Six months ago; we parted as friends
there was no anger
there was some pain.
We were different people who wanted different things.
Hearing you tell me you didn't see a future with me three times was enough.
The end of a relationship is always sad, it's a mourning of your future. A forever what if.
But I could still feel my heart beating in my chest.
It felt like the right decision.

Three days ago;  We parted, and you still want to be friends.
there is confusion
there is pain.  
You no longer want the same things.
Hearing you tell me you didn't see a future with me four times was too many.
The end of a relationship is always sad, but this one was devastating. I could see it, you showed it to me.
I can't feel my heart beating in my chest anymore.
It felt like the wrong decision.

Quiet your mind and you may find
peace in such stillness.
Your life feels like chaos when
the music drowns out any possibility of
silence inside.
How can you even think with lyrics of
mesmerizing dandelions
clanging through your consciousness?
From the left and right
distractions dissect your attention.
Why is it so hard
to turn off the music?
Silence is scary—
a frightening thing to befriend.
Some fear the dark, yet
you fear the quiet.

Carry only a backpack into the future’s embrace,
Leave behind the luggage of yesterday’s trace.
It costs dearly to drag what’s past,
Travel light, for freedom holds fast.

The novelty of this is
exquisite.
In my adult life, I've never gone this long without allowing another human to touch me.
A new concept
the next time it happens, it will mean something.

(A lone voice whispers)

Do you write
For freedom
From boredom

Or even sympathy

Simply to defeat
Apathy

People who experience traumatic events may sometimes develop apathy syndrome

(indifference and emotional detachment)

As a means to further protect themselves mentally and prevent further distress

This is normally present in survivors of tragedies

And it can be part of post-traumatic stress disorder

Caused by emotions hard press

So are you ready to lay on my couch
And begin to confess

(C)
Copyright John Duffy

30 days ago, I set a challenge for myself:
       No ***, for 6 months.

I am on day 31.
        That means there are 149 days to go.

This is
the single  
most idiotic
decision I have made in a long time.