Spilled little things

Spilled little things 19h

Lately,
this friendship has made me feel less like a human:
more like a checkbox in a list.

A hollow square that can only be filled inside the lines with black ink.

One row, one column,
one single spot where I exist in your world.

I liked your old list,
where I was allowed to be whatever I am.
Any shape,
all the colors,
no rows or columns.

The new list makes me wonder if you should find a new friend.

Spilled little things Sep 7

New Mantra

Vulnerability can lead to connection instead of harm.

Pt I
Practice

His voice still echoes.

Sometimes,
when we talk,
I see your lips moving
but hear his voice.

In those moments,
I remain silent,
to stay safe.

It's hard to get to know me,
I know that,
and I am sorry.

It's just,
I don't know that I can trust you,
or if you'll just become the next voice in my head.

Spilled little things Aug 27

I lost control of my smile that echoed back

you changed something this weekend
     shifted
     locked

usually so prepared,
usually I know

but this feeling, it rattled me

     with warmth
     with fear
     with the understanding that things are different now

it wasn't you gleaming with sweat,
standing at an overlook of a fairytale waterfall,
brimming with a joy found only in nature,
waiting

it wasn't your face flickering with firelight,
understanding a deep part of me,
your voice a lullaby,
melting me like the shake in your hand

it wasn't walking through technicolor geyser pools,
alone together behind our group,
asking to hold my hand for an energy transfer,
close enough to see the striations in your eyes

     no

it was in a gas station

full of strangers that disappeared the moment you smiled at me
and I lost control of my smile that echoed back

warmth
and
fear

something changed this weekend
shifted
locked

Spilled little things Jun 6

The warmth of it all will heat my soul

Awaken,
the light of dawn emanates between
black curtains.

Listen,
birds are singing a welcoming to
the coming sun.

Stretch,
so long my body melts
off the edges of my bed.
From my fingers to my toes,
I feel infinite.

Rise,
to a freshly brewed coffee.
The smell recharging me
before my cup reaches my lips.

Open,
the window,
feel that breeze,
calling me to join.

Bask,
in the approach of a new day.
Together.

The warmth of it all will heat my soul.

The perfect morning