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Madison Jun 2017
You left me in the cold
While you became so bold
And decided to leave
For the sake of reaction

I fell to my knees
And begged you please
"I don't want you to leave"
And you were gone before I knew it

I thought what we had was special
But it was very consequential
And I'm surprised we even made it this long

You left me in the dark
All alone with my thoughts
I'm fighting the urges
Of pain

My thoughts are all scrambled
And I'm being trampled on
With every godawful thing you've said

This feeling I have
Is more than just pain
It feels like my heart is literally breaking
With the thought that you actually loved me

Please tell me this is not something you want to do
You always told me not to leave
But yet, you left me

Now I'm all alone
With the shadows dancing on my walls
And my thoughts painting ugly portraits in my mind
Madison Jun 2017
I'm never good enough
Well, that's what it seems
I always feel unwanted
And I'm full of shame

You say you love me
Your actions speak
Louder than your words
I still feel really weak

I'm tired of being the one trying
While you don't give a ****
I guess it's time to give up
At least until you start trying again

Or it could be that I'm annoying
Just for caring a lot
And wanting to be with you

I guess that's not good enough, huh?
I'm trying my damnedest to make this work
But I need your moral support

I can't do this alone

Trust me, I love making you happy
But I want some happiness in return
Madison Jun 2017
Falling
            down
                     into
                            the
                                  dark
                                          abyss
Where my soul has been laid to rest
I don't belong in a place called heaven
For I have sinned too many times before

Down
         down
                  down
                           farther
I will just keep falling

Darkness has overwhelmed me
And swallowed me up whole

I'll never make it out to see light ever again
I get crushed as I f
                                 a
                                   l
                                    l
down and down farther
Knowing that today is the day I would die
I said goodbye
Madison Jun 2017
The wind is blowing
And it's snowing
With tears on my face
I know I'm a disgrace

This world doesn't understand
How bad I'm in pain
But looking at you
Takes that away

Our eyes meet
And I know I belong
Right here with you
In your arms

I can't help but think
That you are the one
The one that I cherish
And the one that I love

You'll never understand
How much you mean to me
With so many I love you's
And so many dreams

So come to me
And we'll stand together
In arm and arm
Let's run free

I'll stand by you
With so much strength
Knowing that this could be
Our last wake

So don't be afraid
For we are young
That this life of ours
Is so very strong

You are precious
And you don't see
What all is in front of us
Is everything

Please stay with me
And I promise to never let go
As we will
Circumvent them all
Madison Jun 2017
The way that you laugh
The way that you smile
I can't help but be
In denial

Your love is my drug
Every time we kiss
I feel like I'm high
This feeling I will miss

The way that we touch
It feels complete
Let's see if you're better
Under the sheets

Our love gets rough
That's when I see
You slowly start to stop
And I'm happy with glee

Blood starts to pump
But it's pumping too fast
That's when you look at me
And I knew it wouldn't last

Your nose gets all ******
While you start to collapse
That's how I know
That my job was a success

Blood spewed out everywhere
I knew you were dead
I had a strong feeling
That I will dread

This power that I have
Is very strong, you see?
Let me take your dead hand
And lay you to rest in peace
Madison Jun 2017
Snow falls on my face
As I'm walking in place
Trying to figure out my thoughts

How did I end up here?
What went so wrong?
Why do I feel so lost?

I walk a little longer
And find myself back at your door
I can't help but still be in love with you
Even after all the years you've betrayed me

So why does this happen?
When everything was perfect
And now everything has turned to dust

I don't have enough courage to knock
But I have enough courage to walk away
Just seeing your face brings me pain
So why do I love you?

I walk down this abandoned road
And sit on the curb
With my head in my hands
And tears falling down my face

I felt something sharp poke me
& I forgot I had my blade in my pocket
I took it out
And with a few swift movements
My arm was covered with the red water

The feeling of pain overwhelms me
& it feels so good
I fall to the side
And slowly drift off
Into a deep sleep....
Madison Jun 2017
Roses are red, violets are blue
Sugar is sweet and perhaps so are you
But the roses have wilted, the violets are dead
The sugar bowl's empty, and your wrists stained red
The sun isn't shining, the sky isn't clear
There's no silver lining cause you're no longer here
Rain keeps on pouring, there's no end in sight
You're laying there frozen, so far from the light
Your beauty's unreal, your smile the sun
But time can't be turned, nor your actions undone
The words that you wrote that I only read
"I love you so much, please don't cry when I'm dead"
The bond that we shared; a love that ran deep
The pain that we shared; a friend I could keep
I wanted to hold you to wipe the tears from your eyes
Been there the moment you said your goodbye
I want to forget but most times I don't
I want to let you go but I know that I won't
Tears on my face, memories burned in my head
The roses are wilted and the violets are dead.
Madison Jun 2017
We all have a friend
Who's silver and shines
It pierces our skin
And draws the red lines

It leaves several scars
Over the years
But it let's out our screams
As well as our fears

It gives us relief
We need the sensation
But we keep it a secret
We hate the attention

Those perfect red lines
They become such a burden
But we do it anyway
Because we're tired of hurting

Some call us ******
But we know they're all wrong
They all know what to be
We don't know where we belong

We hide the scars
Behind jackets and sleeves
Our loved ones don't know
The cuts stay unseen

We try to act fine
So no one will know
But sometimes we slip
And the cracks begin to show..
Madison Jun 2017
There's yelling
And screaming
And she won't listen to a **** thing you say

She left all the time
Making you cry
Giving you nightmares
Of her saying goodbye

I know it's upsetting
To witness it all
That whatever you do
She still lets you fall

You're crying right next to me
As she's screaming on the phone
With nothing to make it better
I'll still love you even when you're not home

She screams even more
Making you feel weak
That you just collapse
And fall on your knees

He is here to pick you up
To make all that hurt
Go away for good

Your life is not perfect
And neither is hers
But she could try better
To make it work

As you leave through that door
I know I'll come see you more and more

Just know that I love you
With all that I've got
I'll try and make you better
With the warmth from my heart
Madison Jun 2017
By waiting for you, I gave you the key to my heart.
By waiting for you, I let you tear me apart.
By waiting for you, I thought you were the one.
By waiting for you, I've come undone.
None of this was what I planned.
You broke through the places I had banned.
With one look into your green eyes.
I saw myself, one hundred tries.
By waiting for you, I cut myself
By waiting for you, my heart died on the shelf
By waiting for you, your touch me suffocated me.
By waiting for you, your smile rejuvenated me.
None of this is what I planned.
You took my love in your hand.
Crushed it up and made it small.
Until I was made into nothing it all.
By waiting for you I gave you power.
The aftertaste of your love is sour.
But I will not wait for you any longer.
The love for myself is so much stronger
Why wait for love when I can have it now.
I won't wait for you to show me how.
I'll love myself in all my forms.
Even though your love was warm.
I took back the keys to my heart.
And now I can start.
To love myself, pure and true.
Without waiting for you.
Madison Jun 2017
Suicide
Something I have thought about for years
Something I have attempted several times
But still no luck on leaving this world
If you had been in my mind that day
You would understand why I had been so mislead
Suicide
My own escape
From everything and everyone
These scars on my wrist mock me every waking minute
Telling me I'm not good enough
To live in a world like this
How I am different and shouldn't be born
Then along came *him

The one who has saved me from all my pain
The one who has always been there for me
The one I have to call my own
With each breath that he takes
I now know why I was still alive

*I was still alive because him & I were meant to be

— The End —