might as well
                          hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....
                                                                                 die.

i get it
i am only sixteen
i know
i have so much more to experience
how many times
do you have to tell me my age
trust that i understand
the concept of time
and how i've passed through it
to get to this wonderful number
sixteen

so now that we have covered that...
explain how that makes me any less than you
how it makes my opinions invalid
in your eyes
my experiences just exaggerations
my feelings just a side effect of hormones
just because i am sixteen

i'm tired of being
passed on
pushed away
looked past
walked over
put down
locked up
cut off
just because i am sixteen

i am sixteen
for now
but that doesn't mean my thoughts don't matter
actually never mind
me trying to explain my "complicated emotions"
is fulfilling your preconceptions of me
just because i am sixteen

Yesterday I went into a store
where they were burning incense.

And, in an instance
I recognized the smell.

Sweet, sweet nostalgia filled my nostrils as I remembered
riding my bike so many summers ago,
down a road that at the time felt like I was riding
into a different plain
of existence.

It was quiet and the streets were paved with concrete
as opposed to the ashy asphalt that covered the rest
of the small town
I grew up in.

Something about the way the neighbourhood was lined with colorful bungalows and huge trees
where the wind danced and sang
as I peddled past.

I once longed to live in a place like that.

Sometimes life is perpetually the calm before the storm.
Everything can be fine,

peaceful silences, and
glowing sunsets

but you always feel that tug of regret,
for what is yet to come.

Living life in this state of unknown
can grind you down to the bone.

Can make even the most familiar of places,
not feel like home
anymore.

I WILL FALL AT YOU
NOT SOMETIMES LIKE THE RAIN
NOT SOMETIMES LIKE SNOW
BUT
I WILL FALL AT YOU
JUST LIKE THE SUNLIGHT EVERYDAY
OVER AND OVER
AGAIN AND AGAIN
MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL BE
E
N
D
L
E
S
S

Time passed, drama class.

I didn't know who I was or what I was.

But I was in class.

The only friend I knew was one who I wasn't fond of but I latched on anyways.

And then, someone else. A stranger. I had never seen her before.

Although we had gone to the same high school for the past 2 years.

We were told to get into groups of three, and I spotted her, coming over to me and at the time I was mad.

Like who is this random person invading my space.

I reluctantly let her join our group.

But boy was I duped.

That was the first time I saw the first love of my life.

The first knife in my back.

The first girl I look back,
upon.

It's all fine now, and everything is well and good,

But back then, it seemed like all I could do was grieve.

And misbelieve.

And be lead on.

Had that drama class not happened, had we not had the same lunch period for two years to come.

Would she still have ended up in my bed? In my head?