i just cant today.
I'm not feeling anything,
from getting dressed
to taking a shower,
to getting in my car and going to work.
I just don't want to get out of bed,
i'd prefer to stay to myself and thoughts today.
Why can't depression be a good reason to not go to work?
I don't want to force a smile today,
I don't have the energy.
I tried to smoke some **** to clear my mind,
but that honestly made me think more in depth,
which didn't help.
Maybe alcohol will help?
(i can't go to work drunk though)
ugh, i just need your love, i need your attention,
i need a big ******* hug.

From what I know so far, is that love is a gentle crush....at first.
That first crush squeezes your heart and mind, sending waves of lust and wonder through your body. That first kiss, never to be replaced, forever locked in that moment. For the lucky ones who find that crush and it's everlasting. I am happy for them. But I believe it's good to fall in and out of love, What is love if you can't ever let it go, let it go and be free, free to live life. Making mistakes, breaking laws and promises. So to those who have found the "one". That's great but do you ever think of what life you could have, would have, maybe should have. don't get old and wish you should've done this or that, be free to do what YOUR heart needs/wants. The clock is ticking...

"Love".... It's a horrible yet wonderful attraction. It comes in all sorts of ways. The heart is where I believe everyone's love lies. To open yourself up to this overwhelming feeling, is a big step. Most of us don't even know when we've fallen. The ones who notice, embrace all the positive and welcoming feelings that this one word "Love" brings. They seem to be so much more in depth with themselves and others. I also believe, that we all have our own idea of what love is to ourselves, never really able to fully share that with another, but always knowing it's there is all plus. "Love" to me is understanding, kind, warm and always forgiving. The love some of us search for has been within the whole time. It just takes the rite ones to bring it to surface in your heart. "Love"... It's a sickness, it's a joyful emotion that can bring new life and is shown everyday. That even though there is darkness all around and we as humans are losing this fight, "Love " still shines threw with the brightest light of all.

Music, it moves us in ways most things will never be able to. Music is a true healer to us all, it's what keeps us sane, our hide away from it all. Music takes us in and cradles us, holding our minds in another universe. Music that hit the heart is golden and can't be replaced. Music brings you up so high but with the skip of a song can pull you down to the lowest of lows. It'd be illegal if they realized how high it got us. Music is freedom, freedom to express yourself or just lose yourself within the sound waves blasting at your body.

I used to believe the phrase "everything happens for a reason" was a crock of ****. A phrase used to get one out of a situation, like a hint to change the subject or get over it. Now I know it's true. I've realized what didn't happen or what did happen, happened so that this or that could fall into place for you, it's about not forcing things to go exactly as you would like them to and just kinda letting it go for itself. Knowing that everyday to come is a new journey, a new surprise. That's the beauty of life, all the surprises that are never ending... Until your dead of course.  You've just gotta find your own way to see that things are right where they are meant to be in this moment. Trust in yourself, study your heart and your mind, and love with all you've got to give.

What I have come to find out is that the mind is the real killer of your body and soul. Yet all those things listed above can be beaten to a pulp and some how build back up, even stronger. What happens when theming has had enough, enough of the everyday, non-stop madness running rapid in our heads. What should one do when his mind has tapped out.

You can tell I've gone mad, off my rocker, bonkers. Constant  race with myself, for what, I am not sure. Feel her warmth while you can, come morning time she'll surely be gone. Lost in a haze, bent for hell bound. Summer born, into a fiery heart. It's tough living without  a part of my heart. To start is not to begin but to simply MAKE A NEW MEMORY WITH ANOTHER.....