He has eyes you can drown in but I am reluctant to swim, he is very charming and has fire within. He can make me happy and he can make me sad but I don't want him to see the true me Because no one ever has, no, I don't mean my shell I mean my soul for I fear if he looks within I will lose control. So here is my version I have made for myself the picture I paint for everyone else.

No matter how bright it is outside I never fail to see only grey. I feel no one listens when I say I’m not okay. It’s like they ask but they don’t want the answer, so I lie to myself and act like my life matters. I do that to keep myself breathing. Because I know my life is fleeting. I sit and I wonder what’s over yonder and instead of breaking free from these things that are drowning me. I stay and I stay forever and longer because In my heart I feel I can’t go on past these rough waters. The waves begin to consume me and all I can see above me is water and grey clouds. But somehow I see beauty in all of this struggle for I know pain is truly a powerful thing.

I don’t know why I am so sad. I don’t know why I get so mad. I am always depressed and ready to die, I feel like I’m being eaten alive. I’ll be going about my day when suddenly it hits me, suddenly I’ll see my grave. I have so many blessings in my life but the pain just won’t subside. It’s like I have a demon inside, it’s like I cannot breathe yet I’m being forced to stay alive. I try to act like I’m happy and okay but people are starting to see me going back to my old ways. How much longer do I have? That question I cannot answer, I’m just a total disaster. I’m holding on by a thread that’s about to break I feel it I feel it someday soon I won’t be awake.