Sometimes I stop and read twice
My head wasn’t in the right place
And I was rushing by
With no consideration of rhythm
Or particularly wonderful sounds
Taking no time
To make pictures behind eyes
Or try on borrowed feelings
Until everything comes alive

Sometimes I stop and read twice
Appreciating beauty
Or a clever turn of pen
Tasting every syllable
Feeling every beat
Wilfully losing time and place
Sometimes once is not enough space
To really live

Feeling bad
Feeling Ill
Tried to get moving
Lost the will

Tried to be useful
Couldn’t do it
Tried to meet the day
Slept right through it

Feeling guilty
But mostly relieved
Everyone was fine
While I underachieved

Feeling better
Seized the sunrise
Amassing check marks
For the big prize

I love words. I want to eat them. Devour them. Binge on them and hoard each delicious morsel. I will sneak them and steal them. Find them abandoned in ordinary places and take them in.

I want to live these words, these stories. Fly on the wings of dragons. Be the dragon. I want to absorb the words and feel them. Break my heart, shatter it. Slowly sink into loneliness and despair. Find hope and embrace her. I want to fall in love a million times, a million different ways.

I want to be, if only temporarily, a million different people. I am a princess. I am a knight. I am a super hero swooping in wingless flight. I am a phoenix exploding from my ashes. I am a general directing spaceship clashes.

Feel my fury, feel my compassion, feel these feelings I can't action. Until it is tim,e once again, to be regular everyday me.

In that moment she transforms
Unquenchable pressures rise
Rage flares into firestorms
Fury thrives, amplifies

She dances on recent slights
Flinging words of blistering flame
Fires fuelled from yesterday’s fights
She wields with unerring aim

When the fury burns to embers
When logic eventually returns
No one left remembers
The cause of her righteous burns

NCL May 2018

Baby girl Blue
What happened to you?
Once bold and vibrant
Now you’re subdued
Back in the day
When your laugh was loud
Wearing high, high heels
You would peacock so proud

Those eyes, intense and demanding
In my memories
Blue, you are still outstanding
Full of verve, full of zing
You kick the *** of most anything
Full of colours, full of sound
You’re the lightning, not the ground

Blue, I wish there was another way
Another place, another day
He didn't deserve you
Absorbed your colours
Chained your flare
When I look at you, Blue
It's hard to see
The goddess in there
But I know you can sparkle
And I’d give anything to see you shine
Let me cut the chains
Free your wings
If you're still in there
Show me a sign