Promised her,
I would never lose smile,
but she left.

The clock has really lost its purpose with me. I've tried between day and night to think of ways to make this sound beautiful, and I can't, because it's not. I've wasted space with paper torn in two. I can't seem to let you go, but I can't seem to hold on to the words on the tip of my tongue. I couldn't tell you how much I love you. I couldnt tell you the reason I'm in this white-walled lot filled with strangers, and the only thought in my mind is the way your eye lashes cross every time you blink, and how they don't when you cry... When you cry... How can I say I love you when I've seen you cry and I've been at fault.  I've skipped weighing options and moved straight to making the wrong decision. You left your free weight on me for comfort and I pushed you away, there wasn't enough room for you and my pride... I had nothing but nerves, daring to be upset with you because you had gone. I'd have stayed, but then again, I'm always wrong. "you could've woke up with me this morning" I'll never forget that. I could've, that's true. I could've been the guy you wish you had a car to see. I could've been the guy you went back and forth loving pictures with. I could've been the guy you talked to these past 5 days. The point is that I'm not. It is my fault. And I accept that. The point is, you've been smiling and sweet with someone else. I no longer have your whole heart, if any at all. This hurts, but I've learned something. I've been watching happy people, sweet, and normal. They're nothing but that. I'm damaged, I'm ****** up, I'm completely torn apart, but I SEE beautiful things they never will, because to them, their selves are beautiful, so they pass by the things I appreciate and love. I love the broken, I love the ****** up, I love those who are completely torn apart. And you were broken, and you were ****** up, and I was there when you were completely torn apart, and so... I love you.

In the drizzle I rushed as usual I was late
The 9oclock bus I had to catch at any rate
If I missed this one I had to think of a ruse
Explain late attendance make a good excuse.

It’s those moments that bring woes to men
Perils linger on the way waiting to happen
Throwing caution to wind as I blindly strode
My feet hit a cobble lying middle on the road.

The sudden pain halted me made me emit a groan
I cursed under my breath the god-forsaken stone
Abused the unseen fate that had thrown it my way
Caused me such suffering conspired to spoil the day.

But there wasn’t much time to vent more my wrath
I kicked it out of way so none else could cross its path
Hurriedly limped along for I couldn’t afford to miss
The 9oclock bus that would reach me to office.

In the bustles of life it was a small incident
Other things occupied me I forgot the event
Till one evening I saw it on a corner of the street
The stone smeared with vermillion away from unwary feet.

The cobble placed under a banyan tree had men gathered around
It lay there in austere dignity they had found it a secured ground
I asked one in the crowd ‘how came here this stone? ’
‘You can call it a miracle it’s there naturally grown’.

‘Now it’s going to stay here none can force it a shift,
It’s God among us in disguise to give our spirit a lift’
In the face of that belief I dared not on his face say
‘So this is your God who I kicked on the other day! ’

One Sunday as I was busy with the off-day’s pressing chore
I heard a din outside urgent knockings on the door
*‘It can’t be like this to leave the deity without a roof on his head
Please donate as much as you can a temple is needed to be made’.

I don't understand myself at times.
I am so scared,
so terrified of the future.
I am so wary
from the past.
I often trip over regret.
I think about you so often it makes my head spin.
I fell on to my knees today in tears
and what's more;
I think I'm falling in love with you.
Your kisses speak love
and your presence relaxes me
but being without you makes me uneasy,
and this is what terrifies me.
I'm so scared it's not real,
that you're not real,
that everything we felt that night
is not real.
I wish I could be quick
to trust those perfect lips.
I've never craved someone before,
I've never needed someone
to complete me
until you;
you with those ocean eyes,
those arms that encompass me,
those kisses that fill my lungs.
I don't know how to look at you
without losing my breath.
Kissing you makes me want to cry
from the beauty it creates,
from the love it creates.
You are ecstasy.
You are the hands I need to hold
in the dark.
You are the lips I want to feel
forever.

I don't want to talk about it but I guess I should, shouldn't I?
I know all the neighbors saw what these four walls couldn't hide
Did they hear his door slam then lock?
Did they hear his gun load and then ****?
Could they hear me begging for him to let me in?
Could they hear his refusal, harsh and thick as sin?
I heard everything

How many times do I have to beg for the same life?
How many miles in this tunnel before we see a light?
We've been fighting for you,
but you're not fighting for us
I know life is ******,
but really, what is the rush?
I want to understand,
help me make you tough
Slow down, daddy
You've been drinking way too much
And not laughing nearly enough
Can you smile, please?
If not for you, for me?

Hospital walls have never been too comforting
They cave in at night when the doctors are sleeping
And the nurses are on break, having a smoke together
You told me things were good and, if I waited, that they'd be getting better
But I've been waiting outside and I think the rain just keeps getting wetter
I've been waiting, and nothing seems to be any better

I've been making this about me, haven't I?
I'm so sorry, please allow me to apologize
I just can't find the right words to save my dad's life,
But I won't stop talking until they come out right
I won't give up on the life that made mine

I love you, daddy
We can do this,
we'll be fine

Just put your hands in mine
I will carry your weight until you're ready
I need you
Don't leave me, daddy