It wasn't supposed to be like this
I wasn't supposed to get attached
I was gonna close myself off
But my defenses got brutally attacked

One by one they poured in
An angel who was different
Shined through the lot of them
But I already knew how it was gonna end

Then came the desire
To want someone else
Someone thought to be impure
I had to juggle my many selves

I was too afraid to admit it
Haven't even said it out loud
It tries to break through
Every time I open my mouth

I need to let it out
But the angel holds me back
lives up to the name I awarded
I always knew it was a trap

A trap for me
To bury myself in
And now I can't get out
For the angel sends in

All the love
And hugs and kisses
And I too have to shove
Out all the things I listed

The devil can't help me
I'm in this situation
If I get out of this alive
I'll have a celebration
Full of awkward conversations
But it will be my own creation

An award on the shelf
That I held out for so long
In a version of myself
That felt so wrong.