Sleepless nights
Battling myself with all my might
Just wanna cue the lights
Without having to fight,

Don't know what I'm worried about anymore
Tend to push some people that love me straight out the door,
I gotta problem, I admit it
And that's why I'm still awake in the dead of night, isn't it?

Not taking a risk is what cowards do
And I guess I'm just one of the few,
Cuz it seems to me everybody else got their **** figured out
Hiding behind a phone in a virtual crowd
Facebook Twitter Insta ya see
I've rarely seen someone's life look better than from a screen,

In high school I swore I had my **** figured out
Til I got to college and ******* broke down
Pushed away most of my friends somehow
All because of my own ******* self-doubt

But god ****** I think I'm on the right track now
Making some good strides and I oughta be proud
Cuz a year ago, I wanted to throw it all out

I felt lost and alone
In a place I refused to call home,
Talking to my mom everyday
Didn't take the pain away,
And I felt better when I was numb
What the **** did I become

But now I'm able to see
I got no problems just being me
And I don't wanna impress anybody from their screens
No matter how hard it may be
I'm just tryna chase my dreams

Dear skin, I'm sorry you feel a certain way
it's just that today,
the rays of the sun, you once knew has gone away,
and is unaware of who you are
and your pain,
I'm sorry you have to face
the ignorant new rays
just bare with it, for today
and I'm sure that
it will go away

-Kaya

I used to smile in my sleep,
Before you stole my soul from here

My eyes in the mirror speak of you in ways no one else seems to hear
My dear, you took me to where the world breathes color
And you stabbed the heart of it, laughing at my despair

Who is this wraith you've made of me?
Dark hollows under her eyes, and three ribs protruding on each side

Yet you-
I've come to chase your peculiar warmth on sunny days
Because the sun is no longer enough for me

I crave you

You are chaos,
The colors fleeing desperately from your steps
Your touch steals my smile
And I don't care to find it

Instead, I will pretend
I will pretend that this is where I belong
This endless sleep, wrapped up in your arms

Either I'm swept up in colors and light, running after day-to-day life
Or I'm curled into myself and crying without tears
Either way I can't give the words space, to breathe and grow on their own

So when I disappear, I'll let you imagine me whichever way you'd wish
See me happy, see me sad
Nevermind the truth
If you so much as spare a thought to me when I'm not writing, that is already more than I can ask