I feel sick
sick of you, sick of most everyone
sick of being tired and sick of being sick
I am fine and I am alive but there are corrosive chemicals around me
I am the most beautiful, unique creation, the summit and foundation
of this Earth- as a human person I am limitless but
I feel a poison eating away at me and I know exactly what to do to avoid it
for there are only a few who make me feel whole,
a few people, a few situations-
and I do not want to be fixed, I do not need that, no mortar or
molds to repair, all I need
is to stop being eroded- bit by bit,
and to stop crumbling into the deep-
and from there, I can repair myself-
I am good enough now
stop tearing me down,
I would like to shake off whatever chains have been laid on me
for though my body is restricted,
my soul is deeply, unbelievably free.

I was sitting at the top of the Ferris wheel
Alone in gondola, swaying at the top
The lights flickered below, and a breeze blew
And I hit an all time low,
When I reached for a hand, any hand
But there was not one there

a darkening fog
swallowing
the shadow
of a black dog

following - following
close behind

- it is a hollow
feeling -
this war
inside

at evening tide
- a darkening.

r ~ 10/21/14

Make my life a hollow reed
That will bend now in stormy breeze
For in numbers I find my strength
Beneath the willow tree

Make my life like the rock
Piled high upon , top to top
A stonewall that runs for miles
Around my lands it stands

Make my life short and sweet
Give me peace not dire defeat
Give me love and woman's sigh
Amidst the clovered fields

Make my life a Godly song
One that knows right from wrong
With wisdon as old as stars
I'll dance inside the fire

Make my life to unfold
I am tired , my shoes have holes
My dreams are seeds cast to the wind
And just the husk remains

Make my life now come to end
It's my time to propend
I'll walk among the ghost's remains
And willingly I quote

Hollow reeds will bend not break
Holow reeds will not forsake
Of hollow reeds my death bed make
And lie amongst the stars

When everyone is saying
How much they hate
Their appearance, personality, althetic and academic abilities

I stand away
Awkward and quiet
Offering no opinion

Not because I am happy with myself
But because I am so insecure
I am afraid that pointing out my flaws

Will make you see

The parts of me I hate
The parts of me I hide
The parts of me I tried to change

Yet failed

Because I have what I got
I can't change it
To fit in with everyone else

I can't be someone else
Because I am not them
I'm me

And in some way that has to be enough