Can I quit yet?


Everyday I work myself to the bone
15 plus hour days, my work is my home;
Sleep is a luxury I don’t really know
4 to 5 hours a night, six days in a row:

 
My one day off should be my own personal Sabbath
Only to work at home, this is a bad habit;
I’ve heard that work helps to cleanse ones Soul
How many sins have I washed away, answer unknown:


But that wheel never seems to stop spinning
I continue to chase the carrot on the stick, am I really winning;
When my kids say they miss their absentee father
How does one apologize to his sons and his daughters:

 
The only real interactions are a short phone call
5 minutes to say I love them all;
A work drunk man, who’ll never be sober
Oh ****, I’m late, my breaks already over:

I believed my words were my greatest strength
That is until I met you, let me explain at length;
You've  given me the opportunity to really shine
And with no hubris I can say I've aged better than wine:

All the fears , and apprehensions I've had in the past
Were dispelled by you, and I really hope it lasts;
I'm a cowardly pretender who never realized his potential
Then you showed me that I'm far from inconsequential:

This is my attempt at an apology, without me having to say I'm sorry
Whoops, I guess I said it after all, I need to write with a little more chary;
But what's the point, for you I've already bared my soul
Because I want you to love me for me, that's always been my goal:

I don't understand why at times I feel so omnipotent
And then without you I'm back to being so insignificant;
I know who l can and who I  want to be…
Yet when you're gone, I tend to lose sight and can no longer see:

I swear I'm not co-dependent or a clingy person
It's just feels like without you my condition only worsens;
So these are the confessions of a man who's listening to his id instead of ego
Trying to shake off his L's and become greater than a zero:

Music is the elixir to my soul
Lyrics make it feel better, after the world has taken  its toll
Songs written it seems about  me and my life
They make me smile and sing, while others cut like a knife

These sounds  may change as quick as a guitar riff
If it's rap, acoustic, or punk rock it makes no big diff
For me everyday I sprinkle in some Tony Sly
Lyrically one of the best, why'd he have to die

“ I need a beat, the sounds to calm me down
Lyrics that are deep that keep me a float while I drown
This world's so ******, it needs a cure, some type of mixture
Everyone needs to slow down, I've got the elixir”

A few of them even use a catchy metaphor
About, how their ex walked all over them like a linoleum floor
These songs bring out the suffering and joy of the people
They all flock to concerts like churchgoers to a steeple

Only a few actually take the time to actually decipher
And once injected with knowledge  of a song  they become a convicted lifer
So turn up the sound and flip over the records
Let the music dispense with all of life’s discords

“ I need a beat, sounds to calm me down
Lyrics that are deep that keep me a float while I drown
This world's so ******, it needs a cure, some type of mixture
Everyone needs to slow down, I've got the elixir”

Again your absence has taken place
And I'm no longer blessed with your beauty or grace;
I know that it'll only be for a short while
And yet I'm left alone, frightened and scared like a child:

Wondering when you'll be back and what you'll say
And all I ever wanna do is tell you please don't go, just stay;
Because this time without you is never-ending
And all I can do is keep writing and keep on sending:

My thoughts, jokes, dreams, and love
And hope they find you and embrace you like a glove;
Showing you how much I care and what you mean to me
And that being with you is the only place I want to be:

Because the anxiety, loss, and sadness I now feel is hard
Hard to deal with, and so I sing sad love songs like a wandering bard;
Meandering through my day, confused and lost
I need your warmth now to come melt my heart of this frost:

Because my days get colder and colder without you here
And like an alcoholic drinking beer after beer;
I need you constantly because I go into withdrawal
So when you read this, I hope you call...:

Y.T.

At night when I awake, I still dream
I see an image of you dancing on a moon beam;
The light is your stage and I'm in a trance
As you wink and you smile with a seductive glance:

You extend your hand, outstretched for mine
I'm nervous, but your look tells me it'll be fine;
I take your hand and stand next to you
We are now both encased by the light of the moon:

We hold each other close, as I gaze at you and smile
I don't even realize that we are rising mile after mile;
My breathing comes quick, not from lack of air
I'm  nervous, i need you, and run my hand through your hair:

Higher and higher past all the cosmic debris
I pull you in closer and we share a kiss;
There's no going back as we're locked in an eternal embrace
To explore the unknown, a comet of love,  across the universe we race:

I'm a man with a gift for poetry
But this isn’t how it always used to be;
Sure growing up I dabbled here and there
But once my heart was broke it progressed, how is that fair:

Senses are enhanced from A Loss, like hearing from lack of sight
You shouldn’t have to lose to gain, that just doesn’t seem right;
But it’s true I, would testify
And yet I’d rather have my old self back, so much so that I cry:

I’ve sat in a cemetery and envied the Dead
Till the wee hours of the morning, a new day is something I would dread;
But I kept on trudging, just like a good soldier should
With everyone saying just be happy, awesome, and smile, then you’ll be good:

How can others say this like it’s so simple, like turning on a light switch
And like a lamp that flickers, I still have light, but with the glitch;
I still laugh, smile, and care it's true
There are just days I can't help from being blue:

But with you the day's aren't as gray
I wish I always felt this way;
A man with a perma-grin
And those small precious moments are what I call a win:

I'm trying so hard to find the lost me
Going solo it's difficult, I'm a one man search party;
Sadly, I'm the only one who knows his true identity
Who I am, was, and who you want me to be:

I look in the mirror and I’m always surprised at what I see

Who the hell is that always staring back at me;

I’ll just stand there, looking at all his imperfections

And I can see him judging me as well, it’s his daily inspection:



I look at his eyes; they don’t shine nearly as bright

And his hairs that use to be black are slowly turning white;

I mumble something under my breath and he does the same

My eyes meet his as I ask what did you say, I yell this isn’t a game:



Who the hell are you to come into my home

Always there to remind me of my flaws, as I pick up my comb;

I yell more expletives at him, and he does as well

Who’s mad at whom now, I can’t even tell:



I finish brushing my teeth and rinsing my mouth

The feeling I had when I woke is gone, it’s gone south;

Before I shut off the light, I catch a last glimpse and shake my head

As I close the door, I call back like a coward, I wish you were dead: