bad decisions
happens fast
next one
easier
than the last
A cycle continues
Happens fast
Very limber
Broken glass
Think before you speak
Speak before you react
devil Will lead you
Down the same old track
It will kick your ***
Worse than before
He'll always be there
Don't knock on his door
He gets tricky
Don't fall for that
It's still his door
Just a different mat
Further from first
Closer to last
One day I'll get it right
But it's gotta happen
Fast

The sin within me is secret,
I dont let anyone know me.
If I did I'd have to own it.
This is something I can't let go of
The sin is deep within my soul.
Not knowing who I can trust it can't be told.
The truth it burns like an ember.
Forgetting things I want to remember.
You cant be honest this is sad,
I was the best you ever had.
You leave with this unrecognized
This is true
It's not going to be me regretting anything but you.

Someday he's gonna **** me
Until then I'll hold my breath
Either way
I'am dying
No more life
For me left

Friend:  'Has your heart ever been broken'

Me: 'You mean has it ever been fixed'

Do something to change it
Quit just saying and relaying it
Take a stand
Take a chance
For the change of it
Put your ******* name on it!

Everything I thought I knew
Turns out it wasn't true.
Now I find myself feeling blue
Only because I believed in you.

Poetry?
How does it score?
With vivid imagery
And creative metaphors

Blinds down no one around
Shut everyone out and turned em down
My darkness  only for me
In the dark nobody can see
Hung you up so nobody could tell
Hung a curtain I wear so well
In the dark let no light in
This to me is comfort my only friend
So nobody can see what I've become
Drug down and beaten
By everyone
When life gets hard and things uncertain
You better believe I'll be pulling the curtain

The things you've only thought
Perhaps wanted to say
Are the things that I scream
In the mirror each and every day

The pin the poke,
It swallows me whole,
It was me it stayed with
I took the fall
Happy it was just me
And not us all
If only you'd let me free
From all lifes pain and torments
It's killing me
The pain is deep
It's deep inside
For only me to see
And for me to hide
All the hell and torture
Put my life on pause
I still sit here today
Without a feeling of cause
'Stop it you sound dumb'
Plays over and over
I want to be numb
Not to be sober
I am my mind's own mental slave
This I will take with me
To my grave
Can't quit thinking of all the games you played
The pin the poke
The blood rushing in
I no longer feel like I have lived in such sin, such evil, and strife
I no longer feel like I have lived that life
The pin the poke
It swallowed it all
I no longer am curled up in that ball
That ball of pain and torment and state of confusion
My life once lived was all a delusion
I broke free from the evil
I broke free from the pain
I have broken free from all of your shackles
And all of the shame
I am still me but no longer the same
This is only my life story?
Or is it your game?
And I was the chosen pawn who played?
******* and your game!
I'm here to win not be ashamed!

S.Kajdan

Out of this hole and into the sun,
Something I've imagined but never have done

You must love yourself first.

My poems are dark
They come from deep within
Something I've been holding onto
All of my sin
Has escaped onto these pages here within
Never to be unwritten, never to be saved
Never to be spoken until this very day
All of my feelings I've kept within
Secretly hiding all the pain that I'm in
As I was crawling from out of my skin
My hand it held the pencil within
Only for all of this to come to an end
I've let it out I can't contain it again
For on these pages its written in pen
All of my secrets
All of lifes lies
All of lifes disappointments
All of my cries
How come I'm so dreary on the inside
I've let it out and the darkness sinks in
Only for all this madness within
To be put on paper with this pen
the sadness unfolds
It isn't over yet
As it beholds.

Don't be afraid to tell me the truth,
I'm dying to know it.

Afraid to make any waves
or rock the boat
in reality
We have
Sunken the ship
With no life floats

I'm slowly falling apart,
Physically yes but mentally there isn't much left
My mind, body, and, soul is black
A deep dark hole, theres no going back
The needle and alcohol have it all
Nobody can save me now;
'Dear God' I scream for help,
'Please give me your hand and get me out'
Of this dark place only I can imagine
For anyone else it's the
Breath of The Dragon

Your big
blue
beautiful eyes
Could tell all my secrets
All of my lies
Even behind A curtain
they all still know
Everything you could tell
All that I show
Only your beautiful eyes get to see
The true and real person
You let me be
Even with the closed curtain
They still know
Where I go in my darkness
What I wear for the show
But only your big blue eyes
truly know
If you weren't a feline
You'd be a disputable foe

You invade my every thought
Every second of my day
Your constantly on my mind
But your so far away
Even in the same room
My feelings are the same
You always used to be right with me
Now I find myself alone
If only your feelings were as deep as mine
You'd understand your hurting me
Please no not again
I'm begging you to stay
I promised myself I'd never have to feel this way
Then we met and my feelings I did betray
No I'm sitting here writing this without a word to say
I let myself down again
And down is where i stay.
Until i can see you
There won't be a brighter day.

I have a hole in my heart
One kidney in my body
But a fire in my soul
Only to you I'm a body

Sweat, blood, and tears
All his freedom
now is hers
He fears

Come see me in all my shame
All my loss all my gain
To each nothing is lost nor anything gained
Just like you met me
Sloshed in blame
I wear it well
But you give me a name

God, I've put myself on your doorstep
Maybe a time or two
But you refuse me
Won't take me home with you
This world is so confusing
just want to be with you
God take me home sooner than later
All I want is you
I can't stand it here
as few often do
This world is so demanding
I pledge my fear to you
Dear God take me home
Where I belong  
I can't stand it here
Everyday and every night
It's I that struggles
An endless fight
For I am tired too
So Please
Open your gates
And let me in
I'll leave behind me my bottle of gin
take me home
Where I belong
Cause I cant stand it
these people are wrong
Not another second month or year
Please open your doors and soothe all my sores, for it is here
That I can't bare it
Anymore

Nothing comes easy
Nor ever will
Always feel empty
With or without you
Nobody can fulfill me
Even if they tried
For I'm already dead
On the inside

I sit here and I cry
It's been years and years
I still feel dead on the inside.
Will I ever get over you?
It's a question I don't
Have an answer too.
Will I never stop missing you?
I don't want to think about
The time spent with you
I've never been the same
My hearts in pain
Broken into pieces
Unable to feel anything
Please tell me this isn't real
When my heart aches for you
Is the only time I feel
I miss you
Please come back to me and
Bring my heart with you.

The lights in the city
Isn't it pretty
Walk on the outskirts
See the pain and hurt
Look at the mess
People dancing, dressed in nothing but flesh
As we spend our 1000's
On nothing but machines we Barrow from
Look at the pain
Men and women sleeping in the rain
I want to help them
You can't save them all, as I'm on the phone with a friend during our call
They can't be forgotten
They must have someone they love and all
My mind spins in the city of sin
They can't be forgotten
What kind of world do we live in?
How can we be so blinded
There are ones less guided
Let's come together and be more open minded
Pull together and help the ones that have fallen in this world
Their hands weren't guided by the one holding the pearls
Open your hearts
And together we'll save this beautiful world.

Run!
And off you go
Looking for a different **

I've always wanted to give you much more than I had but I offer you way less
Because of my insecurities and the pain i carry in my chest
I beg you to not let the worst of times
Drowned out the very best
And please don't ever forget who I was before all of my distress
Life sometimes can get messy
Some more, some less
Regardless I am human
Will never be perfect
No different than the rest
I am and will always regret
I didn't always give you my best
Please find it in your heart
To forgive me for all the times that I regressed
There's no excuse for the pain and disappointment I have caused
The people I love best

I guess Son what I'm asking
Is to love me as I fix my mess
Also please know that I understand words mean nothing if my actions don't impress
I have gotten to caught up in my darkness I got sad and depressed
Took for granted all God has given me
Forgot that I am blessed
I'm sorry my own problems consumed me
I became selfish at best
More importantly I recognized what I've done I'm sorry I'm ashamed
You and your brother should always be number one
You two are the best I've ever had if only I realized this before you would of stayed.
Now I pay the price for the rest of my life for all the mistakes I've made.
I love you please forgive me
While I fix myself

I only feel joy when your joyful
I only feel remorse when your remorseful
I only feel fear when you are fearful

I only feel secure when you are here
I only grieve when you are grieving
I only see what you are seeing,
tell me why
I can't be my own being
I only love when you are living
I only fall apart when you are
Fleeing
Tell my why I only feel what your feeling?
                                   S.K.

How come I miss you
I wish I'd knew
How it felt like the first time i felt you on my front door step
How come I miss you
I'd wish I knew
How come I miss my boy so blue?
                     S.K.

So confused
Nowhere to turn
Ready to run
What path do I choose
Will I ever learn
When running I lose
What do I want from life
Not one thing I yearn for
Forgot who I am
And what I am here for
Keep making the same mistakes
Destined to an empty fate
Failure for me is common
I don't have much more to lose
Completely broken down now
Still asking everyone else to chose
Can't trust myself or anyone else
My constant state is confused
What do you do
When your out of breath and you can't run from yourself?