This smell,
It’s intoxicating

This song,
It’s painful

It’s takes me back to the times where the air felt sweet
When my heart pounded with excitement and hope
When the fight I went through everyday—

Led to hours of peace
Led to times where it was just me and you against the world—
Led to times when I could look forward with strength and excitement
Led to times where the wind flowed into my face and filled me with joy

If I could have those moments back,
When I felt like I could be okay
When the fog felt lighter than I could ever imagine now—

Why, those memories feel like a dream

I think I was living a dream,

My dream

I can’t believe it was real

Maybe I imagined it all

But to feel that way…..
Then have it taken away—


That may be the worst thing I’ve ever felt

The dread

The despair

And worst of all,


The hope,


That maybe—

Just maybe—



I would get it back.

You say you’d cry,                
If my eyes went dark
Say your world will die
If death makes its mark—

On me, your child, I swear,
To watch you from above– wiping your tears
The cause for my fate— you would not bare
I apologize for endorsing your fears


Don’t worry, don’t cry
It’s not time to say goodbye
I promise to try
But please, don’t rely—

On an Oath, so hollow
So easy to break
But still I beg you, do not follow—
For joining me will not heal your ache

I don’t recognize—
The person who is called me
They have cloudy eyes
With a far and distant gaze
A guarded look– still speaks much

Daylight begins to fade,
As I stare out the window— stare at the sky
There's dark storm clouds in my mind
Swirling within the chaos— my thoughts, my feelings
Raindrops coming out through my eyes
The thunder heard through my cries

Trembling from the shake of my soul
Frozen in place— My emotions, ice cold
My sight, blurry windows, covered in water—
Water turning to frost— Frost keeping me wide-eyed
Wide-eyed, alert
Focused on silenting, the screams in my throat

The sun shines—
My world lacks color
I feel cold