Running
Back
And forth
Reach the line

I'm not that bad out of shape
But still struggling

Throat burning
Head pounding as if there's someone trying to bang their way out
And lungs desperately fighting for air

I give up...

I sit down when I reach the line
And try to catch my breathe
Instead of running back

Chest rising and falling
With each gasp for air

Oxygen
Why do you hate me?
Lungs,
Why aren't you working?

Coughs hurt my throat
And make me weak

I take my inhaler
But it isn't working
It's just making me shaky

Panic rising inside me

I can't breathe
I can't breathe
I can't breathe

I take another puff
And wait
1
2
3
4
5
...
Breathe out
And couch violently

I'm going to die
I'm going to die
I'm going to die

No one notices

Don't waste time
studying me
instead study
yourself closely

what you would know
of me eventually
at the expense of yourself
is nothing but pure triviality

Weak resistance
Little steps
Much sleep
Take my meds

Call my sons
Say a prayer
Silent nights
Beware! Beware!

          Selah

Absurd
Camus
  JMU

I cannot seem to be able
To unwrap the vines of pain from me
After all
It's in my name

I would do anything
Give anything
To make this bad
Heavy feeling
Be lifted

I would call a plane
And a crane
To get it off my heart
If that's what it takes

I want to feel better already

The time is moving too slow
And too fast
All at once
Who is messing with the clock?
Is it a monster living in the walls
Or is it living in my head?

The vines get tighter
The more I want them to loosen

Are they the problem
Or is it me?
What's the difference
I can't see

It doesn't matter
Get them off of me

I want to feel better already

I choose to be empty--it purifies me, it's a process of letting go, of renunciation, of selflessness-- in being nothing, I find my true self, and the weariness and angst of living melts away like the dew in the sun and the dispersing of the clouds.

  copyright 2025

my new year’s resolution
is to take my medicine every night

why would i not take it
if it keeps me whole?

i don’t know
i wish you could tell me