Another night where I cant sleep
Restless I grow
Remembering lost time
Unfulfilled dreams.
Feeling softly bitter at first,
But then I'd start to weep.

So I'll sit in the dark and sing my graveyard song
because the voices of ghosts won't leave me alone

why can't they see I'm trying to be by myself
the wandering spirits haunt me
though they're just trying to help

For they know what it's like to be lonely for a while
And I know it must be terrible to be alone for eternity
though even sicker are the thoughts,
sometimes I wish they'd trade places with me.

so I'll sit in the dark and sing my graveyard song
because the voices of ghosts won't leave me alone

it's a cold and sorrowful night
full of my own bleeding skins harsh delight
God will I give up?
Though despite everything,
all my failures,
my body still fights to survive.

The dead without bodies look on watching,
shaking their heads just waiting,
knowing that I'll join them soon.
Whether by mistake, or maybe someday when I'll reach for the light on purpose and depressedly on my own.

so I'll sit in the dark and sing my graveyard song
because the voices of ghosts won't leave me alone

screaming in my heart making me crazy
the blade tells me Yes but my soul cries out No
still my actions go through by themselves.
Acting as though I am possessed
but those lurking in my room
never did anything wrong to me
and my destruction only makes them stressed.
Strange, how these unwelcome guests who messed up my mind throughout so much time
are not the silent night watchers, but are of the living kind.

so I'll sit in the dark and sing my graveyard song
because the voices of ghosts won't leave me alone
I know if they were still here
They'd pray until I felt at home.

Funny, how I feel guilty
over someone who is not with me
Nor ever was or would be.
because even the quiet ghosts I see wanted nothing but the best,
even decayed ghostly hearts cried out for me, telling me to get my act together behind paper smiles.

Growing numb inside again,
I thought I'd felt less than them.
without real bodies they still supported me.

I felt more love from the inside my own mess and from being emotionally dead
than a putrid and horrible human like you had provided.
How could you have been, how could you be, so relentless, so loveless?

so I'll sit in the dark and sing my graveyard song louder
because the voices of ghosts won't leave me alone
yet dead and buried
I saw their pictures each night
before I closed my eyes
they weren't really there with me,
and my memories of them a large blur,
yet they'd be there in my heart
always more than you ever were.

Not sleeping because of nightmares,
but having alcohol for breakfast.
Trying not to cut though needing it so badly,
God how do I still want it?

Not eating, to stay skinny.
I thought I'd left that disorder behind...
forgetting to take my medication.
crying, clutching memories in small moments of spare time.

Sitting in the darkness alone
wondering where my heart is hiding,
God Where has it gone?
and if my mind will ever find peace,
or myself a permanant home.

Bouncing between being genuinely happy
and the warm hugs of bitterness.
The lows of my depression marked by weird highs of feeling emotionless.

Forgetting everything due to the memory loss but always remembering the worst,
all my regrets.
it's like I can never escape the knowledge,
the seduction of the mess.

Like a Siren luring me in
searching for comfort within
but the only thing calling back to me throughout the noise is sin.

Hoping to run from my pain
but honestly I'm steeping,
forever waiting in content
For something to save me that'll never come,
trapped within my own brain it's decieving.
Because self destruction is inescapable, inevitable, Hell bent.

Where will we go
will we fall or fly high?
and are you still with me at times I dont try
watching though the heavens
will you bring me to my senses?
I know that I am lost
come God, break through all my defences

force me to remember who you are, who I am
dont allow me to forget from where I came from, or where I am
make me believe that I'll be ok
that you'll be there for me
even when I'm headed off the wrong way
Come God, derail me,
put me down gently to see the right track
I know sometimes we wander,
but you always seem to know how exactly easy it is to find you,
and after time I'll find my way back

I ask you God,
Are you still with me when I'm walking away
fading in the darkness
or losing any faith
can you hear my screaming cries
see the endless nightmares in my mind
the old addictions trying to bind
would you ever still be so kind,
though I remain so silent to you,
because i feel theres nothing left as I begin to unwind,
and when I finally can't bring my heart any reason left to pray
will you still bring me a brighter day?

I know your answer is love
for no reason but just to love
for me to learn that
you alone God, it should always be enough
even when I'm falling,
it should be your name I'm calling
instead of looking away
but us humans have our flaws
we make alot of mistakes
yet you love us anyway
and give a million chances to be saved,
promised with repentance our sins would be waived
you sent your son to die for us,
your only son down to the grave, knowing the future and how we would behave
yet you loved us all anyway

I slipped and failed
relapsed and bailed
but though I refused to remember you
you still brought me that brighter day
which was the last thing I thought youd ever do
but because you loved me anyway
you stood with me when I needed it most
and I'll always be grateful
for the new life you gave me
and the blessings that I could never repay

I hear
addiction calling for me,
my name, again and again
but I pushed it far away
along with the people I wanted to stay
because I struggled over and over
but always fell back in
and in a haze i began to lose the days
forgetting the progress I already made.

life starting to fade I'd wake up again
in yet another cold sweat,
nightmares of relapses forever
but with sweet death I have not officially met.
Because God had a plan for me,
I guess He thinks I'm worth it
and so one day He sent his son, who died to settle my debt.
and moving forward He was able to collect and redeem the years I'll always regret.
stealing away from me my pain,
giving me a brand new name,
He was with me throughout everything.
Witnessed all the sorrow and dismissed the disdains.

Blood on the bedsheets
razors under my pillow
nightmares crossing my mind
so I cut them up...
but look down and its
on my skin instead
red lines dripping down.

reaching for you but missing completely
red lines I found hidden on myself.
I knew I shouldve read closer.

I was so used to the hurting feeling,
feeling good and wanting more.
Life outside of it never crossed my mind.
the bible always by my side
still unopened.
I should've tried,
Laying there lifeless,
but physically alive.

Singing worship,
I'd remembered the words wrong
Because while discarded everywhere around me,
the knives sang their songs.

Cobwebs in my skull
holding memories in place
occasionally giving pain
but mostly a newer saving grace,
I look up and see that God has come with the daylight
From the back of my mind
Saving me from the whereabouts
the cracks he fills with the better thoughts
He came to unbind.
To reduce the emotional emptiness
And destroying my old ways
A former and dangerous love
That only He can replace.

Another broken heart
lost within the dark
trying to fight
to erase the scars and marks
searching for a light, believing...
but when its found you feel
as though you're still not healing

so quickly ripped apart
because of the left over pieces,
they are like glass
had to watch my whole life from the mirror of the water I tried to drown in
standing in pause
holding my own heart
as it shattered.

Unfolding what I didn't expect
nothing seemed to be real
but I stopped falling when I heard this
Theres not a mountain God couldn't move, and theres no wound He couldn't heal

Until I remembered the
numbing pain inside me
slowly realizing my own self crumbling
shards and the splinters from fighting the world unwillingly snuck into me.
and I pretended I didnt notice
pretended I didnt care
but it stuck onto me
Scarlett letters for all to see.

I've been through it all
now, I said enough
There's a house on a hill that I'm running from
but that decision was never tough.
I sneak out in the dark and say so long
without ever returning
I mumble a quick goodnight.

Help comes by,
almost instantly,
I've made it through
with no thanks to you
those who lived in
the house which I abandoned

A God given ship
in my dark tossing waves saved me,
God, picked me up
and He warmed me.

And eventually I know you'll see your wrongs
whether in Heaven or hell, inbetween
only God could really tell,

but we humans sure seem to know so far especially where you're going,
after you laughed at Him
mocked, banned and broke His beautiful songs.

Little by little my things changed
over more time plans, goals, life,
I had gained
and here now I feel very safe,
happy, but still struggling,
away far from you
I'm beginning to trust again.

Yet still hesitantly, cautiously
I reach forward to others for
help instead of God
not because I don't want blessing or belief
but because I was born to see
what somehow Id fail to forget,
what my parents gave to me as a gift with no mercy or zero regret,
only every single ounce of burden in me,
is what I'm weighed down by
even though God I sincerely promise I want you to send it in the air and to forever show me so that I may see in you I am free.

Losing all the people in my life might sound like disaster
but I've found nothing aside from
learning, love, hope, order, and newness
from him in the sky,
the almighty pastor,
you can joke around about timing
but all good that looks, sounds, is, is eveything unlike you.

Because it is funny,
that perhaps the one you say isn't real,
though you even think that you have any heart,
I'd like to point out to you,
He who you dont see, or know, or believe exists in any way
God saw my place because of you
and He loved me alot faster.

I'm still broken
but I'll use those rough edges and knives to survive

the house on the hill that I'm no longer hiding from
im finally throwing bad memories into the garbage where they've always belonged
giving away instead of holding on
because honestly I've hoped for way too long.

Thinking things could be better,
rhought my prayers had been prayers wasted,
but thats really not Gods fault.

Now they may be forever late
I'll see any smiles as fake bait.
hugs as a beartrap
kind words as their curse.
no matter how or if they do someday change for the better
I'll keep the unbudging so long
and permanant goodnight to them.

another silent night
filled with forgotten lullabies
a life ahead with endless possibilities
what emotion will it be this time?
you wonder if things could ever be right
but you're too focused on the inabilities
to see anything clearly through that layer of personal grime
you know very well the past can't be changed
focus on just today and tomorrow
stop remembering the pain
and dont throw any part of a future away

Screaming and manipulation
it was in The house on a hill that I  ran from
a quiet story only known to some
im living fully since I've been long gone
many times I dreamed to say
so long
and goodnight to it all

One day,
I found
The house on the hill that does not exist to me anymore
in the back of my mind it does not dwell
no longer hurts me
I'm no longer mourning.

I can finally say
I've successfully escaped
so, so long
and after a great many years being patient
becoming healed and safe
I can peacefully sleep
and refreshed I can wake
it's been so long since
I've had a good morning.

I say so long to that misery
and goodnight to the suffering.

The memories are a sword
cutting through darkness but not always my own

He says,
I will be with you until after the end

leaving behind this Earthen tied world full of material scraps we die to join a new beautiful existence far off

Will you never leave me there alone before the tide comes?
it sweeps away all but me.
I watch from inside myself on a mountain
as it's all taken away to teach us important lessons
that unbelieving humans will mostly continue to ignore

No longer will I have to wait for you,
you are with me here today in this very darkened moment
you show me mercy though I do not deserve
nor will I ever.

In my silence
when often I pray
you speak through many things but I am still sometimes remaining as blind

I've learned I do not want to go home anymore.
there's no place for me there but an empty, hopeless gap without good life.

But to be by your side was always a wish,
Forever that comes true everytime I think and pray to you.
I no longer fear the worst
my doubts will never control us.
I have seen it all through time and made it past with you as my guide.
I have conquered through the pain lost like a forest
being cut up by thoughts of endless briars
above I saw forgotten disdain
shoved it to the ground, able,
because you had given me sunlight through the rain.

With this heart you'll rewrite any
tragedies
with my time you'll put many gifts in me,
in my life you'll give yourself most delightful yet alluring symphonies.
like a heavenly siren for you I shall forever sing praise
until I walk with death at the end of my last night and timeless days

Wonderful love I've been blessed with
unearthly glory you show
like an angel
I saw you aesthetic
glimmering warmth in endless white space and cold snow.
laying there cheerfully
giving me a reason to finally hate the woe

before it all, you met me
before it all happens, you create me
allowing me to exist now
when you knew I'd mess up
but would at some point bow

Am I a human or am I something else?
A being made of cloth, sewn together with thread that was thought to be strong.
I can remember the piece of the needle that brought pieces of me together as well as the cut that ripped my seams apart years later.
I felt whats stuffed inside pour out as I lay there forgotten and unwanted, thrown upon the floor of an abandoned house.
Will I be here forever, begin to become moth eaten and decayed?
Destroyed fabric as time marches on
Weathered rusted needles in the tim Dusty thread on a high up shelf
and forgotten thimbles roll across the ground.

The world will never be as we expect
all I want is to see you alright
but I'm struggling to be ok too.

We don't learn
the real monsters don't hide from you anymore
because they live in your head
want you to end your suffering
but only if you'll do them a favor and wind up dead.

A jet black heart controls me
I am my own strife.
And you've been uninvited,
you're excused from my life.

You're taking breath away
from lungs that don't care
so do what you want with me
as I breathe in the already polluted air.
I laugh
as I'm dying slowly, painfully,
just living through the next few years.

And you're starting to see it in me
noticing why I'm so careless with what God had once given me.

Standing in the shadows,
waiting for you on the dark corner of an abandoned restuarant where I used to feel safe away from home
I'm just the freak girl with hidden hopes, sight losing eyes, and fading green hair that'll forever keep its color, still undyed, even after I'm dead.

Can you hear the tv static too
or is this just for me?
Welling up in my thoughts I feel sick.
Constantly....
I am so very sick,
watching seconds swim by
I can suddenly hear every clock in the world overwhelmingly tick.

Falling away fast from this life
I don't have much time left.
But anymore I don't see why it'd be such a bother.

Switch to something else to get the pain gone and see us continuously press pause on it,
contemplating the antidote
then we revert back to hit Go.
I feel bad to make God suffer
as he'll have to watch me,
rip my life apart.
I'm a monster on my own,
I tear myself up
without needing the devils claws.

Behind the smiles
are wilted goodbyes
things that never saw the light.
Whatever couldn't escape
is trapped within me
and my dark mysterious lagoons.

500 slashes mark the light skin
black lips smile in a friendly way
I say hello to you, old friends.

I thought I left these woods,
I'd cleaned myself up
brushed the dirt off
and rose from the muddy grounds.
But then again, maybe not.

I ran as fast as I could
and made it pretty far
so I thought I was out completely,
though I guess I was terribly wrong.

I thought I'd seen the sun rise finally today,
but it was nothing but it's light passing through all these trees.
One day if I try hard enough I'll be rewarded with a full view.

In reality it really was just the daytime, for a while
though I missed it after years of roaming the night restlessly
then falling asleep much too early.

The long awaited sunset arrived soon after I fought with myself to try living,
and it was the most marvelous, beautiful thing.
Until once again I relapsed,
I gave up,
and fell all the way down to the darkest hole.

Trudging along in horror filled swamplands
possibly worse than it was before,
with each and every shadow an old fear returning in me,
witnessing every sound, each movement
I'm frozen
caught with the markings on my wrist after it all
because I thought the blood would've took it away.
Since the red coming from inside slipping down and resting smeared among the color of my skin calmed me temporarily,
and the tears that came with it felt healthy,
I was reminded of a sunrise I'd once witnessed days long ago passed.
Will I ever learn that if i let it,
the happiness could last?
Maybe that'll be the time I stop looking forward,
moving backwards,
to another 'mistaken' relapse.

Close your eyes to things that make you blind.
You know what makes you hurt.
Yet you still allow it,
once again, forgetting your own worth.

Close your heart
to the things that only scar,
you hold the knife to yourself
thinking it's someone elses sword.
Always letting pain take over happiness,
forgetting how strong you are.
Instead of your own upliftable thoughts,
you decide taking someone else's word.

Regain some control
stop me if I'm wrong,
you only seek love but can't hold it for very long.
You say you're trying to seek 'God'
but you're realistically just infatuated with the humans who are only singing songs.
You live for the lyrics,
but forget to live them out.
Have you actually forgotten what Church is all about?
Going every week,
faking strength as an image,
yet somehow, you're always feeling weak.

Every service raising your hands high above your head
without even the tiniest ounce of any regret.
Refusing to understand the meaning,
outside church surrendering repetitively to sins instead.
But still,
every Sunday like clockwork you're returning to repent.

Don't you know the damage you're doing to Gods perfect gift,
your own soul?
Selling it away to nothingness,
lost promises
never acknowledging the hurt you put onto yourself,
sweeping under the rug, it's toll.


Oh why do you do this to the one true God?
Smiling sweetly as you plan the lies you'll send to us,
but you know you can't possibly fool The One above?
Don't you know he can see right through?
There's nothing God can't protect you from.
Unless of course, you choose for your own worst enemy to be constantly, literally, you.

Staring up at the stars
running hands over the old scars
playing with my own heart as I lay awake.
God I really miss the past when no one cared,
Hell, it's really the same even now, because I'm still so unprepared.

I have at this point pretty much given up the effort of life.
Got a million things always gluing themselves to my brain,
not letting go, the plaguing memories attacking my rest each night.

And I've been thinking,
thinking maybe one last one,
and with my emptying feelings unchanging,
I just might.

Looking at all the lines I've drawn
all the progress made since then...
But no matter how long ago,
my body still begs for rewrites.
And I dont have enough heart left to say no,
that it should be lost back in time.
Yet for some unknown annoying reason everything around me screams to "wait"  I scream back "Why?"
"Because things can still change,
that my thoughts may rearrange".

So if I'm trying to be smart,
who shouldn't I give in to,
whatevers in me wants the red art.
My heart or my brain,
when both of them make me feel like in a single wrong move I'll somehow end up insane.

But who do I trust,
a future myself dreaming,
or as always, a quick fall back to the blood after reminiscing,
the hidden part of me who will always remember the feel, the freedom, brought by the savage selfharm lust.

Why shouldn't I cut
if it hurts no one else,
and no one else knows?

So what does it matter if I give in,
give this demon inside me what it wants?
I'm already dying, already losing
forcing myself into unfair competition and unmanageable choosing...

So why on Earth shouldn't I just cut?
If I'll never seriously want to leave, forever longing the warmth given in these blood filled daydreams.
Why fake the happiness when it's truly a grave?
when I can just stop,
let it happen,
and smile for real when I'm laying quietly and alone
in my shallow, self fulfilling rut.

If I could leave notches in my bones
maybe then I wouldnt feel so alone.
The blood spilling out makes me feel like I actually have a home...
And this pain inside,
it's all I've ever deserved.

It's too hard to exist this way without release
my promise to you was a straight jacket to me...

"No more cutting"
I promise...
when I only want to bleed.

Let's take time,
and look out at the stars
close our eyes,
letting wind gently rock our hammock
●
Lets thank God.
for helping us join our hearts,
keeping us alive until we stumble to eachother from the dark
unexpectedly at some point, but right on Gods perfect time
●
I havent known you forever although now that seems untrue,
every day spent wonderfully, fantastically with you

so today if I can feel it, if I'm not too afraid to try it,
I'll sing a song
to remember then when I met you
●
It filled me up with light,
That something in your eye,
I still can't seem to take my mine off you,
you're even written into my mind
●
I didnt plan to look up at you that moment
I didnt want to fall in love
but it seems as though God had more plans for us than friendship, when he was watching from above
●
all the words you say, everything you do
you're such a good person i fall for you even deeper,
it inspires me to be my best self too
●
So if you lead, me I'll follow you,
Under the stars,
on Gods path,
my heart is yours.
if you speak only the truth.
●
And at the end of the day,
when all light in the sky has faded away,
I want nothing more,
than for you to hold my hand,
look into my eyes
and say
"Yes, I promise you,
I'll always wait for you,
we wont burn out or fall away like shooting stars"

Sinking down and now I'm gone,
I cannot seem to breathe,
I've lost it all,
my everything,
All these heartfelt promises and I couldn't keep one

As I stumble through the dark,
I somehow caught sight of your loving heart
You made me whole again,
holy again
do you have those memories too?

Breaking down this empty mess
I want you in my heart,
your unending love,
all I'm "supposed" to feel
make this heart beat like its brand new
please heal me.

I know for real this time
who I am, what I need to be
and I am not alone
because these chains were meant to break
●
And I will watch the water rise without fear
I know God will lift me high again,
I'm trying.

Through the suffering and the pain I will rise up once again,
as my soul says goodbye to sea floors below
with the glory placed upon your name
these Chains will always break
●
I wont be afraid to break,
if only it's in Your name
I wont fall,
I wont let You fade

I will learn to fight again, God
I know this isn't the end
even when I'm screaming that I'm alone
You still call me Your friend

your atmosphere calms and heals
you bring the sleeping souls back
you force our eyes awake

everything in your power you'll do to help those who live
those whose chains were meant to break
●
Rescue me and my heart will change,
I'll finally see light and be ok
you ripped me from this swirling head
when I couldn't seem to find my way

I cannot see these fading scars
except the days when you fade in my heart
the hurt I thought drove me this far
when ive forgotten
and I can't gather myself to pray.

Everything lost because I
can't see the way you gave me
dragging my unfilled soul through this empty place
but if I toughen up
if I decide to remember you
I know these chains will break
●
But you always seem to be right there
even when I forget my prayers
you've got me

with you I'll never fall too deep
my soul is caught in your embrace,
one day after death I'll get to see your face

fear escapes me,
your love it changes me
and inner demons stand no chance
when I'm seeing red
you start to put more holy words in my head
Ill wake up and walk away
from the ideas of old
without an enraged trance.

my thoughts go to you
all the choices here I can make
if only and ONLY if I live in your word
My dark chains will be forever off me
Finally, these chains may break
●
I came into this empty place
with my heart in hell
and my soul held in your gaze
Some way in my head I hear your voice
and now I have to make that choice
again
which path to follow
to smile or wallow
but I know these chains were meant to break
●
My heart cant see anymore of my pain
I no longer hide my faith
I no longer hide my face
throughout my lifetime I'm saved by your everloving grace
and no longer have to fear or feign
no longer lose hope or disdain
I knew with effort
i could break these chains
●
I walked through the darkness
I've got life back on track again
I ripped apart my old life like snake skin
and decided to write only for you,
though it took me many years to pick up from where I should have always been
but God has forgiven all my mistakes
And these chains were made to break.

Very truly I tell you, I love you
We speak of what we know
You live to please humans but forget who is above

Do you not have eyes?
Why do you cast them down?
Do you not have any faith left in the Lord?

You feed your soul with the words you speak,
Outwardly we are wasting away,
no one said kindness should make you look weak.

Oh Lord remember me as I remember you
We try to wear the armor of God
We try to make our lips speak the truth
Some of us scream in silence, conditioned to be quiet the world around us
Some of us even by our own parents.

Oh sweet gospel of peace
Let us give thanks to the lives we all live
Gospel of peace sweet is your name
Jesus, our savior, he took all of the blame

memories I leave with you,
my heart I give to you
At the foot of the cross, I will remain.
Existing to please you,
crying out
to seek the truth
-
Fight as you can but not with your fists,
let your soul shine in its wonder
but be careful how you live.

Let no one deceive you with empty words
Bring out all the hope in me,
let the kindness pour.

And walk in the way of love, of light, make a blinding path
Do not let your heart be troubled
God is always there in the aftermath.

Pull it straight from the rubble,
Your heart will be your sword
Forget about the downers
They may think their own ways are right but nothing outweighs the Lord

Beautiful soul, come on let's go,
Will you listen to those who deceive
or the God who allowed you to first breathe?
Hurting inside,
you know what they speak are lies

You must remember that you reap what you sow.
Do you look towards the God who can enable?
He who amplifies you,
or just any random foe?

Once I was tattered
cut up, ripped apart
over time I learned not to
and God healed my heart

it's so strange how the transition began
being saved
forced to change
gaining all hope to love, understand

one day i was a cutter
until i looked into his eyes
I heard someone elses voice
and knew it was time to stop
to try something,
rejoice

to make myself new
I let God step in and guide me
He would help me with what alone I had never dreamed I could do

Scars started fading fast
new cuts never came
I started going to church
started praising his name

He gave me someone who helped me want to live
someone that someday will deserve everything I'll want to give

and the snakeskin started falling
I shed my old life behind me
for once in my life I looked at the future, another living day as a definite possibility.

I've sat under the stars weeping for death, sitting there in your arms
then the next day in the sun feeling love, you praying for me, stopping my self harm

before we knew that God had planned this for us
the moment I'll never forget, the park, so late at night...
you held me and I held my breath

I cried
let everything out from inside
told you I just wanted to die

I couldnt face another day at home
you told me your story
how God saved you,
how He redeemed your soul.
and how you live to show His glory.

you helped me make a decision soon after
to let darkness consume me?
or I could choose to walk away,
trust in Him,
leave it all at the altar

All my life I wanted to be saved
it was something I hated
yet inside my heart craved
even though I enjoyed the depression
God did it in the way where He made sure His holy presence made an unforgettable impression

I looked time and time again but didnt choose to believe
I fell into heartache, into agony, constantly falling and laying there upon the ground
venturing further into grief

i looked to the darkness to cope
i never knew that I was weak
so I let my future go
it was the devils only job to unfold me
it was his pleasure to unweave

But God didnt let me stay there
he dragged me up above the ground
I was ignoring His voice actively
so He gave me another, different sound

Loves voice pierced my blindness
it peeled back  my wall and forced me to see
I could make the effort to know you
or live in my misery

So God sent me first an Angel for protecting my life
and then an Angel to save my soul
He interrupted my dark hateful nights with a hopeful knight of Earths own

and the snakeskin started falling
I started moving forward
for the first time in my life I wanted to see the future

another living day,
another better way
so I kept going to church
I kept praising his name

and the snakeskin was molted
I was saved and I was loved.
by myself,
a new family, friends and others,
but more importantly by God above

and the snakeskin fell off slowly
it took some time but I was on the right track
There are still times I feel troubled and have to allow myself to look back
through the dusty window, my past
now only visible through thin and fading cracks

but only ever to help others
to bring them forth and help them BE
The girl that I once was that wanted to erase my sad existence
is now thanking God for making me, see

I'll remember His light is enough
now I see the invisible red lines on my skin not as they used to be,
all those cuts...

im overwhelmed by the red letters of Jesus,
the power of His words
everytime I think of blades now
its replaced by righteous swords

everytime I feel like crying, giving up and falling down
I put on another worship song
and I'm wrapped within those chords

I've made it another day
ive lasted another year
and all it took was losing the snakeskin
that held me down before I got here

and the snakeskin disappeared
like I never thought it would
I've successfully run away
escaped the darkened life I've feared
I never thought how my soul was ever good enough to be by God and rightfully commandeered

I look forward to the heavens
I see all He has sent me
I see my life now just as I should
a boyfriend beside me, a happy life in front of me,
and the knowledge that God is always good

I cant hold it in anymore
I feel like my heart will explode
i know you dont want to deal with me
it's time for me to go

i feel my body failing, giving up
as i hold on to my silver friend
I'm sorry it had to be this way
God wasnt with me in the end

if I don't start cutting it all away
I'm afraid that I'll finally have those words to say
"**** it, my time is done here"
and end my life today

the words "just let me rot" keep resonating in my head
you try to make me smile, "feel better" instead
but maybe that's Gods way,
of assuring me to cope
to get through all the words that have been said
how to survive myself,
maybe I just need to see the red.

Even if it's the last time, just once more
I cant feel any happiness knowing God might not ever let me through his door
but I understand where he comes from
I wouldn't let me in either
because, after all
I'm nothing but a sinner

They say look alive sunshine
try to fight, sunshine
but they've been gone for many years

They say don't ever let the sun set angrily looking for a darkened sunrise,
awaiting mornings of forgotten fears

Reminiscing on the old and lost
throw memories into the garbage, unnecessary, stopsign goodbyes.


We understand the world they never had
struggling to reach out to the past to things that didn't last,
resurrecting the heart of long forgotten fads

Searching for scraps to bring back
desperately piece life together
everything in us blown
society stressing on what we lack
like an ugly quilt we are all stitched, mismatched, and sewn.


Constantly feeling like my heart is in tatters
always so worried
as if any of this matters

When all the walls come down
where lost hope is found
the deep sky above where we'll maybe someday go
where we can live peacefully
no longer meeting loveless ground
no longer trapped in our own defeating bounds.


The key to living is to throw away all of your shameful ways
all your dark yesterdays
toss them into the deepest waters
and watch as they become forgiven, erased
or all together completely replaced

Bring back your happiness
just let yourself exist
dont you forget that you've got the hidden strength if you're willing to try to persist

Be cautious in your wandering, no one else knows what your past is
dont let yourself be a sad and lifeless meance.


The days can be gone
but at night you'll see the stars,
you can dream or walk along
if you pay any attention you might find out what truths you've been moshing on

In the city streets
empty save for the echo
a long forgotten song
something a torn and apocalypse ridden world will never ever decide to let go.

we'll carry on.

For every time I tell you I love you
other things come to exist.
Tiny miraculous things begin to happen in other places.

A flower then begins to grow,
A calm surrender to smile is given,
A fresh start is approached,
A new beauty in nature found and untouched.

The world is filled with glorious things my dear...
So, how many countless beautiful moments share the same time frame, the same seconds as these words we share right now, "I love you"?

I know there are things in me to change
but I am slowly making my way

will you wait beside me?
Day, night, and all times?

to make sure we dont give up our faith
to make sure we don't lose out on our fate

I know we all want to pass through those gates.
I will try with you, I'll be here if you fall, please know that your start, it's never too late.

will you work hard for him?
can you do what he needs you to do?
pass on his word, love, and there'll be a home for you.

throughout the hurt, we fight
though we are tired, we'll take turns keeping watch
for the rest of our lives can we just live with peace and be kind to all He knows?

together under heaven we will stand tall
let's not betray him, the one who gives us all

Lets be what he created us to be
His love for us unfailing
his work calls upon us, it's up to you and me
lets make it our mission
to bring more beside him
those who, like us will do justice to his heart

it may not be easy
but he doesn't ask much.
to love others and be loved
to give freely and be blessed.
we all know it'll never be easy,
escape our own raging mess
but with him beside us,
help free all from their inner darkness

it may not be easy
we all know our paths are not that clear
so kneel down beside us
help make each darkness disappear.

you know he won't hurt you
you're just afraid and not used to love
but there's someone up there, his is deeper, I promise its enough.

and I'm right beside you
I'll be here until I die
so reach for us both please
we'll never say goodbye

and as for those tears, lovely,
they hold words you cannot scream
I promise we're with you, not only just in life, but we'll heal you in those dreams.

I know you're sick of the nightmares,
forever wasting headspace away
you dont need to forget rest, ***
your life will last another day.

you know I support you,
but love it's time to stop them now,
they'll only stay if you keep them
and now its time to let them go

you know he won't hurt you
you're just afraid and not used to love
but I promise you, He's waiting, his eyes look at you from above

you're his beautiful creation
forget flaws and embrace who you are.

I'm right here beside you,
I'll be here for you
but I cannot heal your soul.
do your best to live your life,
dont spend it digging a hole.

He'll be always with you,
He'll see when you're hurting
and it's ok to make mistakes,
look and he'll find you
he'll do all he can for your heart is at stake

He loves you beyond all,
no wondering why
so reach for us both please,
or if you just reach for one at least,
we will never be able to say goodbye

Open your eyes,
put down your disguise,
humans may fall for it but God will not.
Haven't you had enough?
Of running to keep up,
with the lie you told yourself?

Don't you know you're beautiful?
Don't you know you're worthy?
Don't you understand that He wants to let you feel free?

And when will you realise
that each time you hide,
a piece of you dies?
Just let Him come home,
into your soul
so you can feel like you finally for once belong.
He will never leave you even if you leave Him.

Things can be "fine"
but depression always lies.
Maybe the goodness only feels wrong because of something bad attacking your mind.

You can't see the invisible, but still, it betrays you.
Isn't it about time you tried putting hope into something new?

It's alright to pray, to give in, scream, to cry all day,
but don't let it hold you there forever.
If you do nothing, depressions chains may hold you as a hostage for your whole life.

There's things you can do,
I promise, its true,
take a look at all you've been through, all you know, all you've seen.
A happy life isn't just a dream.

I know how it hurts, I've been there before,
many times I wasn't alright.
I went through years of being alone
but one day God told me I am welcome in this world,
and it gave hope to last each night.

I've got scars, I've been burned,
I've felt hate and thought I'd learned.
But if you keep letting it consume,
the better life you could have will fall into the tomb.
Along with you, and everything you could have become.

And it just seems so endless,
walking forever on the same road,
but that's not where you must continue to go.
Even though you have told yourself it is.

So let in hope, wave out the dark smoke, let in a light through all the cracks.
"It's only chemicals"
they all promise that you lack.
But it's seriously so much more,
we know inside you theres a soul,
and souls can't be touched by medication nor poison.
It takes something deeper,
something unearthly, to give life or take away.

When He reaches inside you,
what He needs to complete your heart can't be obtained through a syringe.
So look deep within, and just give your control,
He who heals all things, please look upon my soul.

Don't forget why you're here,
You'll change the world someday, my dear.

Do what you can to make it alive
He already sees what you'll do,
He already knows the truth.
He understands what must be done to survive.

I'm in love with an angel
I'm in love with his smile
Shed his wings for a mission
How he got here to me I'll never know
His eyes are alive
Like the fire in his soul
He walks through the danger
But he doesnt walk alone.

Don't waste your gift on a worthless jinx
your voice was meant for greater things
there's no one like you, my angel without wings
I swear to God that the sirens are jealous whenever you sing

457
But I don't look like a tiger
they call me fierce
but I feel like a liar.

Only I can see
the damage done to me
457
and it didn't have to be.

457
But nobody knows
everything's faded so it doesn't even show.

457
Can you see the discoloration?
in summer heat, jacket halfway off,
notice my hesitation?
I've been conditioned,
"scars are ugly"
457
but you can't even see them.

457
That's where I draw the line
not again
no more pain
"I promise I'm fine".

All this hiding has been in vain.
it's been such a long long time,
how much happiness did I feign?
Just to get through?
Just to survive.
Doing what I can just for
one more, only one more day.
I didn't believe but I looked up at God and begged for another way.

He told me to be brave
He told me He'd make a way
He promised He'd shed 1,000 tears of forgiveness for 1 single mistake.

But I didn't believe Him,
I didn't do my part
so 457 lines I've made.
Crossing the line away from real life and stepping into the darkness within and hoped I'd fade.

457
Not as bad as it could've been,
but forever it seemed, it took that long, 5 years to come out.

5 years to give up and look for another rout.
But it's a battle I still fight.
I remember myself and Gods promises of life,
I have to read it all back to myself every single night.

Do I carve away at skin or erase all of my sin?
I can try to look for Gods face but I know that I'm only human.

457 cuts on my body
but the words you gave somehow felt worse.

I messed up.
32 more, an unforgiving night, devastated and once again alone.
But God understands and knows
He sees my mistakes and woes
457 cuts on my body.
but 457,000 healings on my soul.

I'll look forward to the day
where the razors wont get in my way
I'll live life, Gods promises fulfilled
I'll try to do my part,
praise His name, look ahead
no longer making grotesque red art.
I'll let it fade, let the memories decay
I won't have to lie about being ok.

457
457
5 years of my flesh punished for experiencing sadness and existing.

Sure those who may know me may call me a tiger,
mocking memories of the old broken skin.
They could call me fierce, or weak, or strange, or a cutter, like I'd been.
But if one thing remains then I know that it doesn't matter.
Only God can forgive my sins.

You can hate me,
but if you haven't been there don't blame me.
I don't have time to listen to lies.
You have a problem with my past?
Speak ill of how I had to cope to last?
God forgives you too, yeah, but I know you didn't ask.

Yeah, I'm a tiger, a lioness, bird whatever,
freedom under God will allow me to soar.
I'll reach new heights that they never expected, and they'll never forget the roar I've perfected.

457
All that my agonies were,
but I won't let it continue to happen anymore.
And one day I wont even remember that number...
I won't even realise what it was for.

Do you ever feel that twinge? When the hurt is so powerful that you unwillingly lose all hope, all strength and all sense of who you are and fall to your knees, head bending to the floor as your own arms come around you in a thoughtless uncomforting hug?
When the world around you is no longer there and you feel your own bones shifting inside you, caving in on itself your body is fully weak. All of your bones bend down like treebraches covering the heart that is threatening to come right out of your chest, drop into the endless pit, empty void that you cant see but is the ground.
Your skin is gone, you're a skeleton with your giant reaching bones caged around your loose swinging remaining heartstrings supporting your heart in place, tired of holding on, ready to let go, let everything fall.
Let your heart and the last inkling of goodness fade and be eaten up by your own misery, for its dry withered husk to disappear for good.
There are stray tears on your face from before, earlier, because you have nothing left in you anymore, no tears left to be expelled from either clenched closed nightmare reflecting eyes or wide open yet unseeing eyes.
Your body is shaking uncontrollably and at this point your mind is blank.
You laugh, because you have no thoughts, nothing to tie you back down to reality.
You laugh like a maniac because what just happened cant possibly be true, but is.
You're so angry at yourself, livid with your own faults and so beyond what mere humans call grief.
Agony is too kind a word for it.
You feel the call of darkness take over and you grab for whatever your hand may touch.
Harm.
Do yourself harm.
The body is all that's really left of you, all you have left to feel even though you cant actually feel a thing. At this point you're already gone.
The only thing to bring yourself out, to think, to feel an emotion that isnt completely pain, to drag yourself above the earth once again and witness the blood of your shame.
It makes you blink a few times, processing.
Back to earth it is calm, you're thinking again, you look around and see where you are, you never left.
Things fell apart around you but you never moved a muscle, aside to return clarity and then to clean yourself up.
Things are calm.
Everything quiet, peaceful.
Youre completely alone where you are.
But you've somehow found a way to fully accept and move on in a short amount of time.
You understand what you thought may never occur has finally, and you can remember.
You've experienced the world of emotions and survived.
You're sitting safe where you left yourself before the storm hit you. You contemplate all the damage around you, strong enough to walk again, ok enough to solve your situation with a clear mind.
Things may be healed now, things may be fixed or renewed.
Life goes on from this point a better day when you appreciate the regain of what you'd never actually lost.

Walking the well worn path into the woods

the sun setting with its last rays

fallen leaves litter the ground

trees whispering in the wind

telling secrets no one but me can hear.

Wading into the stream

fish swimming about

crystal clear

birds singing

crickets soon joining in

darkness.

I sit against a rock

my name etched in

my birthdate

todays date follows

the moon dancing on my face

stars always watching.

I fade away

into the air

gone with the wind

deep in the woods

where no one remembers a thing

And I shall return again, a single night for each year

forever I'm just another ghost.

The way our hands clasp perfectly, made by Him to fit
under His gaze, our meeting eyes, we must peacefully wait and sit.

The instant our lips come together all noise of the world remains silent,
our pacing hearts quicken together, deafening, muffling
a breeze swings in softly, calmly ruffling
his hair, as soft as the finest linen where we'll one day be wrapped up in each others arms.
I could read your darling face with enjoyment
as if it were like the sweetest of all psalms

The way you speak enchants me,
Gods love spills from your heart
and although it's not yet been forever
I know our souls will never part.

A basket of oranges by a seaside cliff, next to green leaf bearing branches, they lay below the still growing and soft creaking limbs of a healthy tree that did not bear them

Seagulls in the distance are chanting songs we may never understand.

Beneath the dark blue waters, seaweed of green, gold shades are carried in currents, forever drifting peacefully.

The enchanting yellow sun touching lightly to the very surface of the vast ocean, illuminating its circular reflection before it disappears in a sky for tomorrow.

Fish of various colors live lives we havent seen, scales glinting in the light above as they head deeper down below to the hidden treasures of the sea that only they are familiar to.

Small waves leaving gorgeous colorful shells upon sand until again they are stolen by the mischevious tide, then given away to yet another shore somewhere on the other side of the sea.

The blueberries are sweet,
And we are right there with tragedy.
I am eating this blue fruit,
And many people are nervous.
My blueberry bowl is nearly empty,
I can see smoke covering the sky, blocking the sun rays and masking the air with a death stench.
There are no blueberries here anymore,
There are no people here anymore.

We are mere humans,
Scrapbooks of skin.
We each, like a light, blink and fade out in time.
Our skin, rotting,
Memories, trapped in a lifeless skull,
And our bones will all be abandoned one day in the earth
Our Graves are long forgotten, falling with time.
Paper memories in a slowing brain.
An unwritten book that ceases to exist the moment we do.

Is it strange to you that I've kept each and every single flower I've gotten, from any person, since the first?
Roses, carnations, and the likes...
Honestly, there aren't a lot, but I don't care.
They all still have a hint of sweetness to them.
They're all lined up along the rim of an old roll top desk, positioned in an almost awkward manner.
Of course, they're long dead, have been for many many years, it's not even sad.
Sitting silently in their empty vases, layers of dust coat dark petals and cobwebs just barely reach down to meet them.
The very same vases they originally thrived in have now become their personal caskets.
They are beautiful ghosts, withered and forgotten by whoever sent them.
I look at those pretty dead plants as much as I can.
It helps me manage and only reminds me that there is still beauty in death.
These lifeless corpses are still gorgeous, and maybe I will be like them one day.

I always say I'm a great artist,

And my friends like to laugh

at the stick figures I make 

which makes me smile sheepishly

Because I'm the only one who knows that wasn't the kind of art I was talking about

I don't need pencils or paper for mine

Because I use 

blades on my skin instead

And creativity continues to flow

in this maker

as the ink slowly fades to red

I keep falling back into my mind.

A dark abyss of nothing...

The hateful place where I shouldn't exist.

With haunted buildings and streets

And the shards of yesterday's ruined memories.

I don't belong anywhere anymore...

Even out at night in the cold on these dark forbidden cobblestones...

With broken lamps to guide me away from here, I run.

I only wish to die peacefully and be able to sleep forever in the warmth of a bed hidden in the place i dreamed was my lost home, once so many years ago.

And so as time goes on around me, the last sight my eyes ever catch would be the scarlet trails running down my motionless skin.

As silver metal shines between the cracks of my closing eyes, the fading color drains from my body as the final breath is stolen in the chilly fall air.

My body is returned to the earth at last

The yellow raincoat swirled around in the passing wind and drops fell from the sky. Small splashes in tiny puddles made distant music that no one could hear. People walked by me, caught up in the bustle of pedestrian traffic.
No one paid any mind.
Clouds filled the grey skies, everywhere I looked, yet it was a good feeling.
I was happy, alone here.
I smiled to myself and watched as someone ran by trying to escape the rain. I walked in it.
Today is a peaceful day in the city.
I can see mist ahead, the shop windows are all streaked with it.
When it rains it's either depressing or refreshing and today was bright despite the weathers intentions.

I once dreamed of an angel

One with dark broken wings

Rotting in the pale light

it told me that its job was to **** monsters and all the bad things

But when it came closer to me I saw that it was no longer smiling

I felt the sharp pain of death take me

And I knew why it had chosen me

And I didn't blame it either

Because if that dark angel were me, I would've done the exact same thing

Brandy was always there for me when I got sad.
Always there for me when I wanted to die.
Brandy was strong and tried to fix the problems, but never really could.
I can see the bottom of the bottle already.

I stood on the roof with inglorious intentions, looking around shakily for someone to stop me.
But no one came.

I stepped up onto the ledge and waited, pleading silently, desperately, for someone to save me.
I waited a few minutes.
But again, no one came.

I jumped off the building.
Falling, I still hoped someone could swoop in or fly up to save me.
I knew there could be no such person. And to my aid no one came.

I plummeted down and hit the ground as a pain swelled in my head suddenly and everything harshly faded to black.
My body lay there waiting to be seen, discovered by anyone.
It was too late for me to be saved.
But finally someone came.

Yes, we've met before,
on a chilly night in November.

I remember the taste of you so vividly...
it almost kills me.

The pinkish liquid strayed down the side of the bottle I kept it in, trying desperately for an escape just the same as I.

I didn't drink to destroy the loneliness of this torn heart, but instead to feel better about what was happening outside my bedroom door.

Each night I wondered why I was ever born if I am not wanted, and I fear I may never know the true answer.

The house is barely ever silent anymore, on the rare occasions it is, it is only me. Atleast aside from those unnerving silences right around each tense moment hanging in the air.

The atmosphere here is full of anger and in my case, fear.
I want to leave but I know that right now I cannot do so.

I eye the hidden drink as it calls to me from its place. I can no longer resist. This drink could be my new savior, because I do not know how much more severing my skin can take.

Even now the opening of flesh must be plotted out carefully and precisely at the right time, or else it may be found and another night of fear may ensue.

Tears flood out so easily now but the alcohol seems to hinder them.

This drink, I know, will destroy me in the end. But I always knew I'd amount to nothing more.

The way it does nothing at all to "fix me" or erase all my painful memories makes me dislike it heavily...
Yet at the same time, it could be my new and improved home.

Looking in the mirror I see something strange

Everything about me seems to be decayed

I look a little harder and am not shocked to see

That this is what I look like, 

the girl I hate to call  'me'

When the world around you begins to look broken and theres no hope left in your mind
Just look up at the sky and wonder why the stars continue to shine

Each passing day a new star dies but it doesn't **** every one you see
They're all up there for a reason and you are on this earth for the same.

No matter how far away each star may be or how known or not it is
every single one is still so inspiring to the people beneath.

It strikes them all in awe
and they may not know your name
but the case still rests of those twinkling lights above
 they will forever remain

When they die it seems they are lost among all the others and forgotten,
but that isn't completely true
Because there's always someone to witness and to recall that memory
Just like all those strangers that know you

So don't be falling or fading tonight, stay as bright and strong as you are
Because everyone on this earth knows you're perfect
And that you are amazing and unique and bright just like a beautiful star.

Hi guys, I realized that I haven't posted here forever but I have been writing! I will eventually post up everything thats been done since my last poem. I've been really busy but great news, I got published! One of my older poems on here (Those lights in the sky...) was entered in a contest awhile ago during high school and got a spot in the 2015 poetry collection book (Eloquence) by the America Library of Poetry!!! Anyway, sorry for the long hiatus but some newer material will be showing up for you soon hopefully once I get the chance! Thank you!

Paint dripped from your eyes onto the table that became your personal canvas
you wondered how the world could be so cruel to someone it doesn't even know
and you created your artwork from that sadness within
and people saw you but they did not see how you created it

reds mixed in with blues as the colors started to blend in
it became a symbol of your pain
but everyone enjoyed it and told you to continue
so you did

When that one person stopped and watched its making they asked you why
you couldn't give a solid answer
all that you knew was that it happened and it gave you some peace
so you continued
although they still don't understand

Living behind a lense
Memories flood my sight
Every little detail
Recovered in black and white.
A paper with a picture and a thought
Those times we'd shared back long ago beginning to fade and rot.
Remember the day I took these,
The pictures you've still yet to see?
I do. And so clearly, its almost like a dream.
My camera flashing left and right
Trying to get just the perfect angle but not just quite,
Your laughter and smiles caught on square
Looking over them makes me feel like Im back there.
Times have changed for you and I,
This is all I have left from that day we said goodbye.
Tears ran down my small pale face
Seeing you walk away going some other place.
I click the forward button and stop clicking
Seeing you has made time end its ticking.
There you are again like in every other photo
but in this one I am gone and you are sitting there alone playing with your own camera,
Just like I am right now.
The rest of the gallery is only everybody else
everyone but you you who are the only person I want to see right now.
Do you ever look through the past pictures
Or have you deleted them and made a solid wall?
Do you wonder about me?
Do you want to remember?
or just wish you could forget?
Do you even care at all?
I want to see you again but I am deathly afraid,
Will you be the same person from those memories we've made?
Is that to hard to arrange?
Just letting you know that Ive definitely changed.
Im done hiding behind this false veil
Im not the same person I used to be because now the happiness is real.

I stand
Yet I am broken
Like a chipped tea glass
Constantly filling with doubt
Sometimes overflowing or spilling.

The timeless waves of tea and coffee splash upon and over
Shores on the edge of a glass.
Sugary sand mixed with sweet sorrow and honey do reflect the moment.

The dark water solution became salty and dry nit because of the blood but because of the tears.

The blood instead stained the treasure hidden within. That happy feeling on a sunny day. Until a rain storm whisks the good away. Shadows of doubt and feelings of pain, all that emerged from the ocean rain.

All throughout the years you've dealt with pirates and privateers. They stole your liquid gold and burned what was left behind sinking your ship in the water.

A graveyard as its now occured today. Dead float in the drink until bloating at the bottom they'll lay.

A sugary melting acid in a strong bitter mug.
As dark and warm as death. Yet as comforting and soothing as life.
Until the cup is refilled and replenished it shall remain empty and barren like the calm watching sea.
Arriving upon an instant will the dawn return, placidly hoping for the time its poured out again. Steaming and hissing, bubbling in the containing item.
Waiting for that moment it has chance to wave again.
Although you wont notice as it is just a second in a normal sunny day, telling its story untold and unheard in a miscommuning world. A sad world to live in.

Paper lanterns
Flickering in the night
Creating happy feelings and dangling from such height

Words scrawled across you
In another language
What do you say?
What do you mean?
Your movement reminds me of a wind-blown field
Or just a peaceful little push, caressing all around
 Your light reminds me of a starry night sky scene, blinking and winking so casually
 Like a million fireflies and galaxies and traffic lights

Authors Note- this is something I have never done and this may is just a one time thing, this is a poem I wrote about an anime but taking the persona of a character and writing in her point of view
(I put it in the point of view of Yuno Gasai from Mirai Nikki)

Deus ex machina
god of time and space
why do you ruin my life?
why create a game, survival, pain and strife?
the future is clear but just 10 minutes ahead
make a wrong move and you will end up dead.
what kind of god are you?
merciless and cruel.
watching us amused,
my mind just isn't right
you've made me so confused.
Blood drips from my dart, my ax, my knife,
this isn't what I wanted,
"A more exiting life".

My phone is part of my soul now
the dying defeated take their final bow.
creating the ultimate test
searching, killing all the rest.
First, Second, Third, all the way to twelve,
some going crazy, taking out themselves.

Two of us are left, the love of my life and I,
who is going to strike first?
which one of us will die?
I plunged the dagger deep to my heart
so Yukiteru can live
there's nothing more for me to say or do, I've managed as much as I can give.
final words leave my lips as my soul fades into black,
its ok Yuki, I'll find a way back.

I look at you and close my eyes, a tear runs down my face
thank you sweet death take me away, help me leave this forsaken place.
my body goes limp and you lay me gently on the floor
that one small open wound, it no longer feels sore.
it was always yours, right from the start,
my cold, unbeating, dead, loving heart.

you're god now, nothing can go wrong,
all you need to do for me is pretend to stay strong.
my death was painful but it was quick
like wind blowing out a dancing flaming candle, dousing the wick

blood and guts and brain and gore,
the worst is over, there is no more.
rain falls down and washes away all memories
I remember though as it starts to pour.
I'm gone now my dear, so far away,
I thought we'd meet in the sky but it seems there's no way.

too long I've been gone and its starting up again,
that game I lost, way back then.
you're slowly coming closer to your deathbed,
im not sure its true, but that's what murumuru said.
will we be together? can that dream come true?
or have we both moved on and there is no "me and you".

look love, there we are again,
I stabbed out my heart but on paper with a pen.
there is no real blood, only ink
that is where we met. that's the missing link.
if we'd have never met there would never be a game,
life would go on normally, life would be the same.
friends we could be, but for our future sake that's all,
I don't want to die again.
I must break the space-time wall.
I don't want you to see me fall anymore.
I don't want another dead end.
I don't want to see yours either.
but I cant help these feelings for you,
maybe its best to let fate run its course again in the cycle,
I'll regret it later but that's ok because I was meant to die,
and now the game begins again.

I hope you can forgive me for trapping us like this,
but you don't know anything about that now do you?
let it start for the eighty second time,
I'll keep us going forever.

maybe this will be the time when we can finally go see the stars together,
like I promised you so long ago.
like I promised you that last time I saw us for the first time.

On a late chilly night in October
I saw the beams of the moon
A flaming dragonfly slowly flew by me
And landed on a withering pink rose

That rose turned to ash as it waited
Looking at me carefully
Observing my caution with confusion
and took flight rose circling the air

It was so very very blinding, looking like a beautiful star,
Although it was on fire it never noticed
And carried on with its dance so brilliantly

It's burning wings caressed the darkness with passion
Confident and showing no fear
That dragonfly you see is just dying
But it doesn't mind because its happy and free

It dosen't feel any pain or any fire
but the smoke tells it that that its storys different
It tries to rise in the air once again
And you wave it goodbye as it falls

Its life drains out in a hurry, so quickly you barely could see
That this dragonfly, though it was shortlived, had a huge effect on your broken hearts beat

the chair sits empty,
gathering dust, alone with no rays of light,
a mouse runs by and nibbles on the leg
slowly the years pass,
unaknowledged, the chair begins to rot
the chair is mostly gone now, memories are keeping it alive.
the house burns down, the chair along with it,
a new house is built
a new chair is placed just  where the other sat.