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As you grow up you realize all the butterflies in your stomach wasn't a sign of love, it was a warning telling you to stay away. 
You realize between every I love you there's a I will forget you.
You realize the ones you once needed the most eventually walk away. 
As you grow up you realize *nothing ever stays the same forever.
When you're a kid no one ever tells you how hard it is, in your head your hopes and dreams are untouchable but then you grow up and it all comes crashing down like an abandoned house.
From the moment I saw that light in your eyes, I just knew somehow someday I'd make you the father of my child, the soul I'd cry to at night, I just knew you were my one and only.
You may not see where my love lies for you but for you I'll stand by making sure a moment never passes without you knowing for you my love, I'll live a long patient life.
And if I'm not the woman who holds your heart then I hope someday you meet someone who loves you as much as I do, cause that's all I ever wanted for you.
For you to feel the love I felt for you.
All I ever wanted was to see you happy with or without me.
I could’ve sworn I saw you look my way,
makes me wonder why you never stayed
Could’ve sworn I heard your heart race, going at a fast pace.
All in my head, It’s all in my head they said as I replay
all the I love you’s,
all the promises,
all the forever and always’s,
all the lies
I could’ve sworn you felt it too,
the love that grew so strong,
But what went wrong?
It’s all in my head, they said.
I could’ve sworn you were different,
not the good kind of different but the worst kind.
All in my head, It was all in my head you said.
That heart trenching moment when what seems to be love to you is just absolutely nothing to the other person.
I promise you can have all of me,
all the broken i love you’s,
all the first last forever and always’ s.
You can have all the moments that never lasted
I still remember the love left behind
Don't try to figure me out,
just take me for what they’ve made of me,
Scars and bruises on a heart that gives no guarantee.
Heres all of me, all that I could be
And I hope it’ll be enough
Cause this is all that’s left of me.
What didn’t **** me, it never made me stronger. It’s supposed to but it didn’t. It made me build a wall so high that no one can climb it. This isn't being strong, being strong is when you can take risks and love freely. This is being afraid, afraid of the lessons you failed to learn.
You think I wanted to change you but all i ever did was accept you just the way you are. I accepted the good and bad and i loved every part of you but that wasn’t enough.
You think I wanted better, but you were always what I wanted, nothing more nothing less. I simply just wanted all of you, every piece.
You think I never fought for us but I did, I stayed when you needed me most because to me you were worth it but you never took the time to fight for me, for us.
You think I never loved you the way you loved me and you're right, I loved you even more.
You think I tried to control you but I always gave you the freedom to make your own choices and you kept making the wrong ones but I loved you anyway.
Sometimes they don’t get it, he never will.
Even though he took every piece of your heart when he walked away,
there's that one part of you he left behind, your soul
And trust me he never deserved it in the first place, always remember that.
When you're 10 all you wanna do is wear those high heels,
those adult clothes, the make up to cover up,
all you try to do is grow up and time speeds up,
with no pause button, no rewinds,
You simply run out of time.
Before you know it you'll have that cigarette in your hand instead of that doll,
that short skirt instead of those ripped up old blue jeans,
You'll have mascara running down your face trying to figure out how time took it all away.
Before you know it you'll be exactly where you were when you were 10 but everything and nothing feels the same.
Time, time is always five steps ahead when you're already three steps behind.
Before it all goes to waste, before our lies turn into the truth,
before it all turns into flames, burning our last desire to take it all back to before,
Before we starting this mess.
Tell me you love me before I'm not so near,
before I shed my last tear
And just like a dream I may disappear.
Before we come undone.
They ask me why I spend most of my time sleeping,
it’s because it’s in my dreams where I get to see you,
it’s the only place where you’re mine and I’m yours
and nothing else seems to matter.
It’s the closest thing we have to forever.
I guess I’ll see you around.
Before we start yelling and things start flying off the walls.
I need you to hear this, I need you to listen.
I've changed, Im not the same person I was the day we met and neither are you.
Change is bound to happen, Change is good, Change means we're growing up.
Whether we grow up to be complete idiots or total geniuses, I don't have the answers.  But it wont matter because we'll never change to the point where we wont stay friends, partners, or whatever this is.You can change all you want, you can change your hair, the way you dress, how you take your coffee, you can change how you picture your future but I'll always be in it for the long hall. When you look back at the times you've had, I'll always be right by your side.
Before we start yelling, arguing about all these little things, I need you to listen.
I just hope you understand.
Change, you never know if it'll tear you apart or bring you closer.
You know we had a chance, sure we were messy but we could've survived. I'd come back home, you'd show up and sweep me off my feet. You'd tell me how much you loved me, how you cant live without me. You'd grab me and kiss me and most importantly you'd never let me go again. We could've had it all. We would've made it but you ruined us. You did the one thing we can never come back from. You knew what you did would destroy us, you did it anyways. We could've survived, we should've had forever.
I stopped trying to bring him back.
Everyone keeps asking me how are you? How's everything?
Its like they can see it in my eyes, all the damage you've done.
I'll simply say I'm fine but all I wanna say is
Every morning I wake up and not a single minute passes by when you're not on my mind.
She says she loves you but I see all the damage she's done,
If only you saw it maybe then you'd see me too.
Dear 14 year old me, don't worry about boys, 
­ ­                                                                              they all come and go like candy. 

Dear 14 year old me, sometimes just sometimes you know what's best for you more than others, 
                                                            S­o always follow your heart.
Dear 14 year old me, don't let anybody tell you you're not good enough, prove them wrong. 
                                                             ­  ­    *You are extraordinary.
Dear 14 year old me, those green skinny jeans, they have got to go in the trash. 

Dear 14 year old me, you probably stopped reading this a while ago but if you haven't always remember to 
                                         Live in the moment cause time really does fly by, 
    Sing like no ones watching cause it never really matters what others think as long you're happy, 
              Dance like it's your last day cause you never know when you'll be gone and lastly
                        Love like it's your first time cause you'll never know if its forever until you try.
You think I don’t want to talk to you at all but it’s all I want to do, every second in every minute of everyday. It takes everything in me not to talk to you. I wish I could tell you all these things but I know I shouldn’t so I end up saying nothing at all. You say I deserve the world; you were my world, my whole entire universe. You were all the stars, all the planets, the sun and the moon. You were my everything but that doesn’t change anything. I’m sorry that I act so cold and heartless; it’s a defense mechanism. It’s the only way I can keep myself from coming back to you. So instead I keep my distance. I cant say hello to you and risk another goodbye, cause we keep fighting over the same thing over and over again. Endless goodbyes that’s all we have left. I know sending this to you is selfish, I should’ve just left it at “goodbye take care” but I just don’t want you to think of me heartless. All I ever did was try to make you happy.
Take care, again.
It kills when you lose someone who meant the world to you even though you meant nothing to them but then again the fact that they let you go so easily says a lot.
Maybe you’re better off without them, maybe it’s a sign.
I know we havent spoken in a while. Its just that theres something i need to say, and i know its too late and it wont matter. Because it is what it is and we are what we are.
I just. . . I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
i breathtakingly heart stoppingly dangerously love you
  i could say it 100 times in a million other ways and
that itself would still be an understatment.
Say it over and over again, cause once is never enough.
It never mattered how far away I was
because you were my home.
Whenever I felt lonely like I didn't belong,
hearing your voice would make me feel like I’m back home again.
Now you're gone and I’m lost
You know all those cheesy movies that set your hopes up too high that some prince on this white horse is going to show up at your door step and save you from all your bad ways.
I've never wanted that, sure it would be nice to have a cute horse around but aren’t horses messy? And doesn't a prince need a princess?
I can tell you this right now I'm no princess. I'm no Kate Middleton.
I'm messy as hell, I'm as clumsy as it gets.
My socks never match and I say all the wrong things at the right time.
I forget the things I need to remember and I remember all the things I want to forget.
Jeans and flip flops are my best friends.
I spend most of my days eating my heart away.
My point is I'm no princess nor will I ever want to be one.
*Someone ordinary in the most extraordinary way will do for me.
I’ve got all these old things I wrote back in high school, feels like a lifetime ago.
When I said ' I didn't love you' what I really meant was ' I'm terrified.'
The love I have for you sent me running out the door because I knew from the minute I laid eyes on you, this was it for me.
You were my one and only, my freakin' knight and shining armor.
But I ran, I ran so fast that I forgot to look back at all the moments we had together.
Although they were short, I cherished every second.
The fear of another heartbreak sent me chasing after loneliness.
I couldn't bare another heartache, my heart wont survive.
I know once I dive into your love, I'll never be able to get back from it.
You'll be one disease, I can never truly recover from.
When you said you loved me, I ran because I was too scared but I guess the question here is, *why didn't you run after me?
Philiphobia: fear of falling in love.
I may be clueless at times and difficult in some moments but let me tell you something I'm not, yours. I'm not yours, that's my worst flaw.
Truth is, I always believed in every word you said
but that was my fault,
I should've asked for actions instead of words.
Lesson learned, my friend. Lesson learned.
For your love, I could have gone to war and fought right back,
Lately, we've been so off track.
I heard that you don't love me anymore
Words keep spreading round and round as our stars align
You’ve become a fugitive in this love
Running from a feeling that’s been so strong
One last year, has come and gone
It’s been forever since you left me standing in the rain
After all this waiting, dont tell me ‘ you have nothing left to say’
And now i’m all alone in this world,
I would have given you the universe but you left, why?
You keep making excuses, saying that I'll never understand,
Truth be told, I just kept waiting for you to hold my hand
But baby no, you don't love me no more.
I know it's sloppy and it's not one of my best writings but I just thought i'd share how I felt a life time ago. (:
This time last year, everything was different

We were closer, we were stronger
Now all thats left is plain, simple, agonizing distance
This thing we had, I never knew it was temporary

You’ll be blowing twenty candles soon, blowing away all the memories of the year before, the year when you were 19, when there was a me and you.

It’s all fun and games until it’s not,
the one who falls the hardest,
the one who breaks first,
the one who says hi first,
They all have one thing in common, they always lose.
So we’ll patiently wait for the other to crack

Happy birthday old friend, or should I say new stranger
Heres to you and all your bad ways
Heres to the boy I once knew and loved, to the man I can’t even recognize anymore

Heres to the end, the start of a new beginning without you and I
Blow the candles away and all whats left of us shall be gone with it

It’s all fun and games, until someone gets hurt and things remain forever broken
-. Memories made, Photographs taken, Love felt, Mistakes forgiven, Tears shed, Hearts broken
All the voices in my head whispering that I should run and hide,
Cause we both now this love won't survive but at least I tried.
And I saw you walking down the pavement hand in hand with someone new,
I couldn't help but feel like a dark shade of the colour blue.
All those butterflies you feel I'm sure she gets them too,
Makes me wonder if you felt it too back when it was just me and you.
                   Every time I watch her cross your mind,
                                                                ­                           I'll find the words to say **goodbye
it's the way he held his cigarette between his fingers, you just knew he was up to no good. All you wanted to do was inhale all the toxic gas cause he was killing you and you loved every second of it.
How am I supposed to resist a bad boy thats a good man?
I still remember freshmen year as if it was just yesterday we walked through those unfamiliar hallways for the first time. Four years have passed and gone and now we're sitting here saying our last words, words that will be remembered, saying all our thank yous and all our goodbyes. It was in high school when we made our closest friends, hoped for places in sports teams, believed anything could come true even the impossible blissful dreams, and learned our first lessons in life. When you look back at those years you spent, memories come flooding back and that's all we'll ever have left; memories, photographs and moments of joy. I hope your dreams take you to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities and to the most special places your heart has ever known.
You know how superman is bullet-proof but his one weakness is kryptonite.
Nothing in this world could destroy him except this shiny green rock.
In my head I'm metaphorically bullet proof, I don't break.
Head held high, Heart cold to the core.
I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and realize I'm surrounded by this stupid shiny green rock which is in disguise as your love.
Your love, slowly and patiently, leaving me in ruins.
And I'm getting weaker and weaker everyday, aching for the warmth of your skin.
You know how superman is bulletproof but his one weakness is kryptonite, well I have you as my kryptonite.
With just one look, you leave me breathless, on my knees, begging for more.
I wonder if one day maybe I could possibly be his kryptonite.
I've got nothing left to say, all the sleepless nights together, 
The moments lived like it was forever
all of it has gone to waste 
but let me tell you this it's not the being speechless part that hurts the most,
it's the fact that all we have left is the silence between what should've been and what could've been
You've got alot to say for the one that got away
Sometimes I wish I had more to say, maybe then you'd hear me cry.
Sometimes I wish I had the power to stop time, maybe then we'd have one more moment before goodbye.
Sometimes I wish I had fought harder, maybe then I'd be good enough.
Sometimes I wish just one wish would come true.
My heart tells me now that I have found you, our love will be remembed by the world
Just say its love,
this is love.

It’s the kind of love that makes you wish the moment would last forever cause it feels like you've been blessed by the angels above.
The kind of love that makes days feel like months because staying away from him is unbearable.
Just say Its love,
This has to be love.

The kind of love that makes you wish you never loved this much cause a love like this would only destroy you when in time for goodbye.
It’s the kind of love that will send you running the other way because now more than ever you know you’ve got more to lose and losing him would only mean losing yourself along the way.
*Say Its love,
This can’t be love.
I dont know what this is yet and it doesn't matter. Call it whatever you want, whatever it is- it feels good, whatever you want- just don’t walk away. Give us a chance, Give love a chance.
You know, I’ve been staring at my screen for a while now
Thinking of what to write, Trying to put it all together
I thought of all these ways to tell you this but you see I don't have the words and I don't take that lightly because I am someone who is usually good with words.
I usually know what to say but here I am sitting in front of a blank screen trying to figure out what words to put together.  
Truth be told, I don't understand what I'm feeling,
Its like I’m sad and happy at the same time.
I’m simple but god I’m a big mess
I’m quiet but my thoughts are loud as ever
I dont know what this is.
Its like I’m everything and nothing all at once.
I wanna say so much I just don't know where to start,
So I guess I’m going to end with saying nothing at all.
I seriously have no idea what to say.
If lovers become friends,
If friends become strangers,
If families become enemies,
If all the good things in life go wrong,
**What are we supposed to hold on to?
I care more than I should, I say less than I could
I do more than I would but that still makes it no good.
I want more than I need and need less of what I want,
I see more than I believe and believe less when I don't see
But still its all no good.
Knowing me I’m usually good with words, I just about always know what to say. Writing was the one thing I had that no one could take away from me, no matter what size I was, what I wore or how I felt, my words were untouchable. But for some painful reason just the idea of you leaves me speechless.
The curves on your lips when you smile,
the little wrinkles around your eyes,
god those beautiful eyes, how I’d **** to look into those brown eyes again.
If only I could find the words to make you see, make you feel a love like ours, to make you understand the reason my heart aches for your touch, your warmth, your pure breathtaking love.
If only you knew.
Somethings are better left unspoken.
I promised myself I would never cry for you again,
I swore that night was going to be my last.
But here you are again making me wish I had it all back,
the touch of your skin lingering through my veins,
How you'd never leave without kissing me goodbye even if it was only for a while.  
I'd love to tell you how fine I am, how I've moved on and it was all just a dream, just another figment of my imagination but what you couldn't see was that as I walked away smiling from what we could've been, I left a part of me with you,
*a part I never truly got back, my heart.
You say she loves you but I see all the pain she brought you.
You say she's the one but I see all the lies she tells you.
You say you'll never find another but baby can't you see I've been here all along.
She'll never love you like I want to.
We’ve been here over and over again.
It seems so silly to cry these day, you see I already told you my whole life story or atleast I tried to but it seemed like you never even bothered to listen.
So I sit here right where you left me, in the dark with no one by my side.
I ran far from every memory, every thought, every dream of you
Then so easily, cruelly, and horrifyingly slow you picked me up, swept me off my feet, and threw me right back to where it hurt most,
To when everything was left unspoken, left unseen.
Here you go again,
Trying to make me unlove you.
You'd say anything to make me leave but you wouldn't say a thing to make me stay.
In my chemistry class, the beautiful boy sitting next to me kept talking about his broken love . 2010.
Imagine how many times you walked by someone you used to know,
Someone you spent all those cold winter nights with because at that moment it felt like forever.

Imagine how many times you let the moment pass you by because you were too stuck in the past to realize what you've always wanted was right infront of you all along.

Imagine where you'd be, if only you had the guts to say those three words, what you could've seen if only you had the courage to stand out from the crowd,
**Imagine who you could've been, if only they let you believe.
Between every I love you there's a I will forget you,
Between every I'm sorry there's a I will never forgive you,
Between every I'm okay there's a I wish you could see the pain you've caused me,
Between every goodbye there's a I will always love you,
Between every new beginning there's a I wish I could go back in time,
Between every I miss you there's a I won't be staying for you.
I cant help but wonder if i ever cross your mind,
When you see something that reminds you of me, do you regret the choice you made?
When you hear a joke, do you wish you could still share it with me?
When it’s that time of night when you rewind your whole day in your head and think of ways you'd do things differently,
In the lonely hour, do you think of me too?
Forever yours
Looking back at how we used to be makes me laugh not smile cause I find it funny how silly I was for believing **you were different
Life is like having a pen and a blank page in the midst of the night,
You never know what you’re going to end up writing.
Sometimes you end up with a masterpiece and sometimes it all leads to tragedy.
Life is like a blank page,
With every sentence you write you get closer to realizing where it’s all heading.
And sometimes, its left blank for a while because your too busy trying to figure out
which words to use,
which person to be,
which life to live.
This is what happens when your brain starts to wander.
I could walk away and say that you’re not what i need,
I could lie one more time and say I’ll be fine without your love,
wipe my tears away, draw a smile across my face,
Hoping you won’t see that I’ve given you all that’s left of me,
Baby all you ever gave me was space.
I could pretend that I’ve never even cared,
never bothered to think of you
But I’m not ready to lose you yet.
Forever seems like a long time, how about we just stick to right now?
I miss the way you’d always be the first to call me in the morning
I miss feeling like I found someone in the world who understood who I could be
I miss how I was your girl, the person you went to when everything started to fall apart
I miss being fearlessly, childishly in love
I miss how we were able to just sit in utter silence and have the best time of our lives together
I miss those days when reality seemed much better than my dreams
I miss being that girl who loved, laughed, lived with her heart on her sleeve
I miss you and me
I miss us
I miss looking up at the stars and knowing you’ll be looking too, just thinking of me.
I miss thinking life always has a way of working out
I miss believing in myself
I miss those nights we spent under the sky light, counting the stars till the sunrise
I miss thinking that I had it all figured out, my life, who I wanted to be
I miss being who I thought I was
I miss those good old days, days that are just memories now
I miss you
A simple I need you, I want you, I miss you can change not only your day but that ache in your chest.
I'll forgive you cause I don't know what I'd do without you
but I won't need you
because I made a habit of never expecting anything from you,
That's a mistake I refuse to make again.
Ever since I was a little girl I've been told that being loved is an extraordinary thing to accomplish in life but to be in love that is the greatest accomplishment of all.
You see I'm the luckiest one out there because I found
my guy,
my soulmate,
my bestfriend
In this crazy world somehow you found me when I was no where to be found.
You picked me up off the ground, swept me off my feet, blinded me with your long lasting love. This time when a guy, when my guy tells me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world,
I'll believe it cause it's you that's saying it.
I should've said it, all the words that slipt away.
You just stood there waiting for me to say something, anything would be enough
but all I said was nothing and all I had was nothing.
In my head I told you everything,
how your eyes shine brighter than all the stars in the world put  together,
how everything reminds me of you,
when i pass by the bench in park avenue 16 i could've sworn i saw us,
the old us sitting,
laughing, in love,
the way it was supposed to be
I shouldve told you that the silence isnt cause i dont love you, it's cause my love for you has left me speechles, breathless.
Its like i have so much to say, i just cant seem to find the words. I know im late, with you about to fall for the wrong girl and all, but before you leave,
Just hear me out, i know im all over the place and im not even close to being perfect
but what we have is as close as we'll ever get to forever.
Its always been me and you against the world.
I shouldve said it, maybe it was wrong to say nothing as you walked away.
I should’ve never let you walk away but then again you shouldve nevet left in the first place.
I can picture you with her,
holding hands in a cold winter night.
Don’t you remember how you held me so tight
I can see us breaking walls,
trying to push through it all.
Don’t you remember our first last kiss,
it was back then in the fall.
I can forgive all the times,
you kept me up at night
waiting for you to miss your flight.
Could’ve sworn you were my white knight.
It’s called falling in love for a reason.
You take a leap of faith and jump, hoping you’ll end up on two feet.
After all, hoping just leaves you disappointed
Cause no, you don’t remember the laughs and memories we made on our way to the ground.
When you live everyday in the shadow of what you had with him and he doesn’t even remember the love lost.
My problem is that I remember. Some people are lucky enough to forget, they wake up one day and they simply just forget. But i promise that i will always remember. The smell of your cologne, your contagious smile, the scars on your hands, the line across your neck, the scent of cigarettes in your car, the sound of your voice when you say my name. i will remember all these little things and so much more.
And even if i had the choice, i dont think i'd ever want to forget atleast just not yet.
And I’ll be thinking of you when the sky turns grey,
with nothing left to say I'll be walking away
Cause you never took the time to stay.
It was a winter to remember that december but the snow has faded and the stars have moved.
And so have I, I've moved mountains for a love that ended before it begun.
One day I'll be thinking of you,
Maybe then you'll be thinking of me too.
After all the pain and heartache, I guess it just wasn't our time to love. Perhaps in another life, another place, another time we'll get our chance.
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