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Venga Feb 15
My mom grabbed my shoulder firmly

“that’s more like it”

with a sigh of relief

her eyes flickered my body up and down

“those pants do nothing for you” she added

I looked at the pants that once gave me confidence and they became something I hated

not because I actually hated them though

I just hated myself
Venga Jul 2020
i was finally able to exhale



i was in the middle of that glass room
surrounded by the most
beautiful of flowers
one can ever imagine

I breathed in again

and it started to snow
of course outside of the glass room

and the snow trickled onto the flowers
blanketed the green grass
and the ambience was that
of a dim snowstorm

we all know it

but in between
the transition
of exhale and inhale
the outside of the glass room
turned black
and i was able to breath again
Venga Apr 2019
I bleached
That strand till it was blond

With every second that passed

A new identity was manifested
Venga May 15
i tried to love my body
but my mind said no

those two were at a constant war

they hated each other

they ripped each other to shreds
so often
Venga Aug 2019
my heart opened
and i cried

not a typical cry

not a cry for attention
not a cry from falling on concrete
not a cry of happiness

this was chest open crying
translucent tears plastering my face

a raw real with yourself kind of cry
hands break hearts
Venga Sep 2019
what if

we could just simplify things

be at peace and happy

love unnecessarily to those who need it
and to those who don’t necessarily
deserve it

look at the bright side of things

enjoy sunsets and sunrises

be grateful for the air we breath even if it’s
not the exact air we want

judge nothing but the flaws in ourselves
and work on them

look in the mirror and see ourselves
not the person we want others to see ourselves as

fight less and talk more

eat foods that make our body smile
and one’s that make our hearts too

sing to ourselves and the world
about happiness

a concept about a world
possible but not
Venga Aug 2020
there’s so many things
so little time
so much hate
so little love
so much responsibilities
so little leisure
and so on and so forth
Venga Dec 2020
that pretty girl

she held the galaxy in her palms

the moon and the stars and everything in between

and she gave it up for the earth alone

for it’s pollution and ****

when she could have had milky ways and rings on saturn
B
Venga Apr 2019
B
Have you ever heard yellow words before? They are so bright you just want them to yourself. To surround yourself with yellow words is the epitome of warmth. Say more yellow words and softness will enter people’s minds. Yellow words.
#1.1
Venga Jan 1
I picked up a photo from my childhood. It was of me and my sister. We were in our little jackets, smiling and giggling. We we’re definitely high off of sugar, always. I saw happiness and innocence in their faces, a type of radiance only kids carry because of their ignorance. They don’t see anything except their own little world. I wished I live there again. Even for a day, to bask in the pride of my mother before she lost it because now their is nothing to be proud of. To make friends minus the mountain of social anxiety. To walk confidently without wondering if I look too fat or chubby in my jeans, or if my ***** look saggy. To eat food carefree without a second thought. To play in the snow and not wonder if my hair will be ruined. To have a crush and think I actually have a chance. To dance my heart out to just dance and think I was performing as beyoncé’s backup dancer.

These are the innocence I wish I had again. These things. To be a child, and to be happy.
Venga Feb 20
i’m only loved

when convenient

it makes my insides churn
with sadness
and hollowness

knowing that nobody will love me
truly

only when it’s convenient
Venga Feb 20
i closed my eyes

and there i was

all
alone

in the blink of an eye

everything was white
and i was warm
and i could hear singing

it was a strange place
but a comforting place

a….
familiar place
Venga Nov 2019
i kissed your

cheeks

lips

neck

hands

but you burned my lips

with the tiny vibrations from your throat

my shriveled lips
and teary eyes were all that was left
Venga Apr 2019
I fell
And felt

And fell a little
More and felt a little more

So far down I fell
And so fast I went

In the deep blue
Vast and unknown

I knew what
Happened at the bottom

But I fell harder
And faster than ever before

At the possibility
That I didn’t know what would
Happen

But it did happen
Just like I thought
#6
Venga Aug 2019
spooky season

a simple time for fun

turned out to be the nightmare it should have been
all in the head
Venga Jan 2
Th greatest tragedy

is that someone who has been loved
denies it
Venga Jan 2
you know what’s worse than killing yourself


failing at it
Venga Sep 2019
*** on friday nights
gives us purpose

when

we feel meaningless to the world

someone else occupying our space
and mind

saves us from bridges
saves me from ropes
saves the pills in their plastic
container for the one who actually needs them
Venga Aug 2019
veins ran cold
like ice they froze

everyone

except the one who was distant
Venga Feb 17
i’m so disappointed

in my mother

you could call me an ungrateful child

but jesus

all she does is blame me
and create all these problems within me
all these doubts
i wish i could say it’s from myself
but it all goes back to her
Venga Dec 2020
i became who they were
so maybe they would like me

people called me a “pick me”

but all i wanted was a friend

I tried to be like them so they would accept me
but it didn’t work
Venga Dec 2020
blacked eyeliner

and creamed pigment under overtired eyes

curled lashes and a wand full of black hope

sprinkles of fragrance crushed the air
that smelled of a combination of the moon and the ocean

exchanged baggy pants for fitted ones to “accentuate my features”

Disappointed in the mirror at the figure reflecting back
Venga Aug 2019
“girl it’s ‘hot girl summer,’ don’t get caught up with these ******.”

i understood but that statements was blanketed with unhappiness and insecurity. wanting to have fun but sacrificing so much for it. like drugs and war. we fought for drugs in the wrong places.
Venga Apr 2019
She sat in the center
Of the dark world with nothing

Surrounded by a thick fog
Of darkness

Thinking nothing
But knowing pain

I sat there
A little girl

Crisscrossed apple sauce
With nothing

Sitting in the vast and dark earth
Absorbed by the black fog
Venga Feb 11
i walked on the water
in the midst of a gloomy cloud

i walked only but a few steps
to my rock

my getaway and my peace

I sat there waiting for the storm surrounding
me
to pass by

it was beautiful

i often visit this place
Venga Apr 2019
I got a feeling

This

This
Feeling


In my stomach

A desire unlike I’ve ever felt before
For you
Venga Sep 2019
i’d like to think

there is more to me then the surface
that I can bring joy to lives

I blame others for not willing to try
to meet my deeper person

when my deeper person doesn’t
want to meet others
Venga Jul 2017
Why she smiles
Heres the story

She smiles
To make those
Who hurt her
Wonder why
She is

She smiles
To convince
Herself life
Isnt that bad

She smiles
To keep
From sleepless nights

She smiles
To prove
She is happy
When she is not

She smiles
To keep
From darkness
Staining her mind

This
stupid
Beautiful
Vain
Concieded
Crazy
Sensitive
Easy
Weird
Quiet­
Shy
Loud
Annoying
Clingy

Smiley girl
Venga Aug 2020
my pen slide

and my heart poured out

it literally poured out

why don’t you believe me
i’m a genuine person

at least i try to be

you
you
you just don’t get me
Venga Nov 2020
I saw the etching from miles away

Something you pick up right away

Long lines like your waiting for them to release the newest phone

My heart sank

Those scars on her arm
I wanted to tell her everything would be ok
That things got better

But those scars were old and long healed
Venga Apr 19
I was stuck in the bubble
I kept screaming at the people around me

but

they couldn’t hear or even see me
I was like the wind
invisible and quiet

but

I caused a tornado
Venga Feb 20
you fight fire

with lighter fluid

something i’ve never seen

you expect the fire to go away
but it grows and grows

then you blame the fire for it growing
Venga Jan 1
i read that book
about flowers and the moon
i don’t remember
but what i do remember is that
a lot of people don’t love me
their just insecure and see their
insecurities in me

and that



that made me feel more lonely than
ever before
Venga Jul 2020
Each wrapper

Each piece of clothing

Each stain on my suede chairs

Each empty deodorant bottle

Each pair of lashes on the dashboard


All these things compiled into my tiny space
So evident of what’s within
My soul
Venga Jun 2017
Kids these days
Are not loyal
All they like to do is quarrel

I have no friends
Dont feel bad
It only makes me a little sad

These jaded puzzle pieces
We are only human
Leads some to ruin

I try to ignore and be patient
I would want forgiveness too
But sometimes your words and actions
Just make me so blue

I thought you were my friend
I guess i was wrong
Its easy to preach what is in a song

As i cry myself to sleep
Ill try to ignore the pain
And i guess not be so vain
Venga Aug 2019
i wanted the classic

“good morning”

i didn’t want money
i didn’t want anything extraordinary

i wanted the classic

“i love you”

i wanted loyalty and trust

i wanted to be wanted


but that is too much
Venga Dec 2019
full of color
but originating from

love
pain
infatuation
loss
trauma
frustration
distraction
lusting

poetry is a one of a kind art
unlike anything that draws what the
mind can’t put into a picture
Venga Jul 2020
The sign to my garden
in bright letters said
"DO NOT ENTER"
But you obviously
couldn't read
You entered
and ruined the flowers
I worked so hard to grow
OTO
Venga Dec 2020
I got used to the feeling

of being loved

because that’s what that random magazine I found online told me I have to do in order to receive it
Venga Nov 2019
it’s always easier
to yell

the

words chew you up
spit you out
and let you dry up

they let you
turn into concrete

and get run over and over and over and over
by cars

the concrete
eventually
gets *** holes
and withers away

but that’s easier
Venga May 9
Under my stomach
laid this burden
and it lessened but never ever went away

that burden I think we all carry we just don’t acknowledge
Venga May 2017
'I cant help you
If you dont talk'

Maybe I cant
Talk
I Silently whispered

It is a swamp
Of silence

Not even my
Therepist
Can sweeten my pain

My unwarranted
Pain

The pain that
Shouldnt exist

Im too young
To know what
Pain is

Too young to
Have scars on my
Soul

The sun should
Always be on my
Youthful face

So i move on
Ignoring my
Invisible pain

The scars nobody
Cares to see
Venga Jun 2020
i borrowed souls in my pockets
tucked them away for my jazz party
on 30th street
well not my jazz
and i let braids cling to my scalp
as i ran
my ancestors cried over these braids
rice grains to find my freedom
and my children’s freedom
to help the little white kids
with boats find their rhythm
in a world made for them
and their case of white claws
my ancestors rode a boat too
and the cycle began
Venga Nov 2020
so wish i could read my mom the poems
i’ve written about her

maybe it would bridge the gap between us

come to an understanding

because she doesn’t understand me

nor i her

all i ever do is want her to understand me
but she takes it defensively

it’s extremely numbing and heartbreaking
Venga Dec 2019
i always sit in this white room alone
isolated
thinking of how i’m always trying
to do good
but the lives of those who hurt me are
better off than mine

for some reason I just think i’m not
meant to be here
i don’t belong
and i never have
and i never will
Venga Nov 2020
has your worth
every been defined by a pair of lurking eyes
from someone you love?

they don’t realize
how much the cruel statements
sting my inner soul

not being judged by my character
but rather by the rolls on my stomach

it stings my heart
makes my heart swell with shame and resentment

it makes me instantly reject the body i’ve climbed
mountains to try and love

it makes me reject
myself as a whole

stop shaming me and just tell me i’m pretty for once
please
Venga Nov 2020
I layer looking at the textured ceilings
the roof my parents worked to provide for me

laying in the blankets the bought to kept me warm
with my belly full of food that gives me life

Everything serene

except my mind
My mind is tortured and restless

Never good enough
Eating too much
Not pretty enough
Lack of friends
Rarely successful

These are the things planted in my mind
But having material things should be
enough to be happy

So I guess I am
Venga Oct 2019
i sat in that mirror

man i stared for a long time

at a girl who’s fought her life

against herself

fighting for this person
that already existed

i thought about younger me

if i could go back in time to tell
her how beautiful she was

that all her battles
she had won

how her hair grew out beautifully
after that bad perm

how she’d grown into someone
who people liked

how she had grown into someone
she liked

all that struggle wasn’t easy
but she won

so as i stared
i thought of
future me
selfishly

telling my current me
everything will work out

you will overcome your struggles

you will grow

you will become someone you love

you don’t have to starve yourself
of opportunity because you created it

love yourself gabbi
Venga Apr 2019
She opened
A new
Book

And looked for answers in herself

She searched
And searched

All the

E
M
P
T
Y

Pages stared back
#2
Venga Dec 2019
I write this
poem

my love

in hopes that you do better

your lost right now
and I hope

no

I pray with every bone in my
small body that you find what your looking for

that thing you
couldn’t find in me

although I know you tried
and I pray you would have

I love u mi amor
te amo mucho

my love
cries from the clouds
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