangled misjudged trust
with a master made from hindsight that
laughs whenever I try to escape

I still believe in me

Because despite everything
I'll crawl out of the bottle
I'll rip up the rolled twenty
I'll find self love
cut out and stitch over self doubt, self hatred and self esteem
I'll find my way out of the web
and tell the master that the
good thing about hindsight
is learning from it
That he has no power over me.

I still believe in m