As I wait in this loud silence imposed
While the war makes soul of our hearts and brains
I learn
I weep
I tell
I can't explain to myself this crave for suffering.
It must be a habit
Imposed
As well
Made
As the hives of bees.
Could I accept the miracle?
Was I supposed to hurt him more?
I can't explain myself this crave for suffering.
It must be a bad habit.

This foul nature we keep attaking
With garbage every day
One day taking the garbage
Back to us.

Shouldn't we deal with it?

"Maybe you had a good life but you had to ruin mine... and I had to say goodbye, still, you wouldn't let me...
You like seeing us hurt,
Broken, humiliated for all the strength we show,
For all the weakness we exposed...
For anything that is, that was...
Once yours
Oh, but for ten times much more!
You would
Humiliate us more
I know...
I had to flee
As you were too ugly to accept and let me be."

©Theodora Oniceanu

Here, I applaud you, mighty heart of blue
Stone hardened with the coldness
Of the cold black gown
The Moon is wearing
For each ocean poured...
Under a playful blue moon
The stars reflect their old wisdom
Their dust speaking through the actions we take
Until the sun will break the record
And explode
Or die, little by little,
Becoming another blue stone
On the  black canopy of inked domes.

For the stone to be deposed in the hands
Of the worthiest girl, the wolf girl
You chased away.

Pooping Gold machine
Treated as ****, **** produce,
Taking **** to create Gold,
Gold to create jewelry,
Jewelry to tell a story
Worth to live,
Gold worth to die for
And garbage to take out.

Disappear with you when work's well done and left for their homes,
To enjoy, to live, to die for.
I may disappear and never bother for their rights or wrongs.

Dear Papa,
I have eaten the old rug that inspired my old painting,
It was filthy as hell,
Somebody forgot to clean it.

But I am Alright now,
Figure: I don't need to eat anything anymore.
It is magic involved, I tell you,
It's good to feel less empty and alone.

I might have also opened
The door for a thief.
Alladin insisted on robbing us of some goods
And as we had too much I said to myself:
"Why not help the poor live a better life!"

Papa,
You are never to forgive me for this,
'Have fallen in love with a thief,
Now life is much better for our people.

The artist for you is a sin,
Well, then I am quite everything!

Something to treasure and fight to have!
Hah! The great life I had!
Something to be grateful for...
Still.... Why wouldn't one go back there?

Hihi! The great life I had!
Something to literally **** for!
Still, why wouldn't I bother for all that anymore?

Hah! I'm dead and have moved on!
Not killing myself for crap anymore.

You hurt me deeply, I confess
Uh, Uh! My mistake! 'Twas my mistake!
In this world not finding a place
Uh! Uh! My bad ugly mistake!

You attacked I countered you
And put you down, almost killed you,
Uh! Uh! My bad, bad ugly mistake!
Please! Pardon me!
(but only if you can)

Now I' m a raven, I'm a crow, I'm the unwanted in your home!
Uh! Uh! My bad, finally true!
Please, pardon me!
I won't ***** you! I'm much better than you!

You Hurt me really bad
Out of confusion, out of your sad sad days...
Oh, oh! My bad!
Have all your days happy or sad,
I'm out of this!

I CAN'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOU BUT CRUELTY

Even the old want young ******* to **** with
One way or another they'll for them to **** with.
Desires, burning, churning their prides!
Finding their ways so divine of... Loving us!

For you it is an honour to be like me
Just like for me the honour to be like you.

God fell in love with me
Even my *** laughs ROCKing the bottom
I think it's the other way around
But let's keep hoping.

God fell in love with her
She's actually pretty and wonderful,
Deserved all the best,
Fought well and won
God loved her more,
Oh, well, have some fun.

I should have killed her, I know, I know!
For the love of god
My vanity table's prepared
To show me all the answers behind the shells hearts cracked
With a question: Why?

I should have played along,
The Competition for God's love was on,
Competition for God's sake on!
What more do you want?!

God fell in love with us.
We've set our minds to great progress,
We work, we dance,
Inking our heart's grounds
To a certain extent
For our rivers to pour rivers of progress.
It's said: "God fell in love with us"
But I believe it is the other way around.

I'm losing my good common sense every day,
It's perfect like this as I couldn't be okay,
Everything right, everything fine,
In my life ordered so well.
Don't you love when things fall into place
And everything is just okay?

Faults? : always somebody else's!

Maybe you don't need something nice in your life,
Something to brighten the days,
Make part of your life shine,
Lit a little light in your heart.
Maybe you're that ugly inside.

Oh, please give me a good heart,
A whooshie, mushie soft heart you can throw your everything in,
Please, do give me the kind heart to take it all,
Your sword may rest and sink and rust or glow in it.

Saved by a Phd.
A drunk in a puddle of rose petals,
An honest worker, a fellow mate,
Someone you didn't know too well but can respect,
A lost poor soul or an idiot knowing much more...

How did you treat her? And what about him?
Is it okay? How do you feel?
Here, take a little happy return of a favour
Made from a friend to a friend.

A poor soul lost, a friend or the enemy,
A rich, perhaps famous or a leech,
A **** or a perfectly aligned stich
For the society we live in...
So said the vow, so spoke the law...
Now what can I say?
It may end up okay for everybody.

Look at me!
Can you see all the honour of being a *****?
It lies printed on my face!
See?
Playing it proud enough?
Yes... No...

Enjoy the sight!

The apology got hurt, somehow
It may be the miracle of a life
Put through too many lies
As one must know...
Tests of life can make one stronger.
If you meant something good in the past
Now you can't mean the same anymore.
Down with the one gifted,
Down with the light,
Down with all love
Do you remember?

Yes. You may. You may waste your time.
You may waste your entire time with your apologies.
You may waste your whole life with your apologies
And I may never be you, I may be myself,
The one you will always hate
Because you don't know but this better.

Yes you may. You may waste all your times
With your filthy, stupid apologies,
You may waste your lives with your filthy apologies
I don't care, I never will,
Those feelings are long dead and burried
Feeding creatures I refuse to know.

Yes. You may waste all your times with all your stupid or smart apologies.
Everything you say or do for me
Sounds like those stupid apologies!
You live them all through.

I caught you feeling... you stupid...
How dare you feel and where's your brain?

I caught you working... you stupid...
Working all day hard with a level of thinking aligned
Properly!

I caught you learning,  caring, helping around,
Trying to make life sweeter...
Helping a wound fade away
And the memory of that awful day become bearable.
Are you that... stupid, stupid! Why don't you keep it all to yourself?

I caught you having some ideals...!
High and of the brave Angels adored!
You stupid, stupid Child!
How dare you even dream?
How dare you believe and hope and scream and shout out your pain!
How dare you stay!
***!?
How dare you fight!
How dare you be what you are
You are not... Stupid... Stupid...
The heart that ruined all that!

How dare you be strong?
You did it all at some level but wanted much more!
How dare you be only a human?
How dare you be much more?
You got all tired of this... Stupid... Stupid...
And walked away.
How dare you be that strong?
How dare I admire you?
Stupid... Stupid...
Heart and Soul taken to a ride by the Mind!
How dare you walk away?
Stupid thing... no! Lie!
Image on a surface
To remind us all
When stupid,
When arrogant
And why.

I caught you enjoying life. Well that's stupid!
Again, you will get hurt, you stupid stupid thing.

I caught you thinking... are you that stupid...?
When will you learn to act? React.
Do something!

You stupid...
Why don't you angel for us and fly?
Show those wings that can carry the world to a better...

'You stupid? Why don' t you Angel inside?
Without feelings, without thinking, without?... Only a cold machine, smart!

Ah, I can finally breathe in and out!

As your ask for forgiveness
                Sounds like a menace:
                                          Keep dreaming.

How can I put this in a better key?
It must be an honour to be the stupid **** that didn't make it!
Invadors taking and taking and taking...
How can I feel proud when they still can take and I'm still supposed to be okay,
"Let us be humble!" So humble and wise!
Accept the lie of this paradise drowning in tears
Everything they can touch,
Anything they can put a hand on...
Becomes a ruin.
Ruin of the heart and soul, ruin of laughter, ruin of Joy.

The unreachable? they'd ruin...
If only they could.

But who are they. And why do we suddenly want to be just as strong and merciless... and wrong.



Is it wrong to ****? What about letting yourself killed?
*well... Well... well a fountain of tears,
Well realised a truth that hurt once and can Hurt forever just as much
Until shattered into pieces like a piece of glass,
Stardust given to the winds to make it last
As the memory of the wrong that was
And the right that came out of it.

Shouldn't I be
Too lovely a piece of cake
Hateful 'cause your God loved you more....
Your nature was great...
Hateful a *****, just like them all
Not admitting..., but making it happen, all along.

Oh, Oh (Idea) Why...

Shouldn't I
Be one of the hateful,
One of the normal kind...
It's normal to be upset and angered
With your own stupid mild
Decision to be soft or breakable
When times need rough and tough and stronger than ...Cake.

Distraction to tease us to the bore.

You regret being born
                                                which means
                               I
                                                with regrets
Made a great mistake.

I am surrounded.

In my imagination
I am surrounded by your love,
In my imagination I'm only too deserving
To love and to be loved!
There is no better gift
On Earth or elsewhere...

In my imagination there's nothing to be blamed for,
In my imagination we didn't do anything that bad
Because I simply can't remember....
I can't remember... destroying your heart...
With an ugly truth I couldn't take,
You wouldn't listen
And that is good... You were only a child...
And I was only too weak a human;
I tripped and fell,
Told you only of the good lies out there,
The ones we all fight for:
Money, love and Fame!

Fantasy to blame here.
Fantasy.
To be blamed the fantasy...

I let you see!
I let you know!
I let you enjoy...
We laughed together but we both know,
We wanted the best out of it,
This life!
It is as simple as that.

In my imagination I know only of love,
That love of pure and beauty that doesn't stink on the skin,
Does not come from the filth within
On which I keep adding more and more...
Each day more...

Filth that I spice and cook well,
Filth that I season and make smell and look good, taste good until...
Time runs it stale then adds what it takes to make it dry or putrid.

What air can inspire this life we have taken!
Every day
Trusting my inner swarming monsters to eat all filth,
Dead or alive.

In my imagination there can be only good,
There's only the accomplishment of our dreams that were always too pure
(pure filth is how I feel now. A cruel talk on purity, I know)
I'm sorry, my Child, I tried it all...

In my imagination there is no blame to feed
And if I am that blamable
I Will just proudly take the guilt!
In my imagination we didn't do that bad,
It could have been too wonderful
But I couldn't remember all that.
It is as simple as love, sweet love!
Salty and well spiced love
Burning just right.

As simple as that
My heart given to you
As I loved you for all the light you brought
Coming tears and laughter of joy
Or clouds cluttered with blight.

It is as simple as that!
In my imagination I escaped an ugly past
Coming with some magic within that couldn' t last,
My brain was stronger,
For this I won't regret
All the **** and rescue made.

In my imagination I managed to be
That good wife, that good Mother,
And Yes, the Lover your dad needed... I needed...
We were so young...
We sinned,
We lived in a perfect dream
(for each heart a loving dream)
For each heart a loving dream...
That's how we brought you in our lives...
We wanted to know true love
You... The miracle, the reason to keep being alive!

The treasure under our eyes.

You're with her now,
Mocking me and my soul,
Inspiring my heart to grow
Feelings I never had before...

You're with her now,
Laughing at my heart and soul:
The fool I was. You're right...
Inspiring my heart grow
Feelings
Which may count as dangerous.
The fool I was... Thinking....

                   One must do.
But you were undoable.
"Thanks Lord" You give praise.
You, with her, laughing, mocking,
Making my heart rise
Over centuries if pride.
Feelings....
                      With her.

Come, let's get out and find
Our garden of hopes,
Two lost souls in a maze of dreams,
Dopes
Looking for those party ropes
To pull the devils out of our kind.

(long version)

Sleeping in a soup of ignorance
Fine with my fantasies and dreams,
All lived…, they were all lived before.
Only the devil could have made one feel so
Insignificant.
Poor devil, still to be blamed
For our brains’ faults.
Issues taken for the fight for importance.

Ignorance bath in the soup of bliss,
Blissful dreams that can’t be shattered anymore.

Ah, the gift of being poor!
The loveliest heart knows how to offer
A chance out as nobody likes being poor.

Grin Grin as we must go on,
Continue with our sin
Of sleeping in a soup of ignorance,
This perfect ignorance  complimenting the knowledge
Of the very poor but rich,
Fine with my fantasies and dreams
... They were all lived…

Ignorance sleeping in a soup of dreams,
All blissful dreams that can’t be shattered anymore.

So, let’s! Let us continue,
Continue with our sin
Of sleeping in a soup of ignorance,
This perfect ignorance  complimenting the knowledge
Of the very rich but poor.

To be continued…

"What the gift! ?!"

You had it!
The decency to come out clean
Say what you aren't!
Admit it to the face!
To da' face! To da' face!
Yes, you had it!
You have it!

The decency to come clean,
Out spoken the truth from within...
One must accept, one must survive!
In the spirit of a brain
Having all that it can take
And it can take you coming out clean.

You have it!

gods and ironies
                  sublime the fantasies
                                                      e­merging.

You..
          You...
                      You....
You may be so disrespectful!
You've earned your right to be so,
Somehow...
Nobody knows, nobody ever tried to learn...
How... And why.

You...
           You....
                       You......
                                       You.......

Maybe you'll learn...
                                     about a world shattered
For your world....
                            Maybe you need this....

                 Or maybe you don't.

What Would the world be
                                          Without matter.

I don't have a heart...
               You gladly helped it go to ruin.

I painted a line
And a bucket full of paint
And people said it was great.

I sold the painting
For some real money
Got myself enough for more

Bought another canvas
Painted it in stripes
They didn't sell as well

The next canvas I forgot
Hanged  In a gallery
No paint only a rope hanging

Got really famous for that
And life began meaning something.

The humility I didn't learn...

       The patience I didn't try...

               The pride that didn't test me...

You need to be the only one,
The only one who ever found peace,
The only one who got their happiness,
That place making one feel home,
Home, there where you belong...
The only one to enjoy an existence led with the heart that can!
Oh, it's your heart that can...

How to explain the wonderful creature you always were?

Oh Soul! That what you need to be
To feel complete
To love thy heart,
Thy family.

The third World War just happened.
Probably in my head.
Some say the fourth is coming
On its way.
But I know that it already ended.
It's time to think again...

I'm too stupid for your orders to ****,
'******* with your brother, your uncle, your dad...
Or I'll ******* with all that. "
No, thanks, so very romantic of you,
Yuch!
Could you be more of an Infection to this world?
Wonderful your Princess of ****.

Somehow people see her as a lady
Oh, well she did something well with her life.
And now she is superior, I suppose
She can send me to the **** she wants,
Your Princess of a ****!
"******* with your past and family" and all that.
Oh, no! I am going to be impressed with all that.
'cause I always saw her as the very smart
To follow
Oh, no! God rescue us all!
I don' t want to take orders from your Princess of a ****.

What's not to love about me?
I can't see...
The stupid cow I have become?

I really don't get it...


   The chicken in all this, perhaps... ?

But then comes the cat scratching the door and spoils all the fun.

If I trust you
Then you trust me
And you trust nobody
But I end up trusting everybody
Because of your lack of trust
In me who trusted you

Nothing

If I say I trust you
Then you say I don't...
And I don't say I didn't
But you proved me wrong
So I can be right for a change...
But the change lies in the will
And my will said I didn't...
No, I don't, I just don't...
I can finally trust you.

You love them for their money...
You love them for the families they have and had...
You love them for their wealth.

You love them for their fights,
Their guts... Their ability to Unite to ****...
To defend... To believe...
You love them for their courage to Unite against another one...
You always loved them for having more...

~ Oy! you never knew what love is. ~

After taking what you needed you walked out the door
And I heard of you only when you needed something more...
Or wanted to Hurt me somehow.
Show me how well you've done compared...
To the stupid I, there for you in your times of need...
Never there for me, in my times of need... I failed to see...
To feel and find my heart and soul...
Freed... Looking for the right thing.
Your guess of a need of mine? the promise of a good ****,
I learned now,
'Twas too wrong the path taken.

When were you there for me?
Quite never. So what is the point of all this?
Oh, sure... Why not take more of your trouble.
As Mine seemed quite insufficient to you.

You love them. Always did and always will
Love them...!
For what they have to give,
For what you can take away from them...
As long as you can take away.
Only you know nothing of love.
You know your old game.

You love them...
                                             Love me not.

I sometimes wonder...
          : Why you react the way you do...
Which words were the ones that touched you...
What acts of mine betraying yours...
Hurting your prides...
   : Why do you react the way you do...
I sometimes wonder...